


Joining forces with the devil? It's more likely than you think.

by NotaChicken



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Aziraphale and Crowley are terrified of him, Chloe tries to keep a cool head, Crowley gets hurt but he'll live, Demon Summoning, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Lucifer has trust issues, Multi, Snake!Crowley - Freeform, Wings, beelzebub/gabriel if you squint, everyone is protective of their partner, lots of fluff, made up summoning lore, might be a bit sappy on occasion, some violence but nothing too graphic, special warning for being trapped and experimented on but again no graphic descriptions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2020-10-29 09:14:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 104,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20794223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotaChicken/pseuds/NotaChicken
Summary: It's been six years since the Apocalypse failed to happen and Aziraphale and Crowley are enjoying a happy life together in Soho. But then Crowley suddenly disappears, leaving a very worried angel behind.Meanwhile Lucifer's working on a new case and is very determined to solve it. The last thing he expected was to run into the two infamous traitors while he did so.





	1. Gone

**Author's Note:**

> If you love something make a crossover. So after watching both Good Omens and Lucifer I thought "Sure, why not put together some ideas for the two?" and then I lost control and spent all summer writing this. And since it's actually finished (I may still edit some stuff, but it's as good as done) I've decided to put it on the internet and see what happens. It's the first time I've actually shared any of my writing so try not to rip me apart, please?  
That being said, I appreciate feedback so comment away! Even if you just found a typo.
> 
> *** indicate a change in POV. It'll decrease in later chapters.  
The chapters will also get longer further down the road. I tried to keep them about the same length, but... it didn't always work.
> 
> Timewise this is 6 years after the events of Good Omens (mostly TV Omens, but I've put some book references in as well) and takes place during Season 4 of Lucifer. It was kind of hard to find a place for it though so I sort of shoved a few weeks between some events in episode 9.  
To be clear: Charlie is not yet born. Dan didn't have his therapy talk with Linda yet. Eve has not summoned any demons or kidnapped any priests. Lucifer has overcome his "devil form" crisis.  
So basically, the Lucifer story has sort of been put on hold before the important events that lead into episode 10.
> 
> Having said all of that, none of it is really important to the story so if you haven't seen Lucifer I think you can put together what's going on for the most part. If you don't know Good Omens on the other hand it might be hard to keep up.

It had been a stressful couple of weeks for the devil of Los Angeles. Between trying to juggle his private life and work at the LAPD, learning about a disturbing prophecy, breaking up with Eve and then having her go to extremes in order to show him how perfectly fine she was with that there hadn’t been a moment to really sit back and relax.

Now he finally had some time for himself, thinking he ought to use it and take a few days off. And yet, Lucifer noticed that he was unable to just sit in his flat doing nothing. Not even any of the wild activities of Lux could manage to keep him occupied. Instead, like so often before, the devil found himself driving towards the LA police station, wondering with a smile what his partner might be working on.

He entered the department, charmingly greeting anyone he came across – except for Dan, who had been behaving exceptionally douche-ish, lately. Way to take a step backwards. But it was easy enough to ignore. At least, that’s what the devil told himself. And really, he wanted to see only one person.  
She was focused on some papers on her desk when he approached.

“Detective”, he said brightly. “Tell me you’ve got something interesting today.”

“Not sure if you’d categorize it as ‘interesting’”, Chloe replied, smiling up at him for a moment before focusing back on her files. “Missing person. A college student.”  
Lucifer leaned over the detective’s shoulder and was about to tell her that nothing they worked on together could _truly_ be considered boring when his eyes fell on the name written on the paper and his smile disappeared.

“Well that won’t do.” His voice was dangerously low. “That won’t do at all.”

***

With their decision to no longer let Heaven or Hell stand between them, Aziraphale and Crowley had gained a freedom like none of them had known before. They had quickly started to gravitate towards each other; meeting up almost every day under the pretense of making sure the other was still around and not kidnapped by one of their respective offices, later dropping that excuse and just happy to be in the other’s company.

They went out for dinner, argued, fed the ducks, went to concerts of classical music and rock bands, to history museums and art exhibitions, to auctions of antique books and on picnics.  
Slowly more and more of Crowley’s things started to appear in Aziraphale’s bookshop, plants being placed between shelves and near windows, the kitchen suddenly gained a variety of new-fangled machines that weren’t plugged in but worked regardless and a sound system that got installed in the flat above the shop that played music despite lacking speakers.  
And then, one day, Crowley just didn’t leave. And Aziraphale let him.

They still went about their own business, the angel reading his books and intimidating customers, the demon driving around and causing the occasional mischief, but even if they didn’t speak for an entire day they were comfortable to just be together. To be a part of the other’s life and knowing that they both would do anything to keep it that way.  
Over time they let the final barriers brake down and they allowed themselves to have what both of them had wanted for longer than either was ready to admit. After all, there was no point in hiding it now, was there? They had declared to be on their own side, a united front, they had no obligation to deny themselves this connection any longer.

It was scary at first, taking that final step. They tip-toed around the subject for a while, afraid of going too fast, of accidentally hurting the other if they moved too suddenly. But with every longing glance, every brush of hands, every smile they could emit from the other their resolve wavered, more of the walls crumbled.  
Then, one night, they were walking back through St. James Park after a particularly nice dinner at the Ritz and instead of just taking his arm like usual Aziraphale intervened their fingers and leaned against his counterpart as they walked. It made the demon’s cheeks flare a bright red and he almost stumbled, but he squeezed Aziraphale’s hand in return. And when he later that night pushed the angel against the back of the sofa with a racing heart and finally pressed their lips together, Aziraphale simply wrapped his arms around his back and pulled him closer.

They still had to sort things out after that, working through the remaining insecurities and clearing up the final bits of doubt still residing in their minds, but they weren’t scared anymore. Because they had realized that whatever this was, it was still just _them_ and if there was one thing they knew for certain it was that there was nothing to be afraid of when it came to the other. And however things would develop it would be right as long as they approached it together.

Now, six years after the Almostpocalypse and on the same day the devil decided to find a missing college student, Aziraphale was sitting in his armchair, a book disregarded in his lap, as he watched the serpent pace around. They weren’t drunk (yet), but a bottle of wine had been sitting on the table all evening and they were starting to get slightly tipsy. Not enough to completely lose track of what they were saying, but enough for the conversation to spiral into strange directions, largely influenced by a documentary the demon had seen on TV the day prior.

“I’m telling you, angel, it can’t be a coincidence.” Crowley waved his glass around before putting it down in order to have his hands free so he could further illustrate his point. “There are many strange animals roaming about, but some of the weirdest are in Australia. It’s where She puts all of her failed experiments.”

The angel frowned. “I’m not sure anything the Almighty created can be considered a failure. It all might be part of the Ineffable Plan, we just don’t know it. They all deserve to live and be loved.”

“Maybe not _failed_”, the demon corrected. “More like ‘well that one turned out kinda weird, off to Australia with it’.”  


“But giraffes are rather strange too, aren’t they?”, Aziraphale pointed out. “With their unreasonably long necks. They can eat even the thorniest plants without hurting themselves, did you know? Anyway, they’re not native to Australia, I don’t think.”  


Crowley took that into consideration and let himself fall onto the sofa across from the angel as he thought.  


“Giraffes are strange”, he finally agreed, “But, I mean, in the end it’s nothing but a really long gazelle, right? That’s nothing compared to what runs around in Australia. We talked about the platypus-“  


“Yes, we talked about the platypus”, Aziraphale interrupted hastily, thinking back to their almost two hour discussion.  


It had taken five books of outdated biology to first determine what exactly defined a mammal and then convince the demon that the platypus did indeed belong into that category, despite the fact that it laid eggs. Aziraphale was quite proud of himself for remembering that one, though he was beginning to doubt the credibility of one of the books when it claimed that platypuses had venomous ankle spurs. Crowley meanwhile had been delighted at the information, generally approving of any animal able to produce toxins just like him – except for spiders, which he thought had too many legs.  


“Strange bugger, I’ll give you that. Never seen anything like it.”  


“And there are more!”, Crowley exclaimed, gesturing widely, his voice not without admiration. “There are those frilly neck lizards and kangaroos and emus and this giant moth with wings that are almost invisible. Just… crazy!”  


Aziraphale nodded, finding it most satisfying to just listen and watch Crowley’s eyes lit up when he talked about something that fascinated him. He took off the sunglasses around him more often these days. It pleased the angel as he rather liked Crowley’s eyes.  


“Yes, there are many wondrous creatures on earth”, he agreed.  


“Exactly! And I’m just saying, if, and that’s a big IF, there was one place She dumps her weirdest creations, it would _definitely_ be-“ The demon paused mid-sentence, his face suddenly becoming blank. He instantly sobered up.  


“Aziraphale…”  


Startled, the angel followed his example and stood up, taking off his reading glasses. “What’s wrong, dear?”  


“I’m not sure…” Crowley got up and closed his eyes for a moment. A violent shudder went through his body and he swayed on his feet. When he opened his eyes again they were wide. “I’m being summoned.”  


“What?!” Aziraphale took him by the shoulders. “Can you tell where from? Hell? Heaven?!”  


The demon focused. “Earth, I think…”  


Aziraphale bit his lip. It had been quite a while since the last time. Humans had slowly but surely moved away from the occult after discovering science and it was usually nothing to worry about, but there had been a few times when it had ended really badly and-  


His thoughts were interrupted as Crowley doubled over in pain, holding his stomach.  


“Sorry, can’t fight it anymore”, he hissed. “I’m sure I’ll be back soon, don’t-“  


The demon disappeared and Aziraphale’s fingers desperately gripped the empty air as he was left alone in the bookshop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: platypuses (or platypi, both is apparently right) do in fact have venomous ankle spurs. Those can, according to the ever-reliable source of Wikipedia, cause "severe pain to humans" and even kill smaller animals (even dogs!).  
Contrary to popular belief they are, however, NOT the only egg-laying mammals. Another example is the echidna. In other words, Knuckles from the Sonic games belongs to a species of egg-laying mammals. Live and learn ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	2. Can I go home now?

“I’m sure I’ll be back soon, don’t… worry”, Crowley finished the sentence and straightened up taking in his new surroundings.

The first thing he noticed was that it was fucking freezing. As a demon whose primary form was a snake and therefore cold-blooded, he hated low temperatures with a passion. He’d either ended up in some really cold part of the earth in a house with no isolation or it was a deliberate choice to weaken him. Crowley wasn’t sure which one was more likely yet.

Other than that the room he was in had nothing noteworthy about it. No windows, bare walls, concrete floor, a wooden door with old, peeling off paint and a single light bulb hanging from the ceiling.

Across from the demon, wearing a white lab coat with too many pockets and an equally white mask over their face, stood a human.

Crowley sighed. This was going to be one of the weird ones, wasn’t it?

The demon reached for the sunglasses hanging from the collar of his shirt and put them on. If the human hid their face then so would he.

“This better be good.” He crossed his arms. “What do you want?”

The eyes behind the mask blinked and the human shifted a little.

“Not much yet”, the human said. His voice sounded male and was unusually calm considering the situation. Crowley didn’t like it. “For now it’s enough if you simply stand there and wait.”

The demon glared. “I don’t have all day, you know.”

“Neither have I, so be quiet.”

Irritated Crowley glanced at the runes drawn on the ground and was startled to see that they were actually strong enough to keep him trapped. Narrowing his eyes he checked the details. The text was a bit clunky, so the human most likely hadn’t been able to actually read what he was writing down, but he had done a thorough job nonetheless. Crowley was unable to use his powers or to leave, had to listen to commands and if he interpreted that last part in the corner correctly, the circle would also slowly drain his energy the longer he stood inside. Not enough to kill him, but prolonged stay would render him basically useless. Great.

Looking back up he noticed that the human had taken out a clipboard and started writing something down. Crowley considered his options. They were rather limited. He could either try to scare the human or attempt to talk his way out. Somehow he doubted Mask Guy would be impressed by either.

“Human”, he growled, letting sharp fangs flash and trying his best to look intimidating. “I am sssstarting to lose my patience. Release me now otherwise things will get unpleasant.”

Instead of replying the human just gave a low hum, his pen going further down on his clipboard.

“First course of action: Empty threats”, he mumbled. “Intelligence appears to be moderate.”

Crowley gasped. “Excuse me?! Now listen here, Phantom of the Opera-”

With a final dot on the paper, the human looked up and interrupted him. “You can’t escape the boundaries of the circle, nor can you cast any magic outside of it. There’s nothing ‘unpleasant’ you can do to me.”

That was technically true, but Crowley would be damned (again) if he let a runaway from a Halloween party call him out like that.

He grinned. “Clearly you underestimate my ability to be generally annoying. Give me three hours and you’ll wish you’d never been born. Tell me, how do you feel about modern music?”

Crowley knew a variety of absolutely horrible songs he could sing in the most obnoxious voice possible, ranging in genre from country, pop to rap and yodel music, which had once gotten him banned from a karaoke bar in the record time of two and a half minutes. He was rather proud of that one.

“Hilarious”, the human said flatly, immediately making Crowley’s mood drop again.

The man had no sense of humor. Not that it had been an empty threat, but come on! He should get some points for creativity at least. You wouldn’t hear Hastur recite an entire repertoire of terrible puns to get out of a sticky situation.

“Pull up your sleeve and don’t move”, the masked man commanded.

Taken aback by the sudden change of subject the demon narrowed his eyes and watched as the human crouched next to a bag and took something out. When he stood up again metal blinked up in the lamplight and Crowley stumbled backwards in his circle. It was a scalpel.

“Wait, wait, wait, hold up!” The demon raised his hands defensively. “What’s this about?! You summon a demon out of nowhere, refuse to explain anything and now you’re just going to stab me?!”

“Basically.” The man’s voice was cold and emotionless, making the demon shudder.

“You know, most people usually start small.” Crowley had hit the far end of the circle, his back pressed against the barrier trapping him inside. It made his skin prickle from the contact. “You know, ask questions about my nature, about Hell, demons and all that. Why be violent if we can have a nice, enlightening chat about God and the universe instead?”

“I owe you no explanation nor do I wish to engage in pointless drabble with a creature of the devil. Be content to know that this is for the greater good.” The man had reached the edge of the circle. “Now hold out your arm.”

“We could strike a deal?”, Crowley tried, becoming increasingly desperate. “There must be something you want. Riches? Knowledge? Fame? A love life?”

Despite being unable to see it, the demon could feel the expression behind the mask becoming grimmer.

“Hold your tongue, demon!”, he hissed. “I won’t sully my soul further by striking deals or asking for favors.”

Crowley rolled his eyes. “Sully you soul? Listen, this really doesn’t work like that. If you go to Heaven or Hell depends entirely on-“

“Quiet. What I want, Crawley of the Fallen ones”, the human said, voice low with anger. “Is for you to do. As. I. Say.”

Crowley felt the runes around him charging up with power. He would be in way more pain than just a cut if he refused so he resigned himself to his fate. He rolled up his sleeve and stretched out his left arm, gritting his teeth.

“Finally.” The human approached, raising the knife. “Obviously you’re forbidden from harming me in any way. It’s already implemented in the circle, but it bears repeating.”

He stepped forward and performed a clear, precise cut on Crowley’s forearm. It wasn’t too deep, but it stung and the demon hissed, instinctively telling his body to heal the injury. To his surprise, it obeyed.

Perplexed Crowley scanned the runes again and noticed one line he had overlooked before. It partially cancelled out the symbol blocking his powers and allowed him to regenerate his body. Something summoners usually implemented to make sure the entity they had trapped stayed alive. But why would-

“11.43 seconds”, the human mumbled, writing the number down. Crowley noticed that he had produced a stopwatch from somewhere (presumably one of his pockets) and checked the time it had taken him to heal himself. “Not bad, let’s try again.”

The demon’s eyes widened. “What is wrong with you?”

“Nothing.” The human had cleaned the scalpel with a tissue and angled it for another cut. “Just doing some research for a project of mine.”

Crowley hissed quietly as the blade bit into his flesh again. He eyed the clipboard which had far too much paper left for his liking and then the bag which looked way too big to be used for transporting a single knife.

This was bad. He now recognized the type of human he was dealing with. The curious type. The science type. Maybe with a hint of delusion if that comment about the ‘greater good’ was anything to go by. In the name of knowledge or whatever their ultimate goal was this type of person was ready to do the cruelest things in the calmest manner. No empathy, absolute psychos. And no way to dissuade them once they’ve set their minds on something either.

For a moment the demon considered not to heal himself at all, but he quickly dropped the idea. The guy would either command him to do it or simply observe his behavior. In that case all the demon would accomplish was to inflict more pain upon himself by not healing the injury; something he could live without. All he could do was cooperate and hope that it’d be over quickly.

Crowley shifted his weight as he watched his second wound close. “So, how much longer until were done here?”

The masked man looked up, apparently surprised that he wasn’t trying to protest anymore. Just as quickly he had himself back under control and walked back towards the bag, taking out a rolled up piece of plastic.

“We’re just getting started.”

He unfurled the plastic on the ground and Crowley’s stomach tightened into a fearful knot at the variety of different knives presented before him. They were different sizes and, according to the labels, every set was made of different material. There was silver, gold, iron, steel, nickel… The demon felt like he was going to be sick.

“What _the fuck_ is wrong with you?!”

“Don’t get too excited.” Though his words were mocking, his tone was not. “We’re not done with this one yet.”

The human held up the scalpel he was still holding and approached again. Crowley tried to back away, but the circle flashed up, holding him in place.

“Listen, you _really_ don’t want to do this”, the demon tried again. “I have friends.” Well, one friend. “They’ll come looking for me.” At some point. “And I assure you, they won’t hesitate to make you pay!” He’ll be furious.

“They’d have to find this place first, wouldn’t they?” The man pointed at some of the runes in the circle. “I know what I’m doing. Your aura is completely hidden. Now stop talking.”

Crowley closed his eyes as the scalpel was brought down again. It was too early to despair. He had to look on the bright side. At least he wasn’t being tortured in Hell. That’d be worse. And he still had one trick up his sleeve, he just had to wait until the human left him alone.

Gritting his teeth he healed his cut again, wishing with all his might that stupid clipboard would just burst into flames. It didn’t. Instead the human made another note, before nodding.

“Alright. Now let’s see how long it takes if the cut’s a bit deeper.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another fun fact: Did you know that if there’s a lamp with no shade, in other words just a light bulb you call it a “naked light bulb” (nackte Glühbirne) in German? I mention this because I specifically did NOT write naked light bulb in this chapter, despite thinking of it.


	3. Picking up the trace

Aziraphale was pacing around the bookshop, wringing his hands nervously. A cup of cold coco stood abandoned on his desk. He said he’d be back. It’s been three hours. Aziraphale didn’t want to overreact, Crowley could take care of himself, but he was starting to get worried. Summonings performed by humans, assuming there were no complications, rarely took longer than an hour. Which most likely meant that there _were_ complications.

Again, the angel told himself not to panic. Crowley was clever and had thousands of years of experience. He could handle himself. But Aziraphale knew that, if the circle was well drawn, it rendered a demon basically helpless. Granted, the knowledge of how to do so had mostly died out, but it was still disconcerting. And three hours were more than enough time for a misguided exorcist to dump a bowl of holy water on a trapped demon who didn’t have the opportunity to talk himself out of trouble.

Having had enough Aziraphale stopped his pacing by the spot where Crowley had disappeared and closed his eyes, inwardly searching for his counterpart. Ever since their body switching trick after the Apocalypse That Didn’t Happen he and Crowley had discovered that they had an easier time sensing each other’s presence.

Especially Aziraphale had noticed a difference; the demon had mostly shrugged it off. The angel suspected that Crowley had already been highly sensitive to the tune of his aura, which was why he’d barely felt the change. How else could he have located the angel over the eons whenever he’d found himself in danger?

Smiling to himself Aziraphale focused harder. Now it was his turn to get Crowley out of trouble. Not that it was the first time, but it did feel like the other way around happened way more frequently. It was a bit embarrassing, really, though he had to admit that he enjoyed the little rescues. Not that he would ever admit it.

Distressingly enough Aziraphale couldn’t find the demon’s aura anywhere. He tried again, stretching his reach all over London, then beyond. Still nothing. Not even a tug in the right direction.

Aziraphale opened his eyes again, suddenly feeling utterly alone. He’d gotten so used to _feel_ Crowley whenever he wanted that the sudden lack of his demonic presence made him feel like there was no one else around, despite the crowds of human souls he could sense.

There were three possible explanations for the absence of Crowley’s aura.

One: the demon had left this realm, either by discorporation or by getting dragged away, which would put him in either Heaven or Hell right now. Possible, but unlikely considering he’d been summoned on earth, which suggested a human. Neither Heaven nor Hell had especially close ties to humans; that had always been left to the field agents. So probably not.

Two: Wherever Crowley was, his presence was hidden by wards or charms of some sort. Not very likely, since there were very few who still knew how to make those, but definitely possible. A solid ‘maybe’.

Three: He was no longer- He was…

Aziraphale shook his head, refusing to finish that thought. The wily, old serpent wouldn’t die that easily. Not possible. Denied.

An idea came to him and the angel closed his eyes once more, this time feeling for the magic residue most summons tended to leave behind. He frowned in concentration as he sorted through the older traces of his own angelic presence and Crowley’s demonic stains – because, really, that was what a demonic aura left behind, sticking to its surroundings like ink from a leaky quill or soot after a fire. The aura of angels, at least when they weren’t charging up for a fight, was more like a sparkly dust that got absolutely everywhere and hung around for decades. Well, according to Crowley. Aziraphale thought it was more like a glimmering mist.

Suddenly he noticed something and stopped in his tracks. It was faint and already fading, but he could feel the remnants of foreign magic hanging in the air. Aziraphale honed in on it, trying to determine its source. West, was the answer. A bit vague, but he could work with it. The angel prepared to leave.

He took his coat from the clothes rack in the corner and, after a moment of hesitation, retrieved his sword from the umbrella stand. He and Crowley had gotten it back roughly one year after Armageddon Prevented, feeling it might be useful to have something to defend themselves with. Aziraphale wasn’t fond of the idea, but he had to admit that it felt good to have the weapon back. And it made Crowley feel safer.

The angel stepped outside, the door locking behind him. He gave a quick glance around to make sure no one was looking and then cast a miracle to draw attention away from him, just to be safe. Giant, cream colored wings unfolded from his back and he took into the sky. He had a demon to find.

***

Lucifer trailed after the detective in frustrated silence as they entered the police station. Another dead end. It’s been four days and they were starting to run out of leads.

“Benjamin Canvas, 20, last time seen on his way home from college almost two weeks ago”, Dan summarized, not for the first time, but hoping to discover something they’ve overlooked as they all gathered in the meeting room.

“He was an art major, living alone in a small apartment in a quiet neighborhood. Friends said he’d been behaving strangely and apparently trying to ‘figure something out on his own’, whatever that means. Some think he was trying to help someone in trouble, but he never elaborated.” Dan looked over his notes. “He had no connections to any drug dealers or similar criminal organizations. No real enemies either.”

“We visited his parents today, no luck”, Chloe added. “It’s like he just disappeared.”

“Those two didn’t seem to care though”, the devil growled. “Their faces were just as punchable as ever.”

Dan gave him a dark look. “Tell me you didn’t punch them.”

“What? Would that bother you?” Lucifer glared back, challenging. “Because it’s not like _you_ would ever lose your temper and blame people for things they didn’t do.”

He could see Dan’s anger building, but Chloe stepped between them. “That’s enough, he didn’t punch them.”

“I did break their vase and called it an accident though”, Lucifer huffed.

“Great. Just hope they don’t sue us”, Dan grumbled.

“If they do I’ll gladly cover the expenses”, the devil replied smoothly, ignoring the pointed looks that told him that this wasn’t how problems were supposed to be solved. “What? You can’t blame me. They deserved it.”

Chloe sighed, looking back over the evidence. “Alright, fine, they kind of did, but try to avoid such confrontations in the future.”

“You always let him off too easy.” Dan crossed his arms like a sulking child.

“Yes, yes, we get it. Big, bad Lucifer always makes everything worse simply by existing”, the devil snapped. “Now can you _please_ tell me you’ve actually found something useful while we were away?”

Dan lowered his head and shuffled through the notes on the table.

“We’re still looking”, he admitted.

“Well chop, chop, time’s of the essence here!” Lucifer started pacing. “I’m always ready to run off on a rescue mission, but to do that I’ll actually have to know where to go.”

“I told you we are looking!” Dan’s voice was raised, but the devil could tell that it wasn’t anger that fueled it this time, but guilt. “You could help, you know.”

“I’ve already told you everything I know about the man”, Lucifer retorted. “Which was way more than the police was able to dig up.”

Dan clenched his fist. “That’s because _you_ were the one who made the info disappear in the first place!”

“He was being abused by his parents!”, the devil roared.

The student’s real name had been Robin Everett and he still remembered the sixteen year old crying and drinking at the bar in Lux, holding up an obviously fake ID like a shield, his long hair doing an awful job of covering a bruise.

“I stroke a deal and made it possible for him to get away from them. Helped him build a new life.”

“A deal, huh.” The speech had nudged Dan off the warpath, but he was still annoyed. The deals had never sat right with him. “What kind of favor would you demand from a desperate kid anyway?”

“I was thinking of a lovely drawing.” Lucifer grinned widely. “The lad is quite talented.”

He could see that this wasn’t what Dan had expected and allowed himself to revel in his irritated expression when Chloe’s voice cut into their bickering.

“Guys, I think I’ve got something”, she said, pointing at a paper in front of her. “I have here a list of his expenses and it says here that he bought some mineral water, some gum and pepper spray in a convenience store in South Central.”

“Pepper spray, huh.” Lucifer considered the information. “Sounds like he wanted to ward someone off. Not to mention South Central isn’t exactly in his neighborhood.”

Dan leaned forward. “And date of purchase is the same day he went missing. I think we have a lead.”

The devil smiled brightly and took Chloe by the arm. “Excellent. Let’s go, detective.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for Dan’s antagonistic behavior. I actually like Dan, but this is season 4 so he’s a bit of an asshole to Lucifer. I mean, understandably so, but still.  
I considered having him go to Linda before the story starts to make him a bit more bearable (I believe their talk will make him try to get along with Lucifer again (at least I hope so)), but right at the end of their session Linda starts giving birth to Charlie and then everything would have tumbled right into episode 10 and ended with Lucifer going back to Hell. And we can’t have that.
> 
> Also, please imagine Lucifer breaking the vase of Benjamin’s parents like a cat. As in, he stares them right in the eyes while shoving the vase off a piece of furniture and saying “Ops” in the most deadpan voice possible.


	4. S.O.S.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, last chapter AO3 decided to put my notes from chapter 1 additionally to the notes of chapter 3 at the end? So now chapter 3 has two sets of notes for some reason? I tried to get rid of one, but it doesn't appear when I edit the chapter so I guess it's just there now. Maybe it'll disappear one day in the same mysterious way it showed up.
> 
> Edit: Would you look at that. They're gone now. Prophecy fulfilled, I'm shrugging myself out of the room.

The first thing Crowley noticed was the cold. It had seeped into his bones, his muscles were tense from the constant shivering and it made him so unbelievably sleepy. He just wanted to curl up and never move again.

The second thing was the pain. He didn’t know how long he’d been out, but his entire torso and wings felt like they were on fire. After his arms hadn’t been interesting enough to cut open anymore they’d been the next parts of his body the human had conducted his experiments on. And as the demon had gotten more and more tired his healing capabilities had decreased, leaving him with a bunch of stinging wounds all over his upper body.

He tried to move, but winced and immediately gave up. His hands were pressed against something cold and sticky at his side. Oh yeah, the bastard had stabbed him. Outright stabbed him in the stomach and left him lying on the floor. He was lucky he didn’t discorporate from the blood loss.

Crowley gritted his teeth and lifted his head, glancing around. For a moment the world spun and not for the first time the demon cursed the draining runes weakening his power. He closed his eyes and waited for the spinning to pass before opening them again.

To his surprise he found the room to be empty. His heart started beating faster. This could be it! He had passed out no less than six times before, but whenever he’d woken up he had always been greeted with that stupid mask he’d grown to hate. But now…

Commanding the wound in his stomach to close the demon crawled through blood and feathers towards the right edge of the circle, where his shirt and jacket lay discarded on the floor after Mask Man had deemed them being in the way.

At the first shuffle a hot pain went through his left wing and into his shoulder, making Crowley bite his tongue in order to suppress a scream. The room was spinning again and he had to fight in order to stay conscious. He pressed his eyes closed and held his breath, reducing the movement of his body to a rapid heartbeat until the pain faded.

When he opened his eyes again he was covered in sweat and trembling. He didn’t dare look at it, but something in his left wing was definitely broken. He couldn’t even remember when that had happened. The only bright side to this entire situation was that this was still better then whatever Hell would come up with should they get their hands on him. Probably.

Focusing the demon tried to heal the break, but nothing happened. Bless it, he was too weak by now! Stupid circle, why even allow him to heal himself when another part of the runes just kept draining his energy? Crowley had come across this kind of enchantment in the past, but he had always found it a stupid combination. A result of paranoid curiosity. Keep the demon alive, but not too alive. Weak enough to control. This circle was a tool of cowards and sadists, in his opinion.

But he had no time to worry about it now. Taking a breath Crowley braced himself for the next rush of pain and inched forward. He just had to imagine that the wing didn’t hurt, right? It… sort of worked? At least he managed reach the sleeve of his jacket, that was thankfully still inside the circle, without passing out again. He wasn’t sure if that was because of a miracle or just his personal stubbornness.

After eyeing the door to make sure Mask Man wasn’t on his way back yet, Crowley pulled the jacket inside. Now had it been the old days that act alone might have been enough to free him as back then summoning circles were usually drawn with chalk. But not these days, nope. Bloody, permanent marker.

Crowley resisted the urge to swear under his breath as he ran his fingers over his jacket with shaking hands. The Mask Guy hadn’t noticed and taken it away, had he? The demon’s hand closed around something hard and a wide grin appeared on his face. Apparently not.

Now, one has to know that the art of summoning demons – and technically also angels, but it barely ever occurred to anyone to try – though today as good as forgotten, had been almost perfected in the years between 1500 and 200 BC. There were runes and charms that could trap a demon, hurt a demon, hide a demon, force them to obey or take a specific form, yes, there had even been a circle that could make the demon spill their most embarrassing secrets, which Crowley found hilarious provided he was outside of it.

And most importantly, these old, powerful circles were all very well designed in terms of keeping whatever was inside where it was. No holy or demonic interventions could break through, making getting rid of your human tormentor or calling for help practically impossible. But what the good people from roughly 1000 BC hadn’t taken into account – and really, you couldn’t blame them – was modern, 21st century technology.

Which was why the summoning circle didn’t bat an (metaphorical) eye when Crowley pulled out his phone from the inside of his jacket. He unlocked it on the second try and squinted at the screen, then let out a sigh of relief and thanked whoever entity was listening. 12% battery, one bar, shit internet. He was saved!

Holding up the phone over his head for a better connection, Crowley tapped the Google Maps icon and stared intensely at the little spinny circle, waiting for the app to load so he could figure out where the fuck he was.

He gave a small sigh as he looked at the device. It really was too bad his essence was bound in place by the runes, otherwise the phone would be his ticket out. Just call, jump in and leave. Still, he would take what he could get.

Finally the map appeared on the screen and Crowley zoomed out a bit. Los Angeles. Huh. He’d figured he was somewhere in America, considering Mask Guy’s accent, but LA hadn’t been his first guess. Not really a city that screamed ‘occult’ at you, but then again, there were freaks everywhere.

It was too risky to try a phone call so the demon quickly made a screenshot of the location and started scrolling through his contacts. He was now really glad he had basically forced the angel to finally get with the times and buy a cellphone, even though it had been a pain to teach him how to use it. The first year, Aziraphale had just shoved the device into his closet and refused to take it out again, claiming he didn’t need it. It was only when Crowley had threatened to buy him more and hide them all over the bookshop to later have them randomly ring at unexpected times that the angel finally accepted defeat and let the serpent show him how they worked.

Finding Aziraphale’s number, Crowley almost dropped the phone in his haste to paste the screenshot. He wasn’t sure why, but he suddenly had the dreadful feeling that time was running out. Better hurry before the human came back.

As it turned out his gut feeling had been right. Crowley could hear distant footsteps approaching the door. Quickly he pressed ‘send’, skipping a written message and holding up the phone as high as he could, watching as the device struggled to deliver the picture.

_Come on, come on…_ Sent! The next moment the door was being pulled open and the demon jumped. Without thinking Crowley shoved the phone down his throat. Then he swallowed uncomfortably. Instant regret, as humans said. He _was_ a snake, even in this body a stunt like this was possible with a few adjustments, but it wasn’t exactly pleasant. And it would give him a horrible stomachache when he started digesting the device.

He eyed the human with disdain. At least this way he wouldn’t be able to tell what Crowley had done and be none the wiser that Aziraphale now had their location. If the angel managed to figure out the screenshot, that is. But Crowley had faith in him. Even if a little behind the times, the angel wasn’t stupid. He had figured out Agnes Nutter’s prophecies in a matter of hours, he would know what to do with a screenshot of Google Maps! Hopefully.

The demon’s thoughts were interrupted when Mask Guy stepped closer.

“Already awake, are you?”, he asked, making a note on that thrice blessed clipboard of his. “Good, it means you’re ready for the next part.”

“Can’t wait”, the demon groaned, not bothering to move from his spot on the floor.

He observed the human rolling up the plastic knife-holder-thing and putting it back into his bag. Then he started rummaging around in it, taking out a bottle with a transparent liquid and placing it on the floor before continuing to look for something further inside.

Despite having a sort of morbid curiosity what hellish instrument the human was looking for now, Crowley’s eyes kept being drawn back to the bottle. Mask Man seemed to have noticed too, as he regarded the demon with a cold glance before turning back to his bag.

“Noticed the holy water, have you?”

Crowley felt like his heart was going to stop. No. Not now! Not when his angel might already be on his way to find him!

The man stood up. “Don’t worry, that won’t come into play until the very end. I know it has a high chance of destroying you.”

Crowley made a strangled noise. “Great.”

Despite his sarcasm he was relieved. The longer he avoided complete destruction the higher his chances of actually getting out this alive. His eyes fell on the object in the human’s hand and he felt his heart drop into his stomach. Had he just thought his chances of survival had risen? Well, never mind.

“Where on earth did you get your hands on a demon blade?”, Crowley hissed, instinctively shying away from the cursed metal. Those wounds he wouldn’t be able to heal.

“None of your concern”, Mask Guy replied, ignoring the demon’s distress. “Don’t move.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to call this chapter “Crowley eats a phone”, but then I thought it’d be too much of a spoiler.
> 
> Also, that thing with Aziraphale putting his cellphone in the closet? That’s my mom. The only difference is that she has never taken it out again. It’s been fifteen years.


	5. Rescue’s on the way!

Aziraphale had been following the trail of the summoning magic for four days now and was currently flying over the Atlantic somewhere east-ish of the American coast. His wings felt heavy, aching from having to support him for such a long time, but he wasn’t about to give up. It didn’t matter that he hadn’t actually be able to feel the magic all day, that he’d just been vaguely flying in the direction he’d last felt it from. He would find Crowley if it was the last thing he did! Earth wasn't _that_ big!

The angel was just debating if he should find somewhere to land and try some spells that would help him sense any magic in the general area when he felt something vibrate in his coat pocket. Startled he lost control of his wings for a second, the strong ocean winds making him spiral downwards. Then he caught himself and flew back up, fishing his cellular phone out of his pocket.

Crowley had absolutely insisted he’d get one. Aziraphale still wasn’t convinced of its necessity, though he had to admit he liked the picture snapping feature. The thought of his demon made Aziraphale’s heart clench in his chest and he resolved to at least try to figure out why the device had decided to make a noise.

With the press of a button the screen lit up and upon seeing what was on display the angel almost dropped the phone into the ocean. It was from Crowley! He’d gotten a message from Crowley!

Fumbling with the touch screen Aziraphale hurried to check the messages. He was a bit taken aback to find that it consisted only of a single picture. It seemed to be a map of some sort, with a blue dot over one of the houses. A bright, hopeful smile appeared on the angel’s face. Wily, old serpent had managed to send him his location! Aziraphale would never say or think anything bad about cellular phones, ever again!

Now he only had to find out where this street actually was… Usually he would go find a library with big maps and an atlas, but there was no time for that now. Instead Aziraphale set course for the nearest coast. He knew that humans were able to find places in a matter of seconds using the internet. If Crowley was here he would scoff at the idea of asking for help, saying it was a matter of pride to figure it out on his own, but as an angel Aziraphale had no such problems.

He landed clumsily on an only slightly over-populated beach, making sure all humans wouldn’t think twice about seeing a man fall out of the sky. After scanning the crowd of barely dressed beach-goers Aziraphale noticed two humans leaning against a small stone wall who seemed to have nothing to do and approached them, holding back a curse as sand got into his shoes.

“Excuse me, young man”, the angel said. “I was wondering if you might be of assistance.”

The man, still a boy, really, looked up, frowning slightly. He was wearing flip flops, wide, green shorts and a bright yellow T-shirt with a single white stripe. On his head a pair of orange toned sunglasses were drowning in an impressive amount of curly hair.

“Dude, aren’t you hot in that stuff?”

Aziraphale looked down on himself and considered the fact that he was currently wearing a long coat on a beach, in the sun at roughly 30° Celsius.

“Well I suppose I’m not really dressed for the occasion”, he admitted. “But I’m rather in a hurry. Could you tell me where this is?”

He handed the man his cellular phone who studied it for a moment before elbowing his partner.

“Hey, Stephanie, could you?”

The woman, who had up until then been glued to her own phone screen, glanced up for a second, a bubble of pink gum popping before being expertly pulled back into her mouth without disturbing her perfect lipstick. Without a word she began tapping furiously on her screen, long nails clacking against the plastic.

“Los Angeles”, she said after a moment.

“Ah, alright.” Aziraphale nodded, looking around. “And, uh, where would that be located? From here, I mean?”

The woman raised her eyebrow at him, but then put her cellular phone away in favor of taking the one of Aziraphale from her friend’s hands and started typing again. Her earrings and countless thin bracelets jingled with every move. Shortly after, she turned it around, showing the angel the screen. It displayed a map showing most of the United States.

“The blue dot is you”, she stated, pointing at the screen. “And the red dot is where you want to go.”

“Oh, thank you so much”, the angel beamed, taking the device back. “You have no idea how much this means to me. Well, I must be off. Lovely talking to you two. Pip pip.”

With that he was gone, leaving the young man scratching his head.

“What just happened?”, he asked his companion, who shrugged, already back to staring on her own screen. “And where did he go?!” Frantically, the man looked around. “I didn’t imagine that, did I? Stephanie, holy fuck, is that him up there?!”

By the time the woman looked up Aziraphale was already too far above the city to be recognized as anything but a bird and way too distracted to remember that he really ought to have altered the lad’s memory. As a result of that, and all while leaving the angel blissfully unaware, there would later be an article proudly declaring: ‘Florida Man sees British Guy with bowtie and angel wings fly off into the sky’, but it wouldn’t really matter as no one would believe it anyway.

Right now the important thing was that he finally had a goal.

“Hold on, dear.” He clutched the phone is his hands, making sure not to drop it as he flew at speeds that would have been impossible had he been bound by the laws of physics. “I’m coming for you.”

***

“Another dead end. This is going nowhere.”

The devil cursed as they left the convenience store. First they’ve had to wait a day because the shop clerk who’d had his shift on the day in question had been out of town and now it turned out that he was unable to help them.

“It wasn’t a complete waste of time”, Chloe protested weakly. “We now know for a fact that Mr. Canvas was here.”

“Yes, but what does it change, detective?”, Lucifer tried very hard to keep the frustration out of his voice. With every day that passed the chances of finding the boy alive were dwindling. “We still have no idea where he went afterwards. And that’s the important part.”

“It’s too early to give up yet”, the detective insisted. “This is a solid lead. Let’s go back to the station and check the surveillance of the area.”

The devil nodded and followed her into the car. It wasn’t much, but they had to try.

***

Crowley woke up to the sound of Queen music. Disoriented he tried to clear the fog in his mind. The music seemed to come from everywhere at once yet also appeared to be strangely muted. Was he dying? The demon forced his eyes open and looked around. He was still in that blasted circle, Mask Man hovering over him. He must have passed out again. But where was the music coming from? The door was still firmly closed and- oh. Oh.

The human gripped his latest toy, a holy dagger, tighter and eyed him suspiciously. “What is that?”

“Uh…”

From somewhere a muffled voice started singing. _I want to break freeee!_

Crowley frowned. He was pretty sure his ringtone had been different last time he checked.

The human seemed actually distressed now. “I command you to explain! Why are you playing music?!”

“Uh…” He would have backed away if he had the strength, but he was just so _tired_.

The next moment the door burst open with enough force to make it slam against the wall.

“Crowley!!!”

The demon’s heart swelled in his chest at the sight of his angel, who’d burst into the room with a blast of white light. The long coat was fluttering behind him, his figure glowing with holy energy and blue eyes bristling with power. He was angry, he was beautiful, he was dangerous and Crowley was going to be saved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me quite some time to decide which Queen song I should use, but I’m fairly happy with the choice. For one the lyrics fit Crowley’s mood and two the music just… does not… fit at all? Like, it’s so calm and relaxed that it creates a complete contrast to the situation.  
If I was kidnapped then passed out and woke up to the first notes of “I want to break free” playing form god knows where I’d probably burst out into (hysterical) laughter just from how absurd it was.  
If you don’t know the song, here’s a link (fair warning though, the music video is a bit of a trip): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4Mc-NYPHaQ
> 
> But all in all, this chapter is a bit of a filler and not especially interesting. There were parts I enjoyed writing, but it’s mostly setting up for what’s about to happen.


	6. Meet the devil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, this one's a long one. And, I mean, really, really long. Hopefully not too long.  
I went back and forth for a long time if I should turn this into multiple chapters, but it's really one big scene so I didn't want to make any awkward cuts. There's exactly one place where it would feel somewhat natural to chop it in two, but it would have created an awful cliffhanger and that would have been entirely unnecessary.  
So I hope you can manage with this monstrosity.

It had taken Aziraphale about a day and a half to reach the address Crowley had sent him. The building in question was unremarkable, if a bit shabby, and a dog barked from a balcony when the angel landed in a dark alleyway.

He folded his aching wings and pulled them away, circling the place until he found an entrance. It was locked, but the door sprang open as soon as he approached it. Then it was just a matter of navigating through an empty stairwell and finding the right apartment. That wasn’t particularly hard. Even if he couldn’t feel Crowley, the occult energies of the runes necessary for a summoning were impossible to miss at this close range.

Just as before the apartment door opened without resistance and Aziraphale found himself in a small, surprisingly normal looking flat. It seemed that someone had turned up the air conditioner by an unreasonable amount though, as it was absolutely freezing. Nothing else indicated at what the felt oozing from the door at the end of a small flight of stairs, presumably leading down to a cellar.

He heard someone shouting and a cold fear gripped him. Aziraphale almost fell down the stairs in his hurry, gathering his angelic grace on the way, and burst through the door.

“Crowley!!!”

The sight before him nearly made him feel sick. Almost half of the room was covered in blood and feathers. And in midst of all of this lay a pale, bruised figure, wings awkwardly pressed against the barriers of a summoning circle. Crowley didn’t move and a horrified thought occurred to angel. Was he too late? He couldn’t be! But there was so much blood... Why didn’t he say anything? Why didn’t he move?!

Above the demon stood a masked human in what must once have been a white lab coat, staring at him in apparent shock and holding a bloody knife. A blessed knife. It wasn’t quite as bad as holy water, but still dangerous.

Aziraphale saw red. For the first time in very long time the angel actually wanted to hurt someone. How _dare_ this human lay a finger on his demon, his counterpart, his everything?! The angel felt his power build up and his wings burst out of his back, emitting blinding light and throwing dancing shadows into the room.

With a swift motion he called his sword to him, the blade appearing out of thin air and bursting into flames as soon as he grabbed the hilt. Aziraphale pointed the weapon at the human.

“You!”, he called, voice slipping into something entirely non-human. “What have you done to him?!”

The man took a step back, adjusting his mask.

“A-an angel?”, he stuttered.

“I won’t ask again”, Aziraphale roared. “What have you done to Crowley?!”

“Unbelievable.” The human stared at him, shielding his eyes with his arm. “To think a demon’s wickedness would be that deep! Has he bound you to him in some way? Called you here? Was the song a signal? How-”

He didn’t get to finish the question as Aziraphale leaped at him. The flaming sword collided with the knife, sending sparks flying around them. The human swayed. He was taken by surprise, but clearly no stranger to combat otherwise he wouldn’t have been able to hold on to his weapon. That was a surprise, but nothing the angel couldn’t handle. Aziraphale was somewhat rusty, but he’d still been created as a warrior. It was a side of himself he didn’t particularly care for, but an undeniable fact. He’d been one of the Guardians of Eden. He knew what he was doing.

The flames on his sword flared up, making the human jump back from the heat. Holy energy gathered around Aziraphale and he shot a beam of light at the human. He managed to dodge out of the way, the energy grazing his arm and making him grimace as it burned his flesh. Realizing he had inflicted pain the angel wavered for just a moment, allowing the man to go back on the offensive.

He threw himself at the angel, knife blinking up in the light, but Aziraphale sidestepped the attack with ease, beating his wings to use his momentum against him and making him stumble.

Trying to find his balance the human whirled around, but Aziraphale was already above him, wings outstretched and his angelic grace filling the entire room with blinding light so the man had to cover his eyes.

“You will pay for what you’ve done”, the angel shouted, the sound of a deep church bell making the room shake.

The man crawled away from him, horror evident even behind the mask. Then he suddenly jumped to his feet and flung the knife towards the summoning circle. Aziraphale’s eyes widened and he moved at inhuman speed, managing to smack the blade and throwing it off course, the cut it left on his hand healing seconds after being dealt. The knife landed a few inches next to the demon’s face on the ground.

Aziraphale froze. Behind him he could hear the human running up the stairs. He didn’t care. Crowley’s eyes were open. And he looked at him. Then a weak smile appeared on his face.

“Angel…”, he rasped.

Immediately Aziraphale’s entire form softened. “Crowley…”

He folded his wings neatly behind his back and focused on reeling in his aura before approaching the demon. He was too weakened to rely on his unusually high tolerance for it right now.

“Thanksss”, Crowley managed, as the angel kneeled next to him. “Knew you’d come…”

“Of course, my dear.” He studied the circle for a moment, and then ran a hand over some of the runes, burning them off. The air bristled with magic as the power of the circle dispersed and Crowley’s wings fell to the side. The demon yelped, then quickly tucked them away with a pained hiss.

Once he was sure all of the energy had left the circle Aziraphale gently pulled the demon in his lap, wincing at the contact. He was so cold! And he could see countless the cuts and burns on his body.

Feeling guilt rising up in him the angel lowered his head. “I’m sorry it took so long.”

“’ss okay”, Crowley mumbled, his hand clinging to Aziraphale’s shirt. “Just glad you’re here now.”

“Yes, I’m here.” The angel smiled and pushed some hair out of Crowley's face. Then he braced himself and looked once more at the demon's wounds.

"How bad is it?”

“M’ fine. Been through worse.”

“Can you heal your body?"

Crowley's response was an incoherent grumble, followed by a weak shake of head.

"'Sss the circle. Sucked the strength right out of me. Need t'recover first." He tried to sit up and hissed as his injuries stung. "Bloody human an' his ssstupid ‘research’. _Research_, he called it, can you believe that?"

Aziraphale pressed his lips together, pushing his anger aside. "Don't move, dear, I'll see what I can do."

Crowley looked like he had in mind to protest, but he didn’t seem to muster up the strength to do so. Instead he just closed his eyes and nodded.

After inspecting the damage, Aziraphale carefully started running his fingers over Crowley's torso, emitting warm waves of healing magic. The demon had been cut up all the way to his stomach, but luckily most of the wounds were already half healed and didn’t need much encouraging to fully close. Aziraphale also noticed that a few of his ribs had been fractured and he healed those as well.

However there were other injuries that looked considerably worse. Some of them just wouldn’t close, no matter what he tried. Others had burn marks around the edges, suggesting that they’d been caused by the holy dagger, and resonated with his angelic aura, making things worse instead of healing properly.

Aziraphale winced when the demon gave a pained whimper while he tried to close the large gash on his back.

“So sorry, my dear”, he mumbled, backing away.

At least he’d managed to stop the bleeding, but he couldn’t just leave the injury like that. Focusing, he imagined a roll of clean bandages and plucked them out of thin air a second later. With some difficulty he managed to wrap them around the demon’s torso.

“There.”

Aziraphale looked over his work. It wasn’t perfect, but it would have to do for now. With a wave of his hand he then removed the worst of the dried blood from Crowley’s body. He knew how much the demon disliked being dirty.

“How are you feeling?”

“Better”, the serpent admitted. “’m tired though.” He nuzzled closer to Aziraphale’s stomach, his words starting to slur. “An’ ‘sss so cold…”

“I know. It’ll get warmer once we’re outside.” The angel patted his head. “And what about your wings? They didn’t look too good. I do believe I should take care of them as well.”

“Later, it’s not ssso bad…”, Crowley mumbled. “Sssleep now…”

“You can sleep after we get out of here, my dear.”

Truth be told, the angel started to feel a bit restless. He wanted to leave. That human had known too much about the otherworldly for his tastes and should he come back the angel would be at a disadvantage, having to defend both Crowley and himself. He supposed, if push came to shove, he could just send the human away… somewhere, like he had done with the guard at the airbase all those years ago, but humans that knew about magic could be unpredictable. Sometimes they knew of ways to protect themselves and then miracles didn’t quite work on them the way they were supposed to. The angel didn’t want to take any risks. Crowley could not afford to get any more hurt.

After nudging the demon a few times without any effect, Aziraphale leaned down and gave him a light kiss on the forehead, carefully pushing some of his own energy into the serpent’s body.

Usually such an act would be impossible for an angel and a demon, but Aziraphale and Crowley had developed somewhat of a resistance to the other’s powers that only seemed to grow as time passed. Just like the heightened awareness for each other it had gotten even stronger after the body-swap. Who knew, maybe these days they could even inhabit the same body without exploding. Not that either of them was willing to try.

Crowley opened his eyes, now looking considerably more awake than before. At the same time Aziraphale felt a rush of slight nausea, caused by the sudden loss of energy. He pressed his lips together and a few seconds later it disappeared, leaving him slightly weakened, but otherwise fine.

“You shouldn’t do that, you know”, Crowley scolded, slowly sitting up. “You’re pretty tired yourself.”

The angel adjusted his bowtie. “Well I couldn’t very well leave you in such a state. I can’t carry you. And, really, I-”

He broke off when Crowley pulled him into a tight hug.

“I’m just glad you came.” The serpent pressed his head against his shoulder. “Wasn’t sure if I was gonna make it this time. If I’d get to see you again.”

Aziraphale’s heart tightened at the confession and he lightly rubbed the other’s back, minding the injuries. His wings wrapped around them both, creating a safe, warm space and shielding them from the horrors of the bloody room.

“It’s alright. I’m here now.”

They stayed like that for a few moments then the demon pulled away, quickly pushing a new pair of sunglasses up his nose. He must have lost his old ones at some point during his stay.

“Right”, he said, clearly embarrassed.

Aziraphale smiled and handed him his shirt and jacket, shaking them once to miracle them clean. “Now put your clothes on and then we really should get going.”

“Yeah, I’ve had about enough of this place.” With a grin the serpent took the clothes and started pulling the shirt over his head. “Shit room service.”

The angel huffed and stood up, pulling in his wings. Yet he couldn’t stop a small smile from creeping on his face. If the demon was joking around like that it was proof that he really was feeling better.

Having put on his clothes Crowley looked considerably more comfortable. Maybe because they hid most of his remaining injuries. Aziraphale knew that he didn’t like to appear weak. The demon was about to get up when his eyes fell on the holy dagger still lying on the floor.

“We’ll better take that with us”, he said, nudging it carefully and then quickly pulling his hand away from the burning metal. “It’s not especially powerful, but better safe than sorry. Humans should not be allowed to have stuff like that.”

“Yes, I suppose that would be for the best.” Aziraphale picked up the dagger, cleaning it with a thought and putting it into his pocket.

Then he held out a hand to help the demon up.

Crowley took it, heaved himself to his feet and straightened his jacket. “Alright. Let's get a wiggle on, shall we?"

Aziraphale scoffed and rolled his eyes. "You're never going to let this go, are you?"

Crowley's eyes sparked with mischief behind his glasses and he grinned as they turned to leave the room. "What? We’ll just wiggle right out of here like the two wiggling occult beings we are."

Now he was just trying to push his buttons. By acting casual he tried to pretend everything was fine, like he hadn’t just spent the last several days imprisoned. The angel decided that they would have a serious conversation about this later. For now he would humor the demon.

"Ethereal", he corrected. “You know there’s a difference.”

Crowley stopped by the door and turned around, still grinning. “There is? I don’t think you ever elaborated on that.

Aziraphale just rolled his eyes and Crowley reached for the doorknob when a loud crash echoed through the apartment.

"LAPD, nobody move!" A voice called out.

Aziraphale frowned.

"The police?", he asked. "What could they-"

He interrupted himself when he saw Crowley's expression. The demon had gone unnaturally pale, jaw clenched as he looked frantically around the room as if searching for an escape route. Cold sweat appeared on his forehead.

Aziraphale turned towards him in concern. "Crowley?"

"We gotta get out of here, now!", the demon hissed, pulling him away from the door.

Aziraphale frowned. "I'm sure there's nothing to worry about. Those humans must have a reason to-"

That's when he felt it too and the words got stuck in his throat. It was like a blindingly radiant darkness, seeping into the entire room, lying heavily in the air as if trying to crush them.

Abruptly the angel looked up and found a tall, handsome looking man standing in the doorway, fists clenched at his sides, wearing a fancy suit and a dark glint in his eyes. A wide smile spread across his face as their eyes met. It wasn't a friendly smile. It was the smile of a cat who had cornered its pray and was trying to decide if it should eat it immediately or play with it for a while first. And below that there was a layer of barely contained fury.

Aziraphale felt his stomach tighten at the sight. Why did this man's aura feel so familiar? What kind of demon felt like _this_?

Next to him Crowley froze and his grip on the angel's hand tightened so much it almost hurt.

"Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!", he hissed under his breath, grabbing Aziraphale's arm and pulling him backwards until they hit the wall furthest away from the door. "Shit!"

"Hello there, Crawley." Still smiling darkly the man took a step forward, putting his hands in his pockets and closing the door behind him in one elegant motion. "The famous demon who’s immune to holy water. I never imagined you’d be involved in all of this."

The serpent swallowed.

"It's Crowley", he corrected, voice shaking with barely suppressed fear.

"Don’t give me that, I don't care about your name!", the man interrupted, anger now evident in his voice. He quickly glanced at the door and lowered his voice again, apparently trying to calm down. "There really are more important things to discuss now, wouldn't you agree?"

Though the words were friendly, the unspoken threat was deafening.

Crowley flinched, clinging to the angel's arm like a lifeline. He seemed torn between wanting to hide behind him and place himself between him and the threat.

Seeing the serpent in such a state made something in Aziraphale snap. Hadn’t he been through enough already?! Despite feeling that he was tremendously outmatched the angel steeled his resolve and glared at the stranger with new found determination. He didn’t care who it was, he would not allow them to threaten Crowley!

Before he could say anything though, the serpent seemed to have found his voice again.

"I-is that, s-so?" Crowley forced a nervous smile on his face, though it came out more like a grimace. "What ssseems to be the problem, boss?"

Aziraphale's eyes went wide. "Boss?!"

He stared at the man in front of him in disbelief and dread rushed through his body. He looked different now, a far cry from the monster that had emerged from the earth back at the Tadfield Airbase, but though his memories of the Day the Apocalypse Hadn't Happened were a bit foggy, he was now sure the aura was the same. Oh shit, indeed.

Instinctively Aziraphale pressed himself closer to Crowley, looking for a way to escape. There was none, as it turned out, with the devil blocking the only exit. His eyes fell on the sword he had dropped in the corner. Holding his breath Aziraphale shifted ever so slightly.

"I wouldn't try that if I were you", Lucifer purred, having followed the angel's gaze.

Aziraphale snapped his attention back to him.

"We really don't want any trouble", the angel tried to reason, ignoring his rapidly beating heart.

Crowley nodded quickly. "Y-yes, yes. No trouble. We were actually just on our way out."

Angel and demon glanced at each other for a split second and, in silent understanding, Aziraphale prepared to miracle them away.

"You're not going anywhere, Crawley!", Lucifer roared, leaning forward. His eyes started glowing a hellish red. "Do you understand? You're staying right where you are!"

Crowley gave a shriek and cowered as the force of the words bound him to this plane. Aziraphale stopped in his tracks, feeling the miracle slipping off of Crowley's form. For demons the devil's command was absolute. Crowley was now stuck here and therefore so was Aziraphale. He would never leave him behind.

"There really is no need for that", the angel sputtered.

"No?" Lucifer's bright smile was now directed at him. He looked ready to bite his head off. "So you deny having tried to escape just now?"

"W-well, that is..." Aziraphale collected himself. "We just want to go home and, frankly, it is terribly rude of you to keep us here. We asked to be left alone, mind you, and we haven't done anything wrong."

That seemed to be the wrong thing to say.

"Haven't done anything wrong?”, Lucifer shouted, making the light bulb above them swing back and forth. “Haven’t done anything wrong?!"

Crowley shook at the angry tone, but Aziraphale stubbornly stood his ground despite his knees slowly turning to jelly.

"Look, if this is about the whole apocalypse business then you can't deny that the Ineffable Plan-"

"Oh, the apocalypse!" Lucifer snipped his fingers, nodding a few times. "That's where I know you from! I knew I recognized that librarian look from somewhere. No, I’m not talking about that old stick. Been there, attempted that, old news, I’m over it.” He waved his hands around dismissively before clasping them together and pointing at the couple. “No, I’m talking about the murder.”

Aziraphale and Crowley looked at each other.

“Murder?”, the demon asked in a lowered voice.

“Yes, the murder!” Lucifer’s voice echoed in the small room and he seemed to grow bigger as he spoke. “The murder of the unfortunate young man upstairs, who, no matter what happened here, definitely didn’t deserve that kind of fate!”

Aziraphale looked terrified. “Now, now, I’m pretty sure he survived. He looked fine when he ran out the door.”

“Don’t play dumb!”, the devil roared. “There were three people in here when we arrived and one of them is dead upstairs it really doesn’t take rocket science to figure out what happened!”

“You sure it’s the right guy?”, the serpent asked desperately. “About this tall, has a mask, a labcoat and gloves?”

“No mask, but the rest seems about right.” The devil narrowed his eyes. “You might as well give up now.”

“How can he be dead, that doesn’t make any sense!” Crowley let go of Aziraphale’s arm and gestured widely. “He was alive, like, half an hour ago!”

“Yes, that’s usually how it goes”, Lucifer replied, glaring at him. “People are alive before they get killed.”

“No, I mean! It wasn’t us! We were down here in this room the entire time!” The serpent took a step forward. “If he’s upstairs someone else must have done it!”

“Too bad for you there’s nobody else here”, the devil growled. “Enough excuses! Which one of you was it?”

He fixated the two with a furious glare, making Crowley back away to Aziraphale’s side. The angel gulped. He could feel Lucifer’s aura pressing against his own with such force it almost caused him a headache. Like he could crush them with it at any moment.

“Not talking, are you?” The devil’s eyes flickered red. “Judging by the looks of things…” He gestured at the blood splatter and black feathers scattered around. “It was probably you, wasn’t it Crawley?”

The serpent shrunk under Lucifer’s furious gaze. “W-what?”

“Let me guess.” Lucifer took a step forward, hands clasped behind his back as he kicked a feather to the side. “The boy decided to play around with the occult and happened to summon you. You had a disagreement. Maybe he wanted something from you, maybe he just annoyed you, but you lost your patience with him. So you broke out.”

The devil’s voice was getting deep and inhuman by the end of his speech. Waves of dark energy were emitting from him, making it hard for them to breathe. When he spoke next, his voice was back to being human, but the words were filled with so much hatred the angel almost wished it would have stayed distorted.

“There was a fight.”

“No, you’ve got thisss all wrong.” Crowley was shaking. “I’m the victim here!”

“Victim?!”

In a flash Lucifer was in front of them, throwing Aziraphale to the side with ease when the angel took a step forward and sending him flying across the room. Crowley made a strangled noise as he collided with the wall and tried to run after him, but Lucifer stepped in his way.

“You killed him and you dare calling yourself the victim?!”

Crowley attempted to escape, but the devil caught him by the throat, lifting him up.

“Now I can understand the desire for vengeance and punishment, I really do”, he began, smiling coldly as Crowley chocked, grasping at his hand and trying to wriggle out of the devil’s grip. “But in case you’ve forgotten, I’m the only one allowed to decide said punishment! It is literally my job! So if you could kindly explain to me why you felt compelled to murder a stupid kid-“

“Didn’ kill…”, Crowley croaked.

Behind them the angel slowly stood up.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that.” Lucifer raised a hand to his ear. “Maybe if you’d tell me the truth…”

“He is telling the truth, we didn’t kill anyone!” Aziraphale had picked up the sword and pointed it in the devil’s direction. His voice was shaky, but his posture was calm, eyes fixed on his opponent, a barely visible glow shining in them. “Now let him go, or I’ll… I’ll do something none of us wants to experience!”

The devil stared at him. “Interesting… Sticking your neck out for a demon, are we?”

Aziraphale gripped the sword tighter, but still didn’t light it as he feared it might provoke his opponent. “That’s right! Now if you’d be so kind-“

“Lucifer! What are you doing in there?”

The three of them froze and watched as the door got pushed open by a blonde woman. Her eyes fell on the devil still holding Crowley up in the air and she tensed.

“Lucifer, what-“

“Oh, just chatting with a few old friends, nothing to worry about”, the devil interrupted cheerfully.

The woman’s eyes narrowed. “Who are they?” Then she noticed Aziraphale holding the sword and she immediately drew her gun. “Drop your weapon!”

The angel hesitated, but didn’t budge.

“Not before he lets him go”, he demanded.

The woman gave a small nod and slowly stepped over to the devil, not letting Aziraphale out of her sight. “Put him down, Lucifer.”

“But-“

“Do it.”

Aziraphale didn’t expect much. After all, why should the literal devil listen to what some LA police officer had to say? So it surprised him to no end when he noticed the tension leaving Lucifer’s body and the devil sighed.

“As you wish, detective. Though I do believe you’re letting him off too easy. He is our prime suspect after all.”

As if he were a puppet, Lucifer threw the tempter demon away from him. A shout escaped Crowley’s lips as his back hit the wall, sunglasses flying off his face, and he curled up on the ground, gasping in pain.

“Crowley!” Dropping the sword and Aziraphale ran to the demon’s side.

“Oh, don’t be such a baby”, Lucifer snapped behind them, but Aziraphale ignored him, helping the demon sit up and willing the worst pain on his back away.

“Are you alright, my dear?”

Crowley coughed heavily a few times, rubbing his throat. Despite not having to breathe, it was a habit his body did not like giving up for a prolonged amount of time, especially if someone was crushing his windpipe.

“I’ll live”, he wheezed.

The woman took a step back, staring at Crowley. “Y-You’re… You’re not…”

“Hm?” Crowley gave her a questioning look. “I’m not what?”

“Well, I mean…” She gestured towards her eyes and Crowley flinched, noticing the missing shades.

“Oh, those are, uh… contact lenses. For Halloween. Usually”, the demon explained lamely.

“Don’t bother, she knows”, Lucifer interfered and Aziraphale’s eyebrows shot upwards. Now that was surprising.

“All of it?”, he asked. “So she knows you’re the-“

“The devil, yes, that’s what I said. Keep up.” Lucifer seemed impatient.

The woman turned towards him and pointed at Crowley. “So he’s a demon, then?”

“Sure am”, Crowley confirmed. He sounded tired.

“Detective, meet my traitorous excuse of an employee, Crawley.” Lucifer gestured towards the serpent, who looked like he has something to say to the description, but wisely decided to keep his mouth shut. Then the devil made a head notion at the principality. “And this is Heaven’s little lapdog of a field agent… what was your name again?”

“Aziraphale”, the angel replied coldly. “And I’d say the lapdog days are long behind me.”

The detective looked at him, looking a bit overwhelmed. “So just to make sure, you’re…”

“An angel, yes.” He smiled. “Pleased to meet you, Ms..?”

“Decker. Chloe Decker.” She leaned towards Lucifer and lowered her voice. “Are they dangerous?”

The devil narrowed his eyes.

“Not with me around.” He raised his voice. “You’ll behave yourselves, won’t you? You wouldn’t want to make me more upset than I already am.”

Crowley gave a quick nod and elbowed Aziraphale in the ribs when he was about to complain about the rudeness of Lucifer’s words.

“Alright then.” Giving Lucifer one last glance the detective took a step forward. “I’d like to ask you a few questions regarding the death of Mr. Benjamin Canvas.”

“Who’s that?”, Crowley asked.

“The man you’ve murdered, of course”, Lucifer growled, his eyes dark. “Murdered over what? A minor inconvenience?” He looked briefly around the room, rolling his eyes at the poorly drawn runes. “Don’t tell me something like this could actually bind you. It’s just a bunch of scribbles made by a human. Surely you could have just left.”

“You’ve never been summoned before, have you?”, the serpent snapped.

Aziraphale was starting to lose his patience. “Are you not listening to a word we’re saying? Crowley didn’t kill anyone! Even if he wanted to, he was trapped inside the circle until I arrived.”

“Oh, so you’re saying it was you then?” Something about Lucifer’s piercing gaze made Aziraphale feel like he was a pinned insect being inspected under a microscope. “Came rushing in to save your little friend?” He grinned widely, anger building behind his casual tone. “Broke the taboo of killing humans for a demon, have you?!”

“No!” Aziraphale felt his powers rising up inside him and it was only Crowley’s hand on his own that prevented him for materializing his halo and wings. “I would never do that! Yes, I did come here to help Crowley, but all I did was to scare the human off. I saw him run away. I don’t know why he’s dead now!”

“And lying too, my, my.” The devil’s voice was dripping with mock charm. “What a naughty little angel you are, I’m almost impressed.”

At that Crowley hissed, actually hissed, making Chloe jump.

“Leave him alone, _bosss_.” Crowley spit the last word out like a viper might its venom. “We’ve told you the truth.”

“So you’re saying the last time you’ve seen the victim he was still alive?”, the detective wanted to know.

Crowley nodded. “Exactly!”

“In other words, you’re claiming an unrelated party showed up and stabbed the guy while you were in the basement without you noticing”, Lucifer said. “And all in the span of half an hour no less?” He let out a laugh. “Even you must see how stupid that sounds!”

“Well…” Aziraphale trailed off, not sure what to say.

Chloe crossed her arms, her posture cautious. “I’m going to be honest with you, this doesn’t look very good. If you can’t prove you have an alibi…”

“How are we supposed to prove that?!”, the serpent exclaimed. “It was just the two of us here!”

“We’re aware that the circumstances don’t color us in a very good light, but, nevertheless, I ensure you that we’re telling the truth”, Aziraphale insisted, looking the detective in the eyes as she was clearly the more reasonable of the two. “You have to believe us.”

Chloe bit her lip.

“Detective, don’t tell me you’re actually buying that poor excuse of a story?” Lucifer stared at her. “They’re clearly guilty.”

The detective took a deep breath.

“For now we don’t have any definitive proof”, she said. “The evidence is circumstantial so we have to look into different possibilities as well.”

Crowley gave her a hopeful look. “Does that mean we can go now?”

The devil glared at him. “If you even _think _about running away-”, he began, but Chloe cut him off.

“We’ll need both of you to come down to the precinct for questioning and to take your statements”, she said firmly. “I ask that you come willingly.”

Crowley raised an eyebrow. “You want to take our statement about an actual, real life demon summoning?”

The detective hesitated. “Well, the others at the station don’t know about the whole supernatural business, so we’ll have to adapt your story a bit, but basically…” She waved her head back and forth and nodded. “Yeah.”

Aziraphale and Crowley exchanged a look.

“Alright. If it will help clear everything up.” The angel stood up, helping Crowley to his feet. “Can you walk, dear?”

The demon leaned heavily against him. “I’ll manage.”

Watching the exchange made Chloe’s expression shift into concern. She took another careful step forward.

“You’re injured”, she said and paused, as if not quite sure how to proceed.

“No shit”, Crowley groaned. “That’s what happens when someone summons you and proceeds to repeatedly stab you with a variety of sharp objects.” He glared at the devil who was hovering threateningly behind the detective. “Minor inconvenience, indeed.”

Chloe still seemed hesitant. “Would it help to get you to a hospital?”

At that the demon smiled, but shook his head. “Appreciate the thought, but no.”

Lucifer wasn’t impressed. “Oh, come now, stop with the dramatics. You’re a demon, just walk it off.”

Crowley stared him in disbelief. “Oh, yeah, just walk it off, he says! Blessed circle sucks the life out of me for days and I just ‘walk if off’ as one does! As if-”

“Yo, Decker, I’ve finished my inspection of the body! Well, for now anyway. Stupid air conditioning is messing up the time of death and- holy shit, what happened here?!”

A young woman with dark hair and a shirt that proudly declared ‘Foren-SICK!’ above an exploding glass tube with sunglasses, had entered the room and gasped at the sight in front of her. Crowley quickly pressed his hand to his face and the glasses that had fallen on the floor appeared under his fingers before she could see his eyes.

Seeing her reaction Aziraphale tried to imagine what this situation must look like to an outsider. An empty room with a creepy satanic circle drawn on the ground, floor and walls covered in blood splatter and black feathers. And to top it off there was a sword lying in the corner, Crowley looked like he’d been beaten half to death and Aziraphale, with his suit and bowtie and tartan probably made the whole scene just that much more bizarre.

“Oh!” The newcomer clapped her hands. “Let me guess. Kidnapping victim”, she pointed at Crowley for a moment before turning towards Aziraphale, “concerned friend, lover or family member coming to rescue you from”, she gestured at the circle and feathers, “whatever that was supposed to be?”

Aziraphale stared at her for a moment before shrugging helplessly. “I suppose that’s not entirely incorrect?”

Meanwhile Crowley leaned towards the devil, lowering his voice to a whisper. “See? She gets it. That’s a smart one.”

Lucifer’s eyes flared up and the serpent jolted back towards Aziraphale with a barely contained yelp.

The unknown woman didn’t notice the exchange.

“Yes, nailed it!” She pumped her fist in the air. “Ok, now let’s see what we have here.” She walked towards the circle, giving Crowley an empathetic look. “That’s a lot of blood. Hope it’s not all yours, buddy.”

“Actually it’s just red paint”, Aziraphale corrected.

“What? No way.” The woman turned back towards them for a moment with a laugh. “Believe me, I’ve seen enough blood and the stench alone-“ With a frown she broke off. “Wait, what the- It IS paint! I could have sworn…” She shook her head and picked up one of the feathers. “Look at that, those are fake too. Some kind of plastic or something. Who would set something like this up?” She gave Crowley another sad look. “And if they bothered with all the fake stuff, why couldn’t they have abstained from kidnapping someone too?”

Crowley shrugged.

“Beats me.” He paused, then gave a small laugh. “Literally, in this case, hah!”

“Some people are just freaks”, the woman agreed before starting to walk back towards the door. “Well I’ll still get my equipment and do a sweep of the room, just in case.” As she passed Crowley she gave him a thumbs up. “Cool snake tattoo, by the way.”

“Cool shirt”, the demon replied.

She left and the room fell silent, with Chloe looking somewhat confused while Lucifer glared daggers at Aziraphale.

“What was that all about?”, he snapped. “You can’t just remove evidence like that.”

“I couldn’t very well let this nice young lady, who judging from her words, gloves and the clever pun on her shirt, is a forensic scientist, analyze demon blood, now could I?”, Aziraphale replied sharply. “A miracle seemed like the easiest solution.”

Well, he could also have altered the perception and memories of the involved humans, but something had told him that it was a bad idea. The devil was practically radiating protectiveness, which was curious in itself, but Aziraphale wasn’t about to put it to the test.

“Easiest solution to cover your own tracks, you mean”, Lucifer snapped.

The angel gave him another cold look. “All I’ve done is to change Crowley’s blood and feathers, everything else has been left untouched.”

“That’s what you say, but you have no way of proving it”, the devil growled. “There’s no way of telling what you did or did not manipulate. This entire place reeks of angelic energy.”

Aziraphale bit his lip. “I admit, I might have overdone it a bit when I arrived, but I assure you, this is purely a side effect of my aura charging up, no miracles.” He held the devil’s gaze. “In fact, you’d think that if I did intend to hide anything my sword would be the obvious choice to make disappear. Yet, as you can see, it is still right where I left it.” His voice got sharper. ”Leaving records of the supernatural is never a good idea, as you should very well know. It ought to be in your own interest to keep some aspects of this case under wraps.”

Lucifer opened his mouth to answer, but it seemed he like didn’t have a reply ready because closed it again. If he’d been less tired Crowley would probably have reveled in the fact that Aziraphale had managed to shut up the devil. As it were he just allowed himself a tiny grin.

Chloe cleared her throat, shaking off her apparent unease. “If you would please accompany us to the police department now?”

Aziraphale smiled at her. “Of course. After you, Ms. Decker.”

He stepped to the side, allowing her to take the lead. He almost jumped out of his skin when the devil suddenly put a heavy hand on his shoulder.

“Wait a moment, what do we have here?” With a sly grin Lucifer reached into the angel’s pocket, pulling out the holy dagger.

Aziraphale paled. God damn it. This would not go over well.

“I knew it”, the devil huffed. “I knew it the second I saw you two in here!”

“Wait, it’s not what you think-“, Crowley tried, but Lucifer interrupted him.

“Isn’t it? Because I’m pretty sure it _is_ what I think.” The devil stormed towards the stairs. “Miss Lopez! Miss Lopez, I need you to look at something!” He suddenly stopped in his tracks, backing away and pulling Chloe in front of him before pushing her up the stairs. “Detective, I’m going to have to ask that you stay in my field of vision at all times.” He glanced over his shoulder. “You two follow me, don’t try anything and, again, no miracles!”

Left with no other choice the couple did as they were told, Aziraphale holding Crowley’s hand, both for emotional support and to make sure he wouldn’t stumble. By the time they arrived upstairs Lucifer was holding the knife under the forensic scientist’s nose.

“Did you not determine that the murder weapon was a sharp object of roughly this shape and size?”, he asked her.

The woman gave a thoughtful nod.

“Well, I can’t say anything for sure until we get the guy to the lab, but it’s very possible.” She took the knife and then slapped his hands. “You should have worn gloves when you took it though!”

Both Aziraphale and Crowley held their breath and watched the devil’s reaction, but to their surprise he didn’t appear angry, just rolled his eyes.

“Oh, I’m sure it’s too late for that. If there were any clues on it I doubt they would have been left there.” He gave the couple a challenging look. “Is that not so?”

There was no use denying it.

“I admit that cleaned it, but I didn’t do so to hide any evidence”, Aziraphale explained. “As it is… unusual”, he gave the devil a long look as he spoke the last word, “I decided it would be better if I took it with me. So I cleaned it.”

Even in his own ears it sounded like an excuse. Aziraphale sighed, shaking his head.

“Though I doubt you’ll believe me.”

“You’re right, I don’t believe you”, Lucifer replied cheerfully. “And I can’t wait to rip the rest of your excuses apart once we’re back at the station.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In a world where the situation was less tense...  
Lucifer: You can’t just remove evidence like that!  
Chloe: *snort*
> 
> I’m basing Lucifer’s lack of respect regarding summonings on his reactions in the show whenever he was confronted with anything remotely resembling humans using witchcraft. He always dismissed it, focusing more on how misguided they were in blaming him for his problems and/or worshipping him as the source of all evil.  
Based on that, I decided that Lucifer never had much experience with summonings and never went through one himself. Some other demons were called away, but if it was someone important enough for Lucifer to notice they always came back, so he doesn’t see it as a threat. More like a nuisance.


	7. Interrogation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another long one today. I hope you don't mind.

Chloe wasn’t sure how she was supposed to act around those two new supernatural beings that had suddenly appeared in the middle of her case. She definitely hadn’t expected to meet more of Lucifer’s… relatives? – were they brothers? How did family work for angels? She really didn’t know – when they’d gotten the concerned phone call from one of the neighbors reporting strange noises from the apartment across the hall.

Lucifer had shown no interest at first, insisting on checking the rest of the surveillance footage they’d been watching, but when it had turned out that the call came from South Central, the same neighborhood Mr. Canvas had been seen in last, the devil had dropped everything and insisted on accompanying her.

But they had been too late. It sent a stab of hurt through the detective when she remembered how all the life had drained from Lucifer’s face when they had discovered the body. It had gotten to him, more than he wanted to admit. It only made Chloe that much more determined to get to the bottom this.

She eyed the two beings sitting across from her at the table. At least Lucifer, though annoyed, didn’t seem particularly worried about them being a threat. He still insisted on staying by her side at all times, and, honestly, she was grateful for it.

Despite having accepted who he was and that all those strange… things he always talked about were real, Chloe felt vastly out of her element. Those two possessed powers she couldn’t even fathom, considering the ease with which Aziraphale had transformed the blood into paint and replaced the feathers. Chloe didn’t like feeling like she couldn’t handle things by herself, but she’d be lying if she said that Lucifer’s presence didn’t make her feel safer around them.

At least they seemed ready to cooperate. They had obediently followed her and Lucifer into the interrogation room and proceeded to wait there for another two hours until the police had been done with the investigation, spending the time talking quietly with each other and looking around with mild curiosity.

Now their attention was focused on her and Chloe took a deep breath to calm herself. It would be fine, Lucifer was right there. Being under the devil’s protection must count for something, right? Taking another deep breath she looked at the couple, trying to get a read on them.

The angel was smiling, albeit a bit stiffly, sitting straight with his hands neatly folded in his lap. Meanwhile Crowley – or was it Crawley? – was slumped in his chair, one arm hanging over the backrest. He looked ready to slide off and fall to the floor at any moment, swaying dangerously to Aziraphale’s side. The sunglasses made it hard to guess what he was thinking (though she preferred if he kept them on, because, truth be told, the eyes freaked her out a bit), but he was clearly exhausted.

Chloe wasn’t sure what exactly had happened to him, but judging by the amount of blood she would suspect it to have been pretty bad. Lucifer, however, didn’t seem to share her opinion. And, from what she’d been able to gather, neither did the two suspects. It put her before a bit of a problem as she was in no way an expert on judging the severity of injuries caused to supernatural beings. Crowley didn’t _look_ injured, but she supposed the wounds could be covered by his clothes. She just didn’t know what to think.

Collecting her thoughts the detective decided to start with the basics. In the end, this was just another investigation, right? She could handle it.

“Alright, first things first.” She tried to put as much authority into her voice as she could. Don’t let them think she was intimidated. “Who are you two, exactly?”

The question seemed to amuse the demon because he gave her a tired grin.

“Serpent of Eden, at your service”, he said, tapping an invisible hat.

Chloe stared, pen hanging frozen over her notebook. She had only just begun and it was already beginning to feel unreal.

“The Serpent of Eden?”, she repeated slowly. “As in… the snake? With the apple and everything?”

Instead of answering the demon’s grin just widened and for a second Chloe could see a forked tongue being flicked in her direction.

“Right!” She quickly turned towards Aziraphale. “And you are..?”

“I used to be the Guardian of the Eastern Gate”, the angel supplied, keeping a pleasant tone. “The Gate to the Garden Eden, that is.” He reached for Crowley’s hand and the demon took it. “It’s where we met, actually.”

The Garden of Eden, huh… Chloe tried to process what she’d just heard. It really shouldn’t be too surprising considering she’d met actual Eve. Of course the Garden had been real too. Lucifer had even mentioned it before. But it was still hard to believe. Briefly the detective wondered if those two were also Eve’s acquaintances. They must be, right?

Oblivious to Chloe’s mental predicaments, Aziraphale continued his explanation.

“We’ve been on earth ever since. Overseeing and influencing humanity’s development, in a sense. Although our jobs were… Well, on opposite ends.”

“But we’re an independent force now”, Crowley added, lowering his glasses and giving Lucifer a pointed look. “We report to neither Heaven nor Hell anymore, _boss_.”

Chloe felt Lucifer’s annoyance rise and he leaned forward. “Don’t kid yourself, Crawley. You’re only mouthing off to me now because you know I could drag you back Down anytime I wanted.”

Aziraphale stiffened at the words and suddenly there was an energy emitting from him that just wouldn’t quite fit to his retired professor look. He glared at the devil. Next to him Crowley flinched and tugged at his hand.

“Angel…”, he breathed, his voice strained.

Immediately the tension evaporated, Aziraphale turning back into a soft looking librarian, giving off the vibe of someone who went around offering free cookies to knitting old ladies and children.

“So sorry, my dear”, the angel said, giving Crowley’s hand a light squeeze before shooting Lucifer another dirty look. “But we really could do without the threats.”

Chloe could tell the devil was about to protest so she raised a hand. “He’s right, you know. No threatening the witnesses.”

“They’re more than that, they’re suspects!”, Lucifer snapped. “Non-human, prime suspects!”

The detective didn’t bat an eye at his angry tone. “Still, let’s at least try to follow protocol, alright?”

Lucifer grumbled something under his breath, but took a step back.

Chloe went next down her list of questions. “Do you have any official names I can use for your statements? Lucifer just uses his own, though he does have a last name which makes things easier for paperwork.”

Aziraphale seemed surprised. “You do?”

Lucifer shrugged. “Morningstar.”

Crowley gave a snort. “Creative.”

“Watch it, Serpent”, the devil growled, but turned away to sulk in the corner when Chloe gave him a stern look.

That seemed enough for the snake demon to continue. “To answer your question, yes, we do. You can call me Anthony J. Crowley.”

The detective nodded, writing it down and eyeing Aziraphale next.

“A. Zira Fell”, the angel simply said, making Lucifer laugh from his corner.

“Creative”, he commented.

Crowley hissed and Aziraphale looked embarrassed.

“It gets kind of hard to come up with new aliases after the first millennia”, he mumbled.

The devil strolled back towards the table.

“Alright, enough with the introductions”, he declared, crossing his arms. “We have solid evidence you killed Mr. Canvas. Just spare us the trouble and confess!”

“Solid evidence?”, Crowley asked. “Last time I heard it was circumstantial.”

“That was before the investigation was done”, the devil pointed out. “Now everything has been cleared up.” He went through a box sitting on the table, pulling out one of the plastic bags. “Recognize these?”

Aziraphale frowned while the demon’s expression didn’t change.

“These are my sunglasses”, he said calmly. “The man who summoned me took them away.”

“Correct”, Lucifer replied, smiling. “And guess where they were found? That’s right! In the hand of one very murdered Benjamin Canvas.”

Crowley opened his mouth and closed it again. “What?”

“But wait, there’s more!” The devil started pacing, holding up a finger with each point he mentioned. “We have the sunglasses.” He held up one finger. “He was wearing a labcoat with your blood or, I suppose, now it is your paint on it, he was stabbed by a knife that was, at the very least, extremely similar to the one found in the pocket of your pet angel over there, the angel has admitted to fighting the man and you two were the only ones present at the scene of the crime.” Five fingers were stretched out in a dramatic manner. “I have to say, the coincidences are starting to pile up. Not to mention both of you have a clear motive.”

“But there has to be more to it!”, Crowley exclaimed. “We’re being framed!”

Lucifer gave him an unimpressed look. “So to sum up your story, you’re not only claiming that you didn’t kill Mr. Canvas and that he was instead murdered by some unknown party – which as we already established sounds extremely far-fetched – but also that this mystery assailant then proceeded to frame you for the crime? If you were sitting in the basement the entire time, how would they even know to do that? And how would they know to use your sunglasses to do the deed?”

“I don’t know!”, the snake demon hissed. “I’m just as confused as you are! But fact is: we didn’t do it.”

Chloe decided to try a different approach. “If you claim to be innocent then what do you supposed happened here? What can you tell us?”

She pushed a photo of the dead body over the table. The man was lying on his back, wearing the stained labcoat and holding on to Crowley’s sunglasses. There was a stab wound in his chest and an open bag way lying next to the body, spilling paint brushes and tubes one the floor along with a single bottle of pepper spray.

Both angel and demon leaned forward to look at it for a while then glanced at each other.

“Something doesn’t seem right”, the angel said.

Crowley nodded. “Yeah, something’s definitely off.” He pushed the sunglasses up on his forehead, narrowing his eyes. “It’s the coat”, he said suddenly. “Angel, don’t you think the coat’s too wide for him? Looks like a scarecrow in that thing.”

Aziraphale frowned. “Now that you mention it… You’re right. It doesn’t fit him at all. And he seems too young too. The man I fought off was… I don’t know…” He looked at Crowley.

“In his forties? Maybe fifties?”, the demon supplied.

“No, no, younger than that, I’m pretty sure”, Aziraphale disagreed.

Crowley rubbed his chin, allowing the sunglasses to slide back down. “But no younger than thirty, right?”

“Definitely a grown man.”, the angel stated. “This one’s basically a child.”

Confused Chloe tried to make sense of the exchange.

“Wait, so what you’re saying is… This is _not_ the man who…”, she hesitated and then decided to just go with it, “It’s not the man who summoned you?”

The snake demon shook his head. “No, I’m pretty sure this is someone else.”

Lucifer gave a dry laugh. “Hah! A likely story. How can you even tell how old he was? Didn’t you say he was wearing a mask?”

“He was definitely wearing a mask”, the angel stated. “I’m basing my guess on his body shape and movements when I fought him.”

“And the voice”, Crowley added. “He did not sound like a teen or however old this Mr. Canvas is.”

“Twenty”, Chloe supplied.

“Twenty, got it. Didn’t sound like it”, the demon insisted.

“So, what?” Lucifer stared at them. “Our mystery masked summoner ran away, killed Mr. Canvas, put his coat on him and Crawley’s sunglasses, dropped his mask and ran into the night? Is that it?”

Crowley shrugged. “Looks that way.”

Something seemed to occur to Aziraphale because he held up a hand before the devil had time to answer. “OR Mr. Canvas was already dead when the masked man was escaping. That would make things easier to manage, time-wise.”

The snake demon snipped his fingers. “Right! Didn’t that woman from forensics mention that the cold prevented an accurate determination of the time of death? It’s possible he was killed earlier.”

That was true. Ella had cursed excessively at the low temperatures getting in the way of her autopsy. She had even gotten into a fist fight with the air conditioner while trying to turn it off. Chloe supposed that she couldn’t entirely dispute the couple’s theory.

As always, however, Lucifer didn’t let up so easily. “You really expect us to believe that?”

“All we can tell you is what little we know”, Aziraphale retorted. “We’re not claiming our logic is perfect, we’re simply trying to help.”

He gave the devil an inquiring look. “Besides, you seem quite insistent that Mr. Canvas didn’t deserve his fate. Now I cannot claim to know you personally, but from my understanding your job is it to punish the guilty. If we assume Mr. Canvas and the man who summoned Crowley are the same person, then he is someone willing to hurt a living creature excessively in order to achieve his personal goals.”

His eyes turned cold. “When I found Crowley he was covered in cuts and bruises, some of which have been impossible for me to heal! Is the man you’re being so defensive of truly that kind of person?”

The devil took a sharp breath, but stayed silent. Chloe was secretly impressed. It wasn’t easy to make Lucifer speechless and Aziraphale had managed to do it twice in a matter of hours. Had the circumstances been different she might have congratulated him. God knew she sometimes wished she could do that.

“I admit, this doesn’t sound like him”, the devil finally muttered. “That doesn’t mean you two are free of suspicion though.”

“I understand. After all, I’m aware of how this must look like to you”, Aziraphale said, his expression shifting into something less sharp. “As long as you’re willing to listen instead of just assuming you know everything already, we’re happy to cooperate.”

Seeing as Lucifer was temporarily out of commission and mulling over the new information, Chloe took the lead.

“If that’s the case, can you tell me exactly what happened? From the beginning?”

There was a short pause in which the couple seemed to be collecting their thoughts before Aziraphale spoke up first.

“Well it all started in my bookshop back in Soho”, he began. “Crowley and I were discussing… Oh, it really is quite silly… How exactly a platypus can be considered a mammal if it clearly lays eggs, while Crowley here was more concerned with the question of who had thought it’d be a good idea to cross a beaver with a duck. Meanwhile I’m fairly certain that there’s another explanation, but then again, the Almighty does have a strange sense of humor sometimes, I mean there was this whole business with the dinosaurs-“

“Angel…” Crowley’s entire demeanor seemed to soften as he shushed the other man with a slight shake of his head.

Then he turned towards the detective. “Long story short, while we were talking, I suddenly felt the signs of a summoning and was called away to that blasted room. Aziraphale went looking for me and finally found me, well, today.” He paused, looking at the angel. “How long was I gone anyway?”

“About five days, give or take”, Aziraphale replied.

“Huh. Felt longer”, the demon muttered before continuing. “So, again, I was stuck there for apparently five days until Aziraphale showed up. He fought briefly with the human, but didn’t land any blows. In the end he scared him off, destroyed the summoning circle, healed the worst of my injuries and then you guys barged in.”

Chloe nodded, writing down the important bits before turning to Aziraphale. “How did you find him?”

“Oh, Crowley sent me a text message”, the angel explained before correcting himself. “Well, a picture.”

The detective blinked. That was rather straight forward. She had expected a telepathic connection or something of the sort. How had her life come to a point where she thought of psychic abilities before considering a cell phone?

Trying not to let her surprise show and keep things professional she continued the questioning. “Could we see that message? It could be valuable evidence.”

That way they could narrow down the timeframe of Aziraphale’s arrival. Without the exact time of death it wouldn’t be conclusive, but it definitely couldn’t hurt.

Aziraphale smiled.

“Of course.” He reached for his pocket and froze, his smile faltering. “Dear me, I must have lost the cellular phone somewhere. I still had it right before I entered the building.”

A thought occurred to the detective and she browsed through her file, taking out a photo of a broken phone and pushing it towards the angel.

“We found this in the room you were in. Is it yours?”

“Why, yes it is”, Aziraphale confirmed. “It must have fallen out of my pocket during the struggle. Looks like someone stepped on it. Shame. I did have some lovely pictures on it.”

Chloe could see the demon shake his head at the words with a smile. She wasn’t sure what to make of it.

“We’re trying to see if we can recover any data from it, but it’s not looking too good”, she said, turning towards Crowley. “Maybe you could show us your phone instead?”

Crowley’s face became blank for a second and then turned a bright red.

“That… might be a bit of a problem”, the demon said slowly.

“Really?!” Chloe could hear in the devil’s voice that he was losing his patience. “How convenient it just so happens that we can’t check either of your phones! It doesn’t really help your credibility.”

The detective had to silently agree with him. “Did you lose it?”

Crowley sputtered. “Well, no, I…” He paused for a moment and his next words came out in a defeated sigh. “I ate it.”

There was silence.

“You what?!” Aziraphale was the first to find his voice again. “Crowley, that can’t be good for you! Why on earth would you do that?”

“Look, I panicked, okay?!” Crowley almost tripped over his words as he hurried to defend himself. “The guy was coming back and I couldn’t let him find out that I contacted someone or he might have killed me off on the spot and ran away! Or drag me along with him! I didn’t want to risk it. So I just…”

He made a vague notion of shoving something in his mouth.

Aziraphale closed his eyes. “Oh, dear…”

“It doesn’t matter what you did with it, the fact still stands that we can’t check it”, Lucifer huffed.

“Well I didn’t say that”, the demon protested. “It hasn’t been that long and it’s not like I _wanted_ to eat it, I didn’t chew or anything. And it still worked a while ago. Technically I could…” He paused and made a face. “Oh, this is going to be gross.” He turned to the detective. “Could… Could you just… look away for a moment?”

Unsure what to expect Chloe nodded and made a point of looking at the wall to her left. He couldn’t really mean what she thought he did, could he? Out of the corner of her eye she could see the demon turning around in his chair and leaning forward a bit. Aziraphale stood up and put an arm around his back, then moved it further down when Crowley flinched.

There were a few unappetizing sounds mixed with coughs and the demon’s body shook a few times. Damn, he really had meant what she’d suspected. That was… slightly disturbing, though Chloe supposed that she’d seen worse. And she had to admit that she was a bit curious as to how it was even possible.

Lucifer, meanwhile, had no problem with staring and seemed strangely fascinated, observing the whole thing from where he was leaning against the wall. Finally Crowley gave one last cough and the two turned back around, Aziraphale cleaning something with an old fashioned handkerchief.

“Terribly sorry about that”, the angel said, putting a sleek, black smartphone on the table. “Let’s just be glad it hadn’t reached the stomach yet.”

Chloe gave a small nod. “So he really…”

“I can confirm that he did indeed spit it out, yes”, Lucifer supplied ever so helpfully.

The detective couldn’t help it. “But… But _how_?”

Crowley grimaced. “Ugh, there’s some… some partial shape shifting involved and… You know what? You don’t really want to know.”

“Think of how a snake that can insert even large prey animals into its system”, Lucifer added, as if that was supposed to make things clearer.

“For the record, I don’t usually do that”, Crowley felt the need to point out. “Nor do I hunt for mice or anything like that.”

“I can attest to that, he eats human food”, Aziraphale added. “And even then it’s usually not all that much.” He paused. “I never asked, actually. Is that also due to your snake nature?”

The demon sighed. “Look, food’s fine, I like food now and again, but digesting takes forever! And, I mean, I could force my body to speed it up, but then why eat in the first place? It’s part of the process.”

Lucifer drummed his fingers on the table. “If we could return to the topic at hand?”

He pointed at the phone and Crowley nodded, taking it. He hit the home button and waited. Nothing happened.

“Out of batteries”, the demon declared. “No wonder, it was dying when I last saw it. Maybe a bit of water damage too.” He looked at Lucifer. “I could fix it.”

“Absolutely not!” The devil snatched the phone from Crowley’s hands. “Who knows what you’ll do if I let you tamper with it? Ella can take care of it, you two stay away!” He growled. “Remember, I’ll know if you alter something.”

The serpent sighed and Chloe was sure he was rolling his eyes behind the sunglasses. “That’s why I asked you, you moron. It’s not like I want you to suspect me.”

“Excuse me? Moron?!”

“Alright, that’s enough”, Chloe interrupted, pushing the devil back. “The phone will be in possession of the police until we can confirm your claims. In the meantime I’d like to ask you to clear up something else.” She looked at them. “If you insist that Mr. Canvas wasn’t the summoner, then are there any details you can give us about the person you’ve encountered?”

Crowley thought for a moment.

“It’s hard to tell”, he finally said. “The guy was very careful. I could tell he was male, but I didn’t see his face. He had black hair though and he smelled of chemicals and medicine.”

“Hm.” Chloe wasn’t sure if knowing his smell would do any good, but she wrote it down regardless. “Anything else?”

“He had a variety of scalpels”, Crowley remembered. “Different sizes and metals. Is there a store for that or something? Maybe you can track that down.”

The detective considered that. “We certainly have some sources we could check, but usually criminals don’t leave much of a trace. Was there anything special or noteworthy about them? A brand perhaps?”

The demon shook his head. “Not that I noticed. They all looked similar to the knife you took off Aziraphale if that’s any help.” He stared at the table. “All were equally sharp too, I can vouch for that.”

Chloe suppressed a shudder at the words. The implication was horrifying. She forced herself to focus.

“No such instruments were found anywhere on the scene”, she said. “Do you know where they might have gone?”

The serpent shrugged. “The man had a bag with him where he stored all his stuff. Probably took it with him.”

He looked at the angel, who shook his head.

“I’m afraid I was too preoccupied to notice, my dear.”

Lucifer rolled his eyes, but Chloe made note of the statement before turning back to Crowley. “What did the man who summoned you want?”

The demon shook his head in a defeated manner. “I’m not sure. He wasn’t much for conversation. Some sort of curious fanatic, if you ask me. He referred to what he did to me as ‘research’ that was part of some sort of project for the ‘greater good’, as he put it.”

Chloe saw Aziraphale’s grip tighten around Crowley’s hand and something told her she wouldn’t like the answer to what she was about to ask next. But she had to ask, the more she knew about the culprit and his motives the better.

“What did he do to you?”

Crowley shifted in his chair. For a few seconds he didn’t answer.

“He cut me up to see how fast I’d heal”, he finally said. “Wrote down what kind of changes occurred if he used knives made of different material or if he altered the depth of the cut, things like that. Broke a few bones while he was at it. Almost discorporated me a few times too, but stopped just before I wouldn’t be able to take it. He wasn’t trying to kill me. At least not immediately. He did mention that’s how he intended to end the summoning though.” For a moment the demon pressed his lips together. “Then he found out that I couldn’t heal myself if he used a demon blade and then he got really excited. It seemed to please him that I couldn’t heal it.”

Chloe didn’t know what to say. Only years on the force made it possible to fight back the nausea that had settled down in her stomach.

Meanwhile, next to her, Lucifer seemed to roar to life. “He had a demonic blade?”

“Yup.” The snake demon nodded. “He also had a holy dagger, but luckily that one was kind of cheap, forged by humans, not angels. I mean, don’t get me wrong, the thing still burns when I touch it, but it’s nothing compared to the real thing. Wouldn’t be standing here otherwise.”

Aziraphale stiffened at the words, but the devil just kept glaring.

“A real demonic blade? Are you absolutely sure about that?”

Crowley stared at the devil over the edge of his glasses. “You think I’d be mistaken about that? You _really _think that? It cut through my wings like butter and still hurts like Hell- Heav- Whatever!”

Wings, right… Chloe awkwardly pushed that information into the ever growing pile of ‘I guess that’s normal now’.

“Is that so?” Lucifer suddenly let out a laugh. “You should just cut them off completely. Saves a lot of trouble, take it from me.”

The detective blinked at that and judging from the horrified expressions of both Crowley and Aziraphale the comment really was something that was considered alarming. Seems like she had something she’d have to confront Lucifer about later. But now was not the time.

Instead she asked a question. “What’s a demon blade?”

“It’s a blade forged in the depths of Hell capable of injuring and even killing a demon”, the devil explained. “Though lower ranks”, he looked at Crowley, “can also be hurt by regular weapons. But they can usually heal themselves quickly enough to avoid discorporation – that’s when the body a demon or angel inhabits dies and their soul gets sent back to Hell or Heaven respectively.”

Aziraphale nodded. “You have to remember, we’re not corporal beings so losing a body doesn’t have to mean the end for us. Though getting issued a new body can be quite a hassle. Neigh impossible for Crowley and me, in fact, considering we’ve been branded as traitors and all.”

Chloe nodded, trying to process all of that. “I’m guessing it’s not easy to get your hands on such a blade?”

“Correct”, the devil confirmed. “I have a few and our dear bounty hunter has an entire collection, but for humans it’d be a challenge to acquire one. That’s what had me so surprised earlier.”

“We certainly don’t have any”, Crowley agreed. “Don’t know anyone who does either. But you can bet Mask Guy knew it was rare. He was positively glowing when he was able to show it off.”

“Where could he have gotten it?”, the detective wondered. “And how hard is it to summon a demon anyway?”

“The summoning itself isn’t the problem”, Aziraphale said. “Lord knows, there have been enough instructions written down over the millennia.”

“Some even made it on the internet”, Crowley agreed. “Bloody annoying is what it is.”

“But the tricky part”, Aziraphale continued. “The tricky part is to actually trap a demon and bind them to your will. Isn’t that right?”

Crowley nodded. “Exactly. Any idiot can summon a demon these days, provided they can precisely copy some runes and read some incantations, but keeping the demon contained is what makes things hard. This knowledge is far better guarded. After all, a summoning alone can be quite profitable – it’s basically a house-call for free temptation – but getting trapped in the process, now that’s a real pain in the arse.”

Chloe bit her lip. The fact that it was apparently _easy_ to summon a demon somehow made everything that much more unsettling.

“And this particular circle you were summoned with…” The detective looked over her notes. “It was able to trap you and therefore required knowledge that’s usually hard to obtain?”

Angel and demon nodded.

“They were strong enough to not only capture any demon, but a Fallen.” Aziraphale let go of Crowley’s hand and nervously rubbed his palms together. “That’s rather worrying. When was the last time we’ve seen something like this?”

The snake demon frowned. “Hm. There were definitely some in the 14th century. Persistent bastards, dug up the most forbidden, most ancient texts for their little experiments.” He turned towards Chloe. “I’m legally obliged to approve of satanists, but some of the cults they had back then were _nuts_.”

“Oh, yes, I remember. Nasty business.” Aziraphale’s eyes went dark and his smile disappeared. “So many senseless deaths…”

“Just one more reason to hate that century.” Crowley ran his hands over his eyes, pushing his glasses upwards before letting them slip back down. “But as far as binding summonings go it’s been rather quiet since then. Let me think… There were one or two instances… 1772, I think and… 1952.”

The detective turned the information over in her head. “Who would be able to access the required knowledge?”

Aziraphale gave thoughtful hum. “It would be hard for a human. I mean there are books about it on earth, but I’m pretty sure most are in my possession.”

Lucifer stared. “You have books about how to summon and trap demons?!”

“I have books about many things, both occult and ethereal, that have found their way to earth”, the angel retorted. “It’s better than to allow them to fall into mortal hands. And I assure you, they are _very_ well guarded.”

“Wouldn’t it be safer to just destroy them?”, the devil asked, earning himself the most scandalous look.

“How dare you”, the angel huffed.

Crowley chuckled and patted his knee.

“No point arguing with him on that one. Fact is, none of his books are missing. Trust me, he’d know. Therefore it must’ve been something else. I highly doubt any books from Heaven made it down here, so that leaves us with Hell’s collection.” The serpent frowned, looking at Lucifer. “Now that I think about it, if you’re here then who’s watching the Gates?”

“Amenadiel did for a while”, the devil said. “But not for very long.”

“Amenadiel?” Crowley looked alarmed and next to him the angel shifted uncomfortably. “He’s here?”

“He’s around”, Lucifer replied, vaguely. “But that’s not important right now. You’ve brought up an interesting possibility. You think someone might have smuggled some books from Hell to a human?”

Crowley shrugged. “I’m not saying that’s what happened, but it’s possible. We should at least check.”

“Can we check?”, Chloe asked.

Lucifer rubbed his chin.

“I have my wings, I could pop down for a moment. Question is if it’d help. Hell’s not known for really keeping track of their books.” Aziraphale gave an offended gasp at the words, but Lucifer ignored him. “More importantly, why would anyone bother? I’d say everyone in Hell would be glad if such knowledge stayed forgotten.”

“No idea”, Crowley admitted. “Not to mention the summoner didn’t seem like the type to have contacts with someone from Below. He seems to disapprove of demons in general, if he encountered another he’d probably try to do the same to them as he did to me.”

“Well it’s a lead.” Chloe looked at the devil. “How long until you can check if there’s a book missing from Hell?”

“I’ll go tomorrow, so maybe one more day?”, Lucifer replied. “If I can locate the librarian it should go smoothly, but if not… Records are literal hell down there, it might take a while.” He rubbed his chin. “Actually, while I’m there I’ll also look into if he could have gotten the demon blade from there. Two birds with one stone.”

Chloe felt a wave of warmth spreading through her chest. “Thank you.”

“So, are we done here?” Crowley crossed his arms. “I’m bloody tired and I’d like to go home now.”

Aziraphale nodded. “Not to be rude, but I do think that’d be for the best.”

“Oh, no, no, no, I think not.” Lucifer had stepped forward, a smile too friendly to be real spreading across his face. “We’re not done with you yet.”

“What?” Crowley tensed and gripped his chair tightly. “You can’t keep us here! We’ve done everything you’ve asked of us!”

“You’re still the prime suspects”, Lucifer pointed out. “Or I guess Aziraphale is, if your claims of being stuck in the circle can be believed.”

“But I think we’ve established that the summoner wasn’t this Canvas guy”, Crowley protested. “We have no reason to kill him.”

“You haven’t established anything yet, nor you have provided conclusive evidence of this masked summoner”, the devil declared. “And even if there was a fourth party involved that still doesn’t prove your innocence. Maybe Benjamin’s death was a mistake.” Lucifer looked pointedly at the angel. “You thought he was the one responsible for Crawley’s imprisonment, so you killed him. Motive and opportunity, my friend.”

“You’re wrong”, Aziraphale insisted. “I didn’t know he was there until the police showed up. He must have already been dead when I arrived.”

“What do you care anyway?”, Crowley added. “It’s not like the king of Hell to get upset over the death of one human. Just let it go.”

“I won’t!” Lucifer slammed his palm on the table. “This was someone I knew, someone who asked me for their protection and I let them get murdered on my turf under my watch by beings who have no business killing humans!”

There was a long silence after that, the air between the immortals almost bristling. Chloe put a hand on Lucifer’s arm and felt the tension leaving it after a few moments.

“We had nothing to do with it”, Crowley finally said, looking away. “I don’t know who did, probably Mask Guy, but it wasn’t us.”

Chloe looked at the devil. Their story did make a certain amount of sense – or it at least made more sense than to think that Mr. Canvas had studied up on demon summoning and developed a sudden sadistic streak. And they did sound sinciere, no matter how suspicious their actions may have seemed. Judging by his frustrated expression Lucifer knew it too.

“You’re still staying”, the devil insisted, though his voice was less convicted than before. “Until this is cleared up, you’re not going to run off. You can stay with me at Lux.”

Crowley groaned. “I don’t know what that means, but I already hate it.”

Chloe stood up, figuring it was best not to interfere with Lucifer’s decision. He knew more about the supernatural than she did and if he thought it was best to keep an eye on the two then she would follow his lead. Besides, she doubted she could just put them in a holding cell. She was sure no normal lock could keep them trapped.

The angel had gotten to his feet as well, nudging his companion to do the same. “Come on Crowley, don’t look so glum. Let’s go and get some rest, shall we?”

“Rest, he says”, the demon grumbled. “How can we rest in a situation like this…”

“It’ll be fine”, Aziraphale reassured him. “I’ve been a murder suspect before, there’s nothing to worry about. It’ll all get resolved in the end.”

Chloe blinked. “You’ve been a murder suspect?”

That was… a bit hard to believe.

“Ah, yes. Several times, actually”, the angel admitted, looking rather embarrassed. “Turns out my taxes were too perfect.”

That seemed to cheer Crowley up as he stood up with a laugh. “He’s telling the truth. Apparently flawless taxes are a human code for running an underground mob. Or being a serial killer.”

“Which is frankly ridiculous”, Aziraphale complained. “Why do they even bother with the paperwork if they get suspicious when you fill it out correctly?”

“I think it’s hilarious.” Crowley laughed again before swaying on his feet and leaning against the wall. “Ow.”

They had already left the interrogation room when Chloe thought of something else.

“Just to make sure, would any of you know where to get an instruction for the used summoning circle on earth?”, she asked. “You said the probability of such a text existing is low, but if you _had _to get it, where would you look?”

Aziraphale, who was leading the snake demon by the arm, bit his lip in thought. “I’d have to look at the runes again, but I probably could make a list of possible sources…”

“That would be helpful”, the detective said. “It might give us a lead in case Lucifer’s checkup turns out to be a dead end.”

“Right now?” The angel hesitated, glancing at Crowley who seemed to be falling asleep on his shoulder.

Chloe made a decision. “Lucifer, can you take Crowley to your flat? He looks like he’s about to pass out.”

The snake demon came to life. “Absolutely not! I’m staying!”

Lucifer looked equally unhappy. “I don’t think this is a good idea, detective. How am I supposed to protect you if I’m not present? We’re not talking about a random criminal here. Aziraphale is an angel. His powers are more than a human can handle.”

The detective looked him in the eyes. “Lucifer, you can’t stick to me throughout the entire case. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.”

He still didn’t look convinced. In all honesty, Chloe was a bit nervous herself. Lucifer was right, she wasn’t sure if she could handle being left alone with a potentially hostile angel. But she felt like they wouldn’t move forward if she allowed the devil to constantly watch her. He would become overprotective and lose track of their actual goal: solving the case.

And it wasn’t like she was completely defenseless. Disregarding that she could take care of herself, Aziraphale clearly cared about Crowley. And as long as Crowley was with Lucifer that would hopefully make him think twice about becoming aggressive. It wasn’t a tactic Chloe would particularly like to rely on, but she would if there was no other choice. A safeguard, so to speak.

“I don’t like this”, Lucifer muttered.

Aziraphale gave a sigh. “Neither do I, but I do believe it will be for the best.”

Chloe’s eyebrows rose. That was a surprise.

At his side Crowley stiffened. “Angel…”

“You need rest”, Aziraphale said. “I don’t know how long this will take and you can barely stand. Go and get some sleep.” He tried to smile, but it was obvious that he was uncomfortable with the idea and only insisted on it out of worry for the demon. “I’ll be with you as soon as I’m done helping the detective.”

Ignoring all further complains from his partner the turned to Lucifer. “No harm will come to Ms. Decker while you’re away. Or to any other human, for that matter. I ask that you do not harm Crowley either.”

The devil gave Chloe a pleading look. “Is there nothing I can do to dissuade you from this foolishness?”

The detective shook her head, making him sigh.

“Very well. I suppose I have no other choice. I’ll take the snake to my flat and wait for you there.”

He approached the couple, making Crowley back away. “W-wait!”

“No, objections. It has been decided.” Lucifer all but ripped the demon out of Aziraphale’s grip and threw him over his shoulder, ignoring Crowley’s startled yelp and looking at the angel. “As long as you behave yourself, you have my word that I won’t harm him. Answer all of the detectives questions and… just generally do everything she tells you to. The faster you get her the needed information the better.”

He adjusted his grip on the demon and started walking away before turning around in the door to the precinct. “And if you do try anything or I’ll send Mazikeen after you. She’d love to torture an angel. It’s rare for her to get her hands on one.”

“Mazikeen?!”, Crowley shrieked then the door fell shut behind them.

Chloe and Aziraphale stared after them, the detective feeling her heart speed up. They were alone. What would Aziraphale do? This was alright, wasn’t it?

After a moment the angel simply turned towards her and smiled, albeit a bit strained. “Let’s get on with it then, shall we?”

The detective nodded and led him to the meeting room where they kept the photos of the crime scene. On one side she felt like she should apologize for Lucifer’s behavior, on the other she really had no idea how to act around the angel. She barely knew him, maybe this was exactly how the situation should be handled. It was extremely frustrating to be so completely in the dark about all of this.

They looked through the photos in silence, Aziraphale studying the runes and nodding to himself on occasion. Slowly Chloe started to calm down. This wasn’t so bad.

“Is he always like this?”, the angel finally asked.

“Lucifer?” Chloe stared at the table to avoid his gaze. “Yeah, pretty much. But he’s a good guy, as surprising as this might sound. If he says he won’t hurt Crowley then you can believe him.”

Aziraphale looked away. “I hope you’re right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> History repeats itself, although the effect it caused might not quite be the same...  
6000 years ago: “I gave it away.” – “You what?!”  
Present day: “I ate my cellphone.” – “You what?!”
> 
> Also, as it turns out “I ate my cellphone in a panic” is exactly the explanation Crowley is going with, just like a comment has predicted, so horray for that.  
Speaking of which, Crowley just _really_ didn’t want to have a stomachache on top of everything else. So the phone just… sort of paused on its way to the stomach as things do.
> 
> I also want to state at this point that I don’t believe Lucifer is stupid even if he’s completely wrong in his deductions here. He just constructs a theory based on initial evidence and then clings to it like a madman until there’s no way for it to be true anymore. You can observe this in the show time and time again and it's at its worst when he gets emotional. Chloe is the one trying to keep an open mind and not to jump to conclusions. That being said, he's starting to come around.
> 
> And the final thing I wanted to mention... Apparently Goethe’s first sketch for “Faust” was written between 1772 and 1775. Interpret that information however you like. 1952 on the other hand was just a random number I chose.


	8. Trust and lack thereof

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit late today, I'm sorry. I had a guest over.

The snake was being ridiculous. Lucifer poured himself a glass of his favorite beverage and leaned against the counter of his bar. So he had tried to kill him a few years back, big deal. No reason to act so prickly.

And right now Crawly (Lucifer refused to acknowledge the name change) wasn’t only being prickly, he was being obnoxiously stubborn. Despite being at the verge of passing out, he forced his body to stay awake, curled up on one of Lucifer’s leather sofas, head on his knees and watching the devil’s every move.

It was both unnecessary and not appreciated. The tempter demon had taken his sunglasses off and the gaze of his unblinking, yellow eyes was somewhat unnerving. Not in the way it would bother a human, Lucifer wasn’t scared, but because it was impossible to ignore. And it was starting to get on his nerves.

“Just get some sleep already. You’re useless if you stay in that state.”

“Sleep? With you around? Yeah, I don’t think so.”

“I gave my word that I wouldn’t harm you”, Lucifer pointed out. “As long as Aziraphale doesn’t hurt the detective you’re safe.”

He really hoped his threats had been enough to keep the angel in line. Considering he’d gone through great lengths to protect Crawley it should be, but Lucifer couldn’t help worrying. Chloe had always proven to be stronger than he expected, but that didn’t mean she stood much of a chance against an angel.

Benjamin’s lifeless body flashed before the devil’s eyes and he gritted his teeth. He hadn’t deserved to die! He’d finally gotten away from his parents and had spent the last three years focusing on his study of art. His whole life had still been ahead of him, it wasn’t fair! And Lucifer couldn’t even be sure if the boy had ended up in Heaven. It had gotten better in recent years, but Benjamin had carried quite a lot of guilt and self-hatred around. If it turned out Aziraphale and Crawley had been lying…

Lucifer glared at his glass. He should have stayed with the detective. And if the serpent wasn’t going to sleep they might as well have remained at the police station. But no matter what he said, Crawley’s cautious stare didn’t waver.

“I mean it, get some rest”, the devil said firmly. “If I say you’re safe, then you’re safe. I don’t lie, you know.”

The tempter demon’s eyebrows shot up. “Sorry, if I find that hard to believe. Hell isn’t exactly known for its honesty.”

The devil growled, his next words sharp. “Which is exactly why I’ve made it my policy!”

Crawley eyes widened and he shut up. For a while the silence stretched uncomfortably between them.

“Still won’t sleep though”, the serpent finally mumbled, words barely audible.

“Die then”, Lucifer snapped, taking another sip. Maybe he should text the detective to make sure she was still alright.

“Aziraphale would come after you if I did.” Crawley was staring at him again.

Amused the devil raised an eyebrow. “Is that supposed to be a threat?”

“He’s more dangerous than he looks”, the serpent claimed. Lucifer noticed that he _still_ hadn’t blinked. “I’m sure he’d at least manage to stab you once before getting overpowered.”

Lucifer chuckled. “My, my, Crawley, I have to say, I’m almost impressed.”

The serpent frowned. “By what?”

“The way you’ve utterly tamed that angel… And here you always insisted seduction wasn’t your field of expertise.” Lucifer came closer and leaned against his piano. “But now look at you, having him at your beck and call. Corrupted through and through.”

There was a long pause.

“You think I’ve seduced Aziraphale”, Crawley finally said. “That I’m using him.”

“Well obviously, why else would you stick around with one of the heavenly host?”

Lucifer ignored Amenadiel’s face coming to mind and took another sip of his drink. This was different. Crawley and Aziraphale were no more related than two random humans and he knew that demon’s weren’t above using sexual favors and emotional manipulation to get their way. Maze was an expert in both categories, though she found the straight forward way of torture more practical unless she had a thing for her victim. But it rarely went deeper than just surface attraction, in fact, her interest in Eve had surprised the devil immensely. She seemed really serious this time.

But Maze was special, she wasn’t like the other demons of Hell. Not anymore. And Crawley may have gone native due to his prolonged stay on earth, so much so that even holy water couldn’t harm him anymore, but he was still a demon at heart. And not just any demon. He was the Serpent. Creator of the original sin. He had caused humanity to Fall.

Lucifer himself had been in the Garden and he hadn’t been able to do it! Sure, he had tried to make a mess of things. He had snuck in and seduced Eve, for Dad’s sake. And, yes, it had turned out to be fun and in the end it had been a mutually beneficial arrangement, but it should have counted for something. Your favorite creation having sex with your outcast, most hated son? Hello?!

But no! Dad had been like ‘whatever’ and looked the other way. So Lucifer had retreated, deciding to send someone else up to cause trouble. Of course, no one had wanted to go. If the devil hadn’t been able to create a commotion then which lower demon would stand a chance? The fear of failure and punishment outweighed the promises of a possible reward.

Lucifer could still remember looking over the crowd of demons, trying to decide which one he should pick for the task. Then his eyes had fallen on a snake demon cowering in the back and trying his best to blend into the wall. He had a big mouth, as the devil had remembered, but it seemed that when it came to actually doing something, he preferred to let others take the lead. And seeing him trying to hide like that, it had suddenly occurred to Lucifer that he hadn’t seen him fighting during the rebellion either. With that the decision had been made. It was about time the snake contributed to their cause.

Lucifer hadn’t expected much. To be honest, he hadn’t even been sure if the demon would make it past the guards, let alone fulfill his mission. But then, surprise! Crawley had infiltrated the Garden, observed things for a couple of days at most, pointed at an apple going ‘Eat this!’ and suddenly, boom! Dad’s furious, humans out, storm is coming, the angels in panic! It had been unbelievable. Crawley had known exactly what to do and not only finished the mission, but done so while surpassing every expectation! His assignment into the newly founded office of field agents had been a natural development after that.

And he had been good. There was an entire list of his achievements. The Spanish Inquisition was one example, but Lucifer remembered having read reports about many other terrors of the world Crawley had created by manipulating small events which then snowballed into tragedies.

Sure, he had always been one to do things his own way and it had been clear early on that he might be having a bit too much fun on earth, but it had always been overlooked because of his talent. And Crawley’s interest in the planet made him into one of the few demons able to keep up with humanity's fast-paced development. Instead of clinging to the old ways, he had become an expert of wide-spread annoyances and temptations; which were the only way to go in terms of demonic work if you wanted to get anything done these days.

There was a reason he’d been entrusted with the task to deliver the Antichrist and to watch over him. And though he had failed, yes, sabotaged the project for some reason, Lucifer still couldn’t deny that he had the abilities to be excellent at his job. He was dangerous. And as far as the devil was concerned a rogue, talented tempter demon with no established loyalties was one of the least trustworthy individuals one could imagine. He almost felt bad for the angel.

As the serpent still hadn’t said anything Lucifer decided to continue.

“I mean, I don’t deny the efficiency”, he said. “It must have made your job considerably easier with your opponent wrapped around your finger. If what you told us is true then he came to your rescue, just like a good little guardian should. He even rebelled against the apocalypse with you.”

Crawley still didn’t answer, just kept staring at him with his unmoving, yellow eyes. It made Lucifer nervous. Like he was missing something.

“Come on, you can’t tell me it’s not practical to have a personal angel doing whatever you want”, the devil challenged, losing his patience. “You’re not in trouble, if that’s what you’re worried about, it’s quite the achievement.”

At that Crawley finally reacted, though not the way Lucifer had expected. He burst out laughing.

“Aziraphale? Doing whatever I want? Hah!” The serpent hissed in his laughter. “That angel is one of the most stubborn beings I’ve encountered in all of my existence! Even the thought of... Ahaha- Ooww.”

He gritted his teeth and rubbed his back for a while before looking back at the devil. “If you really believe what you’ve just said then you’re an idiot. Even Hastur figured it out quicker than you, I mean, _seriously_.”

Lucifer gave an irritated noise at the unwelcome comparison, vaguely remembering a demon with a toad on his head.

“How dare you”, he muttered, but he was too preoccupied to put any actual anger in the words. Something didn’t add up. He was confident in his conclusions and yet the demon’s reaction seemed to indicate they were wrong. How?

“Explain yourself”, he demanded, but the serpent just narrowed his eyes.

“You of all people should know there are other possibilities. I’ve seen the way you look at detective Decker.”

Lucifer froze, spotting a potential threat.

“You won’t touch her!”, he growled. “You’re not the first to think she might be a weakness and I’m warning you, they didn’t live long enough to regret their foolishness.”

Crawley had the nerve to roll his eyes at him. “Calm down, that’s not what I meant. Why would I want to hurt her? Ridiculous.”

“Then what are you getting at?!”

“I’ve got nothing to say to you. Figure it out.”

The devil felt the anger threatening to boil over at the insolence, but he calmed himself. He would keep his word.

There was, of course, the obvious answer to this predicament, but Lucifer just couldn’t bring himself to believe it. It would be ridiculous to think Crawley and the angel were… _in love_. After all, a relationship like that would require making yourself vulnerable to another. In other words: trust.

The serpent was many things, but he was not a fighter. Demons in general weren’t a trusting bunch, but demons who couldn’t fight even less so. It was what kept them alive. The thought of Crawley actually trusting not just anyone, but an angel, all beings! It was unthinkable. Most of them thought smiting a demon on sight was a perfectly acceptable act of righteousness. Aziraphale appeared to be calmer than average, but not someone Lucifer would let down his guard around had he been less powerful. There had to be something else.

His musings were interrupted when the elevator behind him opened with a quiet ‘ding’ and the detective stepped out, followed by Aziraphale. Relief filled the devil when he saw her. She was alright, that was all that mattered.

The angel barely spared him a glance, choosing to hurry at the serpent’s side instead.

“Crowley, what are you doing? I thought I told you to get some rest.” He sounded like a mother scolding a particularly disobedient child.

The demon rubbed the back of his neck.

“Couldn’t sleep.” After a quick glance at Lucifer he lowered his voice, but the devil could still hear him. “Can you blame me?”

Aziraphale looked up for a second before shaking his head and sitting down next to him.

“I suppose not”, he replied. “Sorry I took so long. You can relax now, I’ll keep watch.”

At his words all the tension left Crawley’s body and he collapsed into the angel’s lap, eyes immediately dripping closed.

“’mm tired”, he complained, wrapping his arms around Aziraphale’s waist. “And everything hurtsss.”

“I’m sorry, my dear.” The angel ran his fingers through Crawley’s hair. “I’m afraid I can’t do much more than I’ve already did. The rest will have to heal on its own.”

Crawley buried his face into the angel’s stomach.

“Knowthat…”, he mumbled, voice slurring as he drifted away. The next moment he was asleep, making a soft smile appear on Aziraphale’s lips.

Lucifer stared. No way. This wasn’t just relying on the angel’s help and allowing him to watch his back. It wasn’t even the cautious slumber one fell in after having an affair with the enemy. This was complete disregard for personal safety, absolute certainty that there was no danger. It was unbelievable.

Only after a moment that the angel seemed to remember that they weren’t alone and looked up to meet Lucifer’s eyes.

“You don’t have to guard us”, he said, voice so deliberately polite it couldn’t be natural. “We won’t run away. Disregarding the fact that Crowley _can’t_ leave, I doubt there’s much use anyway. We could never get to England in time.”

“Ah, yes…” The devil had trouble shaking off his surprise. “We’ll just be downstairs then. Come along, detective.”

He entered the elevator and shook his head as soon as the door closed. “I can’t believe this.”

Chloe gave him a curious look. “What?”

“He fell asleep. Immediately. Just like that!” Lucifer was baffled.

The detective frowned. “He did seem pretty tired.”

“Yes, but he wouldn’t fall asleep around me”, he pointed out. “I may be the devil, but at least I’m not an angel. If you had the choice to fall asleep next to a criminal, even if they claimed to be an ex-criminal, or a cop you didn’t know, which would you chose?”

Chloe looked confused. “I don’t know..? I guess it would depend on who it is. I mean, probably the cop? But I don’t think this comparison-“

“Exactly, you would chose the cop!”, Lucifer interrupted. “But not Crawley! I’d say he was stupid, but the thing is, he’s not! He must really trust him. He trusts the angel to keep him safe.” The devil shook his head in disbelief. “I know it sounds crazy, but I think they’re actually in a relationship!”

The detective tilted her head. “Well that part seemed pretty obvious, no?”

“I’m not talking about a sexual relationship”, Lucifer dismissed. “It’s clear that there’s _something_ going on between them. No, I’m talking about an actual, emotional connection.”

Chloe raised her eyebrows at him. “I fail to see what’s so strange about that.” She frowned. “But wait, if Amenadiel’s your brother… Aren’t they related too?”

“Those two?” Lucifer waved his hand dismissively. “No. No more than you and Dan are. I call certain angels and Fallen ones my siblings, but it’s simply the ones I… spent my early existence with. Blood relations don’t exist for us. We’re not even corporeal, remember? You’re missing the point.”

Chloe still didn’t show the appropriate amount of bewilderment at the discovery. At best, she looked curious. “So you’re saying what they have is unusual?”

Lucifer nodded. “Very.”

He remembered how Maze had always kept a demonic blade on her while sleeping with Amenadiel. Well, she always kept knives on her person, but it had been different with his brother. She’d been more alert. Both of them had been and, in the end, it had saved Amenadiel’s life. But this…

“For a demon to fall asleep so easily in an angel’s presence, with no safety precautions, no reluctance… To allow himself to be vulnerable around him and just…” The devil made a few vague hand gestures. “To just throw all caution to the wind with no hesitation… I don’t really know how it’s possible.”

Pausing, he thought of his own feelings for Chloe and how it had never once bothered him if she saw him vulnerable. How she literally _made_ him vulnerable yet he wouldn’t trade their relationship for anything in the world. Slowly it all seemed to click. He stepped a bit closer to her.

“Though… I guess I can understand the feeling.”

Their hands brushed and Chloe smiled up at him, unspoken words hanging in the air between them. The elevator doors opened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary on the first part of this chapter…  
Lucifer: Blink mother*cker!
> 
> Once again Lucifer is wrong about everything. But seeing as he had trouble to catch on that Maze was an actual being with _feelings_ at the start of the show (think of how he immediately saw her affair with Amenadiel as a way to gain information, not even considering for a second that she actually might be interested in him) I can’t help but think that it would take him a moment to be convinced that Crowley isn’t simply using Aziraphale for his own means. Granted, it’s been a while since season 1, but still. He doesn’t know Crowley so all he has to go on is his reputation. And I think Crowley made sure to maintain a Bad reputation in Hell. So Lucifer has no reason to think that Crowley isn't doing what (in his eyes) most demons do: take advantage of others whenever they can.


	9. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but guys with masks do it on purpose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a weird chapter title today, but I couldn’t come up with anything else. I have trouble with titles in general. Sometimes it feels like thinking of one takes about as much time as writing the chapter itself.

When Chloe entered Lucifer’s penthouse the next day Aziraphale and Crowley were still sitting in the same spot on the sofa where she’d last seen them. The demon had his arms wrapped around Aziraphale’s waist while the angel was stroking his hair.

He looked up when the elevator door opened.

“Ah, detective Decker”, he greeted with a smile. “Good morning.”

“Good morning.” She gave a light wave, unsure what else to say.

She wondered if the angel had slept. Did he need to? Crowley seemed to, but maybe that was just because he was injured.

The detective looked around. “Where’s Lucifer?”

“In here, detective!”, came a voice from the bathroom. “I’ll be just a moment.”

The shout seemed to startle Crowley as the demon bolted upwards, almost colliding with Aziraphale’s chin.

“What?! I have a plant mister!” He stared at the angel for a moment, then ran a hand over his face and groaned. “Darn, that was a strange dream…” He yawned and froze when he noticed her standing in the room. “Ms. Decker, to what do we owe the pleasure?”

“We managed to make some progress on your phone, actually”, the detective explained. “Turns out the problem really had been the batteries. Well, mostly, but it was fixed easily enough. The message you told us about was indeed there at the time you’ve given us.”

“See?” Crowley looked pleased.

“But I didn’t just come here to tell you that. I also wanted to ask you a few questions about it.”

Well, the phone was one reason for her visit. Alright, it was more like an excuse. She’d actually come to check on Lucifer. She knew she was being ridiculous, the devil could probably wipe the floor with both of them, but she hadn’t been able to stop worrying about the fact that he’d decided to host two potentially dangerous beings in his flat. She was glad to see that everything had gone well.

Crowley nodded, leaning back against the sofa before flinching away from the backrest with a hiss and sitting up straight instead. He quickly cleared his throat, avoiding Aziraphale’s pointed look and turned towards the detective.

“Sorry about that. You said you have questions? Shoot.”

Chloe frowned, but decided not to ask. “First of all, who is ‘book girl’?”

Aziraphale blinked. “Book girl?”

“We saw that there was a missed phone call from someone dubbed like that”, Chloe elaborated. “A phone call that came in yesterday.”

“Oh, yes, I remember!” Crowley nodded. “Yes, yes, it rang just before Aziraphale barged into the room.”

Chloe frowned. “Wait, does that mean it rang after you’d swallowed it?”

Crowley shifted on the sofa.

“It was a bit awkward”, he admitted before his expression turned amused. “But you should have seen the look on this guy’s face when Queen music started playing out of nowhere. It was priceless!”

Chloe could imagine. She didn’t know how she would react if Lucifer suddenly turned into a portable radio.

Crowley looked at the angel. “Wait, so it wasn’t you who called me?”

“No, why would I phone you when I was already there?”, Aziraphale questioned. “No, if the call was from ‘book girl’, that would be…”

“Anathema, obviously”, the demon said. “But why would she-“ He froze. “Angel, what day is it?”

“Saturday, w- Ohhh…” Aziraphale paled. “We were supposed to watch the little one yesterday. Dear me, I’ll have to think of something to make it up to them…”

“Who’s Anathema?” Chloe had followed the conversation with slight trouble.

One thing she had noticed about them was that the two beings tended to fall into random banter the second you strayed away from the main topic.

“Oh, she’s a friend of ours”, Aziraphale supplied happily. “A human friend. We were supposed to watch her daughter yesterday so she could have a night out with her husband.” His smile dropped. “I do hope she’s not too upset about it…”

“I hope she won't start looking for us”, the demon retorted. “Because if she puts her mind to it she might actually be able to track us down. And I really don’t want her getting involved in all of this.”

Aziraphale nodded. “You’re right about that. We’ll have to contact her as soon as possible.”

Chloe stored away the information for later. This Anathema person seemed to be an unrelated party, but it was always good to keep everything you learned in mind.

“Alright, that’s all for now”, she said. “Thank you for cooperating with the investigation.”

“It’s no problem at all”, the angel assured her.

“Could do without being physically trapped in Los Angeles though”, Crowley added.

The detective frowned at the words, but before she could ask the demon leaned back once more, apparently having forgotten what happened last time, and winced again, hissing and holding his shoulder. Aziraphale stared at him.

“Crowley”, he said, voice dangerously low. “There’s something you’re not telling me.”

“It’s nothing!”, the demon insisted. “I’m fine, just… Don’t worry about it.”

“My dear boy.” Aziraphale sat up straight, rising to his full height. Despite still being shorter than the demon Crowley seemed to shrink under his gaze. “Show me your wings.”

“That’s really not ne-“

“Now, Crowley.” Aziraphale’s tone made it clear that he wouldn’t take no for an answer.

With awe the detective watched as Crowley shifted away from the angel and turned his back to him. Then he gritted his teeth and two jet-black wings emerged from his back, feathers in disarray and sticking together in some places, stained with… blood? The demon let out a pained groan and gripped the edge of the sofa to avoid falling over.

“Crowley!” Aziraphale’s voice was panicked.

He touched the demon’s back and shirt and jacket disappeared, presumably so he could get a better look. Chloe felt a stab of sympathy when she saw that Crowley’s torso was wrapped in a set of bandages.

Aziraphale huffed, gently prying at some of the feathers. “You told me they weren’t that bad off! What were you thinking?!”

“I didn’t want to worry you! Thought I just sssort it out later”, the demon hissed, trembling as he tried to find a better position for the left wing.

Chloe noticed it was angled a bit awkwardly. Was it broken? Aziraphale was immediately fussing over it, helping the demon to stretch it on the sofa. In the end a part was still weirdly hanging down.

“Oh, dear. I’ll have to heal that.” The angel looked towards the woman. “Could you help me hold it in place, Ms. Decker? It wouldn’t do if the bones weren’t aligned properly when I put them back together.”

The detective hesitated. She really didn’t know anything about wings. “Are you sure it wouldn’t be better to ask Lucifer-“

“Oh, hell no.” Crowley’s breath was coming in short pants and he had closed his eyes. “I’d… rather not have the guy… who straight up told me I should get my wings cut off… and who also happens to be literal Satan… anywhere near them, thanks.”

Slowly Chloe nodded. She guessed she could understand where the demon was coming from.

“What do you need me to do?”

Aziraphale stood up and walked around the sofa, showing her the wing.

“You’ll have to hold this part steady.” He pointed at where the bone, barely visible under the feathers, suddenly broke off in a different direction. “I’ll straighten it out myself first, you just have to hold it, but make sure it doesn’t move.”

The angel paused as an idea occurred to him. He turned a bit and suddenly there was a large, crème wing being stretched towards her. It looked similar to Crowley’s though now that she had a comparison the detective could see that the demon was missing several feathers. In retrospect, that should have been pretty obvious, considering how many there had been in that awful room.

Aziraphale showed her the section where Crowley’s bones were broken on his own wing. “That’s how it’s supposed to look like, see?”

The detective studied the feathered limb for a moment and carefully stretched out her hand.

“May I?”, she asked, and after a nod from Aziraphale she ran her hand over the wing. It was warm and the feathers were surprisingly soft. Like a duckling. She felt for the bone and noticed that it was somewhat similar to a human arm.

She gave a hum of understanding. “Yeah, I think I can handle that.”

The angel smiled and his wing disappeared. “Splendid.”

“Could you two get on with it?”, Crowley groaned.

Chloe hesitated. “Shouldn’t we get you some painkillers or something first?”

Aziraphale positioned himself next to Crowley’s wing and looked it over one last time.

“We’d need a tremendous amount for them to take any effect and even then they wouldn’t work on the wings. They’re… different from the rest of our corporation.” His fingers hovered over the limb. “I’m afraid this will hurt some, my dear, try not to move around too much.”

“Yes, I’m not an idiot, just do it!” The demon buried his face in a pillow.

The angel looked at Chloe and she gave a nod to signalize she was ready.

“Right then.”

Aziraphale took the two ends of the broken wing and straightened them out. The demon made a high pitched noise and pressed his face deeper into the pillow. Quickly Chloe took over, struggling to hold the huge limb steady as Crowley squirmed under her grip. It was the strangest feeling. Aziraphale ran his hands over the break and she felt the wing growing more stable, saw the bones fusing together under the angel’s touch. Finally Aziraphale pulled his hands away and Crowley collapsed, tension leaving his body.

Hesitantly Chloe let go and took a step back while the demon slowly got up, spitting out a tiny feather. He’d bitten the pillow. Experimentally he moved his wing.

“How is it? Anything out of place?”, the angel asked, still hovering in concern.

“Good as new. Well, cuts excluded, but they’ll heal.” Crowley stretched the wings to their full length before folding them. Chloe couldn’t look away.

“_Really_, Crowley.” Aziraphale shook his head disapprovingly. “What were you thinking, pulling in a broken wing? What would you have done if it grew together wrong? Were you planning on breaking it again?”

“Everything’s fine, nothing happened.”

The angel crossed his arms. “Well, it could have! You have to be more careful. You know this kind of injury can lead to being unable to fly. Now let me see the rest.”

“I can check them myself”, the demon protested, trying to push Aziraphale away, but the angel slapped his hands.

“No.” With a gentle, but firm hand Aziraphale pushed him back onto the sofa and began checking the bald spots, removing a stray feather here and there. “Stop being stubborn.”

“Angel…” Crowley’s tone was whiny and Chloe could see a wave of red rushing to his face before he turned his head away. “You don’t have to keep fussing over me, like… something that fusses a lot, I don’t know…”

“A mother hen?”

The three of them turned their heads and found the devil leaning casually against the wall, one hand loosely in his pocket.

“Lucifer?” The detective blinked. “How long have you been standing there?”

He shrugged.

“A while.” Pushing himself off the wall he strolled nonchalantly towards them. “My, my. Were you that hungry or is that some kind of new pillow talk no one told me about yet?”

He jerked his chin at the ripped sofa cushion.

Crowley rolled his eyes. ”Aren’t you just an endless spring of hilarious commentary.”

“There. All the cuts seem to be healing nicely. You’re lucky nothing’s infected.” Aziraphale beamed, patting the demon’s arm. “You’ll be back to normal in no time.”

Lucifer gave him an irritated stare, which the angel pointedly turned away from. The devil gave a huff. He didn’t care for being ignored.

“Told you they’re fine”, Crowley grumbled, but there was a small smile on his face when he made his clothes appear again and pulled the wings back in.

Chloe stared.

“Where do they go?”, she asked.

The demon’s eyebrows rose. “The wings? They, uh… They don’t really go anywhere.”

Still confused, the detective’s gaze landed on Lucifer.

He rubbed his chin. “How to explain this…”

“They’re just sort of folded into our backs, I guess”, Aziraphale tired. “Shape and form are just options for us on this plane so we just…”

“…tuck them in”, Crowley finished.

“But we can still feel them”, Lucifer added. “And if they’re hurt it usually manifests as back or shoulder pain. Stupid things can also be hard to control. Popping out at unexpected times, knocking over furniture, scaring pedestrians… prostitutes…” He cleared his throat, looking away. “And they grow back way too quickly.”

Aziraphale stared at him. “They’re not supposed to have to grow back.”

“Yeah, you definitely have a weird relationship with your wings”, Crowley commented with a shudder. “Can’t be healthy.”

Chloe suddenly remembered a case she’s been working on a few years ago. The one where she’d been suspecting Lucifer of hiding something illegal in his container and during which he had insisted that someone had stolen his wings. Then that he’d gotten rid of them. Her mind skipped ahead to when he had repeatedly told her that his wings kept growing back no matter what he tried. The weight of what those words actually meant hit her like a ton of bricks and she stared at the devil who gave her a slightly confused look in return. They definitely would have to discuss this.

Seeing as she wouldn't say anything the devil turned back to the immortal couple.

“Thanks, good talk. Anyway!” Lucifer clapped his hands and pointed at the snake demon. “Get off your butt and get ready, we’re going to Hell’s Library.”

“What?! Why do I have to go?” Crowley looked anything but thrilled.

“Because I don’t know enough about summoning circles to know what we’re looking for and I won’t take an angel down there”, Lucifer explained.

The demon snorted. “Good call. He would _raid_ your library.”

“Crowley!”, Aziraphale hissed, but the demon just smirked, putting on his sunglasses.

“You totally would”, he insisted, his tone teasing.

“That’s not the point”, the angel huffed. “How do you plan on even getting down there? You’re not ready to fly yet.”

“Not a problem, I’ll just carry him again”, the devil chirped up, ignoring Crowley’s whiny ‘noooo’ at the words. “Any preferences?”, he asked the demon instead. “We can go with ‘over the shoulder’, ‘by the neck’, ‘bridal style’ or the good old ‘travel potato’.”

Crowley frowned. “Travel potato?”

Lucifer’s grin became wide. “Excellent choice!”

The demon’s eyes widened behind the glasses. “Wait, wha-!”

He broke off, already being scooped up and shoved unceremoniously under Lucifer’s arm.

“Put me down, you giant oaf!”

The devil adjusted his grip. “It’s because I’m carrying you like human would a sack of potatoes.”

“Why, I don’t think that’s accurate”, Aziraphale began, but the two of them were already out on the balcony.

Chloe blinked and they were gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not too much to say about this chapter. There was a bit of talking, a bit of healing, some wing stuff and preparations for what’s to come.


	10. Visit to Hell

Crowley didn’t like Hell. Not that you were supposed to like it, that would destroy the point, but many demons had found themselves quite comfortable in their respective castles, pits, office spaces or other forms of living quarters.

Crowley had never seen the appeal. It was one of the reasons why he’d happily taken the position as field agent, to get away from it. The workplace was too crowded, everything always needed maintenance, inside it was dirty, outside there was ash, fire and sulfur everywhere that ruined your hair and the screams of the damned grinded on your nerves after a while. Not to mention that, except for the occasional and usually shaky alliances, everyone was always out to get you.

Hell was a place of torment, but in Crowley’s personal opinion, that torment shouldn’t extend to your own employees. Human souls? Sure. Not a pretty sight, but that’s what they were sent down there for. Demons tormenting each other, however? Now that was just a waste of time and resources.

But of course, everyone was always after something or another, be it personal gain, amusement, status or influence and if you weren’t powerful enough to keep up with the big guys, you had to learn quickly how to survive. In Crowley’s case that meant short, flashy reports to make the impression of being excellent at his job and absolutely _needed_ on earth, before hightailing out of there. On all other occasions his go-to tactic was to keep his head low.

Needless to say that now, after he… well technically quit, but the other demons insisted on being mad about it and calling it betrayal, he would prefer to stay out of Hell entirely. The stunt with the holy water had scared them, but Hastur was still out for blood and Beelzebub was hard to predict. Who knew what they’d try if they got their hands on him?

Considering all of that it was only natural for him to be fairly nervous when Lucifer landed in front of the Gates and dropped him on the ground, pulling in his wings. Crowley got to his feet and shuddered from the biting wind, almost slipping on the frozen road.

“Is that a new one?”, he asked, pointing at an unfamiliar face of one of the frozen door-to-door salesmen with which the way to Hell was paved. He was stuck with an obnoxious, fake grin plastered across his face and holding what appeared to be a small vacuum cleaner; the kind that would get permanently clogged after the first use.

“Don’t know, I don’t really pay attention to these”, the devil replied, adjusting his suit and walking towards the Gates with a determined stride.

“Maybe better.” The serpent hurried after him. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”, he asked, trying, not for the first time, to convince the devil to go alone. “I really should wait a couple of centuries before I show my face down there again.”

“I need to get the required information to the detective”, Lucifer simply stated. “And for that I need you. Just stay close to me and no one will dare to bother you.”

“Yeah, now, but what about later?”, the serpent inquired, shifting uncomfortably. “I don’t want to remind them of my existence and then have to deal with the aftermath when this is all over. What if someone comes after me?”

“Frankly, that’s not my problem.”

Crowley stopped in his tracks, his eyes narrowing. How did you even respond to that? And there he’d thought they were getting somewhere. That detective seemed to have a good head on her shoulders, after all. If she saw something in Lucifer, then maybe he wasn’t all horrible. Maybe he had changed. But apparently not. Well, fine then.

The devil turned. “Come on. No dawdling!”

Feeling his jaw tighten Crowley nodded and followed Lucifer to the Gates. They swung open the moment they approached. Not that they’d been sealed in the first place. After all, there had to be someone there holding them shut. Usually Lucifer.

They passed the warden, a frog demon in a grey suit and fuzzy coat slouching lazily behind a desk and reading the Infernal Times. When he recognized Lucifer he dropped the paper with a startled ‘quack’, his throat swelling like a balloon, before he practically faceplanted into his desk, bowing deeply.

“W-welcome home, my lord!”, he croaked.

“No need to make a fuss, Jerry. I’ll just be a moment”, the devil replied, already walking past him.

Despite feeling a general distaste for Lucifer’s behavior, Crowley hurried to his side. It was unlikely to run into anyone right when they entered, but you could never know for sure. They went through the Gates, realms shifting around them. It was like breaking through the surface of water. The temperature switched immediately. From the icy wasteland outside to boiling lava inside. Crowley glared at the ash raining from above and suppressed an annoyed hiss. He also stopped breathing. This is why he preferred the main entrance to the offices. At least indoors the weather was better.

Lucifer seemed to share his opinion, if his disgusted expression and a quiet mumble of ‘there goes my suit’ was anything to go by. They walked quickly.

Crowley had never been to Hell’s Library before, books weren’t really his thing, but the devil seemed to know the way. Or maybe he just made the way as Hell could shift around and arrange itself for its king.

Other demons stopped in their tracks when they saw them walking by. Lucifer didn’t pay them any attention and they hastily made way for the two to pass. It felt strange, walking next to him like that. Like being inside the eye of a storm, untouched by its influence yet still seeing the effects.

It made Crowley feel exposed. He could feel the other demon’s eyes on him. Most looks were questioning, some jealous others gleeful, no doubt assuming the devil was going to do something horrible to him. In a way he already was.

Crowley tried to make himself as small as possible, silently cursing his former boss to Heaven and back. He hadn’t spotted any familiar faces yet, but word would spread about an unknown presence at the king’s side. For a moment the serpent considered making some scales appear on his face, but there really was no mistaking a redheaded demon dressed in black with sunglasses and yellow eyes so he didn’t bother. All he could hope for was that the reputation of his alleged mystery powers would keep his enemies at bay.

Despite no doubt having taken the shortest route available the walk to the library seemed to take forever. At least the hallways near it were almost empty. The door in front of which they finally came to a halt was so comically large that Crowley almost expected to find a smaller one installed at the bottom. But no, the giant door wings swung open the second the devil approached, tons of black iron creaking loudly enough to make the serpent’s ears hurt.

Inside it was dark and the layers of dust would put Aziraphale’s bookshop to shame. Bookshelves stretched endlessly above them into a darkness so deep even Crowley’s eyes couldn’t pierce it. The shelves were filled with scrolls and heavy tomes bound in leather and other types of skin, sometimes stained with the occasional decorative blood splatter. Crowley kept far away from those. Some of the books were definitely cursed.

To their left there was an abandoned desk with a single candle on it. Lucifer approached it, wrinkling his nose when a spider web stuck to his shoe.

“Is anyone there?”, he called. “I’d like to speak to the librarian!”

There was a rustle of papers and a tall demon emerged from between the shelves. She wore a long robe and had marks around her eyes that made her look remarkably owl-like. Crowley recognized her as one of the Fallen, though they’d never spoken before.

“My lord!”, the librarian exclaimed, bowing deeply. “How can I be of service?”

“I’d like to know if any books have gone missing recently”, the devil declared, his tone filled with authority.

The owl demon shuffled nervously, glancing at the no doubt thousands of books around them. “W-what kind of books, sir? It’s, uh, not always easy to keep track of them all. Especially those who aren’t chained up.”

Crowley decided it was best no to think about what kind of books needed to be put in chains. He also decided not to mention this to Aziraphale. The angel might just be crazy enough to attempt finding out.

Lucifer turned to the serpent. “Crawley, what kind of books are we looking for?”

“Uhm…” Crowley licked his lips, tasting the air. “Anything that would contain instructions for the summoning and trapping of a Fallen. Possibly also an index of true names.”

The librarian pressed her palms together, thinking. “What language were the runes in?”

“Mostly Hebrew, some Enochian”, Crowley recalled. “The circle created with these instructions was quite elaborate. Besides the binding there was a draining rune and the usual power block had a counter for self-healing. And of course there was the classic commanding phrase, but that one’s pretty much a given if they figure out the binding.”

The owl demon grimaced while Lucifer had the blank expression of someone who very much wanted to appear like they knew what was being talked about, but had actually gotten lost after the third word.

“That’s a nasty one.” The librarian shook her head. “Still don’t know who thought summonings were a good idea. Anyway, it sounds like something from the advanced summoning section, usually a restricted area.” She paused, looking at Lucifer. “But of course, that doesn’t include you, my lord! Follow me.”

Serpent and devil walked though what felt like a maze of shelves. Occasionally they came across tomes that would rustle ominously when they came close and Crowley could have sworn one had started whispering rude words in an ancient language when they passed. Another was nailed to a reading table and gave a blood chilling scream when the light of the librarian’s candle fell on it. Crowley jumped and even the devil appeared disturbed, but the owl demon paid it no mind.

“Here we are”, she finally said, waving a hand at some runes on the floor which Crowley recognized as a spear summoning spell. If anyone unbidden were to step over them, they’d have a nasty surprise waiting for them. Very stabby.

The librarian frowned, stopping in her tracks.

“That’s odd.” She crouched down, running her fingers over the runes. “They’re already deactivated.”

Abruptly she stood back up, rushing between the shelves. Exchanging a look Crowley and Lucifer followed, backing away when she suddenly started throwing books from between broken down shelves.

“Gone!”, the owl demon shrieked, growing twice her size, the robe suddenly resembling two very ruffled wings. She slammed her hand against a shelf, burying sharp claws into the wood. “Who stole my books?!”

Crowley cowered, recognizing the wrath of a bibliophile. Though the treatment of books in Hell would scandalize Aziraphale, it seemed that some core aspects of librarians (or at least librarian-type of people as the angel had, surprisingly enough, never taken to that particular occupation) were universally the same, regardless of what realm they resided in.

Lucifer smiled, not intimidated in the slightest.

“I take it there was a break in?” He looked at the broken shelves. “Maybe some vandalism too?”

“Oh, no. That was the books”, the owl demon explained, kicking one of the tomes into the rubble. “But there are several texts missing, some of the more harmless ones, though still filled with knowledge that wasn’t supposed to leave this room. Ever.”

Despite being spoken in a low growl the last word echoed through the library.

“Well, fact is, they did”, the devil observed, cheerfully. “Any idea how and when it happened?”

The librarian frowned, recounting various duties while trying to remember the last time she had checked up here and possible moments when someone could have slipped by her. Meanwhile Crowley carefully approached the empty space where the books used to be and flicked his tongue out.

Most scents were fairly insignificant. There was the smell of damp leather, papyrus and parchment, ink, mold, blood and sulfur. Nothing out of place and all of it quite stale, not disturbed for a long time. Then there were their own scents, obviously, almost covering the older ones. But wait, what was this?

The serpent kneeled down and tasted the air again. It was faint, but it was there. A familiar mix of wet cemetery earth, stale water and algae with a hint of sewers. And toad. This couldn’t be a coincidence, could it?

Lucifer noticed him crouching by the shelves and raised an eyebrow. “Found anything, Crawley?”

Crowley stood up and shook his head, holding the devil’s gaze when he narrowed his eyes. If Lucifer insisted on seeing him as nothing more than a means to an end, then he would be just that: inefficient, uncooperative and generally only following orders to keep up appearances. What a truly awful shame he’d never been any good as a tool.

They listened to the librarian’s ramblings and came to the conclusion that someone might have been able to sneak in about three weeks ago. This fit with his guessed age of the suspicious scent, but again, Crowley kept quiet.

It wasn’t until they’d left the library that the devil grabbed Crowley by the throat and slammed him into the nearest wall.

“You’re hiding something, Crawley”, he growled.

The serpent had been ready for it and braced himself for the impact that pushed all the air out of his lungs. It still hurt.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, boss”, he replied flatly.

“Crawley!” The devil’s eyes turned a threatening red. “I know you found something, don’t play dumb! Out with it.”

“It’s nothing important”, the serpent insisted, keeping his tone bored.

“Don’t test me, snake.” Lucifer was now fuming.

Crowley forced his racing heart to slow down. He had to stay calm for this to work.

“You won’t kill me”, he declared.

“I just might!”

“You won’t because you want to solve this case.” Crowley kept his eyes on the devil’s.

It was a gamble. He had no idea how and why Lucifer had come to be an aid for the LAPD, therefore it was hard to accurately guess how much he actually cared about the job. Frankly, Lucifer’s entire behavior up to this point had been a mystery to him. Six years ago he had been ready to end the world, now he acted as if the death of one human was an unacceptable scandal. It made no sense.

But even if the devil’s reasons were an enigma, he seemed serious about supporting the detective. And this desire to help her was what Crowley was relying on now. It was his only hope.

“You need me.”

Lucifer’s grip tightened around his throat.

“You’re wandering into dangerous territory there, Crawley”, he purred. “You know very well that I can _make_ you tell me. And once you’ve told me what you know, your life is worthless.”

The serpent flashed his teeth in what he hoped was a confident smirk. The cuts from the demon blade had started to sting again and the gash left by holy dagger on his back felt positively on fire, but he’d be damned (again) if he backed down now.

“If you kill me you’ll lose both me and Aziraphale. He would never cooperate with you after that. And we’re your witnesses. The only witnesses for this crime so far.”

“Alright, fine, so I won’t actually kill you”, the devil huffed. “Is still can force you to obey me. So why do you bother with these theatrics? What are you trying to achieve?”

“Do you think it’s wise to force my cooperation?”, the serpent asked.

Lucifer frowned. “What do you mean? If you’re trying to threaten me, maybe you should wait until you're at least standing on your own feet again.”

Indeed Crowley was barely balancing on his toes, trying not to lose contact to the ground. But a threat wasn’t his point.

“All I’m saying is that you can drag me along like a disobedient child that struggles and screams the whole way to the grocery store OR you can have me walk alongside you, working with you instead of making your life harder.” He regarded the devil with a calm look. “And I really don’t want much in return.”

Lucifer’s eyes narrowed. “So that’s it then. A favor?”

Crowley snorted. “Barely. All I ask for is a bit of common decency on your end.”

The devil blinked, apparently surprised. “Meaning?”

“Stop choking me for starters.”

Lucifer growled, but put him down. “It was hardly a real choke. You still had enough air to talk properly, didn’t you?”

“Yes, truly generous of you”, Crowley remarked. “Listen, I get that you’re upset at the death of this Canvas boy, but Aziraphale and I aren’t the ones you’re after. We can try to help you find the culprit if it’s that important, but stop treating us like we’re criminals out to murder every last person in LA.”

“So you want me to trust you?” The devil almost laughed.

“I know you won’t do that.” Crowley adjusted his sunglasses. “But a little respect shouldn’t kill you, right?”

The devil rolled his eyes. “Noted. So will you now tell me what I want to know?”

“Sure.” Crowley nodded. “I noticed a certain smell in the library. It was almost entirely faded, but I was still able to recognize it. It was Duke Hastur.”

Lucifer stared. The serpent observed his reaction with a barely contained smirk. It was clear he hadn’t expected that. He had thought he’d have to argue his way through several more layers of insurances before he got his answer. The fact that Crowley had just given it to him seemed to throw the devil off. Good.

The truth was, Crowley really was in no position to bargain with Lucifer and he knew it. The devil had been right, in the end, he could simply force Crowley to obey him. So his only chance was to try and show Lucifer that he was willing to work with him without constantly having him breathe down his neck. If possible also without the complete disregard for his and Aziraphale’s safety. And in order to show him that goodwill he decided to take the first step and place a tiny bit of trust into the devil to see how he would take it. Judging by Lucifer’s surprise it had been the right move.

“Duke Hastur, you say?” The devil asked, shaking off his disbelief. “The guy with a toad on his head?”

“Yes, and he specifically has it out for me”, Crowley added. “This can’t be a coincidence. His smell turns up in the library section for summoning books and three weeks later some crazy human calls me out of nowhere.”

“So you think he set it up?”

The serpent hesitated.

“Not sure if he has the imagination for such a plan”, he admitted, scratching his chin. “Then again, he _is_ excellent at corrupting singular souls. You know, the traditional ways. ‘In twenty years we’ll have him’, that sort of thing. I wouldn’t be surprised if he knew some truly corrupted human families. Then it’s just a matter of giving them summoning instructions, my name and then to wait.” Crowley shrugged. “Even he should manage that.”

“Fine, let’s pay him a visit and find out then, shall we?”

The serpent paled. “Uh, you think I could sit out this one? If he sees me…”

“What did you even do to make him so upset?”, Lucifer wondered. “Insulted amphibians?”

“I, uh… Killed Ligur and trapped Hastur in an answering machine for a while. Later I discoroprated him. Well, that one was his own fault, to be honest.” Crowley rubbed his neck. “Not sure which one of those made him angriest.”

“That’s quite a list. No wonder he’s after you.” Lucifer shook his head. “Why would you do that? You must have known he’d be out for revenge.”

The serpent waved his hand. He didn’t like thinking about it. Death and violence were normal in Hell, but he’d never been a fan of either.

“Look, those were special circumstances. Apocalypse was happening, who knew how long any of us had to live? They came to my flat to kill me or worse. It was self-defense. Long story short, Hastur’s after my head now.”

“And that’s why you want to stay out of sight?”, Lucifer inquired. “Is this really such a problem for you? From what I’ve heard you were quite confident to fend off any possible attackers while taking your infamous holy bath.”

Crowley stiffened at the words, feeling cold sweat run down his back. Of course the devil would know about this. And looking at it from Lucifer’s point of view the serpent had to admit his behavior was contradictory. The entire point of the switch, besides survival, had been to convince both Heaven and Hell that it was too dangerous to come after him or Aziraphale. They had to appear confident and in control. Was Lucifer seeing through their bluff now?

Trying to keep his voice steady the serpent crossed his arms. With everything Lucifer had seen he had to compromise.

“It’s true that I have some tricks up my sleeve”, he said. “But it’s not like I can take an entire legion of demons by myself. Or, at least, it would be, uh… difficult. I’d like to avoid a confrontation if possible.”

Lucifer gave him a long look, making him squirm under his gaze. Finally the devil sighed.

“Well I do need you to sniff him. Or taste him or whatever it is you do”, he stated. “Just to make sure you’re not mixing up the tracks. But I’ll allow you to hide while doing so, if that’s what you want.”

“Hide?” Crowley frowned. “Where?”

“You can turn into a snake, can you not?” The devil looked down on himself. “I think my sleeve should suffice. But if you bite me you will deeply regret it.”

Crowley studied the devil’s suit. It would be a bit tight, but it was possible if he used his smaller snake form. Though the thought of being so close to Lucifer put him on edge, he supposed he had no other choice.

“Alright”, he said. “Just give me a second.”

He was about to change when Lucifer interrupted him again.

“Wait.” The devil put a hand on his shoulder and turned him around, making his stomach tighten with fear. He froze up on the spot.

“Are you bleeding?”

Crowley frowned, touching his back and blinking in surprise when his hand came back red and sticky. So it hadn’t been sweat. Go figure.

“Guess I am”, he said, miracling his hand clean and turning his head, trying to get a glimpse of his back. “Comes from throwing me against walls all the time.”

To his surprise for a split second Lucifer almost looked guilty.

“It’s still not healed?”, the devil asked.

Crowley shook his head. “No, it’s from the holy blade. My powers have no effect. And it keeps resonating with Aziraphale’s aura so he can’t do anything either. It’ll take a while.”

Lucifer let out a deep sigh and manifested his wings.

“Pull up your shirt”, he demanded.

The serpent watched him suspiciously. “Why?”

“Because…” Lucifer ran a hand over his right wing, sorting through his feathers before selecting one and pulling it out. “My feathers can heal any injury.”

Crowley stared.

“What?” The devil seemed impatient. “I take our agreement quite seriously and this seems what I need to do for your continued cooperation.”

Snapping out of his surprise the serpent did as he was told, pulling up his shirt and willing the bandages to fall on the ground. Exposing himself to a high ranking demon like this caused his instincts to scream at him to run, but he forced himself to stay still, clenching his shaking hands. Don’t show weakness. One of the most basic rules of Hell.

The serpent could feel the feather touching the gash on his back and tensed, preparing for pain, but instead a pleasant warmth spread through his entire back and Crowley felt the injury closing. In a matter of seconds it was done and the demon touched his healed skin in wonder. It was almost surreal being able to move without the biting sting.

“I, uh… Thanks”, he mumbled. He wasn’t one to show gratitude to anyone besides his angel, but in this case he felt it was necessary. “Appreciate it.”

Lucifer huffed. “Don’t think too much of it. I just didn’t want you bleeding all over my suit.”

It was only when they were on their way to Hastur’s office, Crowley tucked away in Lucifer’s sleeve, that it occurred to him that the devil’s suit had already been ruined beyond repair by Hell’s ash rain.

Huh. Maybe the detective was on to something after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As someone who loves books this chapter was painful for me to write. But at the same time I had fun coming up with ways to make them as scary as possible.
> 
> Also, I gave Crowley a better sense of smell/taste than a snake is realistically allowed to have. He’s a magic snake, it’s fine.
> 
> Oh, and the part where I mention that Hell can change and shift around for Lucifer? I think there are quite a few fanfictions that use this idea, but I’m actually basing it on one exchange that happened in the show at some point where Chloe was like “I’ll never sleep with you, not until Hell freezes over.” and Lucifer’s response was: “I can arrange that.”  
So if he can make Hell freeze over it’s not that far-fetched to think that he can change it around as well.


	11. Let me tell you about runes

Aziraphale had agreed to return to the station with the detective. She was a curious one. Clearly struggling with the supernatural, but apparently determined to learn how to get to terms with it. She wasn’t unlike Newt in that regard, though less open about it. She tried to appear in control, even if for a being like Aziraphale, who had met countless humans in his lifetime, it was obvious she was having trouble.

Still, to accept the devil as a… well, close friend at the very least, she must be someone special. She also seemed to be of the rational sort, something the angel valued in humans. She took her job seriously, tried not to jump to conclusions and wanted to do the right thing. The world needed more detectives like her.

Therefore Aziraphale was more than happy to lend her his assistance. Sure, he would have preferred Lucifer to be a bit more forthcoming, but then again, this _was_ Lucifer. The one who had led the rebellion all those years ago. The ruler of Hell. His rude demeanor shouldn’t come as a surprise.

What the angel had been surprised by, however, was Ms. Decker’s unshaking belief in the devil. She had sounded sincere when she had ensured him that he wouldn’t harm Crowley the day before. She also had displayed a habit of staying close to Lucifer, as if knowing he would defend her from any danger Crowley or Aziraphale might pose. And, strangely enough, the angel had felt great amounts of protectiveness coming off from the devil whenever he was around the detective. Clearly he had _some_ reason to care for her too, even if the angel couldn’t tell if it was simple possessiveness or something deeper. Most curious indeed.

“We checked the sources you gave us regarding the books”, the detective spoke up, browsing through a file. “It seems you were right, no texts about summoning were sold recently. All we have is this. Could you take a look?”

She pushed a paper towards the angel who studied it. It was a list of various titles.

“This might be something”, he said after a while, pointing at one of the names. “It’s a collection of true names. Mostly of the Fallen, but some angel names are in there too.”

Chloe took a look. “The Encyclopedia of Fallen Angels. Purchase was two weeks ago.” She nodded. “You say this is needed for a summoning?”

“It doesn’t contain any instructions, but knowing the name of the being you call is one of the most important parts of summonings”, the angel explained. “Without a name, everything else is useless. Crowley’s name should be in that book, so it might be a lead.”

“Alright, we’ll look into it.” The detective marked the title and put the list back into her folder. Then she gave Aziraphale a hesitant look.

Recognizing it as insecure curiosity, the angel gave her a patient smile. “Is there something else you’d like to know?”

Chloe paused, apparently still unsure, before pressing her lips together and nodding. “Could you… explain to me how this whole summoning business works? I’d like to understand what I’m dealing with.”

“Alright.” The angel folded his hands. “Where should I start? The basic idea behind it is rather simple. You call an angelic or demonic entity by their true name and draw a circle to pinpoint the location of their landing. The circle is made up of several runes that contain additional details of the summoning. Do you have the photos?”

Chloe nodded and spread the pictures showing Crowley’s prison on the table. Aziraphale pushed the memories of the demon aside, focusing on the text instead.

“See these runes here?” He pointed at one of the photos. “They are the absolute minimum needed for a summoning. It says something along the lines of ‘here shall the one you called be brought to’.”

“So it’s not enough to trap someone?”, Chloe asked.

Aziraphale shook his head. “No, though some demons like to pretend they can’t leave so the humans won’t try to look for more efficient circles. The caging part is over here, where it says ‘not body, not soul, not power of the called one may leave the confinement’. Or, rather, that’s what it should say. I burned away the ‘not’s in order to let Crowley out. See?”

Again, he showed the relevant parts to the detective, who seemed to be listening intently.

“It’s not the only way to free a trapped entity, but certainly the easiest one. That way you don’t have to worry about any leftover magic doing something strange with whatever it is the runes still left are spelling out.” He chuckled. “Why, Crowley once managed to turn his hair a bright blue by messing up some runes while pulling a curtain into the circle he was trapped in. He did manage to get out in the end, but he looked quite silly for a while after that.”

Aziraphale could still remember the serpent’s face when they had met up in a tavern after the incident. ‘Not a word’, he had hissed, sitting down across from him. The angel had almost choked on his food.

He pointed at another photo, trying to focus back on educating the detective.

“And over here are several additional runes – in various languages I might add, it seems a bit excessive – that strengthen the caging ones. They are necessary if you’re summoning a Fallen, but you don’t have to write that many of them.”

Chloe frowned. “Why? Could a demon break out otherwise?”

The angel rubbed his chin. “Technically, yes. If the being summoned is stronger than the power residing in the circle then it’s possible to escape.”

Chloe nodded. “So it’s basically like overheating the runes?”

“Yes, just like that, albeit with one small problem. Most circles have a sort of loop build in where any power trying to break out gets redirected at its caster. Um… There, it’s this rune here. Meaning you can break out, but you might… get a bit scorched in the process. Or worse.”

“And what’s this?” The detective pointed at several lines of text on another picture.

Aziraphale looked it over.

“Let’s see… It’s a bit of a mess. This here is a rune that hides the summoned presence, the reason I was unable to find Crowley for so long. And here we have the command phrase, the words ensuring that the summoned being has to listen to their caller. It’s once again repeated multiple times, it seems our summoner wasn’t entirely sure what he was doing and wanted to make sure he got it right. This line here even repeats the calling and binding of the body, even though it’s completely unnecessary considering it has already been written down before. And over here we have several strict commands that block all powers and miracles – oh, except for healing your body. This additional line here allows it.”

Chloe tilted her head. “Miracles? Like what you did with the paint and feathers? And how Crowley can make sunglasses appear out of thin air?”

Aziraphale smiled. “Exactly. The rune makes us basically the same as humans in terms of magic power. Everything occult or ethereal gets blocked. No magic gets in, no magic gets out.”

“I was wondering…” The detective bit her lip. “Lucifer never seems to use any ‘miracles’. He has this power where he can make you tell him his desires, but he never just… magically changed things like you two are doing.”

The angel’s smile wavered. “Ah, well… I guess it’s understandable, in a sense. Miracles are different from our individual skills. To make them happen we basically have to invoke God’s power. It’s like a universal well of energy though how much of it we can use at once depends on one’s personal strength and imagination. And once it is cast the type of magic also changes into either demonic or angelic energy, depending on who utilizes it. Lucifer doesn’t have a good relationship with the Almighty, so I’m not surprised to hear he rejects using it at all.”

“I see. That makes sense”, the detective agreed thoughtfully, before turning the attention back to the photos. “What about this symbol here?”

Aziraphale read it. “That’s a draining rune with a block just before death. It weakens the summoned being constantly, but stops before it kills them. It’s the reason why Crowley was so tired when I found him and why he couldn’t heal many of the injuries himself.” He shook his head. “Five days inside such a thing can do a number on you.”

At Chloe’s confused expression he tried to come up with an example.

“In human terms… I guess it would sort of be like starving? Your body gets weaker and weaker until you can barely move. Angels and demons don’t have to eat or sleep, but we do need to sustain our corporations somehow. We do it by using some of our energy and if that energy is being sapped away, well… It’s not exactly pleasant.”

The detective nodded, rubbing her chin. “Why would anyone do that?”

Aziraphale frowned. “Pardon?”

“Summon a demon, I mean”, she clarified.

“Many different reasons”, the angel replied. “Power, greed, ignorance, curiosity. It varies. Historically the first summonings were used to get demonic workers for the construction of grand buildings like temples and palaces.”

“But then why add something like this?” Chloe pointed at the draining rune. “Why torture the creature you called and weaken a potential worker?”

“Sometimes the draining runes were added to make an especially powerful being bend to the will of their summoner”, Aziraphale explained, his expression darkening. “But there were… other reasons as well.”

At Chloe’s questioning look he gave a sigh and continued.

“In the 13th and 14th century there were several cults making extensive use of this rune in order to… to weaken a demon enough so they could bind them into something. Sometimes an object, but… They were more interested in living hosts. Humans, usually. They were hoping to gain the demon’s power that way. They thought that if the demon was weak enough they could win a mental fight for control and get magic abilities. It never ended well.”

Chloe paled. “You mean…”

The angel lowered his eyes. “Possession can become quite nasty if the entity that enters the host isn’t careful. And, naturally, no demon summoned and forcibly bound into a human body is especially forgiving.”

Aziraphale remembered the time he had possessed Madame Tracy. How easy it would have been to switch some connections around, break things, control her. Just sharing a mind with her had been dangerous enough, he’d had to constantly make sure not to show her too much, less she’d be drowned in his massive amounts of memories alone. He shuddered. It was frightening to think just how much damage he could have dealt.

“The humans were usually the ones to draw the short straw in such a scenario”, he said. “Bodies getting deformed, losing their sanity, breaking of limbs, horrible, horrible deaths... Even if by chance they managed to overpower the demon that possessed them they went mad and were unable to control their new power, ending in self-destruction.”

The angel sighed. “And the worst part was, not all of the hosts were even willingly there. The cult members often preferred to try things out on kidnapped outsiders before attempting to get possessed themselves. Crowley and I once stumbled upon one group that had kidnapped children off the street for that reason.” He closed his eyes, fighting off the memories. “We tried to save them, but for many it had been already too late.”

Chloe looked shocked.

“I’m sorry.” Aziraphale tried to smile. “I shouldn’t have told you all of this. It’s really not a pleasant topic.”

“No, it’s fine.” The detective shook her head. “I was the one who asked. But that’s… that’s really terrible.” She paused, clearly unsure if she should continue. Finally she spoke. “Was… Was Lucifer involved in any of this?”

Aziraphale blinked. “I… I don’t think so. I mean, as an angel I don’t know exactly what was going on in Hell during that time, but Crowley never mentioned anything about the devil having any interest in the matters. And, in my experience, humans come up with both the worst and the best things all by themselves. No divine or hellish intervention necessary.”

He frowned. “Though, now that I think about it, Crowley did say that Lucifer outlawed possession somewhere around 1398. Now, a summoned demon can be forced to possess something so a law wouldn’t change much, but it still was some kind of reaction. It’s possible Lucifer was even against the whole business.”

Chloe looked relieved. “That’s… That’s good. Yeah, I’m glad to hear it. Thanks for answering all my questions like that.”

“It’s no problem at all.” The angel smiled. “Am I right to assume you haven’t known the truth about us for very long?”

Hesitantly Chloe nodded. “Less than a year.”

“All things considered, you’re taking it very well. Please know that you can always ask if there’s something on your mind.”

“That’s what Lucifer said too.” Chloe sighed. “But you’re giving me too much credit. I didn’t take it well at all. In fact, I ran out of the country when I found out about Lucifer’s identity. I was… afraid.”

“That sounds like an understandable reaction”, Aziraphale commented.

“Maybe. But I ended up getting information from the wrong sources and became even more scared.” She stared at the table, biting her lip. “And I hurt him because of it. So much.”

The angel hesitated. He shouldn’t. He really shouldn’t encourage this. But seeing the detective like this… He couldn’t take it. Carefully he placed a hand on her shoulder.

“While I can’t tell you much about Lucifer”, he began. “I can tell you about Crowley and myself. I’ve spent _so many_ years pushing him away and hurting him, often without even realizing it. I partly did it to protect him as with our growing friendship the danger we put ourselves in became greater as well. We were enemies and had Hell found out how close we’d become Crowley would have been severely punished; way worse than what I’d have to face from Heaven’s side.”

The angel closed his eyes for a moment. “But so many times I did it because I kept telling myself that, as a demon, it was impossible for him to truly care. No matter how many kind acts he performed, how many times he saved me, in the end he was, by nature, a creature of evil. Not a friend or, God forbid, anything more. It took me a long time to break out of that state of mind. Always falling into the same pattern whenever I felt we were getting too close, telling myself that his feelings couldn't be real and that deceit was all he was capable of. I kept using this excuse as a shield regardless of how it would affect him. And all so I could keep serving Heaven, trying to be ‘Good’, no matter how many doubts I had.”

Aziraphale shook his head. He hadn't always been fair to the demon. It was a fact he couldn't change, no matter how much he regretted it. Crowley, kind as he was, had forgiven him for it. He had even told him that, over time, he had started to recognize the angel's biting comments as a sort of defense, learning to take them with a certain amount of amusement. But Aziraphale knew that some of those comments had hurt the demon. A lot. He was still working on making up for them.

“I was wrong about many things. And when I started to realize I’d been mistaken, I was scared to admit it. Scared how it could influence our relationship and scared of acknowledging how I must have hurt him with my actions.” He looked the detective in the eyes. “But I can tell you with absolute certainty that demons are capable of kindness and care and love. Their feelings are just as true as anybody else’s, no matter what part of Hell they’re from.”

Chloe stared at him for a moment before a smile appeared on her face.

“I know”, she said, but her tone was filled with gratitude. She was reassured. “I lost sight of that fact a while ago, but deep down I think I’ve always known it to be the truth.”

Aziraphale nodded. He hoped he had done the right thing by saying this to her. There was still a chance Lucifer might be deceiving her, after all. But the sorrow she felt was just so similar to his own, he hadn’t been able to stay quiet. If there was a chance for things to turn out well, then he would support it.

“I’m glad to hear it.”

Chloe sighed. “That being said, you’re… right. I’m still getting used to all the supernatural stuff happening around me. I’m sorry if I can come off a bit… disturbed at times. It is not my intention to insult you.”

“I understand.” The angel waved his hand dismissively. “No offense taken.”

“You said you had human friends back in London?”, the detective asked. “Do they know about your true nature?”

“Some of them do, yes.”

Aziraphale thought of Madame Tracy, Anathema, Newt and the Them. Adam had given them back their memories in the end. Even Shadwell, though the witchfinder was still rather confused about the entire affair.

“However, they’re a… rather unusual bunch. One of them is a witch, so she wasn’t even surprised to learn about angels and demons. The others needed some time to digest everything, but it worked out quite well in the end. Poor Newton took the longest, but he did marry the witch so after a while he sort of… what’s that expression Crowley likes to use? Ah, yes. Rolled with it.”

Chloe looked thoughtful. “Seems like an interesting group.”

“Oh, I’d love to introduce you all, but…” The angel hesitated, thinking of Adam. “I’m not sure it’s the best idea, at least not at the moment. Some of them have a bit of a complicated relationship with Lucifer.”

Chloe laughed. “Who doesn’t?”

“He does seem to have a bit of an… eccentric personality”, Aziraphale agreed. “More flashy than I would have expected.”

The detective groaned. “Oh, you have no idea. He’s a great partner, but sometimes I feel like I could strangle him. Can you believe that he once taught a group of teenagers in rehabilitation how to grow their own drugs to prove that people can’t change?”

Aziraphale gasped. “Really? Oh, dear. That reminds me of that time Crowley decided to randomly switch out nobles and common folk to drive home his point about different places of birth having an influence on one’s life decisions.” The angel sighed. “It took forever to track them all down and switch them back.”

“During a secret investigation Lucifer once blew our cover by deliberately drawing attention to us so he could ask the guy on stage giving horrible dating advice why I wouldn’t sleep with him.” Chloe covered her face with her palm. “And the orgy pants. Don’t even get me started on the orgy pants…”

“In the 18th century Crowley turned a judge of a corrupt court into a kangaroo just so he could show me there wouldn’t be a difference in proceedings and laughed as I tried to catch him instead of helping out.”

The detective snorted, shaking her head. “Seems like both of our partners can be quite a handful.”

“He can be absolutely insufferable”, Aziraphale agreed. “But, and don’t tell him I said that, he has a good heart.”

“Yeah.” The detective smiled. “Lucifer too.”

She sighed, gathering the photos back up. Aziraphale hoped for her sake that her impression of the devil was correct.

Suddenly she looked up. “Do you think they’ll be alright? Down in Hell, I mean?”

Aziraphale’s eyebrows rose. “Are you concerned?”

“Well…” The detective looked away, pushing a strand of hair out of her face. “Maybe a little. Like I said, I’m rather new to this. All my information about Hell is from some books I’ve read as research, but they didn’t seem to be very accurate.” She turned towards the angel. “They’re not in danger, are they?”

Aziraphale shook his head. “Lucifer’s the most powerful demon in Hell. His word is law and anyone who dares oppose him will be crushed. He’s perfectly safe.”

Chloe looked relieved before another thought occurred to her. “What about Crowley?”

The angel tensed, his own worries coming back with full force. He had tried not to think about it. Having Crowley be alone with the devil of all people was stressful enough, but having them go to Hell, a place where it would be extremely difficult for Aziraphale to follow was very unnerving. It didn’t help that the moment Crowley had left this realm the connection between them had cut off, leaving the angel with an empty feeling in his chest.

“As long as Lucifer keeps his word, he’s safe as well”, he said, keeping his voice calm. “I just hope they don’t get into a fight. Crowley has a habit of running his mouth when it would be best to stay quiet. It tends to get him both in and out of trouble. A bit of a wild card, that habit of his.”

The door to the meeting room suddenly opened.

“Chloe?”

The forensic scientist, Ella, entered the room. Upon seeing the angel she grinned widely.

“You’re here too, Mr. Fell? Great news! I was finally able to determine the time of death. It wasn’t easy, let me tell you. The cold temperature of the room changed the-“

The detective cleared her throat, making Ella jump.

“Right, right, sorry. I’ll spare you the details. Time of death was eight days before we found you and Mr. Crowley. Boom!” She smacked her fist in her palm. “That means it was about a week after the victim went missing, a few days before Mr. Crowley was kidnapped and way before you arrived at the scene, Mr. Fell. Things are looking up!”

Chloe nodded. “Yes, seeing as your claims about the text message have also been proven true it appears a great deal of suspicion just has been lifted.”

“I’m very happy to hear that.” The angel paused. “Does that mean I can get my sword back?”

“Sorry, I’ll still need that one”, Ella said. “Don’t worry, I won’t break it. Family heirloom?”

“Ah, y-yes, something like that.” Aziraphale shuffled nervously in place. “I really should keep a better eye on that thing, I already gave it away once. Then I didn’t see it for the next 6000 years.”

Ella laughed. “Yeah, it feels that long sometimes.”

“Why do you want it back?” Chloe gave him a meaningful look. “Is it important for you to have it? Or in any way… bad if you don’t have it?”

“Oh, no, nothing like that.” The angel shook his head. “Just… make sure you don’t lose it, and if by any chance, and I really doubt this would happen, but if by any chance a strange woman with red hair shows up to take it, do not, under any circumstances, give it to her.”

“Jealous sibling?” Ella nodded knowingly. “Yeah, I’ve got some of those too.”

Aziraphale nervously adjusted his bowtie. “Uhm, sure, yes. Why not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tiny pea brain: Crowley heard the expression “kangaroo court” and that’s why he decided to turn the judge into one.  
Advanced brain of the universe: The incident in which a judge got transformed into a kangaroo during a horrible excuse for a trial inspired the “kangaroo court” expression.
> 
> All in all, this is a bit of a history and info dump chapter, I apologize. But I’m trying to establish my made up lore here. After all, if you don’t know the rules then how can you follow them?


	12. Is that common ground?

“What do you mean he’s not in his office?”

Holding his breath Crowley listened to the exchange between Lucifer and Beelzebub, securely hidden in the devil’s sleeve. Good thing Lucifer’s aura was so massive. The Lord of the Flies would have definitely sensed him otherwise.

“I mean, he’s not there, my lord.” Beelzebub bowed deeply. “He’s been gone for a while now. On a private matter, he said.”

“And you just let him go?” The devil’s voice was threatening and Crowley could feel the arm he was wrapped around tense.

“He did have some vacation days left”, the Lord of the Flies explained. “But he never returned. None of the search troupes I sent out have been able to find him yet.”

“How thorough have they been? Have they searched earth? Is there no clue whatsoever where he could have gone?!”

Beelzebub gave a meek buzz at the raised voice. “I… I do not know, my lord. I wasn’t overseeing the search party myself.”

“Why not?!” Lucifer growled, his anger sending a chill through Crowley’s body. He didn’t dare to move.

“Becauzzze I have more important things to deal with than a single missing Duke”, the Lord of the Flies replied, her voice starting to sound dangerously close to annoyed.

“What could be more important than that?”, the devil wanted to know. “He’s a Duke, for Dad’s sake, not some low level demon on part-time cleaning duty! One of your direct subordinates. If you’re not looking for him then what are you wasting your time on?”

Even from his hiding place Crowley could feel Beelzebub’s aura spike with sudden anger.

“Wasting my- I’ve been _trying_ to keep Hell together! Ever since the world failed to end the management of this place has fallen into absolute chaos! And ever since _you_ decided to just drop everything and leave thingzzzz have only gotten worse! I have no time-“

Beelzebub broke off, clasping a hand over her mouth as horrified silence filled the air. Crowley almost unhinged his jaw. The ever-so dutiful, always devoted, never-complaining Beelzebub had _snapped_. And yelled. In Lucifer’s face! He hadn’t thought she had it in her.

The devil meanwhile was stunned. Crowley wished he had some popcorn.

“Please forgive my insolence, my lord!” Through the hole of Lucifer’s sleeve the serpent saw Beelzebub throwing herself at his feet. “I’m simply a bit strezz- stressed lately, I’ll find out where Hastur is and message you azzz soon azzz I have hizzz location.” She almost stumbled over her words, the buzz getting stronger with fear.

“Excellent. How long do think will that take you?” The devil’s tone was friendly again, but his arm was still tense and Crowley just knew he was wearing that predator grin of his. Probably making his eyes glow too. He could be so dramatic.

“I shall utilize all available resources immediately”, Beelzebub hurried to assure her king, not daring to look up. “With hellhounds tracking him it shouldn’t take more than two days.”

“Make it one day and we have a deal” the devil declared, his tone suggesting that she’d better do it in time or so God help him. “Oh, and try to get him alive if possible. I have a few questions I want to ask him. Contact me as soon as you have his location. Do you know how to use a cellphone?”

The Lord of the Flies glanced up. “I do, my lord.”

“Really?” Lucifer sounded surprised. “That certainly makes things easier. Here’s my number.”

He waved his hand, making Crowley wrap himself tighter around his arm so he wouldn’t slide off. Beelzebub suppressed a shudder. The information had been zapped into her brain.

“Message me if something comes up. That will be all.” The devil turned around and walked away.

They were approaching the Gates when Lucifer spoke up again. “So, what’s your take on all of this?”

The serpent stuck his head out of Lucifer’s sleeve and carefully scanned their surroundings. Only when he was sure no one would see him he turned to look at the devil.

“What Beelzebub said seemed to match the age of Hastur’s smell. I couldn’t sense anything that wasn’t older than three weeks at his desk. He must have gone to steal the books and didn’t return.”

“Do you think she’ll find him?”

Crowley tilted his head. “Why do you ask me? You should know her better than I do.”

“Oh, I do know her quite well, don’t get me wrong”, Lucifer said. “But I feel it is sometimes better to ask the people working under someone about their abilities.” He shook his head. “Due to my position everyone is always pretending to be better than they actually are.”

“Can you blame them? No one wants to get punished for not being efficient enough.”

“Still, it results in me being mostly surrounded by insincere show-offs and greasy suck-ups, downing me in false flattery while also hoping I make a mistake. It can be positively exhausting.” The devil sighed. “Beelzebub was always more level-headed then the rest. One of the reasons I put her in charge. But I’m curious to hear your opinion on her.”

Crowley thought about it for a moment. “I don’t particularly like her and I’m pretty sure she wants to skin me alive, but she knows what she’s doing. She and Dagon basically kept this place running by themselves after the Almostpocalypse.”

The devil raised an eyebrow. “After the what?”

“What?” The serpent blinked. “Almostpocalypse. Or Nopocalypse. Aponevermind? Armadidn’t? Nopegeddon? You don’t give the event silly names?”

Lucifer shook his head, making Crowley snort.

“You’re doing life wrong. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, Beelzebub is capable. If she says she can find him, then I’m inclined to believe her.”

Probably even if he somehow ended up in Heaven, Crowley added silently. There was a reason why the Lord of the Flies knew about cellphones. The same reason a certain archangel was carrying one around. The serpent suppressed a smirk. Gabriel and Beelzebub were a terrifying pair of enemies, but the longer they worked together the closer they would become. Until one day they’d be close enough for him and Aziraphale to be able to hold it over their heads and finally force their former superiors to leave them alone. Give it another two to three thousand years.

“If she’s so talented, maybe I should just push the throne off to her and be done with it”, Lucifer mused as they stepped through the Gates, Crowley hiding when they passed Jerry.

“Please don’t”, the serpent replied as they took off the ground. “First she’d find a way to purge me and Aziraphale off the face of the earth and then she’d start another Armageddon.”

“I guess that wouldn’t do…” The devil sighed deeply. “Of course it couldn’t be that easy.”

Crowley felt his curiosity rise at the comment. “Do you not want the throne?”

The serpent had heard rumors, of course; whispers that the king had left for a vacation of unknown length and that he might not want to return. And by that he meant he’d read it in the gossip section of the Infernal Times. But he hadn’t really paid it much mind. Crowley knew earth could be distracting, but he hadn’t expected the devil to reject his own kingdom. The Lucifer who had started the rebellion had seemed ambitious enough to desire such power. But then again, Crowley had never really known him, even back then.

“Not at all”, the devil declared. “If I could just be rid of it all I’d throw it away in an instant. I don’t suppose you’re looking for a promotion?”

The serpent gave a chuckle. “Nah, I quit, remember? I’m, like, reverse-promoting.”

“Wouldn’t that just be demoting?”, Lucifer commented with a smirk.

“Not for me. I like it on earth just fine. Way more than Hell for that matter so it’s an upgrade.”

The devil laughed and they spent the rest of the way in silence, Crowley using the time to consider the new information. Lucifer didn’t want the throne. Not anymore, at least. Was that a recent development or had he felt that way even before the Almostgeddon? The more he learned about the devil more he felt like he didn’t know anything about him at all.

When they landed on Lucifer’s balcony Crowley jumped out of his sleeve, transforming back into a man-shaped being. The causal banter had been nice, but being so close to the devil still made his scales crawl. Way too exposed, too vulnerable. Very stressful.

“Alright, it’s almost five, we should hurry to the police station and tell the detective what we found out”, the devil decided, hurrying towards his bedroom. “I’ll just change my suit real quick and we’re off.”

The serpent nodded, cleaning his own clothes with a thought before leaning against the wall and waiting for the devil to return. It took only a few minutes. As soon as Lucifer came back into view Crowley pressed the button for the elevator.

Lucifer looked around his flat as he approached. “Where’s Aziraphale?”

Crowley could feel the angel’s presence to the east, their connection having reestablished the moment he’d arrived on earth, but he just shrugged.

“Probably with Ms. Decker. Always sticking his nose in other people’s affairs, trying to help. It’s such a bother at times.” Despite his words, the demon couldn’t help a smile creeping on his face.

The elevator doors opened and they entered, Lucifer frowning at him. “I didn’t allow him to leave Lux.”

Crowley’s smile vanished. “We’re not your prisoners.”

“If you don’t want to be then keep away from the people I care about and don’t approach them without permission or me being present”, the devil retorted. “I don’t like the thought of any of them getting hurt while I’m away.”

“Hurt? By Aziraphale? You still think he would attack her?”

The serpent shook his head at this much ignorance. How could a being with thousands of years of experience, capable of organizing and controlling the entirety of Hell, be so dense? One would think he’d be better at judging people’s characters with that kind of job.

“We’re talking about the guy who has watched over humanity since the beginning”, the serpent reminded him. “Who disobeyed orders and gave them his sword so they could protect themselves.” He gave Lucifer an accusatory glare. “Hell, he was ready to fight _you_ in order to keep them safe! Your detective’s not in any danger.”

“Well clearly his benevolence must have its limits considering he keeps you around.” The devil narrowed his eyes. “I can’t count how many of your deeds have been blamed on me by the humans. And that’s not a compliment if you’re trying to convince me that you two are on humanity’s side. Your actions have caused, and are no doubt still causing, them a lot of misfortune. If Aziraphale is willing to overlook that, then he can’t be as nice as he pretends to be.”

Crowley was about to protest, but the words got stuck in his throat. Now what was he supposed to do? He couldn’t very well admit that most of his reports had been lies. Who knew how Lucifer would react to that? Should he decide to punish him for it then Crowley could count himself lucky if he simply got killed.

But he also couldn’t just leave things as they were. Lucifer needed to get it into that thick skull of his that they weren’t a threat otherwise he would never start treating them as equals. A compromise was needed, and fast.

“I’m… an exception”, the serpent stated, racking his brain for a believable excuse. “Aziraphale cares about humans. He would never approve of me hurting them. Truth be told, I’m not especially fond of it either. I… prefer making them hurt each other. It’s not my fault if they give into temptation, right? Besides… I do it less now. Ever since the Nopocalypse, that is.”

He bit his tongue to keep himself from saying any more. The explanation was a weird mixture of truth and lies. But would it be enough? Crowley watched the devil cautiously.

Lucifer grumbled something under his breath, but didn’t complain anymore. The subject seemed off the table for now. Good. That had been too close.

They left the elevator and pushed through the crowd of humans, dancing wildly to music so loud it made the ground vibrate.

Bebop, Crowley thought fondly, silently chuckling at his own joke. He was away for one day and he already missed his angel. He had really grown soft, hadn’t he?

They reached the street and Lucifer approached a shiny, black car. Crowley’s eyes sparked with interest.

“Nice car. Yours?”

The devil got inside and gestured to the passenger’s seat. “It is. You didn't notice? I drove you back to Lux in it yesterday.”

Crowley sat down beside him. “Honestly, I don’t remember much of the way here. I was pretty out of it.” He studied the vehicle. “A Corvette, right? 1961?”

A bright smile appeared on Lucifer’s face and for the first time Crowley felt like it was real. “Close, ‘62. You like cars?”

“Mostly just my car”, the serpent corrected. “But this one has style, I have to admit.”

They entered LA traffic, wind washing away some of the smell of sulfur still clinging to them.

“So, what do you drive?”, Lucifer asked.

“A shining, black Bentley.” Crowley felt his chest swell with pride. “Got it new in 1933. A real beauty.”

“A 1933 Bentley?” The devil blinked. “And that thing still drives?”

“Of course it does. Can do anything a modern car is able to and more!” The serpent couldn’t help himself from gushing. “Fast as a vehicle can get, it scares Aziraphale to death.”

Lucifer chuckled. “Same with Chloe. She always tells me to slow down. As if I’d be unable to navigate between simple human drivers with their slow reaction times.”

“I know, right?” Crowley nodded. “I wouldn’t be driving fast if I didn’t know how to do it. I never crashed my car, not even once!” He paused. “Alright, there was that incident when I collided with a witch on a bicycle, but that was one time! And it wasn’t my fault, he was distracting me!” Sensing love in the area, sending him into a panic, stupid Aziraphale. “Anyway, point is, wasn’t my fault, wasn’t the Bentley’s fault. In fact, the car only broke down once after being on fire for several miles! Long story, don’t ask. It also tends to turn all music into Best of Queen albums, but, uh… You get used to it.”

In all honesty, sometimes Crowley wondered if the Bentley had become slightly sentient from all the demonic energy he had infused it with. At first he had thought it to be normal, but it couldn’t be a coincidence the song playing always fit the situation at hand in some way or another, could it? And for a while he could have sworn the car had played exclusively love songs when Aziraphale had been around. As if it was trying to tell them something.

“Sounds like a fascinating machine”, Lucifer commented, sounding sincere. “I assume it’s back in London?”

“Yep, waiting for me to come back.” The serpent sighed. “Good thing I didn’t park it under a tree. Cleaning off the leaves would be a hassle.” He had an idea. “Want to see a picture? I don’t have my phone right now, but…” Focusing, he called a certain item from the bookshop. It appeared in his hands after a few seconds. “Aziraphale took this one with an old-fashioned camera and had it developed.”

Lucifer laughed, taking the photo. “When, in the nineties?”

“Last month, actually”, the serpent replied, chuckling as well. “He moves at his own pace.”

Looking at the photo, the devil’s eyebrows rose. He let out a whistle.

“I have to say, it really is in excellent condition.” He narrowed his eyes, looking closer. “Are those bullet-hole stickers?”

Crowley felt his face heating up a bit. “Yeah. They handed them out for free with a petrol purchase in 1967. It was a James Bond advertisement thing.”

He conveniently left out the fact that this had been the only time he had ever purchased petrol and only for that reason. Lucifer didn’t have to know everything.

The devil gave him the picture back. “You like James Bond?”

Crowley decided to stay on the safe side. “Eh, I preferred the old ones, but all in all I enjoy the movies, yes.”

Lucifer’s grin got even wider. “You know, for the first time I start to think that we might actually get along. Tell me, have you ever heard of ‘The Weaponizer’?”

The serpent blinked. “Sure I have. The story’s a bit weak in my opinion, but the action scenes were excellent.”

Lucifer slapped the steering wheel enthusiastically. “The action scenes are the best part!”

They were still chatting by the time they arrived at the precinct.

***

At the same time the Serpent of Eden was discussing action movies with Satan, up in Heaven, as predicted, a certain cellphone gave a quiet buzz. Despite being alone in his office Gabriel glanced around before taking the device out of his pocket.

It wasn’t that he was doing anything forbidden, he told himself. He was just keeping track of what the other side was up to. Lord knew it had helped tremendously in organizing things after the failed destruction of the world. And if human technology conveniently didn’t leave any traces in celestial records then it was only to avoid possible misunderstandings. It was worth the tiny miracle to get reception where it shouldn’t be possible.

Tapping the touchscreen a few times the archangel checked his messages.

Next to the picture of an annoyed looking fly he had nicknamed ‘LordBuzzkill’ (he was rather proud of to have thought of that one) there was the following text:

_Has any of your lot been smiting Dukes of Hell by any chance?_

Gabriel frowned. _How long ago?_

It took a few moments before the reply came. _Make it a month._

Wondering what this was about, but deciding to play along for the time being the archangel accessed the celestial databank, scanning the records.

_There’s no indication of anything of the sort_, he typed. _Why?_

_A Duke has gone missing and I’ve been charged with finding him. As if I wasn’t busy enough as it is!_

_Well, I assure you, he’s not in Heaven nor had we anything to do with his disappearance._

_Alright. _There was a short pause before a second message arrived. _I’m not going to thank you._

_And I won’t say you’re welcome._

_Fine._

_Fine!_

A small smile had appeared on Gabriel’s lips as he wrote the last text. Noticing it his face immediately became blank and he shoved the phone in his pocket, turning back towards his reports in such a hurry he almost threw them off his desk. He had work to do!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since Beelzebub has no canon gender, I’m going with she. The reason is simply because I like it that way. And I like the dynamic it creates with Gabriel. That being said, I have nothing against different interpretations.  
Also, if you don’t think Beelzebub’s contact name for Gabriel is 'ArchangelFuckingGabriel' then you’re sorely mistaken. But how would she know he said that, you ask? Well, there was a demon present during the execution scene. There’s no way he didn’t spread the word. It was Hell’s new meme for months (all while not knowing what a meme is).
> 
> On a different note, I hope I got Lucifer’s car right. Because all I know about cars is how to avoid them on the street. But the internet told me that’s what he drives so I’m going to believe it until corrected.
> 
> Also, about referring to the apocalypse. Crowley usually uses words like “Nopocalypse” and the like while talking about the incident as a whole. Aziraphale dislikes making up words or mashing them together so he prefers to call it something long like the ‘Apocalypse That Didn’t Actually Happen’ for example. But sometimes he slips up as a result of being around Crowley all the time. Everyone else who knows about the event just calls it Apocalypse/Armageddon/end of the world etc. (at least the supernatural beings, not sure about the GO cast back in England).
> 
> Oh, and look! There’s Gabriel. Aaaand there he goes. He won’t show up again, I’m afraid. I actually like Gabriel. I’m not saying he’s not a jerk, but I don’t think he’s as bad as the fandom likes to make him out to be. I have a lot of thoughts on him, actually, but I won’t write an entire analysis down here, this note is already long enough.  
You know who I don’t like though? Sandalphon.


	13. Maybe they’re really not so different

Chloe was sorting through some papers on her desk when she heard Lucifer’s voice and saw him stroll in with Crowley on his heels. They seemed to be engaged a lively conversation, looking like two old friends catching up. Surprised she exchanged a look with Aziraphale who seemed equally taken aback.

“What’s with them?”, she mouthed, quietly.

The angel shrugged. “Haven’t got a clue, I’m afraid.”

Lucifer came to a halt in front of her desk while Crowley hurried at Aziraphale’s side.

“We’re back detective”, the devil announced, a wide smile on his face.

He looked happier than he had in days. Chloe was glad. She hated seeing him miserable.

“How was your expedition? Have you found anything?”, she asked.

“Indeed we have.” Lucifer told her about discovering traces of a certain demon in the library and how he had disappeared after stealing some books about summonings.

“So you think Hastur set this up to get to you”, the angel asked Crowley.

The demon nodded. “Wouldn’t put it past him. He got orders to leave me alone, so he found a human who would do the dirty work for him.”

“And this Hastur…” Chloe tried to follow the conversation. “You think he’s here on earth?”

“He might be.” Crowley adjusted his glasses. “But he’s an excellent lurker. If he doesn’t want to be found then it’s practically impossible to sense his aura.”

“Can’t you try sniffing him out?”, Lucifer asked. “Like you did in the library?”

“I’m a snake not a hellhound”, the demon replied with a huff. “I need to be close to track someone by smell alone. We don’t even know if he is or ever was in LA so even walking around at random wouldn’t do much good.”

“Can you give us a description?”, Chloe asked. “We could keep an eye out.”

“Extremely pale, black eyes, grey-ish white hair, generally a mess, may have a toad on his head”, Crowley answered. “That’s assuming he allows himself to be seen and hasn’t changed his appearance. I wouldn’t hold my breath if I was you.”

“Hey Chloe, I’ve tracked down the buyer of that book you told me about earlier.” Dan was studying some papers in his hands and only looked up when he arrived at her desk. His expression immediately soured. “Oh, you’re here too.”

Lucifer nodded. “Yes, I’m here too."

“You smell as if someone dumped an ashtray on you.”

“Well I just returned from Hell, it comes with the territory. Moving on, what have you got there?” Lucifer plucked the papers out of Dan’s hands, ignoring his protests. “Encyclopedia of Fallen Angels”, he read. “Purchased by a certain Thomas Lancer about two weeks ago.” He looked at Aziraphale. “This has Crawley’s name written in it?”

The angel nodded. “I believe so. Most copies have been destroyed by…” He gave Dan a quick glance before his eyes returned to Lucifer. “Ah… Your people, so to speak, because there were many genuine names written down in it. I believe there are only one or two copies left.”

Crowley rubbed his chin. “What I’m wondering is, why would Mask Guy need a book of names in the first place? If Hastur wanted him to ‘kidnap’ me, he could have just told him my name. Why didn’t he? Or, if he did, why the book?”

“That is strange”, Chloe agreed.

“Names? For a kidnapping? I’m… not quite following.” Dan looked lost.

“That’s hardly anything new”, the devil commented, earning himself a glare he pointedly ignored. “As for your question, Crawley, I’m sure we’ll get our answers once we find this Thomas Lancer. Or Hastur. Whichever comes first.”

“We’re looking into Mr. Lancer right now.” Dan crossed his arms. “Assuming the name’s not an alias, we’ll get some info on him soon.”

“Sorry to interrupt.” Ella came out of her lab and leaned against Chloe’s desk. “I just wanted to give you your phone back, Mr. Crowley. We checked it and there was nothing besides the message to Mr. Fell that was of any interest.” She handed him the device. “Oh, and I should tell you that ‘book girl’ kept calling you. Very persistent, I think you should call her back.”

The demon flinched. “Shit, I forgot about that! Could we..?”

He looked back and forth between Chloe and Lucifer.

“Sure”, the detective nodded and demon and angel left to find a quiet place for their call.

“I suppose I should get back to work as well.” Ella stood up, pulling Dan after her. “I have something regarding your other case. If you could take a look…”

Lucifer and Chloe glanced at each other. It was now just the two of them.

“So, how was your day with the angel?”, the devil asked.

“Fine”, Chloe replied. “He seems very… English. Also intelligent.” And very gay, she added silently. “I had him teach me about summoning circles.”

“Really?” Lucifer raised an eyebrow. “Now that sounds like a colossal waste of time. How could knowing about those scribbles possibly help to catch the culprit? It’s not like there’s a secret message hidden in there.”

“Well I like to be informed”, Chloe retorted. “We also managed to recover some data from his phone.”

That seemed to peak the devil’s interest. “Is that so? What kind of data? Anything that would link him to the crime?”

Chloe shook her head. “Food, mostly.”

Lucifer frowned. “What?”

“Pictures of food”, the detective explained. “Dozens of them. Taken in various restaurants all over the world. Usually with Crowley in the background somewhere, sometimes with him jumping into the frame. Aziraphale either likes to keep all of them or doesn’t know how to delete the blurry ones.”

The devil blinked, perplexed. “Huh.”

“What about your investigation?”, Chloe inquired. “You looked rather happy before. Did something happen?”

Lucifer chuckled. “Turns out Crawley and I have some common interests. He has somehow managed to keep an almost hundred year old car running to this day! Quite incredible. I’m sure a great deal of miracles were involved.”

Ah, so that was it. Cars. The devil was rather passionate about them. Not something Chloe claimed to understand, but she was happy he’d found someone to talk about it. However, something else stood out to her, something that had been bothering her for a while.

“Why do you call him that?”

Lucifer frowned. “Call him what?”

“Crawley”, the detective clarified. “He says his name is Crowley.”

“Not in my eyes, it’s not.” The devil looked at his nails. “Given his current position he has lost that privilege. I thought it might be good to remind him of who he is.” With that he seemed to be done with the topic, his next words almost aggressively straying away from it. “What about you and Aziraphale? You sure he hasn’t given you any trouble?”

Feeling that he wasn’t ready to tell her more than that, Chloe decided to let it go for now.

“No, he was very forthcoming. And he’s incredibly knowledgeable about books.” She looked the devil in the eyes, her voice becoming devoid of emotion. “I’m serious, don’t ask him anything book related unless you want an hour long explanation.”

Lucifer laughed. “Seems like you had a fun afternoon.”

“No, it was nice.” The detective hesitated. “They both seem… rather friendly, don’t you think?”

Lucifer pressed his lips together. “I hope they are. I really do. But I can’t trust them just yet.”

Chloe frowned. “Do you still think they’re responsible for Mr. Canvas’ death? It really doesn’t seem likely at this point.”

“No, I’m just… I’m not sure what their angle is. They have done things in the past I don’t understand and they can do things that should be impossible!” He shook his head and continued before Chloe had the chance to ask him to elaborate. “Not only that, it’s bugging me that they showed up here at all. I mean, what are the odds of the summoning happening in Los Angeles of all places? Why here, where I am? Why them?” Lucifer looked at the ceiling which Chloe recognized as a silent glare towards god. “What’s Dad up to this time?”

That was a question that was too far out for Chloe to even debate properly. It was hard enough to keep up with the idea of angels, demons and an afterlife. Placing god, his plans and will into that mess was above her current capabilities.

So they fell silent, Lucifer lost in thought and Chloe focusing back on her files. Suddenly she remembered something. She stood up.

“Look, I know you hate paperwork, but could you look over these for me?” She pressed some papers into Lucifer’s hands. “I forgot to ask Aziraphale something about the crime scene.”

The devil pouted, but obediently sat down at her desk.

“Fine, anything for you detective”, he grumbled.

Chloe gave him a grateful smile and went looking for the British pair. She found them in a mostly empty hallway, Crowley pacing back and forth with his phone pressed to his ear. The detective leaned against the door and decided to wait. Aziraphale gave her a small wave when he noticed her.

“I said we’re sorry. What more do you want?”, the serpent said, then held the device away from his ear as the person on the other end seemed to be shouting. “Alright, alright! Look, we really didn’t mean to worry you. Summonings aren’t exactly something I can just skip. It would rip my essence apart if I tried.” He listened for a while. “Yes, we’re fine, Anathema. No, he won’t start another one, I’m pretty sure. …We just can’t leave yet. Yeah, Los Angeles, crazy right?” The demon suddenly stopped in his tracks. “No, no, no! Whatever you do, _don’t_ bring Adam into this! …Yeah, I know it’s dangerous, but so is he. There’s no telling what would happen if they were to meet now. I don’t want to risk a fight.”

Chloe frowned. Adam? As in, Adam, Eve’s husband? Was he in England? And he wanted to fight? Strange.

“No, we don’t intend to hide it from him”, Crowley continued. “But I think it’s better if we talk to him after we get back. Yes, we will be back. Not sure when though.” He snipped his fingers. “Oh, almost forgot! Could you look after my plants for me? They should be getting a bit dry by now... Just don’t coddle them! The angel spoils them enough.”

“Do not!”, Aziraphale huffed and Crowley stuck his tongue out at him.

“Yeah, the plant mister’s on the kitchen table. And tell Newt to yell at the fern in the corner, he knows which one. Yes, it’s necessary, it knows what it did!” Crowley nodded. “Uh-huh. Yeah, you too, Anathema.”

Aziraphale leaned towards Crowley’s ear. “Give Newton and the others our regards! No selling any books! And don’t let Pepper practice sword fighting in the shop! It’s an outdoor activity!”

The demon laughed. “You heard him. Yeah. Ciao.”

He hung up, looking at the phone with a smile. Chloe had stared at the entire scene with slight awe. It had been so… normal. For a moment she’d almost forgotten that the two of them weren’t human. Maybe the difference really wasn’t all that great.

She stepped forward. “So everything went fine with your call, I take it?”

Crowley turned around. “Sure, everything’s fine. They found someone else to look after the kid.”

“You do that kind of thing often?” Chloe thought about how Maze’s way of watching Trixie involved many, many knives. She wondered if Aziraphale was in the same habit of loaning children his sword. He seemed more responsible than that, but who knew.

“Not usually”, the angel said. “But it's become a bit of a habit in recent years. The last decade or so.” He smiled. “It’s nice. Crowley likes children.”

“Angel!”, the serpent hissed before turning his attention back to Chloe. “Was there something you wanted?”

“Yes. I wanted to ask what to do with the crime scene”, she explained. “This… circle, is it safe to remove? Or does a certain procedure have to be followed? For now we’re still preserving the scene, but soon we’ll start cleaning up so if there’s something I need to know about it…”

“It should be safe at this point”, Aziraphale reassured. “I got rid of the key runes and the energy dispersed. Now it’s just harmless text. But I advise you to clean it very thoroughly so no one can read it anymore. I’d also ask you to get rid of the photos of it, or at least keep them somewhere secure.”

Chloe nodded. “Yes, of course.”

The couple said their goodbyes and drove with Lucifer back to Lux. Chloe stayed behind, deciding to finish filing the new information. It wasn’t easy to keep track of everything, the case had basically two layers. The real one and the ‘official’ one, without any of the supernatural elements. She decided to note Hastur as a contact man who provided the perpetrator with a stolen book of unclear origin and looked at the pile of other things she still had to work though. This would be a long evening…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternatively: Chloe is seeing supernatural beings acting domestic and casual with humans. It’s good for her. Because, let’s be honest, Maze and Lucifer are a bit nuts and Amenadiel can be a tad intimidating at times.
> 
> Newton is the guy who allowed himself to be recruited into the witchfinder army and brought scissors, fully expecting that he would have to stab someone with them all while being visibly uncomfortable. He would absolutely get bullied into meekly screaming at Crowley’s plants.
> 
> Also, Lucifer implies that there had been a time when he used to call Crowley, well, “Crowley”. I don’t know if that may confuse some people because it’s technically a detail that’s easily forgotten, so I’ll elaborate. In both the book and the TV series the devil actually speaks to Crowley at the very beginning (it’s not explicitly stated in the show that the devil is talking, but it’s written in the script book so…). In both versions he calls him Crowley. And I’m especially fond of the TV version since:  
“Because you earned it [the honor to deliver the Antichrist], Crowley, didn’t you? What you did to the M25 was a stroke of demonic genius, darling.”  
I mean, look at this. LOOK AT IT! The mocking tone, the threatening flattery, the ‘darling’ at the end, this just screams Lucifer from _Lucifer_! It might as well be canon.


	14. Some time to ourselves

Back in Lux Aziraphale insisted on checking Crowley’s injuries again. Lucifer was downstairs entertaining the club visitors so they had a bit of time to themselves.

“Did you know the devil could play the piano?”, Aziraphale asked as he looked over a cut located just below the demon’s ribs. It was almost fully healed by now.

“No. He’s full of surprises, it seems”, Crowley replied.

“Like knowing where the library is.” Aziraphale sighed. “I still wish I could have gone with you.”

The demon rolled his eyes. “Angel, I know you love books, but that’s Hell’s Library you’re talking about.

“But-“

“HELL’S LIBRARY”, the serpent repeated. “Some books there try to eat you!"

Aziraphale huffed. “I’m sure they just need someone taking proper care of them.”

Crowley groaned. “Please don’t tell me you’ll try going down there. I beg of you, it’s not worth it.”

“Oh, I’m sure it’s worth a lot”, the angel disagreed. “But don’t worry, I won’t. Not without you at any rate.”

“Good, because I won’t take you there. Too dangerous.” Crowley nodded. “Besides, that’s not even what I was getting at. What was really surprising is that Lucifer healed my back. I still can’t believe it. He didn’t have to!”

“Well he didn’t heal your other injuries”, Aziraphale commented. “You still need a lot of rest, those blessed and cursed cuts are persistent.” He shook his head disapprovingly then gently tapped the demon’s shoulder. “Wings.”

Knowing there was no use trying to stop him Crowley obeyed and lay on his stomach, stretching the feathered limbs out behind him. He would much prefer to do this when he wasn’t injured. As it was the cuts were all the angel would focus on. Shame.

“But he healed the worst one”, he argued, closing his eyes with a smile when he felt Aziraphale’s hands on his wings. “And after a bit of negotiation he let me hide from the other demons.”

“You had to basically blackmail him”, Aziraphale huffed.

“True, but I didn’t have any _real_ leverage. Like it or not, in the end he can do with me what he wantsssSSS!”

The angel flinched.

“So sorry, my dear! I didn’t notice the open spot there, it was hidden under your feathers.” Crowley could feel him fussing over the injury. “Looks like this one’s from the holy blade, I’ll leave it alone.”

Relaxing again the demon let out a sigh. Aside from the occasional sting it did feel nice having Aziraphale run his fingers over his wings; even though the serpent would never say so out loud. He didn’t have to. The angel probably knew exactly what he was doing. This wasn’t the first time one of them had touched the other’s wings, after all, though it was admittedly a rather recent development.

It had started sometime in the 1980s when Crowley had strolled into the bookshop to find that Aziraphale had decided to stretch his wings, so focused on reading he hadn’t even noticed he’d forgotten to pull them back in. Upon seeing the mess of feathers sprouting from the angel’s back the demon had been absolutely scandalized, insisting on getting them back in order. Aziraphale had apparently not bothered to properly clean his wings in years, maybe decades even! The serpent had felt embarrassed just looking at them. After the incident he had demanded to be allowed to check them once in a while to which the angel had hesitantly agreed.

For the demon to allow Aziraphale to get close to his wings it had taken more time. It wasn’t like he needed help taking care of them. They were always in perfect condition (special circumstances like kidnappings excluded). And it wasn’t even that he didn’t trust the angel. He did. He had trusted him with his life for centuries. But wings were… a sensitive topic for him. For all Fallen, really. Lucifer was a prime example of the worst type.

Crowley didn’t hate his wings. Not at all. But that didn’t mean he was comfortable with letting others touch them, especially after millennia of keeping everyone away. It was only sometime after Armadidn’t that he had finally given in to the angel’s requests and allowed Aziraphale to groom them. It was then that they had discovered something interesting.

Their wings reacted to love. As angels were beings of love this shouldn’t come as too much of a surprise – in fact, it had been precisely the reason they hadn’t noticed anything before; Aziraphale had thought it had been his own doing and kept quiet about it – but for a demon this was most unusual. Then again, the wings were the most angelic part a demon had left after Falling. Not truly angelic, of course, the feathers had been burned off by flames of pure hellfire and regrown as something closer to cursed than divine, but they still held an echo of what they’ve once been. And it was when they came in contact with love that they truly showed those old colors.

There was nothing that could be compared to the feeling of having your wings touched by someone who loved you. It was physically pleasing, yes, but also so much more than that. Right now it was like warm sunshine, a hum of home and safety and care and togetherness, buzzing from the root of Crowley’s wings to the tips of his feathers before spreading through his entire being, making him feel content and treasured.

“Lucifer also wanted to force Adam to go through with the apocalypse”, the angel picked up their conversation, still occupied with his work.

“Everyone wanted the apocalypse to happen”, Crowley countered, trying to focus back on what they’ve been talking about. As always Aziraphale proved to be quite distracting. The serpent cranked his neck backwards to look at his counterpart. “We were the crazy ones for trying to protect earth.”

“I suppose, but… Oh, I don’t know…” Aziraphale paused, his hands resting on where the muscles of Crowley’s wings connected with those on his back. He frowned. “You’re all tense back here.”

“Couldn’t stretch them properly in the circle”, the demon mumbled. “Got a cramp.”

“Well that won’t do. You just lie back down.”

Sputtering something incomprehensible, Crowley crossed his arms on the pillow (the one he had bitten and that had been fixed by Aziraphale later) and rested his chin on them. His ears felt like they were on fire. It was still a bit overwhelming at times. 6000 years of barely broken distance and now here he was with Aziraphale massaging his back and wing muscles like it was the most normal thing in the world.

The angel pressed against an especially sore knot, getting rid of it and sending out waves of joy and comfort. A pleased hum escaped the serpent’s lips. So maybe it was overwhelming, but definitely in a good way. He wouldn’t trade what they had for anything in the world.

“Why are you giving him such a hard time?”, Crowley asked, continuing where they left off.

“Why are you so keen on giving him a chance?”, the angel countered. “I know it’s nice he likes the Bentley, but be reasonable.”

“It’s got nothing to do with that!”, the serpent protested, a little too quickly.

There was a pause. Crowley couldn’t see the angel’s face, but he just knew he was giving him one of his patented disapproving looks.

“Alright, maybe a little”, the demon admitted. “We did have a good time talking. BUT it’s not my main point! I just think it’s possible he might have changed. He seems to like the earth. He definitely likes the detective, maybe enough to reconsider some things.”

The hands on his back stilled for a moment. “I don’t know…”

“She seems to think it’s fine”, Crowley continued. “And she appears to be quite smart.”

“I hope that she’s right, but…” Aziraphale hesitated, searching for the right words. “Lucifer does have a way of making human heads turn. How do we know her judgment isn’t clouded?”

Crowley considered that for a moment.

“No, I don’t think that’s it. She isn’t some crazed fan running after him, trying their best to get in his pants like some of the people downstairs.” He paused. “What about your love-radar? Picking anything up?”

“Don’t call it a love-radar, Crowley, it doesn’t work like that”, the angel huffed. “And you know I don’t like relying on that ability, it’s too vague. All I can do is sense love in a general area or from a person and how intense it is. I can’t tell who or what exactly it’s directed at or even what kind of love it is.”

“Yeah, but can you sense anything form them?”

Aziraphale hesitated. “Well, yes, but they’re both kind of hard to get a good read off. Lucifer’s aura drowns out almost everything else about him and he keeps it mostly neutral. I admit though, I did notice a stir whenever he’s around Ms. Decker. Protectiveness, but also something else. Something strong. But he hides it. As for her… I… think I can feel some love? But I’m not sure. I don’t really know what it is about her, but most magic seems to slide right off of her.”

Crowley nodded in agreement. He had noticed it too.

“True, she has something unusual to her, though I can’t tell what it is either. But she seems in control of what’s happening between her and Lucifer. She keeps a cool head during her work and she tells him off when he gets things wrong. And!” He flapped his wings to emphasize his point, causing Aziraphale to push them back down. “He _listens_ to her! Actually listens to what she tells him!” The serpent shook his head. “I might not have known him very well, but have _never_ seen the king of Hell listen to anyone!”

Aziraphale was now just absentmindedly stroking his wings. Crowley felt like he was being picked up and held tightly, protected from anything that might try to harm him.

“You might be right, it’s just…”

“Just what?”

The angel sighed. “I’m scared, Crowley. He’s the one who started the rebellion. Countless Fell because they followed him. Historically, trusting him just doesn’t seem like a good idea. What if something terrible happens?”

Crowley bit his lip. “I caused humanity to Fall. Sometimes things just spiral out of control.” He glanced upwards. “Especially when She’s involved. Unpredictable. Ineffable. Following a Plan only She understands.”

“What Lucifer did was different”, Aziraphale insisted.

“Was it?”, the demon wondered. “He didn’t plan for the Fall to happen. Nobody saw that one coming. As for the consequences…” He hesitated for a moment. “A lot happened. Good and bad. But… I doubt I could be sitting here with you like this if I hadn’t Fallen.”

Aziraphale’s fingers ran through the soft feathers just by the demon’s back, making him hum happily. “Crowley, that’s very sweet of you to say, but I know how much the Fall hurt you. I’m sure we would have found each other in a different lifetime as well. Even if you had stayed an angel.”

Crowley paused at that, remembering all the times Aziraphale had reminded him of his nature. ‘We both started out as angels, but _you_ have Fallen’, had been his words once, almost accusatory.

“Would you prefer that?”, he asked, his voice hesitant. “If we were both angels?”

“No.” The answer was clear, no thinking time needed. Aziraphale leaned down and kissed the spot between his shoulder blades. “I think you’re perfect just the way you are.”

“Ngk.” Crowley felt like was about to melt into the sofa from embarrassment. Aziraphale was still above him, pressing his forehead against his back.

“I just don’t want him to hurt you again”, the angel admitted. “It doesn’t matter if he didn’t plan it the first time or if things got out of hand, you can’t deny that he doesn’t care if he stirs up trouble. And other beings tend to get caught in the crossfire. It’s never good to challenge the Almighty and Lucifer’s known for doing that at every chance he gets.”

Crowley groaned.

“You know it’s true”, Aziraphale insisted. “Do you get where I’m coming from?”

“Yeah, I do...”

The serpent tucked in his wings and rolled on his back so he could wrap his arms around the angel, pulling him to his chest. After a bit of shuffling they found a comfortable position, Aziraphale being mindful of his injuries.

“Let’s look at it this way”, Crowley suggested. “I can’t Fall again and, as we both know, if he really wanted to kill us then we could hardly stop him, no matter what we did.”

“I suppose that’s true”, the angel admitted.

“Right.” Crowley nodded. “Do you think he can make you Fall?”

Aziraphale blinked. Apparently the thought hadn’t occurred to him.

“I don’t think so”, he finally said. “After everything that happened, after openly opposing Heaven…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “At this point it’s entirely up to the Almighty. I won’t stray from the path we’ve chosen as I am convinced that it is the right one. Lucifer won’t be able to change that.”

“So…” Crowley searched for the angel’s hand and intertwined their fingers. “I think we can safely try giving him a chance, right? And we can watch each other’s backs so we don’t end up doing something stupid.”

The angel was still hesitant.

“We gave Adam a chance”, the serpent reminded him. “And he did start the apocalypse, even if he stopped it later.”

“Why do you care so much?”, Aziraphale wondered. “I thought you didn’t like Lucifer.”

“I don’t, really”, Crowley made a face. “Bit of a selfish bastard, to put it mildly. But when we were driving back to the station, after exhausting the subject of his car and favorite spy movie we somehow ended up discussing some of the past cases he worked on with Ms. Decker. And when I listened to him talk about her and about the work he does with the police, I got the impression that he’s really trying. Trying to be, well, good. Kinder.”

Out of the corner of his eye he could see Aziraphale beam and he knew he’d said too much.

“My dear boy.” The angel shifted closer to him. “You could have started with this.”

“I-I’m just saying!”, Crowley sputtered. “I mean, if there should be another battle for humanity in the distant future it would be nice to have the devil on our side!”

“Yes, very nice”, Aziraphale agreed. He didn’t believe him.

“I mean it!” Crowley felt like hissing out of frustration. “That’s the only reason I brought any of this up! Don’t think-” He was silenced with a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Takes out a canon the size of a truck. Fills it with fluff. Shoots. Takes out binoculars.*  
“Did it hit? Was it fluffy?”


	15. Ella’s deductions

Just as expected, when Chloe was finally done with the paperwork it was starting to get dark. Dan had already gone home, but to her surprise Ella was still here. And she was pacing back and forth in her lab, occasionally glancing towards Chloe’s desk in that typical manner of hers that indicated she had something to say, but couldn’t decide if she should.

With a sigh Chloe decided to take matters into her own hands. She stood up and walked over. Ella immediately pretended to be busy, hurrying to her desk and looking at some notes, but she was holding the pen upside down.

Chloe smiled. “Ella… Is there something you want to tell me?”

The forensic scientist jumped. “No! No, no, it’s nothing! Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know…” The detective shrugged. “Just looked like it.”

There was a pause in which Ella fumbled with her pen. A few seconds later she cracked.

“Alright, listen.” She turned towards the detective and bit her lip. “This is going to sound crazy. And I mean really crazy. Remember that time I told you I could see ghosts? Well, one ghost? Along those lines of crazy.”

Yes, Chloe did remember when Ella confided in her with the ghost story. Back then she hadn’t been sure what to make of it, but now she wondered if it was supposed to be taken literally. She’d have to ask Lucifer later if such a thing was possible. If there were souls going to Heaven and Hell then surely ghosts weren’t that far off?

Seeing that Ella was still waiting for an answer she nodded quickly. “I’m all ears. And don’t worry. Whatever it is, I won’t think you’re weird.”

The forensic scientist looked relieved. “You sure?”

“Believe me, I’ve dealt with some really weird things in the last few months”, Chloe said. “You can tell me.”

“Right, right…” Ella walked around her table and took out some photos. “So remember that creepy room Mr. Crowley was being held captive in? I just couldn’t get it out of my head. So I went back to the scene and started looking.”

Chloe felt her stomach tighten in unease. Ella was smart. Almost too smart sometimes. Had she found something? What was she supposed to do if she did?

The scientist pulled out some photos of the room.

“First of all, most of the… _paint_”, Ella spat the word out as if it had personally offended her, “was located here.” She pointed at the area around the circle.

“From the tracks left behind in it, it seems that Crowley really was being held in the center of these symbols. Probably to make this whole ‘demon summoning’ more realistic, I don’t know. Though I can’t tell how his kidnapper managed to keep him there. It’s not like he was tied to a chair or something like that. Most kidnapping victims crawl towards the exit or huddle by the wall to take cover, but Mr. Crowley seemed to have stayed in there for some reason. And he has confirmed that he was alone a few times. We didn’t find any ropes, did we?”

Chloe slowly shook her head.

“See? It’s kind of strange, right?” Ella took a different photo. “But there’s more.”

“More?” The detective swallowed.

“Now look at the bl- paint splatters here and all around, really.” Ella pointed at the red spots on the walls. “I was wondering how they were made. I’ve never seen anything like it. Well, not without having an extremely gruesome murder in the middle of it at least. But even for that the patterns just didn’t seem to fit. So I tried to recreate what must have happened and for one, all of these splatters seem to have their origin in the circle. But how were they made?”

The scientist walked back and forth, gesturing wildly as she did so. “I went home, took a brush and a paint can and tried to swing the paint in a way that would create similar patterns. But no matter what I did, it just wouldn’t work.” Ella stopped pacing and once again pointed at the photo. “Then I remembered the feathers.”

Chloe shifted nervously. “You did?”

“Yes! And I thought of something crazy!” The scientist ran to her bag and pulled out her phone as well as a small notebook overflowing with lose papers. “First this.”

She shoved the phone into Chloe’s face showing a Youtube video of a bird flapping its wings in slow motion, shaking off droplets of water.

“I watched several videos just like this one, trying to see how birds move their wings. And then…” Ella took out her notebook and several sketches of bird anatomy scattered on the desk. “I made these. Now if we assume the bird was bleeding from roughly these areas.” She pointed at the sketch of a wing with several red colored spots. “And if it was then standing here…”

Ella pulled out another sketch that Chloe recognized as a drawing of the room Crowley had been held in. There was a little circle and inside was something similar to a pigeon.

Ella took a step back and spread her arms. “Now imagine the bird standing there. It can’t move away, but it’s flapping its wings wildly. Like this.” She began moving her arms rapidly, keeping them partly behind her back. “But the left one’s a bit weaker.” She moved her left arm slower. “And…”

Chloe could only stare. Suddenly she saw Crowley lying back on Lucifer’s sofa, the battered wings kept in the open. The picture changed to the room he’d been kept in. She could see him standing in the circle, a faceless figure with a knife nearby. Suddenly she remembered the gash on the demon’s back and the picture shifted again. Crowley unable to run or defend himself, the knife being driven into his back as he beat his wings from the pain, blood splattering all around.

The detective closed her eyes for a moment, shaking the scenario off. Ella’s deductions made sense, it all fit together, but she could have lived without that mental image. Then again, it was her job to figure things like that out. It just was never pleasant.

“So in conclusion, and I don’t know what to make of this…” Ella was pointing at one of her sketches again. “The patterns on the floor and walls would make sense if we assume someone stood in the circle and beat some giant wings covered in wet paint around.” She paused, tapping her pen against her palm. “Sadly I couldn’t test it myself – the costume shop didn’t have wings that size – BUT I’m pretty sure my drawings are accurate.”

“And you did all of that in the span of two days?”, Chloe wondered.

The forensic scientist nodded proudly. “Sure did! I just couldn’t stop thinking about it. I mean, dude! That room is like straight out of a horror film! But what does this all mean?”

Chloe tensed and pushed a stray hair behind her ear. “Uhm… What do you think? Any conclusions?”

Ella shook her head and looked over the papers again. “I mean, we didn’t find any costumes or anything anywhere. I guess they could have been destroyed or taken away, but… I don’t know, it seems weird. There were also the fake feathers, but there were no traces of glue or anything of the sort on them that would indicate they fell off of something. Traces in the paint indicate that it had only been put there after Mr. Crowley was already present. He didn’t say anything about being forced to beat giant, fake wings in there, did he?”

For a moment Chloe considered lying, but then she would have to explain where said fake wings had gone so she just shook her head.

“Oh, and another thing!”

“Another thing?”, the detective replied weakly, watching Ella dig through the pile of papers until she found a close-up of the circle.

“Look at this.” She pointed at the runes. “The paint got everywhere except on top of the symbols! Even here where it the entire floor is covered, the letters are untouched! I thought that maybe they’d repel paint or water or something, but no! It just ‘so happened’”, Ella made quotation marks in the air, “that not a single splatter ended up on top of the writing! Weird, right?”

“Very”, Chloe nodded quickly. “Very, very… strange.”

Ella’s shoulder’s dropped. “You think I’m acting crazy.”

“No!” The detective took her by the shoulders, trying to sound as calm and serious as possible. “I don’t think you’re crazy, Ella. Those are all very valid observations. You’re right, this is… odd.”

“But what does it mean?” The scientist looked at Chloe with wide eyes. “Do you think…” She bit her lip. “I mean, if there are ghosts… Do you think this Crowley might be… some kind of… bird person? And that those symbols on the floor were somehow… trapping him?” Immediately she shook her head and started pacing again. “No, of course not! That sounds absolutely nuts! You’re a logical person, of course you don’t think that. Sorry, I brought it up.”

“Ella-“

“No, no, just forget it, there has to be something I’m missing.” The scientist looked at the papers and turned away again. “I just don’t know what, it makes no sense, I-“

“Ella!”

The scientist stopped, looking at Chloe who had stepped in her way.

“I…”, Chloe began and broke off, unsure how to continue.

She couldn’t just drop the knowledge of Heaven and Hell on Ella like that, especially since the woman had been struggling with her own faith lately, but she couldn’t just leave her.

“Look, I… I don’t really know either, but I think your deductions are sound. I mean, you’re right, if there are ghosts, why not a man with wings?”

Ella blinked. “You really believe my ghost story?”

“Yes, of course.” The detective nodded. “Just because it’s strange, doesn’t mean it’s impossible.”

“You really mean it?”, Ella asked. “But still… it just doesn’t make sense! The feathers were fake. If he had wings, they shouldn’t be fake. And then the paint… Oh, I just don’t get it! It just… It seems to leave the realm of what we consider possible!”

“That’s true, but…” Chloe felt that they were starting to tread into dangerous territory and racked her brain for an explanation. “There have been a lot of parts of this case that are really strange”, she finally said. “Maybe you should ask Crowley about it directly?”

“Just… ask him?” The scientist stared. “He’ll think I lost it!”

“I’m sure he won’t”, Chloe reassured.

“But…” Ella was still wavering. “I… Maybe? You really think I should go to him with this?”

The detective nodded. “If anyone can clear this up it’s him. And with all the evidence you’ve collected, you’re the best person suited to confront him about it.”

Ella bit her lip. “I’ll think about it.”

The detective let out a relieved breath. “Good.”

That way the beings in question could decide for themselves how to deal with a curious human. Chloe didn’t know if there were any rules about this. If there were, Lucifer certainly didn’t seem to care about them, but revealing Crowley and Aziraphale’s nature without asking first seemed like a bad idea. Not to mention she really wasn’t sure how Ella would stomach the information. It was… a lot.

“Hey, Chloe?” The scientist was packing up her sketches, but paused. “Thanks for always being there for me and for listening to my ramblings.”

“No problem.” Chloe smiled. “You did excellent work.”

“Oh… Come here.” Ella pulled her into a hug. “It’s good to have friends.”

The detective nodded, patting her back. “Yes. Yes, it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ella: *can’t figure out traces left behind by supernatural beings that had been altered with magic and therefore defy all reason and science*  
Ella: Ok, but hear me out. ...Bird people.
> 
> Really though, this chapter isn't all that eventful. One of the weaker ones, I think. It's partially here to explain why the room was so god damn bloody and partially to give Ella some screen time and show off how smart she is. A tad too smart, actually. I have to keep her away from the main cast or she’ll figure everything out.  
Also, I just love Ella. She made the investigations way more fun to watch when she was added in season 2.


	16. Your friendly neighborhood Serpent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Watch out, this is a long one. Also A LOT of notes at the end, I’m sorry about that.

The next day Chloe found herself wandering back to Lux in the afternoon. It was technically Lucifer’s day off (though she promised to call him if there were any new leads), but she felt like dropping by since she had finished early and had nothing better to do. Besides, Trixie was demanding a Monopoly rematch. Chloe would just… tell him about it in person. Yeah, that was it.

The elevator doors opened and she was surprised to see the apartment empty. Frowning she entered.

“Lucifer?” Something caught her foot and she stumbled. “What the-“

The detective looked down to find some kind of black and red… garden hose? It was about as thick as a metal pipe and lying on the floor in the middle of the room. There was a strange pattern printed on it and OH MY GOD it was alive!

Chloe jumped back in shock as the thing moved and shortly after a large snake head emerged from behind the sofa.

“Did you just kick me?”, the snake asked.

“Wh-what?! No! I just, I didn’t see you there and-“ Chloe broke off and froze, her brain suddenly catching up with what was happening. She was conversing with a _talking snake_. A talking… snake.

“It’s fine, it’s fine!” The snake seemed panicked. “Don’t start shrieking now or Lucifer will turn me into a purse when he finds out.”

Something in Chloe’s mind clicked. Yellow eyes, slit pupils, that voice… The Serpent. Snake.

“Crowley?”, the detective asked and the snake opened its mouth in what could probably pass as a grin.

“Correct. Now don’t panic, I’m going to move.” Crowley slithered onto the sofa, seemed to shrink a bit, curled up and yawned, revealing sharp fangs in the process. “Have you seen Aziraphale?”

Chloe shook her head. “I’m afraid not.” She noticed something. “There’s a note on the table though.”

“Oh?” The serpent leaned forward and studied it.

“Dear Crowley”, he read. “I went out to see if there are any interesting antiquarian shops in the area. Don’t worry, I’ll be back this evening. With love, Aziraphale.” Crowley pulled back onto the sofa with a groan. “Great. He just couldn’t wait until I woke up, noooo, he had to go and run off by himself. I swear to Go-, Sa- Ssssomeone, if he gets himself into trouble again…”

The detective frowned. “Again? Does this kind of thing happen often?”

She had to admit it was hard to imagine. The angel seemed to be quite well put together.

“Oh, constantly!”, the serpent declared. “For someone so smart, he can be so… Just… careless!” Crowley shook his head. “He walked into the middle of the French Revolution dressed like an aristocrat. Because he wanted some _food_ and to look _fancy!_ What did he think would happen?! Of course they locked him up and wanted to execute him!”

He groaned again. “41 AD: tried to talk Emperor Caligula out of being an asshole. Ended up being thrown into an arena to be ripped apart by lions. 79 AD: almost got buried alive while trying to rescue humans during the eruption of a volcano. Eleventh century: nearly got killed for trying to interfere with the crusades. Fifteenth century: Got captured by pirates. Twice!”

Crowley smacked the sofa with his tail. “The list goes on and it doesn’t even include the times he almost got shanked in a dark alleyway somewhere! And who do you think has to get him out of all the messes he gets himself into?” He rose upwards and gave a dramatic wiggle. “Me, of course!”

Chloe blinked. Putting together everything she heard from Lucifer, this was not something that was considered normal. A demon rescuing an angel. And not just once, but several times. Seeing how close they were now it was actually really sweet. But…

“Wouldn’t you get in trouble for that?” The detective tried to remember everything she knew about relations between angels and demons. “You were enemies, right?”

“Well obviously I had to do it in secret”, Crowley explained. “That’s kind of hard if you have to travel around the globe to keep up with Hell’s assignments. Not to mention the angel didn’t exactly make it easy for me either. The second I let him out of my sight he was already off putting himself in some new danger. Let’s go back to the French Revolution for a second.”

The serpent shook his head. “He was _supposed_ to be in London opening his bookshop! So I thought ‘Alright, England’s been quiet enough lately, nothing to worry about’ so I went to France to see what all the fuss was about over there and, like, one or two weeks in I suddenly feel his presence nearby. In the Bastille of all places!” Crowley huffed. “He was lucky I got there in time.”

Chloe frowned, something occurring to her. “Couldn’t he just have miracled himself out of danger?”

“He could, but he’d rather get discorporated than get in trouble with his superiors. Heaven keeps a record of every miracle performed by angels and they’re very strict when it comes to what kind of miracles they consider appropriate and how many you’re allowed to use in a certain amount of time.” The serpent gave a quiet hiss. “Say what you like about Hell, but at least it’s your own business how you use your power. There are more check-ups, yes, and more threats of getting beaten up or tortured, but at least there’s way less of that surveillance bullshit Heaven’s so fond of.”

“So using inappropriate miracles is worse than being discorporated?”, the detective wondered.

“Heaven’s all about that perfect image.” Crowley sighed. “It’s better to let your corporation die an ‘honorable death’ than ‘misusing the power given to you by the Lord’ or some nonsense like that. Of course, losing your body is also quite frowned upon, but at least it’s possible to get issued a new one without having to inform the higher offices. And angering his boss was something Aziraphale tried to avoid as much as he could.”

“So he just sat there when they were about to cut his head off?!”

Chloe shuddered. Even if she’d been a being that couldn’t die from something like that she didn’t know if she’d have the stomach to just sit there and take it despite having the power to save herself. She’d take a scolding from her boss over getting beheaded any day.

“Yup.” The demon nodded. “He thought it would be the better solution. As if. What, does he think going through something like this doesn’t affect you? I might not have gotten discorporated myself, but I’ve seen and lived through enough unpleasantries in Hell to know that dying in a violent way definitely leaves scars.”

He hissed. “But of course Aziraphle thought it was best to continue playing the perfect angel, regardless of what it would mean for him personally.” Crowley chuckled, but it sounded almost desperate. “It’s funny because at this point we were already working together for a long time. And he had secretly disobeyed Heaven to help out humans in the past. But _miracles_, that’s where he drew the line! If he didn’t want Heaven to know what he had been doing or if he had already used up his quota for the month, he'd absolutely refuse to use miracles, even if it meant he'd suffer a painful discorporation. He just _had_ to keep up appearances.”

The serpent shook his head, his voice slipping into a fond tone. “He can be such a moron sometimes. And he always trusts the wrong people, but always because he’s trying to do the right thing. He’s just too nice for his own good.” Taking a deep breath and apparently satisfied with his rant the serpent rolled up his body a bit more. “But enough about that. What about you? Made any progress in the investigation?”

Chloe shook her head. “Nothing yet. We have officers keeping an eye out for someone that fits Hastur’s description, but no luck.”

The serpent didn’t seem surprised. “Yeah, like I said, it probably won’t be that easy. Even he knows how to blend in among humans.” He suddenly flinched. “Oh, and if by any chance you _do_ manage to find him then you know the correct course of action is to contact Lucifer immediately, right? Don’t let your people bother him unless you want them to get eaten!”

“Eaten?!”, Chloe repeated, horrified.

“He’s not a pleasant fellow”, Crowley said, his voice somber. “I’m serious. Killing humans is nothing for him.”

The detective nodded slowly. Being around Lucifer, Maze, Amenadiel, Crowley and Aziraphale had almost made her forget that, while not necessarily evil, supernatural beings could still be extremely dangerous.

“Thanks for telling me”, she said. “The officers in question have been instructed not to approach him, but I’ll make sure they know they have to be extra careful.”

“Definitely”, the serpent agreed. “As long as they keep away he should leave them alone.”

Chloe nodded again, fishing her phone out of her pocket and sending a message to Dan. He should still be at the station and he would definitely make sure everyone was informed. Ever since Charlotte’s death he’s been quite fixated on security.

Looking back up, she crossed her arms.

“There was something else I was wondering about. It came to me while I was looking through the files yesterday.” She rubbed her chin. “Couldn’t we just summon him? Hastur, I mean. If he’s a demon it should be possible, right?”

“Eh…” Crowley waved his head back and forth. “I mean, technically you’re right. If we had his true name – and I’m sure Lucifer could get a hold of it – then, yeah. But it would really piss him off.” He shuddered. “Besides, our opponent is a summoner himself. Should he have trapped Hastur in a circle somewhere then calling him would, quite literally, rip his essence in two. That’s a horrible way to go, but, more importantly, risky. While it can discorporate you, it more often than not straight up kills you. And we can’t ask Hastur anything if he’s dead.”

The detective gave a thoughtful nod. “I see. Not the best idea then.”

“Yeah.” The serpent tasted the air. “Maybe don’t mention this to Lucifer though. He might be reckless enough to take the risk if he gets impatient.”

“Noted.” Chloe looked around. “Speaking of Lucifer, do you know where he went?”

“He left a while ago”, the demon replied. “Said something about going to see some Linda.”

“Is that so?”

The detective frowned. She thought his session wasn’t until Thursday. Then again, Lucifer was prone to just barge into her office without an appointment when he had something on his mind, often with complete disregard for her other patients.

Having heard that he wasn’t home Chloe considered leaving, but felt it would be a bit rude so she carefully sat down on the sofa across from Crowley. “I’m, uhm, really sorry about before, I didn’t mean to kick you, I just-“

“Really, it’s fine”, the serpent interrupted her, shifting a bit and making his scales shimmer in the light falling through the widows. The detective noticed several bald spots and scar-like lines as he moved. “No harm done. Just startled me, is all. I was sleeping.”

There was a pause, neither quite knowing what to say next.

“If you don’t mind me asking”, Crowley finally said. “Doesn’t it bother you? Knowing where Lucifer went, I mean.”

“What? Why should it-“ Chloe broke off, suddenly understanding what the demon was getting at. “Oh. Oh, you mean- No, no, Lucifer and I are just work partners. It’s not like- Besides, she’s not- She’s just his therapist.”

Crowley stared.

“The devil has a therapist? Huh.” He considered that for a moment. “Wouldn’t have expected that. Then again, I think many Fallen could profit from it. You know what? Good for him.” He looked at her again, a curious spark in his eyes. “But, I mean… If she wasn’t his therapist. Would it bother you?”

Chloe felt her head getting hot. “Why- I really, I don’t know how that’s- I mean, I do care about him, but- It’s not-“

The demon ducked away. “Sorry, sorry! I shouldn’t have asked, it’s none of my business. Curiosity kills the snake and all that.”

“What about you?”, the detective asked, deciding to turn things around. “Enjoying your stay at Lux?”

“Eh, it’s not quite my style.” Crowley noticed her staring and chuckled. “You look surprised. Not all demons jump at the idea of sex, you know.” He paused. “Though I guess with only Lucifer around I can see why you might have gotten the wrong idea. To me it was never all that appealing.” He moved his body in what could be interpreted as a shrug. “I mean, I had to seduce some people occasionally. Job’s a job. But I left it at the tempting if I was allowed. And now I have Aziraphale. That’s all I ever wanted.”

“I see.” The detective took a moment to work through that information.

Just now Crowley had sounded a lot like Lucifer, talking about a job he didn’t really want to do. And the idea of having to tempt someone into bed despite having personally no desire to do so left a bad taste in her mouth. She wondered if there were other demons out there wishing they could just quit what they were doing.

She decided to change the subject. “I’m sorry if this is rude, but… why are you a snake?”

Crowley tilted his head. “It’s my original corporeal form I was given when I became a demon. Technically I’m a snake that just runs around in human form most of the time.” He looked down on himself. “While I don’t mind this form too much, I prefer my human shape. It gets kind of frustrating to have no arms. My eyesight gets worse too.”

“No, I mean… Why are you a snake right now?”, Chloe clarified.

“Oh, that. You could say I’m grounded. Aziraphale put me in snake-arrest for healing purposes.” The serpent shifted a bit to the right, following a spot of sunlight. “This form takes the least amount of energy to maintain. Helps me heal the last of those blasted cuts.”

“You seem unhappy”, the detective noted. “It’s only been a few days, you’re healing exceptionally fast.”

“Hah, for a human, maybe!”, the serpent declared. “Most demons would laugh at my recovery speed. In fact, Lucifer did just that before he left.”

“Oh, don’t let it get to you. He can be a jerk.” Chloe shook her head at her partner’s unprofessional behavior, another question already burning on her tongue. “…Can I ask you something else?”

“Sure.” Crowley placed his head comfortably on top of his curled up body. “I’d be a pretty big hypocrite if I had a problem with that. Go ahead.”

“How come you have snake features? In your human form, I mean. I’ve never seen any supernatural beings with animal traits before.”

The serpent thought for a moment.

“Have been hanging out with the wrong crowd then. Or maybe the right crowd. Some of those guys can be pretty unpleasant.” He shuddered. “Aziraphale and, you’ve mentioned you know Amenadiel too? They’re angels, they're different from us demons. I mean, they are able to shape shift, don’t get me wrong, but it’s just that: a change in appearance. It’s not like my case where my true nature is shining through my corporation.”

The detective nodded. “What about Maze?”

“Mazikeen?” Crowley curled up tighter. “She’s from Hell, originally. She has... other things. It’s mostly the Fallen ones that got those little animal attributes. God’s idea of a joke, I guess. Maybe punishment. Maybe both.”

Chloe frowned. “Lucifer doesn’t have them though. At least I don’t think he has.” She remembered something. “Unless there really is some truth to those goat depictions…”

The serpent laughed. “Hah, no, the goat thing was a prank. Don’t know who did it, but it wassss brilliant! Lucifer was fuming for decades. It hurt his ego.”

That made the detective chuckle.

“Really? Yeah, I can see that. He did complain about it during a case once. Of course I didn’t get it back then, but…” She started chuckling again, things shifting in perspective. “That’s actually pretty funny.”

Crowley nodded. “It is! Guy has to learn how to take a joke.” He calmed down. “But to answer your question, no, Lucifer doesn’t have animal attributes as far as I know. But he’s always been special. Different than the rest. Significantly stronger too. Guess that’s why he became king.”

“So you’re saying he kept his angelic appearance after Falling?”, Chloe asked before breaking off. “Wait, no. He has this devil form…”

“Devil form?”, the serpent repeated. “Ah, you mean when he gets all big and bald with bat wings and stuff? Yeah, I’m pretty sure he didn’t have that while we were in Heaven.”

The detective blinked. “What was he like?”

For a moment Crowley seemed taken aback and didn’t answer. Chloe wavered, wondering if she had said something wrong when he spoke up after all.

“He was… very bright”, the serpent said. “And I mean that literally, he was the ‘Lightbringer’, after all. Shining like a star and attracting others with his light.” His eyes became distant, lost in ancient memories. “Speaking of freedom and change he gathered followers, challenging God. He wanted power, there’s no denying that, and attention too probably, but some of the things he spoke of were sound. He wanted to be allowed independence and demanded answers where God refused to give them. No one expected how the Almighty would react…”

The demon trailed off and Chloe could see that his mind was far away, reliving events from a time she couldn’t even begin to comprehend.

“I didn’t even fight…” Crowley didn’t seem to be talking to her anymore, his voice strained, barely more than a quiet mutter. “I just asked some questions. What was wrong with that?”

He fell silent again, staring motionlessly on a spot on the floor. Chloe wasn’t sure what to say.

Sometimes all of this was still so surreal. To think that Lucifer, the guy she was working with on a daily basis and constantly made inappropriate jokes, giggling at them like a twelve year old, had stood up to literal God and then got punished for it along with countless others. That he had fought in an ancient war with magic and angels in some… other dimension or wherever Heaven was located. And to think that he was actually God’s _son_ and that… that God even existed! All-seeing, all-knowing, all-powerful God, sitting somewhere above them, watching and maybe even manipulating things. No wonder Lucifer was paranoid.

Crowley shook his head, eyes focusing back on her. “Sorry, you were probably referring to his appearance, weren’t you?” He cleared his throat and continued so quickly it was obvious he didn’t want to say more about the previous topic. “Well, uh... His true angelic form was pretty massive. At least four meters tall, so there’s that.”

Respecting the change of subject, the detective frowned. “True… angelic form? You don’t mean his wings?”

The serpent chuckled. “No? What, you think angels are just magic humans with wings stapled to their backs?” He shook his head, but stopped laughing when he noticed her embarrassment. “Don’t worry, you’re not the first one to make that mistake. I mean, really, how could you be expected to know? Angels are…” He paused for a moment. “Kind of hard to explain, actually. Glowing. Many eyes. Halos of pure light. Their shapes and sizes vary depending on which sphere and rank they were created for. Beautiful, but also kind of terrifying. Especially when they’re mad.”

Crowley waved his head back and forth. “Lucifer was said to be the most beautiful of them all. Subjective, if you ask me, but certainly a sight to behold. Brilliant white wings burning with holy fire, eyes like molten bronze and long, flowing hair as black as night.”

Chloe tried to imagine what that must have looked like. Different, she decided. Very, very different. She wondered what Crowley had looked like, but felt that it was a question better left unasked. Something else occurred to her. “What about Aziraphale?”

The serpent’s eyes softened and he sighed.

“He’s absolutely stunning…” Crowley flinched, realizing what he had said. “I-I mean! He is gorge- Not that his corporation isn’t also- That is to say… Ugh. I am not doing a good job of covering it up, am I?”

The detective was certain that if snakes could blush he would be doing it right now. Instead he just bashfully turned his head away.

She chuckled. “There is nothing shameful in finding your partner beautiful.”

The serpent looked embarrassed. “Force of habit, I guess. I’d like to see you spend centuries trying to hide you’re in love.”

Centuries? Chloe stared. It was exhausting enough to endure the emotional rollercoaster she and Lucifer seemed to be riding and she had only had to deal with that for a few years. But centuries?! She didn’t even want to think about it.

“That long?” She shook her head. “I would have never guessed, looking at you now.”

Crowley grinned, looking almost proud. “I know, right? I have to say, there were moments when I thought it would never come to be. Can you believe it took Aziraphale almost 800 years until he finally stopped calling me by the wrong name?” He shook his head. “A truly hopeless case, sometimes.” 

The words made Chloe remember something else she had wanted to know, but she hesitated, not sure if it would be alright to ask. Considering how forthcoming the serpent had been up ‘til now she decided to take the risk.

“There’s something else I’ve been wondering about. Something about you and Lucifer…”

The serpent looked at her. “Yes?”

“Why does he call you Crawley?” She looked at him. “Lucifer brushed it off when I wanted to know before, but I couldn’t get it out of my head.” Frowning, she paused. “Your name _is_ Crowley, right?”

“It is”, the demon confirmed. “Crawley was my original name. Not my true name, that’s another can of worms, but my original one. Well, not _original _original, the one I got when I Fell. But I changed it.”

Chloe was confused. “Then why doesn’t he use it?”

“Because he’s an asshole.”

The detective raised an eyebrow and Crowley sighed, but elaborated after a moment of silence.

“It’s a power thing”, he explained. “I chose a different name and by refusing to acknowledge it he’s basically telling me ‘you can’t choose who you are, only I can do that’.” The serpent gave a small hiss. “He used to call me Crowley, for a while. Maybe it was supposed to be a reward for all my good, or rather, Bad work on earth, but it seems he feels I no longer deserve it. Or maybe ‘deserve’ isn’t the right word. After all, it seems he’s quite fond of earth so the problem probably isn’t that I left Hell behind me. I think it’s more like… a warning.”

He shook his head. “I may refuse to play by Hell’s rules anymore, but you can’t just _quit_ being a demon. And being a demon means having to listen to what Lucifer says. Calling me Crawley is his way of reminding me of it.”

Chloe rested her chin on her hand. “I’m not sure I understand…”

Crowley let his tongue slip out for a second.

“Unlike humans, neither angels nor demons are able to truly achieve freedom”, he explained. “There will always be someone around that can force our hand, regardless of our feelings or opinions.” He sighed again. “For the angels it’s just God, for demons it’s the king of Hell. It’s nigh impossible for us to disobey an actual command from him.”

The detective considered that. “Maze doesn’t seem to have that problem.”

She remembered the fights between the female demon and Lucifer. Maze definitely didn’t look like she had to follow orders. Maybe she’d been expected to, but she could refuse.

“I don’t know much about her”, Crowley admitted. “But she’s been at his side for eons. Hell’s most feared torturer, the king’s right hand. I wouldn’t be surprised if he left her a great amount of freedom. You said she’s here with him on earth? And he doesn’t order her around?”

Chloe nodded. “Not anymore. He used to, at the very beginning. But even then I don’t think it was a command that would force her to do things. And these days she pretty much just does whatever she wants and he lets her be.”

“Hm. Maybe the freedom he gives her is why she willingly sticks around.” The snake chuckled, but there was little humor in it. “Not me though. I’m physically incapable of leaving LA for the foreseeable future.”

The detective stared at him in shock. “Lucifer keeps you trapped here?!”

“Well, I can’t entirely blame him. I _am_ kind of known for turning tail when things get messy”, Crowley admitted. “But that’s just what you gotta do sometimes. I’m a tempter, not a warrior. I wouldn’t have lived 6000 years if I didn’t know when it was better to retreat.”

“But… None of this really sounds like him”, the detective insisted. “To use your name like that and… and to keep you prisoner. It just doesn’t sound like something he’d do.”

“Look, I really don’t know him well enough to offer any judgment”, the demon said. “I’ve usually kept my distance. It’s safer. All I can tell you is the facts. He exerts power over me, but he also healed one of my worst injuries, so there’s that. I can’t get a good read of him.”

Chloe bit her lip. “I’m sure he has his reasons.”

The detective could feel doubt nagging at her, but she shook it off. She had often doubted Lucifer in the past and every single time there had been an explanation. No more. She would trust him to know what he was doing. And if he went too far, well, there had yet to be a time when she hadn’t been able to bring him back.

“Possible”, Crowley agreed. “Still would prefer he wouldn’t rub it in like that. As if I could forget that I don’t stand a chance against him. His aura alone is oppressing.”

Chloe blinked. “You can feel his aura?”

“Pretty hard not to”, the serpent replied. “The first time we met he was so angry it was as if someone had dropped a boulder on me and Aziraphale. Now he has reeled it in a bit, but it’s still like… Hm." He thought for a moment. "Imagine you’re standing at a bus stop waiting for the bus and there’s no one else around. Suddenly a stranger shows up and despite there being more than enough room they decide to stand right next to you, way too close, and invading your personal space. That’s more or less how it feels to be around him right now.”

The detective blinked. That did sound rather irritating.

“I could talk to him about it”, she suggested hesitantly. “And about the name thing too.”

“Don’t”, the serpent immediately said. “I really don’t need him thinking I’m trying to use you to improve my situation.” He gave her a long look. “Instead I’m going to place my trust in you.”

Chloe frowned. “Excuse me?”

“You trust him, don’t you?”, Crowley asked.

“I do.” The detective nodded, touching the bullet she was wearing more often around her neck lately. “I used to have trouble to, but now I’m sure it’s the right choice.”

“Then I’m going to trust your trust in him”, the snake declared. “Humans are generally better at this sort of thing.”

The elevator dinged and the two looked up. Chloe blinked. Well, speak of the… demon.

“Yo, Lucifer, you here?!”

Maze came strolling in, half a dozen shopping bags in each hand. Noticing Crowley on the sofa she dropped them and suddenly half a dozen knives appeared in her hands instead.

“You!”, she roared. “Traitor!”

The snake gave a high-pitched shriek and hurried to untangle itself, dodging the blades by a hair before tumbling off the sofa and disappearing below it.

“Come back here!” The torturer of Hell jumped after him, but Chloe was already on her feet, holding her back.

“Maze! It’s fine, don’t hurt him!”

The female demon whirled around, taking Chloe’s hands and looking them over.

“Are you alright? He didn’t bite you, did he? I swear, when I catch him…”

“Maze, really, it’s fine!” The detective tried pushing her away from the sofa, but she might have as well been pushing a brick wall. “He’s helping me and Lucifer with a case.”

That seemed to get a reaction. Maze’s stance relaxed. “Is he now?”

“Yes, he is”, Chloe repeated. “So you can calm down.”

“Alright.” The torturer nodded. “You won’t mind then…” She stepped towards the sofa. “If I take those back…” She began pulling the daggers out of the stuffing. “…Right?” Suddenly her hand shot forward and pulled something small and wiggling from under the sofa. “Got you!”

“Maze!”, Chloe called out, but she was ignored.

Mazikeen had Crowley firmly in her grip, holding him by the back of his neck so he couldn’t bite her. Despite winding his body wildly in all directions and hissing aggressively, he wasn’t able to free himself.

“Now, talk traitor!”, Maze demanded. “What are you doing here?”

“Nothing!” The hissing got worse by the second. “Jusssst doing what the bosssss wantssss me to, I ssswear!”

“A likely story.”

“Maze, please.” Chloe put a hand on her shoulder. “He’s telling the truth.”

“You don’t know him”, the torturer insisted. “He’s not to be trusted!”

“Oh, come on! What have I ever done to you?!” Suddenly the serpent went limp, staring towards the elevator. “Holy shit”, he whispered, eyes wide. “EVE?! Is that you?”

“Crawley?!” The woman standing by the shopping bags stared back. Then she covered her mouth and ran closer. “Oh my god, it _is_ you! How have you been, you old serpent?”

“Ignoring my current predicament… Can’t complain”, the snake replied. “And it’s Crowley now, by the way.” He gave her a once over. “New look, I see? Suits you.”

Eve smiled, pushing a stray hair behind her ear. “I’m glad you like it. I thought I’d try something a little different this time around.”

Crowley frowned. “But wait, how are you even here?” He gasped. “Wait, did you _break out of Heaven?__!_”

The First Woman gave a nervous snicker. “Uhm… Sort of?”

The serpent laughed. “Hah! Nice one! It gets boring doesn’t it?”

“Oh, you have no idea…” Eve let herself fall on the sofa. “I mean, it’s nice and all, but nothing ever happens and celestial harmonies _every day_, you can go crazy!”

“HAH! I knew it!” Crowley beat his tail through the air. “Oh, I can’t wait to rub it into Aziraphale’s face! ‘It would be nice if Heaven won’, my ass, it would be dull as anything!”

Eve gasped. “Aziraphale?! The Guardian of the Eastern Gate? Don’t tell me he’s here too!”

“Yeah, a lot has happened.” Crowley had by now fallen into comfortable banter, apparently having forgotten that he was still hanging in Maze’s grip, who seemed to have decided to let things play out. “We’re, uh… sort of partners now.”

Eve blinked. “What, really? An angel and a demon? No way!” She paused. “Though I suppose he did shield you from the first rain with his wing… Oh, that was forever ago, but so cute!” The serpent looked embarrassed at the comment. “I’m so happy for you! And I simply must thank him for giving us that sword. We would have died without it!”

Chloe frowned. Sword? Surely not the same one that was currently in police custody? The one the angel insisted on getting back?

_I really must keep a better eye on that, I already gave it away once_, he had said. _Then I didn’t see it for 6000 years_. Adam and Eve had been thrown out of the Garden 6000 years ago. No, it couldn’t be, could it?

“He’ll be happy to hear it was of use”, Crowley said. “He was worrying about you and Adam constantly. Especially since Heaven forbid helping you guys out.”

“But he always watched from afar”, Eve pointed out. “We even talked a few times.” She interrupted herself, suddenly taking notice of Crowley’s situation. “Maze, could you put him down, please?”

The torturer’s face became blank and she dropped the snake unceremoniously on the floor. Crowley quickly put some distance between them while she sat down next to Eve.

“And you were there too”, Eve continued the conversation. “Slithering after me and Adam, whispering advice.”

“Encouraging risky maneuvers”, the serpent corrected.

“You felt guilty.”

Crowley hissed. “I felt evil!”

Eve laughed. “My mistake.” She frowned. “You seemed bigger back then though.”

“You mean… like this?”

The serpents form suddenly shifted, growing until he was the size of a large python. Chloe had to remind herself not to take a step back. Eve was always so comfortable with all the supernatural things happening, despite being human herself. The detective had to admit she was just a tiny bit jealous.

Eve clapped her hands at the transformation. “Yes, exactly! Man, that brings back memories!”

The snake gave a nervous chuckle. “No hard feelings, I hope?”

Eve waved her hand.

“It’s fine, water under the bridge. It’s not like you knew what would happen.” She paused. “Besides, looking back on it, I’d say the Fall of Humanity was a good thing. I mean look at all of this.” She waved her arms around. “All of this wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t done what you did back then. And knowing the difference between good and evil… It may have been forbidden, but it made me appreciate so many things about life I hadn’t thought twice about before. Sure, it also brought pain…” Her eyes became dark for a moment, before returning to their usual bright look. “But I think it was worth it.”

Hearing them talk like that Chloe suddenly became overly aware who she was actually sitting in a room with. It made her feel so incredibly _young_. Like a toddler among those ancient beings. Except for maybe Eve who had spent most of her time in Heaven, they’ve seen entire civilizations rise and fall in their lifetimes. All Chloe had managed to accomplish was being a local cop for a handful of years and play a nude scene in a movie. The difference in experience was enormous. It was hard to wrap her head around.

“Anyway, it was nice catching up, but I was wondering if Lucifer was here”, Eve asked. “Maze and I have come up with a plan to catch his attention. This time it’s sure to be perfect!”

Aaaand the moment was gone. Chloe shifted uncomfortably. They were back to high school levels of jealousy schemes.

“Catching Lucifer’s attention?” Crowley tilted his head. “I’m afraid he’s away right now. Why would you want that anyway?”

Next to Eve Mazikeen stiffened, but the First Woman didn’t seem to notice.

“Because he broke up with me!” Eve pouted.

The serpent glanced at Chloe, but wisely kept any comments to himself. Instead he focused his attention on Eve.

“So you two were together again?”

“Yeah, and it was going great!”, Eve said, before turning to Chloe. “You agree, right? He was happy.” She didn’t wait for an answer. “But then he said something about turning back into his old self and that he doesn’t like it. But what’s wrong with it? He was fine in the past!”

Crowley hesitated. “Sometimes change is not a bad thing. On earth everything changes and evolves all the time.”

Eve shrugged. “You’re still the same.”

“Am I though?”, the serpent challenged. “6000 years ago, do you think I would have risked everything trying to save the world?”

Save the world? Chloe wondered if she even wanted to know. With jobs in Hell and Heaven it shouldn’t be too surprising to hear that immortal beings had enough influence to decide the fate of the world. For them it was probably just another Tuesday. Still, it was distressing to think that the world had apparently been in need of saving.

Eve wavered. “Well…”

“Aziraphale and I turned our backs on everything we stood for to stop the war. Sure, I never was what one would call a ‘model employee’…” The demon rolled his eyes at the words. “The angel however… He believed in Heaven up until the very end. Despite the doubts, he _wanted_ to believe.” There was no mockery in his voice, just sadness. “But in the end he stood up to them, opposed them, because he loved earth enough to overcome his fear.” Crowley gave a hiss that sounded almost proud. “Our stay here changed us both.” He looked at Eve. “If Lucifer says he’s changing… Well… He should know best if that’s what he wants, shouldn’t he?”

“I don’t know about that…”, Eve replied, hesitantly.

“Well if he doesn’t show up before six then we’re off”, Maze spoke up. “We shouldn’t have to wait around for him. And I have a bounty to catch.”

Eve blinked. “Even if it means to leave without seeing him?”

Mazikeen took her by the shoulders. “We talked about this. You have to show him you’re not desperate. Waiting for him to get back screams desperate.” She leaned back, crossing her arms. “Besides, maybe the snake is onto something. Earth… does have a tendency to change some things. Lucifer might need to work through this on his own.”

Crowley gave her a surprised look, but once again they were interrupted by the sound of the elevator.

“Lucifer?”, Eve asked.

The doors opened, but instead of a slick, black suit a familiar tartan bowtie came into view.

“Angel!”

With a happy gasp the serpent leaped forward, quickly passing between Eve’s and Chloe’s feet and shrinking a bit before slithering up the angel’s leg and wrapping himself around his waist. Aziraphale swayed a little at the sudden weight.

“Crowley, I’m holding books”, he scolded, but went still until the serpent had found a comfortable position and rested his head on his shoulder.

Crowley gave a quiet hiss. “You’re warm…”

Chloe stared at the display. She was stuck between being slightly disturbed and finding it adorable.

Maze on the other hand had no trouble forming an opinion.

“Wow, you two are _sappy_”, she declared.

The angel seemed embarrassed, shifting and gripping his large bag tighter. “And who might you be?”

Crowley’s head shot up and he whispered something into Aziraphale’s ear. The angel paled, eyeing the daggers Maze still had on display with unease.

“Seems I’ve just been introduced”, the torturer said. “I assume you’re helping Chloe too?”

“That’s right”, the detective hurried to clarify. “No need to stab him, please.”

“Aziraphale?” Eve took a step forward. “Do you remember me?”

The angel’s eyes widened. “…Eve?”

Chloe spent the rest of the afternoon listening to thousands of years of reminiscence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 79 AD Pompeii was buried under ash and other volcanic material after the eruption of Mount Vesuvius. Aziraphale was most likely there to look at the art and to try some food while Crowley was probably a few miles away busy with his own stuff when he saw the ginormous ash cloud appearing on the horizon and proceeded to have an ‘oh shit’ moment when he realized he could feel the angel’s aura from that direction before rushing over there. I don’t think he was in a habit of saving Aziraphale just yet, but I feel like they had a good time eating oysters in Rome and that was enough to make Crowley worry about him.
> 
> Now if you’re wondering about Emperor Caligula, according to the script book Crowley was in Rome because Hell sent him to corrupt the guy. But Caligula was already so horrible that Crowley decided to do nothing and report it as a success (Caligula is said to have been extremely cruel, killing people on a whim and once throwing part of the audience into the arena to be killed by wild animals because there were no prisoners left. While we don’t know if these accounts are true, fact is that he tried to increase personal power while he was emperor). Maybe that’s why Crowley was in such a bad mood while in Rome? Anyway, I feel like when Crowley and Aziraphale went to visit Petronius’ restaurant they probably got drunk and then Crowley told the angel all about how horrible Caligula was. Next I can see Aziraphale going ‘Huh, maybe I can do something about that’ and everything went downhill from there.  
Also, I want to note at this point that I feel like TV!Aziraphale is more naïve than his book counterpart. I feel like Book!Aziraphale didn’t get in trouble nearly as much.
> 
> Now, about the true form of angels… I consciously decided not to give too many details so it would have a lot of room for interpretation. Personally I think Lucifer should be a seraphim and therefore have six wings (or, at least, used to have while in Heaven). But there’s no indication of this in the show and _just in case_ they decide to make something about his time in Heaven canon in season 5 I’ve chosen to leave it ambiguous. I mean, yes, I described his appearance a bit, but I feel like that can be explained away with a bit of shapeshifting if it comes to that. Otherwise it would bug me later. I mean, chances that we get something about this in the show are incredibly slim, like, 0,5%, but JUST IN CASE.
> 
> And when it comes to Aziraphale… I feel like he should be a cherub because it was cherubim who protected Eden and he was later demoted to Principality because he let a demon slip by who then caused the humans to be thrown out. But I’m sort of torn on this one. Book!Aziraphale is definitely a cherub in my eyes. But TV!Aziraphale sometimes feels like he’s always been a Principality and guarded Eden because God said so (putting him under a lot of pressure since he was lower rank than everyone else and then he FAILED. And no one could blame it on him not being a cherub because it was God who chose to give him this job, but everyone secretly thought it. And he feels bad about it because should have been able to prevent it, right? Then he was so worried about the humans that he gave away his sword, messing up even worse! And he wants to live up to everyone’s expectations and that’s one of the reasons why he’s always such a bundle of anxiety).  
Then again, I feel like they both should have the same original rank. And super anxious, super soft TV!Aziraphale actually being a four-headed angel of the first sphere (despite being demoted his true form wouldn’t change) has a certain appeal. But I just can’t decide. So I left it open. What I’m sure of, however, is that Crowley thinks that both his corporation and his true form are beautiful so at least we have that.
> 
> Now, finally Eve. Truth be told, I didn’t like Eve at first. She really just felt like the result of the Lucifer writers going: “Alright, it’s a new season. Now that Pierce is gone what else can we come up with to keep Lucifer and Chloe apart?”. But she kind of grew on me over time. She really means well, even if her morals are a bit all over the place at times. She tried to make up for her mistakes in the end. And her massive amounts of positive energy are contagious.  
On a different note, Eve probably just grabbed the first body she could find and threw herself off the edge of Heaven with a homemade parachute made of angel tunics or something. No ‘trying a new look’ or anything like that.
> 
> And now at the very end, shoutout to amythestice who asked the real question a few chapters ago: “Why don’t they just summon Hastur if they want to find him?” Duh! And, I, the absolute buffoon that I am, haven’t even thought of that! A glaring plothole, right before my very eyes, and I was blind to it! But I added an explanation that hopefully makes sense.


	17. A therapist’s insight

At the same time Chloe was having a pleasant though somewhat overwhelming time socializing with immortal beings, Lucifer was pacing back and forth in the patient room of his therapist.

“So this angel and demon…” Linda was still struggling to follow what the devil had told her. “They’re helping you with a case. But you don’t trust them?”

“Yes! I mean, no. I… I don’t know.” Lucifer stopped pacing, sat down, then decided against it and stood up again.

“But you said they’re not responsible for the death of your friend.”

“As things stand it’s highly unlikely”, the devil admitted. “But this isn’t just about the murder. They… They’ve both gone rogue.”

Linda frowned. “Rogue? What do you mean? Like… going on a murder spree?”

“No.” Lucifer gesticulated wildly. “They left Heaven and Hell. Or been thrown out, whatever. They betrayed the offices during the apocalypse and then they couldn’t be executed-“

“Wait, wait, wait!” Linda held up her palms. “Back up a second. The apocalypse?”

“Yes, the apocalypse was scheduled six years ago, now if we could _please_ talk about the important part-“

“I think that’s pretty important!”, Linda protested. “I’m sorry. The _Apocalypse_?”

Lucifer groaned. “Yes, the apocalypse. End of the world. Armageddon. Whatever you wish to call it.”

“And you said that was six years ago”, the therapist repeated. “But everything’s still here.”

“Yes, it didn’t happen.”

Lucifer was starting to see why Crow- Crawley insisted on giving that fateful day silly names. It seemed stupid at first, but, by being more accurate, it saved a lot of time.

“The Antichrist refused to cooperate. Aziraphale and Crawley turned traitor and supported him. Despite everything being ready to go, they demanded to know if saving the world wasn’t part of Dad’s overall plan. No one knew the answer so the armies of Heaven and Hell retreated.”

Linda needed a moment to process that information. “Oh… Oh my. That… that sounds like a really close call.” She took a deep breath to calm herself. “But, I mean… Stopping the end of the world. That’s a good thing, right?”

The devil nodded. “Though I can’t say I understand their reasons for doing it, the fact that they saved it certainly is. Why, if it were up to me I wouldn’t have started that entire business in the first place. After visiting I came to the conclusion that I quite like the earth. But, nooo, it has been prophesied over 6000 years ago and everyone expected it to happen. I had no choice but to get on with it.” He stopped in his tracks, looking at Linda. “But those two rebelled. Some of our reports indicate they’ve been conspiring together for quite some time and, seeing them together now, I’m inclined to believe those sources.”

Lucifer sat down, clasping his hands together.

“Now, you must understand that down in Hell insubordination is something that cannot be tolerated.” The devil shifted, hating how much this sounded like something Heaven would say. “If I let disobedience go unpunished then all those Dukes, Lords, Princes and whatnot would start making a mess.” He shook his head with a sigh. “Now, a little bit of opposition here and there is fine, no one in Hell seems to ever agree on anything, but what Crawley did was an act of treason. And his sentence was execution.”

Linda’s eyes went wide, but Lucifer carried on.

“Killing a demon, really killing them, not just their body, can be done in various ways. There are certain demonic or celestial blades or, and that’s the most reliable way, by holy water. Crawley’s fate was to be killed by the latter, but…” The devil stared at her. “He survived. He survived a bath in water blessed by my dear sister Michael herself!”

Linda nodded slowly. “That’s… a big deal, I take it?”

“Big deal?!” Lucifer almost laughed. “It’s impossible! Even I get a rash when I come in contact with it, no demon in Hell, Fallen or otherwise, should be able to survive even a bottle of that stuff let alone bathe in it! It’s like acid. It should melt them into nothing in a matter of seconds! In the end, Beelzebub had to let Crawley go because she had no idea what he could do!”

“So you think he might be dangerous?”, the therapist asked. “Even to you?”

“No. I wasn’t sure at first, but after spending some time around him I’m confident that he wouldn’t be able to overpower me. Not even close.” Lucifer shook his head. “But I’m not the problem. Everyone else is.”

Linda frowned at that, but gestured for him to continue.

“You see, I don’t know what they’re capable of.” The devil stared at the table in front of him in thought. “Crawley may not be strong, but he’s clever and can be extremely manipulative. Reports give him credit for some of the world’s worst forms of torture and the start of many wars. Think Spanish Inquisition, guillotines, massacres!” He shook his head. “Not to mention selfies, reality TV, autocorrect, Manchester, traffic jams-“

“Traffic jams?”, Linda repeated.

“Yes! Feel free to blame him next time you’re stuck in one.”

She shook her head. “How do you even invent those?”

“Exactly! He’s not to be underestimated.” The devil took a deep breath. “And Aziraphale… Well, I don’t know too much about him, but he was a Guardian of Eden. He may claim not to like fighting, but he is, by nature, a formidable warrior. It’s what he was created to be. Has a flaming sword and everything.”

Linda blinked. “He has the flaming sword? Didn’t you throw that into another dimension?”

“No, that was Azrael’s sword. It used to guard the Northern Gate of Eden. Aziraphale guarded the East. And his sword is not as dangerous as Azrael’s, though I suppose War did get her hands on it for a few days…”

“War?”

“One of the Four Horsepersons of the Apocalypse.” Lucifer waved a hand dismissively. “We’re getting off-track here. The point is, I have no idea how to predict those two. And the problem isn’t that they could hurt me, because they couldn’t, but what if they go after someone else?”

The devil clenched his fists. “For a human they’re plenty dangerous. I can’t keep an eye on everyone! Just keeping the detective safe is hard enough. And those two aren’t even bound by Heaven or Hell anymore, they might have powers I don’t know about, there is _no telling_ what they might do!”

Unable to take the tension anymore Lucifer stood up and began pacing again.

“The other day, I saw Aziraphale healing Crawley’s injuries. It shouldn’t have worked the way it did. Angels can heal demons, but their aura usually hurts an injured demon. It should have been painful.” He shook his head. “Instead, Crawley’s essence seemed to embrace it! And their auras weren’t repelling each other at all. They _mingled_.” He stared at Linda. “It’s not normal.”

The therapist frowned. “Didn’t Maze and Amenadiel use to have something similar?”

“Hah, no!” Lucifer shook his head. “They were what one would expect an angel and a demon being together to look like. Two opposites clashing… passionately. What Aziraphale and Crawley have is… softer somehow. Like two puzzle pieces that fit together perfectly. Which would be fine, if the cover on the box didn’t clearly show that the pieces shouldn’t be anywhere near each other!”

The devil’s fingers drummed on his thigh. “It’s not that I have a problem with them being together”, he explained. “What bothers me is what it enables them to do. Or, to be more precise, the fact that I don’t know what it is or what they want. I can’t predict them.”

Linda stayed silent for some time, carefully considering what to say next.

“Isn’t it possible…”, she finally said. “That they’re the same as you?”

Lucifer stared at her. “How do you mean, exactly?”

“Well, from what I understand…” The therapist cautiously leaned back in her chair, minding her round belly. “They’ve been on earth for a long time. And they risked a lot to protect it.”

“Yeah, but I don’t know why”, the devil reminded her. “For all I know they just didn’t want to be ripped apart and they don’t care about the earth at all. Maybe they like causing human wars and starting trouble. Remember what I said about Crawley before. He might act all innocent now, but he has caused tragedies. Many of which have even been blamed on me later on! Can you believe that?”

Linda frowned at him over the edge of her glasses, a knowing spark in her eyes. “Could it be, that you’re antagonizing Crawley because you’re upset that his actions had a negative effect on your reputation?”

“No!”, the devil replied, a little too quickly. “It’s got nothing to do with that. I’m able to keep my personal feelings from clouding my judgment!”

The therapist paused at that, but didn’t disagree. Instead she approached the topic from a different angle.

“Didn’t you also say he was a tempter demon?”, she asked. “Tempting humans into doing bad things was Crawley’s job. And from what you’ve just told me I’m guessing that if he hadn’t been carrying it out he would have been severely punished. Can you really blame him for that?”

Lucifer bit his lip. Damn it, why did she always have to find the weak spots in his arguments?

“In fact”, the therapist continued, “if you’re the king of Hell, couldn’t you have simply given him a different job? If you don’t like what they’re doing, why employ tempter demons in the first place?”

“I…” The devil broke off. He hated when she was right.

The job of tempters was a remnant from when he had still actively tried to cause humanity harm out of a grudge against his Dad. Later, when he’d started to like the earth, he had reduced their numbers, but never bothered to get rid of them completely. Even when their actions started to annoy him, he just decided to ignore it. A change as big as dissolving an entire department would cause quite a stir in Hell and that was something he had not felt like dealing with. Lucifer bit his lip. The truth was, he had simply not cared enough. Guilt settled in his gut.

The devil could feel Linda looking at him, but he avoided her eyes, staring at his fingernails instead.

“That’s not the point”, he muttered. “It doesn’t matter why he was doing his job. Fact is, he was good at it. You can’t be a good tempter demon without being a master of deceit.”

“And that’s why you feel like you can’t trust him and his partner?”, the therapist asked, luckily deciding not to dig any deeper on the previous subject.

The devil nodded. “I mean, it doesn’t look like they’re trying to fool me, but what if they’re putting up a front? What if I misjudge them and then others have to pay for my mistake?”

Linda rubbed her chin in thought. “Have you ever asked them why they saved the earth?”

“Well, no”, Lucifer admitted. “I can’t just ask that.”

“Why not?”

The devil shook his head, giving her a disbelieving look. “Why, they would lie, obviously.”

“Why should they lie?” She frowned. “And if you can force Crawley to do things, can’t you just make him tell you the truth?”

“It’s not that easy.” Lucifer shook his head. “It’s true that I can force him to talk. For example, if I know he’s hiding something I can make him speak to me about a certain topic until I figure out what it is. But I can’t force him to tell the truth unless I already know it. It won’t help me in figuring them out.”

Linda gave the devil a meaningful look. “Have you considered that all they might want to do is to live on earth peacefully?”

Lucifer blinked. “What?”

“Well, they’ve been helping you out, haven’t they?” The therapist crossed her arms. “They weren’t hostile and they seem to have human friends back in London. Is it really so far-fetched to think they might be friendly?”

“Just live here peacefully, sure.” The devil snorted. “Sounds innocent enough, right? Not like something that could harm anyone.” He looked her in the eyes. “All Cain wanted to do was to _die_ and then he dumped me in the middle of a desert, broke the detective’s heart, almost killed her and the shock of learning the truth nearly destroyed our relationship!”

Linda fell silent.

“Of course, you could argue that neither Crawley nor Aziraphale have been driven crazy by their immortality”, the devil continued. “But neither was my mother. She wasn’t evil, but she was an impulsive, independent force and she kept causing damage to things she deemed unimportant. Sometimes she didn’t mean to, but even then she didn’t care! Then I left her out of my sight for a second and she almost killed you!” He stared at Linda with wide eyes, his voice getting weaker until it almost broke. “I killed Uriel because his powers were so unpredictable that I was afraid I wouldn’t be able stop him from hurting the people I hold most dear.”

He pressed his lips together.

“And now they… They just show up. _Here_ of all places! What are the chances of them ending up in Los Angeles? Out of all the places in the world the summoner could have decided to do his little experiment it just had to be here! It can’t be a coincidence! Why?!” Lucifer’s gaze shifted to an accusatory glare at the ceiling. “What does He want?! Are they a reminder of the failed apocalypse? Is He expecting me to punish them? Drag Crawley back to Hell?! I just don’t know!” He stared at his hands. “And what if I don’t do what I’m supposed to? There used to be a time I couldn’t care less, but now… How am I supposed to protect everyone important to me? I can’t be everywhere at once.”

“Well, I don’t know about… God or what His plans are, but He usually doesn’t interfere, right? I don’t think you have to worry too much about not meeting His expectations.” Linda looked at him. “We’ve been over this. It’s best to focus on your own decisions, regardless of your Father’s possible agenda.”

The devil groaned, but gave a nod. She wasn’t wrong. It seemed that even Falling could apparently be your own decision these days, as Amenadiel had demonstrated. It hadn’t been during the Rebellion that was for sure. Lucifer still didn’t know if what had happened to his oldest brother could be considered entirely normal. The devil was aware by now that his own appearance changed with his own view of himself, but that didn’t mean he could just turn back into an angel. There was more to being an angel that simply a lack of red skin and having feathered wings. Who knew, maybe Amenadiel had never truly stopped being one either, just temporarily lost sight of it.

Whatever the case, Dad’s plans were, as always, impossible to understand and should best not even be bothered with. Lucifer knew that. And yet he couldn’t stop himself from falling back into the habit of trying, especially when something strange was going on. Because that there was a Plan, _some kind_ of Plan, that was something he was sure of.

“And you must trust Aziraphale and Crawley at least to some degree”, Linda continued. “After all, you haven’t dragged them here with you today. That means you don’t think they’ll attack anyone while you’re away.”

Lucifer took a deep breath. “Right now I’m keeping them in check by making sure Crawley remembers his place. Despite everything he’s still, at his core, a demon and therefore bound by my commands.”

At least he hoped the serpent was still a demon. Alone the thought of him having actually turned into something different made the devil feel uneasy. It would make him even harder to predict. But it was a fact that Lucifer’s commands still had power over him so that, at least, was reassuring.

“I trapped him in the city so he has nowhere to run”, the devil continued. “It would be quite foolish to attempt something stupid under these circumstances. And I don’t think the angel will try anything as long as there’s a chance that the snake will suffer the consequences.”

“So you scared them into cooperating?”

He sighed. “Yes…”

Linda studied his expression. “But, you don’t like it.”

The devil shook his head. “No. Cain was pitiful, but also a jerk. My mother was… complicated.” He didn’t want to think about Uriel. “But those two… They’re not that bad. It makes it hard to treat them like a threat.” The devil looked up. “Tell me, is there a way to start hating someone? Preferably one that doesn’t take much time.”

The therapist took a sharp breath. “I don’t think hating them will help with your problems-“

“Come on, you have to work with me here.” Lucifer leaned forward. “I have to hate them so I can keep the detective safe. It’s a fair deal!”

“Lucifer, that’s not how this works.” Linda adjusted her glasses. “If you think they’re nice then forcing yourself into thinking they’re not isn’t the way to go. Wouldn’t they make good allies instead?”

“But what if they don’t?” Lucifer sounded increasingly desperate. “Example: they’re clearly each other’s weak point. If one’s in danger the other one will go to extremes to keep the first one safe. They might turn against me.” He bit his lip. “There have been too many close calls lately. It would be stupid to risk it.”

The therapist stayed quiet for a while.

“It seems to me”, she said. “That recent experiences have made you a bit… paranoid.”

Lucifer gave an offended huff. “I’m not paranoid!”

“Overly cautious then? Look, you can’t just stop trusting people because they might turn against you. You have to keep a cool head.”

“I am keeping a cool head!”, the devil declared. “And it’s telling me that they’re a threat!”

“Anything can be a threat. Life is filled with risks you can’t possibly see coming. The important part is navigating through it and to decide which ones are worth taking.” Linda put her hands on her hips. “And honestly, an angel and a demon that don’t care about Heaven or Hell, both places you don’t want to return to, and who like earth enough to fight for it seem like good pals to me.”

The devil hesitated. “But, the detective…”

“Chloe is a grown woman and she knows the truth now. She won’t be facing the danger blind anymore.”

Lucifer considered that. It was true, Chloe – finally – understood the situation and the threats that came with it. She was smart, resourceful, careful and… so much more. She wouldn’t be easily defeated. And she always had him looking out for her when things got too much.

He looked at Linda. “So you think I should..?”

She nodded with a smile. “I’m not telling you to let your guard down, but… give them a chance to earn your trust.”

When Lucifer returned to Lux he found Aziraphale and Crowley, like so often before, sitting on the sofa. The angel had small reading glasses on his nose and a book in his lap. The serpent was wrapped around his neck like a scaly scarf. They looked up when the elevator doors opened.

The devil’s eyebrows rose when he noticed that one corner of his carped was scorched.

“What on earth happened here? Did you guys have some kind of wild party while I was away?”

Crowley snickered. “Mazikeen tried to stab one of Aziraphale’s books. Well, technically she tried to stab his bag to make sure he wasn’t hiding anything dangerous inside. Not sure how stabbing was supposed to solve the problem, but it definitely led to a confrontation.”

The angel seemed flustered and the mark on the carpet disappeared with a wave of his hand. “So sorry about that. Must’ve missed that one.”

Lucifer stared. “Maze was here?

“Yes, truly a… lively, young person”, Aziraphale commented. “Though I have to admit her swordsmanship is excellent.”

“You had a sword fight?!” _And you’re still alive?_ Lucifer silently added.

“Oh, nothing serious, just a little practice duel”, the angel hurried to explain. “Eve insisted. She wanted me to ‘show her my moves’, as she put it. Your torturer is very skilled.” He gave a little laugh. “Had me disarmed in a matter of minutes.”

“So Eve was here too.” Lucifer tried to wrap his head around the information. And there he’d thought not much could happen in the few hours he was away. “Anything else I need to know?” He gave the serpent a stern look. “You didn’t try to tempt Eve into doing something stupid again, did you, Crawley?”

“That’s rich coming from the guy who told me to do it in the first place”, the demon commented with a quiet hiss.

Lucifer bit his lip. He had walked into that one, hadn’t he?

“As for your question, let’s see…” Crowley narrowed his eyes a bit in the snake version of a frown. “Detective Decker came here looking for you and stayed for the party, Aziraphale bought some books we’ll have to carry back home, Eve stole my sunglasses and swore to punch Gabriel in the balls next time she sees him, Mazikeen tried to kill me, but that was to be expected and… Yeah, I think that’s about it.” He looked at the devil. “How was your day?”

Lucifer was about to answer when his phone gave a buzz. To his delight it was from Chloe.

_Hey. I was looking for you today, but you had a session with Linda so I went back home (don’t worry, Crowley and Aziraphale didn’t do anything). I wanted to ask you if you were free tomorrow evening. Trixie is demanding a Monopoly rematch. Talk to you soon._

Lucifer smiled, typing back an answer before looking back at the two immortals.

“It was wonderful.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starring Linda as: The Voice of Reason  
Before anyone says anything, she called Crowley “Crawley” because that’s the name Lucifer gave her. #blameLucifer
> 
> Seeing as Lucifer doesn’t even blink when entering a church I decided that he has a higher resistance to holy things than other demons, including holy water.
> 
> Also, I’m aware that Eden, if it had gates, most likely had only one (at least, all references I looked up only mentioned one… entrance, somewhere in the east), but seeing as Aziraphale is always stated as Guardian of the EASTERN GATE I’m giving Eden four gates and use it to explain how Aziraphale’s sword isn’t an ultimate weapon capable of cutting though time and space and also still present in this dimension.
> 
> On a different note, I do believe Aziraphale is a badass, but I also believe Maze could wipe the floor with him. Maybe it would be a bit more balanced if he was training regularly, but as things stand… No, not a chance. I’m sorry Aziraphale. 
> 
> Finally, I have to say, I realized I have made a mistake. Lucifer didn’t storm out in the middle of his therapy session to follow his own weird interpretation of Linda’s carefully thought through advice. He listened to what she had to say. Too ooc. Fic is broken now.


	18. The Dan Chapter

Dan was in a sour mood. Getting dragged out of bed at three in the morning did that to a guy. He had been called regarding suspicious behavior in a small park at the edge of town. Someone was apparently dumping a body in the pond?

Arriving at the scene Dan could confirm that whatever was happening, it was definitely weird. No less than five lost looking officers armed with flashlights were gathered near the pond, two of them trying (and failing) to heave something out of the water. The other three were huddled together and discussing something in hushed voices, occasionally pointing at three motionless figures standing nearby.

They were visibly relieved when they saw Dan approach.

“Detective Espinoza!”, one of them called before he lowered his voice. “You’ve got to help us with…” He made a head notion towards the figures.

With a sigh Dan nodded and turned towards the strangers. He almost took a step back. Two of the figures turned out to actually be very large, black dogs with very, very sharp teeth, sitting to the left and right of a woman.

She was of small stature, wearing a long, old-fashioned coat, had short, somewhat messy hair and looked extremely annoyed. Not at all like someone who just had gotten caught getting rid of evidence of a crime. Instead she glared at them as if _they_ were the ones doing something wrong. Also… was that a fly on her head?

Seeing him approach the woman crossed her arms. “Are you in charge around here?”

Dan glanced nervously at the dogs, but gave a nod.

“Good. Tell your men to stand down, I was in the middle of something important.”

“And what, exactly, would that be?”, Dan asked.

“She was trying to sink a body in the pond!”, one of the officer’s informed him.

The woman groaned.

“How many timezzzz do I have to tell you?! I was trying to get him out not dump him in!” She glared at the detective and for a moment Dan thought he’d seen a flash of red in her eyes. “My orders were to take him alive and you humans are getting in my way!”

Dan frowned. “Someone ordered you to do this? Who-“

“Beelzebub, there you are!”

Dan closed his eyes. Of course it would be him. It was always him. He opened his eyes again to see Lucifer stroll onto the scene, Mr. Crowley and Mr. Fell following after him. Dan still found it weird that he dragged those two civilians to the investigations, regardless of their connection to him.

Upon seeing the club owner the woman bowed and the dogs at her side cowered.

“My lord, we have found him”, she said.

_My lord?_ Dan shook his head. What the fuck.

Meanwhile Mr. Crowley – who was still wearing sunglasses in the middle of the night, who did that?! – had apparently spotted the woman and gave a yelp, gripping Mr. Fell by the collar and ducking behind Dan’s back.

“Maybe she hasn’t noticed us”, Dan could hear him whisper, but before he could ask what this was about Beelzebub turned towards them.

“Don’t bother hiding, traitorsszz!”

“Uh-oh.” Mr. Crowley abruptly straightened up. “Lord Beelzebub, what a pleasant surprise.”

The woman approached them, glancing towards Lucifer.

“What are you two doing here?”, she hissed.

“Could we skip the usual hostilities?”, Mr. Fell asked. “This really isn’t the time…”

At the same time Mr. Crowley went: “Funny story, actually…”

“They’re with me”, Lucifer interrupted. “Beelzebub, your report, if you please.”

Dan decided it was time to speak up.

“Alright, Lucifer, what's going on?” He pointed at the woman. “Who is that and what is she doing here?”

“She works for me”, the club owner simply said. “And she’s doing what I told her to.”

“She’s your employee”, Dan repeated. “And she calls you her ‘lord’?” He shook his head. “Just how messed up is this family business of yours?”

“Very”, Lucifer replied. “Moving on, Beelzebub, the report.”

“Yes, my lord. I’ve been looking for Duke Hastur, as you requested.”

Hastur… Where had he heard that name before? It was someone connected to Chloe’s case. Dan could remember reading a rather strange description of the man.

Beelzebub pointed towards the two officers who were dragging what appeared to be a metal cage to the shore. The sort you might keep wild animals like tigers or lions in for transport. Maybe a bit smaller.

“I believe I have found him, but I’ve been interrupted by the arrival of those meddling humans.” The woman spat out the last word with distaste then lowered her voice. “This would have been easier if you had allowed me to use miracles on them.”

“That is never going to happen”, Lucifer snapped, making Dan wonder what she had meant by ‘miracles’. Then again, maybe he didn’t want to know.

Beelzebub shrugged. “I’ll leave it to you then. If we hurry he might still be alive.”

“What are we waiting for then? I’d hate to have to follow him back Down. The last visit was more than enough.”

Lucifer walked towards the shore, grumbling something about ruining his shoes. Dan was about to follow him when he saw two more people approach the scene. They turned out to be Chloe and Ella, both looking as if they’d been roughly dragged out of bed and then hurried over without having the time to properly wake up – which was probably exactly what had happened.

“Please tell me there’s a good reason for coming out here”, Chloe groaned.

“Apparently Hastur’s been found”, Mr. Crowley said, pointing to where Lucifer had pulled the cage out of the water (much to the surprise of the two officers, but the club owner had always been surprisingly strong) and was fumbling with the lock.

Chloe paled. “Hastur? The… guy you’ve told me about?”

Mr. Fell nodded.

“Wait, your guy was in there? In the pond?”, Ella asked. “Ugh, that’s not a nice way to go. Will look pretty bad too, just a warning.” She noticed Beelzebub and lowered her voice, leaning over to Dan. “Is that a fly on her head?”

Dan made a noncommittal noise. Beelzebub glared.

“Hey, I’m not judging!”, Ella immediately exclaimed. “It’s a pretty cool hat.”

Beelzebub blinked and Dan could have sworn she’d made a pleased buzzing sound.

Meanwhile Chloe and the civilian couple had approached Lucifer who was cursing quietly under his breath. Dan could see something like a lump of wet rags lying inside the cage, covered in seaweed and reeking quite badly. The man must have been down there a while.

Mr. Fell took a step forward. “May I?”

Lucifer threw his hands in the air and retreated, allowing the British bookseller to take a look at the lock. Dan didn’t quite see what Mr. Fell did, but suddenly the lock was open and he stepped back with a smile.

“Here you go”, he said.

Lucifer pushed forward and opened the cage before Dan could tell him not to disturb the scene. Next thing he knew the club owner had dragged out the rags and was shaking them rather roughly.

“Hastur? Hastur! Wake up!”

“Uhm, I’m pretty sure he’s de-“, Ella began and broke off with a gasp as the figure started coughing up water.

Dan stared. “How is he still alive?!”

Lucifer turned towards him, clearly annoyed. “Dad damn it, Daniel, because he’s a demon! De-mon. How many times do I have to repeat myself?”

Mr. Crowley stepped forward, adjusting his sunglasses. How he was able to see anything at all was a mystery to Dan.

“To be fair, he probably would have discorporated if he wasn’t a toad.”

At this point Dan wasn’t surprised to notice a toad sitting on the man’s head. He couldn’t tell if it was real though.

“Yes, and then we would have found him during our visit in Hell”, Lucifer stated. “Instead he panicked and entered hibernation essentially trapping himself in that cage.”

“Well, he never was the brightest…” Mr. Crowley shrugged before noticing something and making a face. “Ugh, that thing probably didn’t help matters. It’s a weak one, but still.”

He shuddered and Dan noticed a knife sticking out of the man’s side. The fact that he was alive got more surreal by the second. He almost wanted to touch him to see if his heart really was beating.

Chloe narrowed her eyes. “Is that one of the-“

“Yes, no doubt, I recognize it.” Mr. Crowley reached for his partner’s hand. “It’s a blessed one. A stab like this would be enough to make him pass out.” He hesitated. “Should we pull it out? I feel like we should, this must burn like hell. Worse, actually.”

“If we pull it out he might bleed to death”, Dan said. “We have to leave it for now.”

The man in the sunglasses gave an unconvinced noise, but left it at that, whispering something to Mr. Fell.

Meanwhile Lucifer shook the man again, this time with more force. “Duke Hastur!”

Dan flinched. “What do you think you’re doing?! He needs to get to a hospital!”

“What he needs is to answer my questions, now…” The club owner turned away from him, his voice becoming deeper and more like a growl. “Duke Hastur! I command you to wake up!”

With a gasp the man’s eyes flew open and Lucifer turned back around.

“There we go”, he said with a grin. “Tell me what happened.”

“My lord…”, Hastur groaned.

“Yes, it’s me, now speak.” Lucifer stared at him. “Did you meet with a human and give him stolen books from the library?”

The man seemed to hesitate, but finally gave a weak nod. “Yes, my lord. Books… a-and a de…monic blade…”

Mr. Crowley whispered something to Lucifer, making sure to stay out of Hastur’s field of vision. The club owner nodded and asked another question. “Did you give the human Crawley’s name?”

“Y-yes, my lord, I… I did it all for…” It seemed like he wanted to say more, but he didn’t have the strength. He was starting to pass out again.

Lucifer noticed it too, tightening his grip on the man. “Who was the human you met with? What was his name?!”

“Martin… Um… ber…” Hastur’s eyes closed and he fell unconscious.

The club owner sighed. “Well, I guess that’s about as much as we can get out of him at present.” He turned towards Beelzebub. “Take him back Down, make sure he lives, tell me when he’s strong enough to talk and keep an eye on him. I’ll decide what to do with him later.”

Beelzebub nodded. “As you wish, my lord.”

“Wait, what does that mean?” Dan stepped between Beelzebub and Hastur, giving Lucifer a disbelieving look. “You can’t just kidnap people! This man needs medical attention and-”

“I’m not kidnapping anyone, I’m making sure he goes back where he came from”, Lucifer snapped. “And no hospital could help him anyway.”

“Are you saying he’s going to die?!” Dan was almost shouting.

The club owner growled. “No, I’m saying that my people are the only ones who can help him.”

Dan shook his head in disbelief, turning and trying to catch Chloe’s gaze. “You can’t tell me you’re ok with this?!”

Chloe seemed torn, then she looked Lucifer in the eyes. “Tell me what’s going to happen to him.”

The club owner groaned, but, as always, by some miracle, listened to her request.

“Beelzebub is going to take him back… home”, he said, slowly. “He’ll be kept in a secure location and get time to recover. As soon as he’s strong enough to talk I will question him about what he did and why. Depending on his answers he will be punished accordingly.”

Dan clenched his fists in alarm when he heard the word ‘punished’. Memories of a man with a broken back came flooding back to him.

“What does that mean, exactly?”, Chloe asked.

“Oh, don’t look at me like that, I’m not going to kill him.” Lucifer rolled his eyes. “If you’re so concerned I can consult with you about what kind of countermeasures are appropriate. No harm will come to him until we’ve talked.”

Slowly Chloe nodded. “Alright.”

Dan stared at her. “You can’t be serious!”

She bit her lip. “Dan, you have to trust me. This is something that goes beyond what you or I can handle. We have to leave it to Lucifer.” She looked him in the eyes. “And I won’t let him do anything… like that time.” Dan could see that she was thinking of the same incident. “I promise.”

“I agree with that”, Mr. Crowley spoke up. “Hastur needs to go back where he came from. He's dangerous. He’s… He has no qualms about killing. The only way Mask Guy, this Martin Umber-“ He paused for a moment, then shook his head. “The only way Umber would have been able to reduce Hastur to this state is by taking him by surprise. Otherwise we’d have his body at our hands, most likely those of possible witnesses too.”

Dan’s resolve wavered at the words. Some kind of gang, maybe? One that wore animals on their heads? He never heard of anything like that. And how did Lucifer fit into this? He was Beelzebub’s and Hastur’s boss, apparently. Or used to be? Did they work for his dad, but still listen to him? As always nothing about the club owner made any sense. But if Chloe was sure…

Hesitantly Dan nodded. She’d always been better than him at following the right path, even if she seemed to get a bit biased with Lucifer. He would trust her judgment.

“Fine.” He frowned, looking around. “Wait, where did they go?”

“Already gone”, Mr. Fell said.

Ella whistled, looking up from the cage she’d been inspecting. “Quick, I didn’t see them at all.”

Dan noticed that the dogs, which hadn’t moved during the entirety of their conversation, had disappeared as well. He felt himself shudder. His instincts told him something wasn’t right. He was probably just tired.

Several hours later they all regrouped at the station. Chloe had gone home during that time, making Trixie breakfast and driving her to school before coming back, while the others had gone directly to the department.

Ella and Dan had proceeded to immediately drown themselves in coffee, while the other three declined using varying degrees of politeness. They were also the only ones looking reasonably awake, though Mr. Crowley yawned form time to time.

When Chloe arrived they retreated into the meeting room to exchange what they’d found out – which wasn’t all that much.

“I’ve looked into the name Martin Umber and, the good news, he looks more promising than the name ‘Thomas Lancer’ which, as you know, turned out to be a dead end and was most likely fake”, Dan began. “The bad news is there’s no criminal record, the family’s rich and we can’t look into them without an official charge. All I was able to find out is that he studied biology and was a professor at a university for a while, but also worked occasionally as a part-time reporter. He apparently left the country about a year ago, but no one seems to be able to tell me where to. It’s possible he didn’t leave at all.”

“Umber… Umber…”, Mr. Crowley mumbled. “Where have I heard that name before?”

“You can’t remember?”, Mr. Fell asked. “It certainly isn’t a name I’ve ever heard before. That means he’s probably not associated with my side. Does that help?”

“Maybe…” The red-haired man shook his head in frustration. “I just can’t put my finger on it!” He looked at Lucifer. “Does it ring any bells to you?”

“No, but that hardly means anything.” The club owner shrugged. “I haven’t been keeping up with the reports for decades. Beelzebub looks through them and points out the ones of greatest importance.”

Dan had officially given up on trying to decode their conversations. He was too tired for this.

“There’s one thing I was able to find out though. Something that might be of interest”, he said instead, looking at Lucifer. “Remember that one guy who had a weird obsession with you? To the point of being considered a stalker?”

The club owner frowned. “I’m afraid you’re going to have to be more specific than that.”

“The reporter”, Dan clarified. “The one who was convinced you’re the actual devil and had an entire room filled with details about your life.” His tone became somber. “It destroyed him. Yet another life you’ve ended.”

He ignored the sharp look he received from Chloe at the comment.

“Ah, yes, I remember! Reese Getty”, Lucifer replied cheerfully, wearing that insufferable grin of his. “Kept telling me he wanted to take revenge on the guy who slept with his wife. Took me ages to realize it was me.” His grin became even wider. “Though I assure you, his death was entirely his own doing. What about him?”

Dan forced himself to focus back on the case. “Turns out the office Martin Umber used to work part-time in was the same one. The _Telegraph_. Now think about it, two people in the same building that just happened to be interested in the occult and ready to go to extremes? There might be a connection.”

Chloe nodded. “It’s certainly a possibility. We should try to find out more.” She paused, looking over the new information. “Was there any connection between Martin Umber and the victim, Mr. Canvas?”

Dan shook his head. “I searched, of course, but nothing.”

“Hm.” Chloe frowned, rubbing her chin. “Anything else?”

Ella, who had been staring intensely at Mr. Crowley for some reason, flinched. “Ah, yes, actually! Though I’m not sure what it means yet. I’ll go back to the scene now that the sun’s up in hopes of finding out where I went wrong.”

Dan frowned. “Wrong?”

Ella was never wrong in her investigations.

“I looked at the cage we found Hastur in more closely”, she said. “And, well first of all there were more of those strange symbols on it…”

“Blocking runes and some phrases to hide his presence”, Mr. Fell supplied. “Though no caging, as that would require a drawn circle.”

Ella frowned at him, but didn’t ask.

“Right… Anyway, from what I can tell it looks like the cage has been in that pond for at least two weeks.” She shook her head. “But that’s impossible. I could believe if Hastur survived, I don’t know, maybe an hour sitting underwater, though even that should be more than humanly possible, but _weeks_!”

She waved her hands around in disbelief. “The only way I could explain it is that the cage was already lying in the pond, then was taken out last night, the culprit trapped Hastur inside and pushed it back in. But I couldn’t find any traces on the shore that would suggest the cage was pushed in recently. And I walked around the entire pond with a flashlight. Several times! I must have overlooked something. But the cage was so heavy the tracks should have been really, really, obvious! What, did he drop it from above somehow? Was it already in the pond and did he dive to trap Hastur inside? It just seems odd.”

Mr. Fell waved his head. “Well, while surviving underwater for such a long time is certainly an impressive deed-“

Mr. Crowley jumped. “That’s it! Angel, that’s it!”

His partner frowned. “What?”

“Deeds! Deeds of the day!”, Mr. Crowley shouted. “That’s where I heard the name before! Umber was the name of a family Hastur slowly converted to satanists!”

“Satanists”, Dan repeated. “Converted to… Right. You know what, the more I learn the less I want to know.”

“Probably better”, Mr. Crowley commented. “Fact is, if the Umbers are Hastur’s little pet project for who knows how many generations then of course they would know about demons.” He paused. “It would also explain the cage. Satanists have the _weirdest_ shit lying around, I swear…”

“True enough”, Mr. Fell said thoughtfully, acting as if Mr. Crowley’s words made sense. “But one thing doesn’t add up. Satanists, misguided though they may be, usually want to serve the devil not hurt his followers.”

“Ex-followers, in my case. And I mean that in the most loose definition of ‘follower’ possible”, Mr. Crowley corrected with a glance at Dan and Ella and ignoring Lucifer’s frown. “Don’t start rumors.”

His partner huffed. “Focus on the main point, please. What do you think it means?”

The man in the sunglasses shrugged. “A black sheep, maybe? Following his own agenda?”

Chloe looked at him. “While he held you captive, did he mention anything that might be of use? Anything that fits what we found out today?”

Mr. Crowley thought for a while before shaking his head. “Not really. Wasn’t much of a conversationalist. I can only repeat what I already told you. He said he needed this ‘research’ he conducted on me for some… project, but I couldn’t figure out for what. He never answered any of my questions.” He made a small noise, almost like a hiss. “Bloody rude, is what it was.”

They decided to split up after that. Chloe and Lucifer went to visit the Umbers while Ella took her equipment and declared she would go take another look at the scene. After a short internal debate Dan decided to go with her.

He had a different case he should be working on, the robbery of a jewelry store, but he didn’t want Ella to go alone. This case had to do with Lucifer and his family, which made it dangerous and yet, as always, the club owner didn’t deem it necessary to apply any special caution. Dan wouldn’t allow Ella to end up like Charlotte, he swore it.

To his surprise, Mr. Fell and Mr. Crowley asked if they could accompany them. Dan couldn’t think of a reason to decline, seeing as they were already involved in the investigation, so he allowed it. Though he wasn’t really sure what they were trying to accomplish by going. Their explanation didn’t make much sense to him either; something about looking for scents and auras. There really should be some kind of law against taking metaphors too far.

The car ride to the park was silent. Dan was driving with Ella in the passenger’s seat, while the British couple sat in the back. Once again Dan noticed the forensic scientist glancing repeatedly at Mr. Crowley, but when the detective raised an eyebrow at her she just turned red and shook her head.

Once they arrived she jumped out of the car and quickly hurried towards the pond, the area still restricted by police tape. The next hour Dan spent listening to her ramblings about drag marks, lack of fingerprints, the rusty lock and mud traces. All the while he kept an eye on the two men from Britain. Just in case.

Their actions were… about as strange as their words had suggested. Mr. Crowley knelt down in several places waving his head back and forth before standing back up and trying again in a different location. One time Dan thought he saw a straw of some kind hanging out of his mouth, but it disappeared so quickly he wondered if he had imagined it.

After about half an hour the man pumped his fist into the air with an enthusiastic ‘There!’ and started walking more decisively, keeping his body somewhat lowered and with Mr. Fell close on his heels. Soon they disappeared from view.

When they weren’t back by the time Ella had finished, she and Dan decided to go look for the pair. They found them in a nearby graveyard, located next to the park and walked towards them, Dan absentmindedly reading the names on the gravestones they passed.

Mr. Crowley was pointing at a spot on the ground.

“It’s extremely faint, but I’m sure. Here’s where Hastur came out. And they met…” He walked a few steps, stopping by a dead tree near some tilted gravestones. “Here. Classic Hastur, meeting people in _graveyards_ of all places. Bet it was the middle of the night too.”

“So Martin Umber was here?” Mr. Fell stepped next to him. “Are you sure?”

The redhead knelt down again. “It’s harder to make out than Hastur’s stench, but I think so. The same whiff of chemicals, medicine, iron and beeswax.” He stood up with a shudder. “A rather unmistakable combination.”

The bookshop owner nodded slowly. “So they meet, Hastur gives him the books and dagger, turns to leave, gets attacked and then dragged over to the park where Mr. Umber had the cage ready. Then he gets shoved inside, locked in and thrown into the pond, is that it?”

Mr. Crowley shrugged. “From what I can tell. After all, I was only able to follow such an old trace because most of Hastur’s body was touching the ground, which suggests him being dragged.”

“Wow!” Ella and Dan had reached them and the forensic scientist looked impressed. “You were actually able _smell_ all that?”

The two men turned around, surprised at the company.

“Well, I do have a rather keen sense of smell”, Mr. Crowley said.

“Keen? More like impossible.” Dan shook his head. “Not to be disrespectful, but you can’t be serious about this.”

“Oh, I assure you, I’m quite serious.” The man in the sunglasses grinned. “Care for a demonstration? You’re wearing ‘Fresh-X’ deodorant right now and you”, he pointed at Ella, “have a rose-scented hand lotion.”

Ella gasped.

“Y-you could have guessed that”, Dan exclaimed, despite having to admit that he couldn’t smell anything from Ella’s hands.

The forensic scientist jumped in excitement. “I know! What’s in my backpack?”

Mr. Crowley frowned, looking at it. “Could you open the zipper?”

Ella took the backpack from her shoulder and did as she was told, making sure not to show him what was inside. “Well?”

The man opened his mouth and took a deep breath.

“Let’s sssee… There’s an apple, a turkey sandwich, an olive and some sort of chemical mixture. Not sure what, but it seems sweet.”

Ella’s mouth was wide open as she revealed the contents of the backpack. Mr. Crowley seemed pleased with himself, while his partner appeared amused. Dan stared. It had been correct. The sweet thing turned out to be a bottle of Cola.

“I can’t believe this…” The detective shook his head.

Meanwhile Ella was once again staring at Mr. Crowley, now biting her lip in that typical manner that indicated she had something to say, but was unsure if she should do it.

Finally she spoke up. “Listen, this will sound absolutely crazy, but…”

She took a deep breath, glancing at Dan for a second before looking back at the man in black.

“Are you a bird?!”, she blurted out.

There was stunned silence.

“Uhm…” Mr. Crowley scratched his head. “I’m not sure-“

“No, I mean. A person! Bird person-” Ella shook her head and closed her eyes for a moment. “Wings. Do you have wings? Wings that you maybe… flapped around? In that… room?” She buried her face in her hands. “No, forget it. This sounds so stupid.”

Dan frowned. It did sound a bit strange. What kind of question was that? Mr. Fell seemed similarly flustered, but Mr. Crowley kept his cool.

“Of course I have wings”, he replied causally. “I’m a demon. A Fallen.”

Dan clenched his fists, unable to help himself. It was enough that Lucifer was spewing this nonsense. It had confused Chloe on several occasions, making her question reality. He wouldn’t allow Ella to fall for the same trap. The less she got pulled into his delusions the better.

“Stop. There’s no such thing as demons!”, he snapped.

Mr. Crowley grinned, gripping the edge of his sunglasses. “You sure about that?”

“Crowley!” The bookshop owner slapped the arm of his partner.

“What?” The redhead laughed. “Come on, angel. You have to admit, his reaction would have been funny.”

“It is not on us to show him!”, Mr. Fell hissed. “These are Lucifer’s friends, it’s his decision to make.”

Dan snorted. “Friends? Me? With Lucifer? Don’t make me laugh!”

The British pair fell silent, turning to stare at him in unison.

“That’s really what you think?”, Mr. Fell asked.

“I’m pretty sure Lucifer feels differently”, his partner added.

Dan shook his head. Just what had given them the idea he was in any way close to Lucifer?!

“As if. We’ve never gotten along, from the very beginning.”

Ella glanced at him.

“I don’t know, man. You guys used to be… I mean-“ She looked away. “You used to be on better terms.”

Dan gritted his teeth. “That’s over.”

The man in the sunglasses frowned. “Look, I can’t say anything about your squabbles with him, but-“

“Squabbles?!”, Dan repeated, barely suppressing the fury raging inside of him. “What do you know?! People have died because of him! And he just-“ He broke off, voice refusing to cooperate. “I’m never going to forgive him.”

Ella put a hand on his back. “Dan. What happened to Charlotte, that wasn’t… It wasn’t his-“

“Don’t”, Dan said sharply and she fell silent.

The next one to speak was Mr. Fell.

“I can tell that you… carry a lot of grief with you”, he began, his voice gentle. “I don’t know what happened and I won’t ask, but I feel like I should tell you that Lucifer does value you. In his own way.”

Dan frowned, but didn’t answer.

Mr. Crowley continued. “When we arrived here Lucifer made one thing absolutely clear to us: You, Ms. Lopez, Ms. Decker and her daughter are under his personal protection. And that’s worth more than you can even begin to imagine.”

“Of course, there are other humans he doesn’t want to see harmed as well”, the bookshop owner hurried to add. “He has taken quite a liking to this city, and, frankly, he really doesn’t have to worry about us.”

His partner chuckled. “Yeah, we were actually expecting to have to protect people from him, not the other way around.”

“But, at this point, it’s pretty much a fact that you and your friends are special to him”, Mr. Fell concluded. “It’s unusual to say the least, but very notable.”

Dan still didn’t say anything, but Ella put a hand to her chest.

“Aw… That’s kind of sweet of him.” She suddenly looked determined. “I’ll have to thank him with a really big hug next time I see him!”

“Yeah, just maybe don’t mention we told you that”, Mr. Crowley said quickly. “I’m not sure he wants people to know he cares.”

Feeling conflicted, Dan decided to change the subject. “How do you guys know him anyway? Are you, like, distant relatives?”

“Oh, heavens no”, Mr. Fell protested. “We were… employees you could call us. Well, Crowley was. I worked for… I think Lucifer calls Him his Father.”

Dan blinked, some things clicking into place. “So you work for Lucifer’s and Amenadiel’s father?”

“Worked”, Mr. Crowley corrected. “We left the business about six years ago. Best decision we ever made if you ask me.”

“And that’s why Beelzebub called you traitors”, the detective said, slowly understanding.

Mr. Crowley nodded. “I’m sure Hastur would say the same. It’s probably one of the reasons he arranged for my lovely time in the summoning circle.”

Dan nodded, his mind working overtime. This all seemed like result of the internal struggle of Lucifer’s family business. But…

“How does Mr. Canvas fit into all this?”

Ella frowned. “I was wondering that as well. If it wasn’t for the fact that he had no reason for being in the apartment he was found dead in, I’d almost say he was just an unfortunate witness.”

The man in the sunglasses perked up. “This Mr. Canvas… You said he was an art student?”

Dan nodded. “Yeah, why?”

“I could have sworn…”

Mr. Crowley left the group and started investigating the area near the dead tree. Finally he came to a halt behind a large gravestone.

“Here…”, he said, taking another deep breath. “It’s almost gone, but it smells like paint supplies.” He looked at the detective. “It could be a long shot, but he might have been here. The trace is about as old as the other two.”

Ella and Dan exchanged a look.

“He did have a bag with paint and brushes on him”, the forensic scientist pointed out. “Maybe he saw something from here and then decided to investigate. Didn’t his friends say he had to figure something out on his own?”

Dan remembered something.

“Wait a moment!” He walked back towards the park, staring at the gravestones on the way. “Here! Look at that.”

He pointed at two gravestones with the names ‘Emile Everett’ and ‘Anette Everett’ written on them.

Ella gasped. “Wasn’t Mr. Canvas real last name Everett? He might have come here to pay his respects and then seen something he wasn’t supposed to!”

Dan nodded. “It’s still circumstantial, but it’s all starting to come together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh right, the Dan chapter. The chapter about Dan. The chapter written specifically about Dan. The Dan chapter.
> 
> All jokes aside though, as I’ve mentioned before, I really like Dan. I always enjoy it when he and Lucifer work together. Just too bad he’s so bitter in season 4. Hopefully he gets better in season 5. Maybe he’ll learn the truth about Lucifer and play an important role in helping him? Honestly, I highly doubt it, but one can dream.
> 
> In other news, we have found Hastur! He was chilling at the bottom of a pond the whole time, who would have thought.
> 
> Also, when Crowley talks about the people that are under Lucifer’s protection he doesn’t mention Linda simply because she wasn’t on Lucifer’s initial “Don’t touch!” list he gave to Aziraphale and Crowley. The reason for that is that she doesn’t work with the police so Lucifer preferred not to mention her at all thinking it would be better if the couple didn’t know about her existence. By now they know, but Crowley specifically talks about what Lucifer said to them as soon as they arrived (he probably told it to Aziraphale during their first night at Lux and the angel made sure Crowley knows too).
> 
> Finally, for anyone trying to desperately remember if there was a murderer in Lucifer that has a connection to Martin Umber or if it’s a name that appeared in the show… Let me stop you right there: it’s not. I made him up.


	19. White feathers

By the time the day came to an end Chloe was beat. However, despite her exhaustion she hadn’t wanted to cancel her plans with Lucifer. Trixie would have been terribly disappointed.

Therefore she and Lucifer had left the station together, the devil insisting on driving her car so she could get a little shut eye until they arrived. Their visit to the Umbers family had turned out to be rather fruitless. Martin Umber’s parents had only repeated what they’d already told Dan, namely that their son had left the country a year ago. And despite being very insistent on that fact, they refused to say where he’d gone.

In the end Lucifer had lost his patience and revealed his true identity to them. Once they saw his face they had fallen to their knees, confessing that their son had never approved of their connection to Hell and cut all ties to the family. They didn’t actually know where he had disappeared to.

Frustrated Lucifer had left with Chloe close on his heels, who was still trying to digest what she had just seen. To think that there were entire human organizations working for Heaven and Hell… Sometimes she felt like the world she lived in had gone mad.

But the most surprising thing had been that the Umbers had, all in all, seemed like a nice couple. Very… normal. Not at all how Chloe had imagined genuine satanists to act like. Lucifer had said that this wasn’t unusual. Apart from having a bit of an obsession with the occult and occasionally following orders from Hell, satanists that weren’t left to their own devices for too long were rather ordinary. It was the ones you let out of your sight that often went on unpredictable tangents.

In that regard they were apparently similar to religious cults and exorcists working for Heaven. Though to learn more she would have to ask Aziraphale. He and Crowley had excused themselves for the evening and left in search of a good sushi restaurant. Lucifer had seemed hesitant about letting them go, but in the end he had complied.

Now Chloe, Lucifer and Trixie were sitting in the detective’s living room, an empty pizza box on the floor, slowly getting to the end of this evening’s round of Monopoly. Chloe had dropped out of the game early on and since then been slowly tilting towards the devil until she was leaning against his side, too tired to care what it implied. Lucifer didn’t seem to mind.

Trixie rolled the dice and grinned widely when she landed on a field that would give her yet another monopoly. She looked at the two adults.

“I’m pretty sure I’ve won”, she said. “You might as well declare bankruptcy at this point.”

“This game is rigged”, Lucifer complained, taking the dice and looking at them from every angle. “I don’t know how, but it’s definitely rigged.”

“It’s not rigged”, Chloe mumbled, her eyes barely open.

“Six times in a row!”, the devil exclaimed. “Six times in a row I’ve landed on that stupid community chest and I had to pay them money! And then I ended up in jail!” He stared at the board. “This game is evil. A true torture device!”

Trixie laughed. “I’m sure you’ll get it next time.”

Lucifer growled. “Oh, I will.”

Chloe chuckled. It was just too funny seeing a grown man getting so engaged in a board game. Better yet, _the_ _devil_, engaged in a board game. Knowing the truth was a lot to swallow, but she had to admit it had its funny parts.

With a sigh the detective sat up, glancing at the clock on the wall. It was just past ten pm.

She smiled at her daughter. “Alright, Monkey, time for bed.”

Trixie pouted. “Do I have to?”

Chloe nodded. “You have school tomorrow, it’s already past your bedtime.”

The girl let out a deep sigh, but jumped up and ran to the bathroom to brush her teeth. A few minutes later she was tucked into bed, insisting that Lucifer lean down so she could hug him goodnight. He complied to her request, albeit a bit stiffly.

Chloe watched him with a smile, her mind putting some things together.

“You really don’t have much experience with children, do you?”, she asked him when they returned to their spot on the sofa.

“Aside from your little spawn? No”, Lucifer admitted. “There are very few down in Hell and I’ve never seen much appeal in getting to know them during my visits on earth. They are unfinished humans, I never quite know how they work.”

The detective remembered one of the first times Lucifer had come in contact with Trixie. He had thrown one of her toys as if expecting her to go and fetch it. Back then it had offended her, but now… She supposed that she couldn’t entirely hold it against him.

Lucifer gave a little smile. “Though I have to say I’ve grown… accustomed to yours. She’s a smart one. And a stone-cold negotiator. Would it have killed her to give me that green building space?”

Chloe laughed, feeling pride swell in her chest at the praise of her daughter. “Thanks for coming today. She really appreciated it.”

The devil leaned back on the sofa with a nod. “It was fun.”

Chloe yawned and fell silent, suddenly aware of how close they were sitting. It was nice. Comfortable. Familiar. She enjoyed how calm it was compared to the whirlwind that had been having Maze, Eve, Crowley and Aziraphale all in the same room. It had been fascinating to listen to them, but also a bit exhausting. It made her appreciate how quiet things were when it was just Lucifer and her. Maybe, if she simply didn’t think about it too much, they could stay like this without things getting complicated.

Trying to focus on something else she remembered a topic she’d wanted to talk about ever since this case had begun. They were alone. It was the perfect opportunity. Still, she felt unsure.

“Lucifer?”

The devil gave a hum. “What is it, detective?”

Chloe hesitated. “There was something I’ve been meaning to ask you for a while now, but… I’m not sure if it’s a topic you’re comfortable with. You have to tell me if you don’t want to talk about it.”

Lucifer turned so he could face her.

“I’ve told you that you can ask me anything”, he said, earnestly.

“Still, it might be too personal.” The detective remembered that time, a few years ago, when she had noticed those strange, large scars on Lucifer’s back and how he had shied away from her back then. “Just promise to tell me if it’s too much.”

The devil frowned, but gave a firm nod.

“It’s about your wings.”

Lucifer’s eyes darkened for a moment then he sighed.

“Of course you’d hone in on one of my very few weak spots…”, he said, the hint of a chuckle in his words. “That’s just how good you are. But it’s alright. I’ll talk.” He looked at her. “What do you want to know?”

“There was this case, remember? Back when we were still staring out as partners”, Chloe began. “You said your wings got stolen.”

Lucifer nodded. “They were. But thanks to your help, I’ve been able to track them down. And burn them. Turns out I quite dislike the thought of someone else having them.”

“Why?”, Chloe asked. “Why did you burn them? And why did you cut them off?”

“I believe I’ve mentioned that they’re a gift from my dear, old Dad?” Lucifer shot the ceiling a glare. “I despise relying on anything given to me by Him. It’s the same reason I don’t use miracles. Honestly, at this point, it’s been so long I don’t even remember how to do it.” He shook his head. “But my ability to perform miracles wasn’t something I could easily erase. Believe me, it took a lot of effort to get to the point I am now. The wings, however, were a different matter. Much easier to dispose of than a skill.”

The devil sighed. “And yet I kept them for quite a while. In Hell they were too useful to just cut off. But that changed as soon as I arrived on earth. I didn’t need them anymore. And so I could finally get rid of that final reminder of Heaven. Not to mention that it was a sign. It was to show my Father that I had officially quit my job. After all, I can’t go back to Hell if I don’t have them.” He gave a small laugh, but there wasn’t any humor in it. “Of course, none of that matters anymore as the stupid things just keep growing back. Cut them off one evening, poof! A few hours later they’re back on.”

“But…” Chloe thought about how much Aziraphale had fussed over Crowley’s wings, how both of them had been horrified at the thought of losing them. “Doesn’t it hurt?”

The devil shrugged. “I mean… yes, obviously. You’re cutting off a limb, after all, and it’s kind of hard if you have to do it yourself with nothing but a tiny knife, but-“

“No!” Chloe did her best to shake off the terrifying mental image. “I mean, emotionally. Aren’t you sad to lose something like that? They’re a part of you.” She avoided his gaze. “I haven’t really thought much about it before, but after seeing Aziraphale and Crowley and how they treat the subject, well…” Finally she looked up. “I got worried about you. You… I don’t think you should do these things to your wings.”

Lucifer looked at her.

“Worried?”, he asked. “You…” He shook his head with a smile. “You really are something special. I’d never have imagined that you started this topic because you were worried about me.” The devil sighed. “Well, if it’s any consolation, it got really bothersome to keep cutting them off and burning them, so I've stopped doing it.”

Chloe nodded slowly. She supposed that was a start.

Another question burned in her mind, but she needed a few moments to gather the courage to ask it. “Could you… show them to me?”

Lucifer blinked surprised, but proceeded to stand up. “As you wish.”

The detective watched with interest as he began pushing some things out of the way – a vase, some chairs, her cup of tea – before standing in the middle of the living room. Then, with the low rustling of feathers, two huge, white wings emerged from his back.

Chloe gasped. She had seen his devil wings before, but this… this was something else entirely. They were significantly bigger than Crowley’s or Aziraphale’s, almost touching both walls of her living room, and the brilliantly white feathers were shimmering in the light of the lamp. Looking at them Chloe felt like she was beholding something sacred.

Unable to tear her eyes away she stood up, coming closer. “May I?”

The devil nodded and took her hand, guiding it to one of his wings. It felt different than those of the British couple. The angel’s wings had felt almost unnaturally soft while the ones of the serpent had been cooler and very smooth. Lucifer’s feathers were warm and felt like silk under her touch. She noticed that he was staring at her, something almost like wonder in his eyes.

Chloe frowned. “Everything alright?”

The devil blinked. “Y-yes, yes! Of course, detective.”

Still frowning she ran her fingers though the soft feathers, touching the limb below. Lucifer made a noise similar to a purr before pressing his lips together and turning away, a rather bewildered look on his face. Then the expression became embarrassed.

Confused the detective raised an eyebrow.

“Ah, it’s just… It feels nice when you touch them”, Lucifer admitted. “It’s… I don’t know how to describe it.” He fumbled for the right words. “Ever got your scalp massaged? It’s a little bit like that. But… also something beyond that. I… don’t know how to explain it.”

Chloe smiled. “They’re beautiful.”

Now she was sure he was flustered. “Come now, detective, they’re just wings.”

“I like them”, she declared, moving her hand again, stroking the feathers and pleased to see that Lucifer stretched the limb towards her. Something occurred to her. “Wait. How are they out if you’re still wearing your shirt?”

Not a question that really fit the mood, but, damn it, she wanted to know.

The devil grinned. “My, my, detective. I can take it off if you like.”

She rolled her eyes. Of course. That one was on her. “Don’t ruin it. You know what I mean.”

Lucifer chuckled.

“Ancient magic, mostly. It’s just more convenient than having to strip every time-“ He broke off, looking around and – to Chloe’s disappointment – pulling the wings back in. “Do you hear that?”

The detective frowned, listening. Apart from the ticking of her clock on the wall everything appeared silent. “Hear what?”

“I don’t know. It’s like… a weird hum.” Lucifer took a few steps further into the living room, turning his head in every direction. “You really can’t hear it?”

Chloe shook her head. “No, nothing. Are you alright?”

“I think so. How very odd. Oh!” He raised a finger. “Now I felt something like a tug. Like something tugging at the back of my head and- Uff!”

The devil stumbled, gripping the table with such force Chloe thought the wood might crack. To her horror Lucifer leaned forward, holding his stomach. His voice was slightly strained when he spoke again.

“Alright”, he said. “That… That one actually hurt.”

Feeling panic rise up in her Chloe ran to his side, taking him by the shoulders. ”Lucifer, what’s happening?! Have you been poisoned? I’ll call an ambulance!”

The devil groaned. “Don’t bother, detective, I’m pretty sure there are other forces at work. Just don’t panic, I’m sure this will pass soon, I just…“

He disappeared. Chloe almost fell against the table as the body she’d been holding dissolved into thin air. She stared at her hands in shock.

“Lucifer? Lucifer!” Frantically she looked around the room, but couldn’t find any trace of him.

The devil was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer needs someone to help him get over his hatred for his wings. It’s like hating your own foot, it can’t be good for you!
> 
> And, by the way, I don’t believe Aziraphale’s or Crowley’s wings would grow back after being cut off. Lucifer is just overpowered.
> 
> Also, I expanded on the miracle thing with Lucifer in this chapter, clarifying that he actually forgot how to use them so he couldn't even if he wanted to. Otherwise it would mean that whenever there’s a really bad situation (Chloe’s in danger, everyone is dying) Lucifer would have to be like: “I could use a miracle to save us all, but I won’t because I hate my Dad.” and that would be extremely out of character (honestly, I wanted to include that back in the ‘Aziraphale explains magic’ chapter, but there was just no way for him to know about it so I had to wait).


	20. When the devil disappears

Chloe’s first instinct was to call Maze. Then she remembered that the demon had gone bounty hunting somewhere far south, together with Eve. She still tried to call them, but no one picked up. Her next thought was to inform Amenadiel, but Linda had mentioned he’d flown to Heaven due to a matter regarding a sister of his. Chloe doubted he had reception up there.

That left… The detective ran to her bag and hastily scanned her notes of the case until she found Crowley’s number. Fifteen minutes later he and Aziraphale were at her door.

“Yeah, that’s a summoning, alright”, Crowley stated after Chloe had finished telling them what had happened. “If it’s any consolation, there was nothing you could have done. No demon, not even the devil, can resist a call like that. That’s the power of names for you. God-given.” He huffed at the last word.

“But why?” The detective was trying to stay calm, but it just didn’t want to work. “Why would this happen now? Hasn’t he said he was never summoned before?”

Crowley gasped.

“The book!”, he exclaimed. “That’s why Umber needed the book with the names! The Encyclopedia of Fallen Angels! I was wondering why he would buy it if Hastur told him my name, but now it makes sense! Lucifer’s true name should be in there! It’s one of the reasons this particular book was so hunted by my side.”

Aziraphale frowned. “You mean Umber intended to summon Lucifer from the start? Remember, the book had been bought even before you were called.”

The demon shrugged. “It’s possible. Either that or our ‘Thomas Lancer’ is, in fact, not a fake name but an unrelated party who just happened to buy a book with angel names and start summoning the devil at the same time Martin Umber decided to play with the occult.”

“But if it’s Umber who summoned Lucifer…” Chloe felt the world tilt and she had to sit down at the kitchen table. She remembered how horrible Crowley had looked when they’d found him in the bloody room. Thinking that Lucifer might go though something similar…

“Ms. Decker, please calm down.” Aziraphale put a hand on her shoulder and suddenly her racing heart slowed down, even if just a little bit. “We’ll find him.”

“Assuming he hasn’t freed himself yet”, the serpent added. “This is Lucifer we’re talking about! It won’t be easy to hold him down using runes. Not to mention the boss is different from us. His corporation is basically invincible!” He hesitated. “Well, save for celestial weapons and demonic blades, which, I admit, Umber has, but-“ He broke off, his tongue flicking out for a second before he leaned towards the detective. “Do you know there’s a child spying on us from behind that counter over there?”

Chloe turned around.

“Trixie?” A small head appeared behind the kitchen counter. “Did we wake you up? I’m sorry, honey. You should go back to bed.”

Carefully the girl stood up and came closer. “Where’s Lucifer?” She looked at the two immortals. “And who are they?”

“They are… friends”, the detective said, putting an arm around her daughter. “Lucifer went home already. And you should go to sleep.”

Trixie shook her head.

“I heard you talk about him.” She looked at her mother. “I know something’s wrong. Is Lucifer in trouble?”

Chloe hesitated. She didn’t want to alarm Trixie, but she couldn’t be sure how much the girl had heard. Being caught in a lie wouldn’t help the situation. With a stab of guilt the detective noticed her daughter scanning her two guests from head to toe as if looking for a weapon. A child shouldn’t have to worry about things like that.

“Everything’s fine, Trixie, just-“

“It’s not fine, mom”, the girl disagreed, a frown on her face. “I saw it. I saw Lucifer disappear.”

Chloe froze. “You… you saw that? And you stayed hidden all this time?”

This was concerning. The detective would have expected Trixie to immediately come running and ask what was happening.

Chloe bit her lip. “Why?”

The girl hesitated, looking to the ground. It was only after a few moments that she spoke.

“Because I thought you wouldn’t tell me anything”, she admitted. “Just like when we suddenly went away for a month and didn’t tell anyone. And how you didn’t want me talking with Maze anymore. It made her sad, you know? And Lucifer was acting all weird when we came back. You did too. But you always said everything was fine, even though I knew it wasn’t.”

Chloe’s heart tightened in her chest. She’d been so focused on dealing with the reality of the supernatural and how to keep herself and her family safe from them, from the people who would throw themselves into danger to protect her, that she had completely failed to see how her behavior had affected Trixie.

She knelt down and gave her daughter a hug. “I’m so sorry, dear. I didn’t mean to make you feel like I was keeping you in the dark. Or that you couldn’t trust me.”

The girl clung to her. “It’s just… You said I can talk to you about anything, right? But that goes for you too. You can talk to me too, mommy. And I know your work is… complicated, but this different. Lucifer… is kind of family, right? I want to know where he went.”

What was Chloe supposed to say to that? She sighed.

“I don’t know where Lucifer went”, she admitted. “That’s why I called them.” Chloe made a head notion towards the two immortals. “So they can help me find out.”

Trixie gave the couple a slightly cautious look. “You’re Lucifer’s friends?”

“We’ve known him for a very long time”, Aziraphale said, smiling. “Rest assured that we will find him.” He blinked, then stood up, holding out his hand. “But where are my manners? I’m Aziraphale. Charmed to make your acquaintance.”

The girl stared at him in surprise, but then a smile appeared on her face and she took his hand. “I’m Beatrice. But you can call me Trixie.”

She glanced at the angel’s companion.

“Crowley”, the demon introduced himself, shaking her hand as well.

Trixie looked back at her mother. “So how did Lucifer just… disappear like that?” Her eyes went big. “Was it magic?”

The detective was stumped. She didn’t know what to say, she hadn’t planned on telling Trixie anything; at least not yet. She would have preferred to discuss this with Lucifer first.

To her surprise Crowley was the one to speak up.

“Indeed, it was”, he said, his voice serious. “That’s another reason your mother called us. She doesn’t know much about magic, because it wasn’t that long ago she found out it exists. But Aziraphale and I do.”

The girl gasped, staring at her mother. “Is that true?”

Chloe gave a helpless nod. This was going too fast.

“Then what do you need to do?”, Trixie asked. “Do you need to make a potion or… or say a spell?”

Crowley shook his head.

“Nothing like that. Aziraphale will see if he can find a trace left behind by the magic that called Lucifer away. In the meantime, I suggest we try to relax. Nothing gets done if you’re stressed.” He looked around the kitchen. “Say, do you have hot chocolate by any chance? I was going to ask your mom to help me make some, but she looks pretty tired…”

Trixie gave her mother an inquiring look. “She does.”

The demon nodded. “So could you help me out? I don’t want to rummage through your kitchen without anyone overseeing.”

“Alright.” The girl removed herself from her mother’s arms and began to show Crowley around.

The demon gave Aziraphale a small nod and the angel stood up, returning to the living room. After a moment of hesitation Chloe followed him. Aziraphale had approached the spot where Lucifer had stood before he disappeared and was staring at seemingly nothing.

“She doesn’t know, I take it?”, the angel asked.

“No.” Chloe shook her head and looked back to the kitchen where Trixie had started chatting with the serpent who was telling her about London. “I don’t know if I should tell her… It’s just… It all happened so fast. I’m not sure she’s ready yet. I’m not sure I’m ready.” Something occurred to her. “You said you were occasionally taking care of a human child. Do they know your true nature?”

The angel nodded. “Yes, but that’s a bit of a special case. She’s the daughter of a witch and has been able to see people’s auras from a young age. It’s a bit different.”

Chloe bit her lip. “I suppose so.”

“But if you want my opinion...” Aziraphale knelt down closing his eyes. He fell silent for a few moments, before standing up with a slight shake of head. “Children are often more capable and understanding than adults give them credit for. Of course, some things can be difficult for them to grasp, but they shouldn’t be underestimated.” The angel smiled. “Why, six years ago a child saved the world.” He continued before Chloe could ask more about that. “If Lucifer keeps being part of your life, it’s inevitable that one day your daughter will learn the truth.”

“I know…” The detective sighed. “But isn’t she a bit young to get dragged into all of this?”

“She’s already involved”, the angel pointed out. “Even if you hide things from her she can tell something’s happening. Besides, it can be worse if she finds out when she’s older. She’ll want to know why you kept it a secret.” Seeing the detective still unsure, he continued. “But if you feel it’s too early, we can, with your permission, make her forget about this evening.”

The detective frowned. “Forget? You can do that?”

“On a small scale we can manipulate the memories of humans, yes.” The angel swayed back and forth, looking around as if trying to find something. “But Lucifer made it very clear that he doesn’t wish for any of his friends memories to be altered.”

“What would you have done if he hadn’t said that?”, Chloe asked, somewhat alarmed.

“We wouldn’t have harmed anyone, of course”, the angel hurried to reassure her. “However if he hadn’t been there that night you found Crowley and me, none of you would have remembered we'd been there at all. All you would have found was an empty basement.”

Chloe took a moment to think about that. There were times she wished she wouldn’t have learned the truth. Things would be so much easier. She didn’t want Trixie to blame her in the future for telling her something like that.

But on the other hand, if she hadn’t found out, there would be an entire part of Lucifer Chloe wouldn’t be able to understand. In the past, no matter how hard she had tried, she’d always hit a wall when the devil had started talking about his nature and family. She had grown frustrated that he wouldn’t confide in her, didn’t trust her enough, even though that had been exactly what he had been doing. In a way, wasn’t it the same for Trixie? But in her case it was her mother who was keeping secrets.

There was a loud crash from the kitchen and Chloe saw Trixie covering her mouth, cacao powder spilled on the floor. Crowley leaned down and Chloe could see the powder in her field of vision disappearing. Trixie gasped as the demon handed her the box back, putting his finger to his lips in a conspiratorial manner.

Slowly the detective shook her head.

“Maybe it’s fine to leave things as they are”, she said. “You’re right, she has to find out at some point and maybe if she learns about it early on it’ll be easier for her to get used to it. She has already accepted Maze’s combat training as a normal part of her life. Maybe it won’t be that bad.”

Aziraphale smiled at her. “I’m sure you’re right.”

Having made her decision, Chloe gave him a curious look. “Have you found anything?”

The angel’s face fell.

“I’m dreadfully sorry, but nothing yet.” He stared at the floor. “I can tell that the magic was here”, he said. “But I just don’t seem to be able to determine a direction. It’s possible Umber used stronger charms to hide his trace than before. After all, for all he knows that’s how I found him last time.”

Chloe tried to fight back the wave of panic threatening to overtake her at the words. She glanced at Lucifer’s phone on the table. Why, oh why, couldn’t he have left it in his pocket?

The angel stared at his hands. “I’m so sorry. This is all my fault. I should have taken care of Umber when I fought him a few days ago. Wipe his memory, or make sure he got caught, anything! Instead I got so distracted by Crowley I forgot all about him. But, but… He was bleeding and for a moment I thought he was dead so I just-“

“Aziraphale, it’s not your fault”, Chloe insisted. “You were worried about your partner, I understand.”

Clenching his fists the angel shook his head. “Still, I should have known better. Now my irresponsible actions have put others in danger. I need to make this right!”

“What you need to do is drink your cocoa”, Crowley interrupted, appearing with a tray and three cups. Trixie was already holding hers. “Sit down, drink up and if you can’t find anything here we’ll go out and look for traces of summoning magic in the city. If Umber still hasn’t left after a year I doubt he’ll do it now. We’ll find him.”

Slowly Aziraphale nodded, taking one of the cups. “Right, right.”

The demon held the tray towards the detective, but she shook her head. “I’m sorry you went through the trouble, but-“

“I insist.” Crowley pressed a cup into her hands. “It’ll help calm you down.”

Giving up Chloe took a sip. Pleasant warmth spread through her stomach. It was actually pretty good.

“Thank you”, she mumbled, sitting down on the sofa. In a flash Trixie was next to her, rubbing her back in an effort to console her. “For everything.”

“Don’t thank us yet”, the angel said. “We still have to find him.”

“We’ll leave in about half an hour”, Crowley decided. “Then you and your daughter can get some sleep.”

“I’ll go with you”, Chloe protested.

“My dear, you’re barely sitting upright as you are”, Aziraphale pointed out. “You’ve been up since four in the morning. Crowley and I don’t need sleep, but you have to get some rest. I promise we’ll call as soon as we find something.”

The detective wanted to object, but she knew they were right. The adrenaline had kept her awake until now, but she could feel her eyes dropping again. The cocoa didn’t help matters. Stupid demon had probably done it purpose.

“Alright”, she said. “I’ll leave it to you then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trixie is now in the know. Not completely in the know, but more in the know than the not-know. And she’s taking it better than her mother did, that’s for sure.
> 
> Now time to blindly run around until we find one (1) missing devil.


	21. I thought Crowley said you didn’t talk much

Chloe’s living room disappeared. For a moment Lucifer saw nothing but blinding lights and colors then he suddenly found himself in an unknown room. At least the pain in his stomach had vanished.

He looked around. It seemed that he had appeared in an empty studio of some kind – probably for dancing practice, if the large mirror on the wall was anything to go by. The wooden floor was polished, but the corners were covered in dust and there were three pillars in the middle of the otherwise rather empty room. Judging by the view outside the window it was most likely on the top floor of some skyscraper. Lucifer could also spot a glass door leading to the roof.

There was a noise behind him and the devil turned around. In front of him stood a human wearing grey lab coat and a mask that covered the upper half of his face. Well he’d be damned (again). Crowley and Aziraphale had been telling the truth all along.

Lucifer crossed his arms. “Martin Umber, I assume?”

If the words surprised him the man didn’t show it. “Impressive. Seems you don’t just play detective to keep up appearances. Or was it Ms. Decker who did all the work?”

Lucifer’s eyes narrowed. He didn’t like that Umber knew the detective’s name. His unease at the words was only pushed aside by his growing anger. Now that he had confirmed the man’s identity, the devil was sure that this was the person who was responsible for everything that had happened in the last few weeks. Including something Lucifer would absolutely not forgive. He felt the fury rise in his stomach.

“Tell me, was it you who killed Benjamin Canvas?”

The man’s voice was cold. “His constant interference caused no end of trouble. Ever since he saw me in that graveyard he kept following me around. Why was he even out there in the middle of the night? He shouldn’t have stuck his nose where it didn’t belong.”

Lucifer clenched his fists. “And that’s why you killed him?!”

“No.” Umber’s eyes sparked with hatred behind the mask. “I freed him. You killed him.”

The devil was baffled. “I _beg_ your pardon?!”

The man pointed at him. “You were the one who corrupted him. Made a deal to take his soul! When he showed up at that apartment in South Central, do you know what he said to me? He said he wanted to stop me from hurting you. He must have figured out you were my target so he threw all caution to the wind in hope of protecting his puppeteer!”

The words hit Lucifer like a punch in the gut. Things started falling into place. Benjamin must have seen what had happened to Hastur in the graveyard and once he heard Lucifer was supposed to be next, he had tried to stop Umber by himself. The kid had probably thought he owed the devil for helping him change his identity. Not his official debt, as Lucifer always made sure to clarify he would collect it himself whenever he saw fit, but as a sign of friendship. And he had died for it.

The devil lowered his head, gritting his teeth. Why couldn’t he have simply told him about the threat? Why did he have to die? It wasn’t fair!

When Lucifer looked up again his eyes were red with hellfire.

“You will pay for this!”, he growled, his voice deep and distorted, abandoning all humanity. Slowly he began to approach the man. “If you think you can get away with-“

Lucifer collided with something hard and took a step back in surprise. Then he raised his hand. His palm soon touched an invisible wall, buzzing slightly under his fingers.

He looked down. He was standing in a large circle surrounded by lines and lines of glowing runes. It looked similar to the one Crowley had been trapped in, but significantly bigger and with more text. Now that he looked closer the devil could see four other, smaller circles drawn in the room. Two to his right, one to his left and one slightly bigger in the center of the studio. And each was a bit different than the other. That was foreboding.

Lucifer pushed against the wall surrounding him, but it didn’t budge. Apparently some force tried to stop him from crossing over the inner most line of the scribble on the floor.

The devil frowned. Then he leaned back and swung his fist with all his might against the barrier. There was a loud hum, something you’d get if you mixed static from a television, the sound of a tuning fork and punching a metal plate, then Lucifer was thrown back. He stumbled and shook his aching hand. It felt like he had just touched an electric wire.

Umber gave the hint of a grin. “You like it? I made this one especially for you.”

“I’d say I’m honored, but that would be a lie”, the devil spat.

He wanted to scream. He wanted to punch and kick and fight until that stupid barrier burst and let him carry out his vengeance over the human. But he controlled himself. He was at a disadvantage so he had to play it smart. Gather information. Even if he was furious.

“Why did you try to frame Crowley for the murder?”, Lucifer asked, reeling in his anger and energy as best as he could. As soon as he did the runes stopped glowing. “Did you think you could fake your own death that way? Maybe hoping he wouldn’t try and get his revenge on you?”

“Having him think I was out of the picture would have been beneficial, yes,” Umber admitted before looking at him. Lucifer didn’t like the glint in his eyes. “But I was much more interested in seeing how you would react. What would you do if a demon was accused of a murder you were investigating? Would you break character and try to get him off the hook or would you leave him to his fate? How strong are the ties between the king and his demons? If something were to happen to you would they be out for revenge?”

Now that was ominous. The devil crossed his arms, deciding to ask something else.

“Why did you summon me?” His eyes fell back on the circle. “Do you intend on torturing me like you did with Crowley?”

The human had the nerve to look offended at that. “I wasn’t torturing him, I was conducting an investigation. The data I’ve collected by studying his abilities will be of great help to me while dealing with you.”

Lucifer had to fight in order to keep his growing anger bottled up. “You cut him up and you’re saying it wasn’t torture?!”

To the devil’s utter fury, the man completely ignored him.

“He was the first Fallen I summoned, you know?”, Umber told him, his scientific tone slipping a bit. “I originally wanted to call Hastur, seeing as I’ve despised him since I can remember, but he was too smart to let me get a hold of his name.”

“So you stabbed him and dumped him into a pond”, Lucifer concluded.

“A bit of a plump way of dealing with him, I admit, but I didn’t have much time to prepare. He contacted me rather unexpectedly”, the man explained. “Not to mention he insisted on meeting in that graveyard, making it hard to set up a trap. There was no way of luring him anywhere else.”

“Why not just kill him?” The devil was still trying to figure out the human’s logic. “If you hated him so much it would be the obvious way of getting rid of him. And he had just brought you a demonic dagger.”

“For generations my family has served him, put under his spell, mindlessly obeying what he told them. But not me, I’ve freed myself from his magic! And I wanted to free them too, but I didn’t know if killing Hastur would do the trick. Therefore I decided to capture him alive. I knew he wouldn’t drown and that no one would find him in that pond. Well, except for you, apparently. A miscalculation on my part.” His eyes flashed with determination. “Still, I will not rest until we’re free! Until everyone has been freed!”

Lucifer shook his head. This man was clearly insane.

“Your family’s not under a spell, you dullard, they’re satanists!”, the devil exclaimed. “An often misguided bunch, sure, but not hexed or mind controlled or whatever you think has been done to them. The entire point of Hell’s meddling is to tempt and convince humans to do things, but it’s only a ‘victory’ if they use their free will and do it themselves! You didn’t escape from some spell, you were never placed under one to begin with.”

“Spare me your foul lies, devil!” Umber clenched his fists. “I know all about you demons! You corrupt people and force them to do your bidding! You did it to that college student and you’ve done it to detective Decker and her child and countless others!”

He pointed at him. “But I’ll be the one to end your reign of terror! Ever since last year, when I stumbled upon the findings of Reese Getty, a man who had been tracking you for months, I’ve known it was destiny! To think the devil had left his kingdom and was walking among us… It was a chance like I couldn’t have ever dreamed of! And when Hastur contacted me I knew my time had come. I swear, for all the others that had to die trying to stop you, I won’t fail!”

Lucifer was about to protest, but then decided to save his breath. He knew those eyes. They were the eyes of a fanatic. Once someone like Umber convinced themselves of something there was no going back.

Instead the devil crossed his arms in a deliberately bored manner. “Is that so? What are you going to do then, talk me to death?”

He secretly hoped to provoke the man into stepping closer. He might not be able to leave the circle, but if Umber came close enough he would simply grab the man and break his neck. Chloe’s face flashed before his eyes and he had a hard time not to roll them. Fine. Maybe he’d just knock him out, if he had to.

“That’s an excellent question”, Umber admitted. “It posed quite a bit of trouble. What was I supposed to do once I’ve trapped you?” He began pacing back and forth. “You see, I’ve been planning this for many months. Before I managed to get my hands on a Fallen, I’ve summoned lower demons of Hell and other nightmares to determine what their weak points were, how fast they regenerated and similar inquiries. But then it occurred to me: You’re the devil. You’re different from other demons. Even if I killed you, no matter what weapon I used, you would return to Hell. And then you would simply saunter back up to earth.”

Lucifer kept his face neutral, but internally he was annoyed at the information. Discorporation wasn’t fun, but it would have been an easy way out of this mess. However, it seemed that Umber was aware that killing his body would simply send him back to Hell. How irritating.

The man shook his head. “That wouldn’t do. But keeping you trapped in a summoning circle forever would also be troublesome. Decades may pass, but at some point someone would find you.” He stopped, looking at the devil. “But then I had a revelation. I once read about ancient mages being able to bind demons into inanimate objects and, other than with live hosts, it actually worked!” A maniacal grin appeared on his face. “So, without further ado, I present to you… this!”

With a wide gesture he pointed to a chair standing to his right. Lucifer hadn’t paid it any attention before, but now he noticed that it was standing inside one of the four smaller circles. With a frown he stared at it.

“Yes, yes, take a good look”, Umber said, placing a hand on the chair. “It’ll be your home for the rest of eternity.”

Lucifer blinked. “You can’t be serious!”

“I’m always serious”, the man replied. “I have no sense of humor.”

Lucifer couldn’t tear his eyes from the piece of furniture. “But why a chair?!”

Umber gave a noncommittal noise and shrugged. “Why not?”

Why not? Exasperated the devil shook his head. Sure, _why not?!_

“I can see you will have a bit of trouble adjusting to the thought”, Umber said. “Don’t worry, it will take some time before you’re weak enough for me to attempt binding you into it. The studies I was able to make on the Fallen Crawley suggest a few days. Maybe more, depending on how much stronger you are than him. Tomorrow I’ll start taking measures to speed up the process, but for now, enjoy the rest of your night.”

With that the man turned around and left through a door leading further into the building. Lucifer was alone.

For a while he just stood there, staring at the closed door. Unease settled in his stomach, only overshadowed by the growing feeling of grief and guilt. Despite his best attempts not to think about it, memories of Benjamin invaded his mind. The devil bit his lip. He knew he couldn’t have prevented it, but what kind of excuse was ignorance?! The boy had died because he had wanted to help him. It was his fault. _Yet another life you’ve ended_… Dan’s words echoed through Lucifer’s mind.

The devil pressed his lips together. As if he needed Dan to spell out what he deep down knew himself. He was the devil. Of course he brought misery wherever he went! Of course he- Lucifer closed his eyes and shook his head. No. He would not fall into that trap again. Thoughts like these would just spiral downwards until his self-hatred would cause uncontrollable transformations again. There were more important things he had to focus on right now.

The devil opened his eyes again and pressed his hand against the invisible wall trapping him. It was warm and buzzed slightly under his fingers, but still didn’t budge. With a frown he stared down at the runes. If he could at least read what they were saying!

‘Should have learned to read ancient languages, brother…’, the devil could hear his inner Amenadiel scolding him. ‘Speaking them is not enough. I’ve told you they’re not useless.’

Lucifer huffed. Crowley might have been trapped, but that didn’t mean he had to be as well. He was said to be the most powerful demon of Hell! That had to count for something, right? Giving the chair one last glare Lucifer rolled up his sleeves. He would break through this stupid barrier if it was the last thing he did.

***

When Aziraphale and Crowley showed up at the police station it was late afternoon. Chloe had spent the entire day being jumpy and nervous, to the point of even Ella raising an eyebrow at her behavior. She hadn’t told anyone about Lucifer’s disappearance yet since she didn’t know how to explain it. The police would want to start their investigation by inspecting the place the devil had been last, but it wasn't like they would able to find anything at her place. There was just no way of tracking him with ordinary methods.

Despite that, the detective hadn’t given up, trying to locate any possible hideouts Martin Umber could use. But everything she tried turned out to be a dead end. The apartment Crowley had been imprisoned in had been rented under a fake name, just like during the purchase of the encyclopedia. None of the facilities used by the Umber family showed any trace of him being there. Chloe was starting to run out of ideas.

Hope had flared up in her chest when she’d seen the two immortals approach, but Crowley had shaken his head the moment they’d stepped through the doors.

“Nothing yet”, the angel said, sitting down with a heavy sigh. “We’ve been systematically making our way through the city, but it’s a big area. We just thought we’d report in for a moment, but we’ll go back out in a minute. Just…” He took a deep breath. “A quick rest.”

“If he even is in the city”, Chloe said glumly. “This is just our guess.” She sighed. “Can things get any worse?”

Crowley frowned at her.

“As a rule”, he scolded, “you should never ask tha-“

The sound of Chloe’s phone interrupted him. The detective held up a hand and picked up. It was from Dan. What could he want? Frowning she listened to the other end of the line and suddenly felt as if all the air was pressed out of her lungs. The world began to spin and she gripped the edge of the table so she wouldn’t fall off her chair. Things could get worse. So, _so_ much worse.

After forcing herself to say a few words she hung up with shaking fingers. Aziraphale and Crowley were staring at her in worry.

“It’s Trixie”, Chloe said, her voice barely a whisper. “She wasn’t at school when Dan went to pick her up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Umber’s unusually talkative. I guess that’s what happens when you finally meet the target of your nightmares or something.
> 
> Also, people are disappearing left and right. What is the world coming to? :P


	22. Soon there will be no cast left

They didn’t waste any time. Chloe drove to Trixie’s school and Crowley immediately began walking back and forth, ignoring the curious glances he received. Aziraphale was following close behind. The demon could feel nervous energy emitting from him.

Despite that he still was better off than Chloe, who had grown awfully pale ever since the phone call from Dan and barely spoke a word as she slowly walked after them like a ghost.

By the door of the school Crowley stopped in his tracks. Good thing he’d met Trixie the night before, now it was easy to distinguish her smell among those of the countless other children who had walked past here. Abruptly he turned around, following the trail past some recycling containers and under some trees. They should hire him as a police dog. No snake could do what he did!

“Umber was here”, he said, his tongue flicking out.

“Where did he go? Did he take my daughter with him?!” Chloe’s voice was unusually sharp.

The serpent nodded then focused on the smell and started walking again. The trail led him to the edge of the road and disappeared.

He hissed, clenching his fists. “Bless this fucking- I can’t track them once they’re in a car!” He stared at the road.

“You mean, you don’t know where she went?” The detective’s voice was shaking. “Please, I’m begging you, you need to find her! Dan has already mobilized the police, but…”

She fell silent, pressing a hand to her face.

“Ms. Decker, please, you have to stay strong”, Aziraphale said, sending out waves of calmness towards her.

Crowley looked back at the road. “Maybe if we had a hellhound… Oi, angel, do you think we could convince Beelzebub to lend us a hound?”

“I’m afraid she’d sooner feed us to one”, the angel replied dryly. “Unless we mention that Lucifer needs help…”

“That’s not a good idea”, the serpent stated. “Beelzebub is loyal, but if she found out Lucifer was trapped and powerless somewhere it just might give her some stupid ideas. I don’t trust her not to start a rebellion in Hell.”

Aziraphale frowned. “You really think she would do that?”

Crowley shrugged. “Under ordinary circumstances: doubt it. But you know she’s been pretty pissed off lately. Lucifer basically abandoned Hell, leaving all the work for her to do. I don’t know how much patience she has left. It’s too risky.”

The angel sighed. “Well, at least by confirming that Umber was here not too long ago we can safely assume he’s still in the city.”

Crowley stomped his foot. “They have to be somewhere! We just have to keep-“

He broke off and paled, anger and dread washing over him in equal parts. No, no, no, no! Blindly he reached for his angel’s hand.

“Aziraphale”, he said, trying to keep his voice steady. “It’s happening again.”

Both angel and detective stared at him.

“What?”

“What do you think?!” The familiar pain spread through the serpent’s insides that would only get worse if he resisted, accompanied by the annoying hum of magic. “The summoning! I’m being summoned again!”

Another wave of pain washed over him and he doubled over.

“Dear, dear…” Crowley could feel Aziraphale’s hand on his cheek, the other still caught in the serpent’s death grip. “It’s alright, I will find you. Do you hear? No matter where you are, I’ll come for you!”

A whimper escaped the demon’s lips. Memories of broken bones and sharp scalpels flashed through his mind. It was enough for him to let go of his dignity.

“I don’t want to go”, he whispered, clinging to his counterpart. “Not again.”

“I know”, the angel blinked a few times, his eyes reddening a bit. “I know. I’ll come for you, just hold out, I’ll be there before you know it.“

The warmth of Aziraphale’s hands disappeared and Crowley was pulled into the whirlwind of lights. Seconds later he found himself inside the by now familiar looking circle he’d learned to hate, staring at an equally familiar mask he hated even more. The coat was new though. Even uglier than the last one.

The demon put his hands on his hips, hoping to appear as nonchalant as possible. “This is getting really old.”

***

Aziraphale was furious. He prided himself in being someone who rarely got truly angry, but now it was the second time in the span of a few days he felt ready to smite someone or something. That park bench would look really good reduced to salt.

The angel winced at his own thoughts, collecting himself. He had to stay calm. It was unusual for him to lose his composure like that. But he just felt so helpless. He’d been right there and hadn’t been able to do anything to stop Crowley from being taken away from him. Again! Now he was once more filled with that empty feeling, a part of him constantly searching for the serpent’s presence despite knowing that he wouldn’t find it.

Not only that, seeing Crowley’s fear before the demon had vanished had broken his heart. He should never have to look like this, it wasn’t right! And just when his injuries had finally gotten better too!

Aziraphale took a deep breath. He could feel Chloe giving him wary glances out of the corner of his eye so he forced himself to smile.

“Is something the matter, Ms. Decker?”

She quickly shook her head, looking back to the road. They were driving to the police station. Aziraphale had decided that he needed his sword. He hoped it wouldn’t have to be used, but he would protect Crowley and the humans if it came to it. Maybe even Lucifer, assuming the devil needed it. The detective had been hesitant at first, but considering she was armed herself, she had agreed to go get it.

“Are you alright?”, Chloe finally asked, still avoiding his eyes.

“Oh, yes. Everything is tip top”, the angel replied between gritted teeth. “Absolutely tickety-boo.”

“Sorry, that was a stupid question.” She shook her head. “No, it’s just… I thought I saw your hair glow for a second.”

The angel ran a hand through his locks, trying to get a grip on himself. “My apologies. I’m a bit… on edge.”

“Lucifer sometimes makes his eyes glow when he’s angry”, the detective said.

“Ah, yes. This is similar. My angelic form wants to manifest on this plane”, Aziraphale explained. “But don’t worry, I have it under control. Can’t live 6000 years on earth without having a grip on your power.”

Chloe nodded, her hands tightening around the steering wheel. “I just don’t know what’s happening anymore. First Crowley, then Lucifer, then Trixie, now Crowley again… What’s his goal? What does he want?!”

“I’m afraid I haven’t got a clue.” Aziraphale shook his head. “Maybe he found out we’re working together and wants to thin our numbers? Though I’m not sure how your daughter would fit into this.”

The detective looked at the angel, her eyes wide. “Would that make you the next target? Can he summon you too?”

Aziraphale considered it. “I doubt he has my name. He seemed rather surprised to see me when I came to Crowley’s rescue and didn’t know who I was.”

“That’s… good at least.” She sounded relieved. “I don’t know what I would do if you were to disappear too. I… This isn’t something I know how to deal with.”

The angel could feel the fear and worry emitting from her and forced himself to once again send out some waves of reassurance to her. Giving his own emotional state it wasn’t easy, but after a while he could see her hands relaxing a bit on the steering wheel. He had to keep it together. She was a human in need of guidance and support and he would do his best to give it to her. He was an angel, after all. It was the least he could do.

Glancing out the window, Aziraphale wondered if he should call Adam. The boy would certainly be able to help, even if it might take him a while to arrive, but the angel was hesitant. He just didn’t know what would happen if Lucifer and his son were to meet. A confrontation would surely be inevitable and the consequences impossible to foresee.

Not that he didn’t trust Adam. The Antichrist was a good child, smart and kind, he wouldn’t cause the earth harm on purpose. But the threat of things getting emotional between him and Lucifer was too high. And getting overly emotional could lead to a lack of control. A clash of powers as strong as his and the devil’s could cause reality to fall into disarray. Aziraphale didn’t want to risk having another apocalypse on his hands. They would have to manage without him.

After arriving at the station, Aziraphale took the lead. When he entered he noticed several people shouting at each other, even Dan and Ella, which, judging by Chloe’s surprised expression, was an unusual occurrence. It was only when they approached the evidence room that the angel understood what was happening.

He narrowed his eyes, holding out a hand to keep the detective behind him. “What are you doing here?”

The woman turned around, grinning widely and twirling a lock of red hair around her finger.

“I just thought I’d drop by, maybe take that sword of your hands…” She glanced longingly at the door to the evidence room. “The way you keep leaving it unattended it’s like you don’t even want it.”

“I was just on my way to retrieve it, actually”, the angel replied. “I request that you leave and…” He waved towards the arguing humans. “Turn that off. You’re making a mess.”

The woman laughed, covering her mouth.

“Oh, sorry. I’m so used to doing it, I don’t even notice anymore.” She stared at Chloe, who stiffened, but didn’t back away. “You seem immune though. How interesting.”

“Nothing for you to worry about”, Aziraphale said sharply. “Least you want the devil to be very cross with you.”

She laughed again. “Sounds like fun, I’m always up for a good fight.” Aziraphale glared at her and she raised her hands defensively, but was still grinning. “Maybe next time then.”

Chuckling she turned around the corner and dissolved into red mist. The arguing in the precinct stopped almost immediately. Chloe stared after her.

“Dear me…”, the angel said. “I hope she doesn’t do anything stupid.”

The detective looked at him. “Who or what was that?!”

“War”, Aziraphale replied, opening the door to the evidence room. He could feel the celestial blade calling to him, ready to be reunited with its owner. “Dreadfully provocative person. I usually try to avoid her, but if you end up on a battlefield it’s almost impossible.” He shuddered. “Lately she’s taken to following me around so she can steal my sword. It’s quite a nuisance.”

Chloe’s still looked confused. “War? Is that her name? Is she a demon?”

The angel shook his head with a smile. “No, she’s the human-shaped manifestation of war itself and part of the Four Horsepeople of the Apocalypse. War, Famine, Death and Pollution. They’re, uh, closer to Hell than Heaven, I suppose, but you could say they have their own business.”

The detective frowned. “Pollution? I thought it was Pestilence.”

“He retired.” The angel found the correct box and retrieved his weapon, miracling a scabbard to his belt. “I guess modern medicine made the job too frustrating.”

Chloe shifted uncomfortably, looking back at the door as if she was expecting War to suddenly enter. “Is she dangerous?”

“I’m afraid she is. Wherever there’s a war you can be sure she’s in the middle of it and wherever she goes war follows.” The angel gestured towards the door. “You’ve seen what she did to the precinct. The arguing, the fighting… Had she stayed we’d probably have a brawl on our hands in a few minutes. And technically she’s not supposed to attack humans, but…” Aziraphale made a face. “Eh… She sort of… does what she wants. There are exactly two beings in existence she listens to, Death and the Antichrist, and even those have a hard time keeping her in line.”

“The Antichrist?”, the detective repeated, her eyes wide.

“Oh, yes, he’s Lucifer’s son and a friend of mine. Lives in England.” Aziraphale frowned. “Has Lucifer not told you about the Apocalypse That Didn’t Actually Happen six years ago?”

Chloe shook her head, her expression a mixture of questions and a mind that was about to shut down from overload of information.

“Oh dear.” The angel fumbled with the edge of his sleeve. “Well I think it would be best if he was the one telling you the details, but-“

“No, no, wait.” The detective raised a hand to stop him from talking. “I think that’s pretty important. I want to know.” She took a deep. “Alright. Lucifer has a son.”

Aziraphale nodded.

“And he caused the Apocalypse.” She paused. “No, wait. You said it didn’t happen.”

“It was supposed to happen”, the angel clarified. “Six years ago.”

“Six years ago…”, Chloe echoed, frowning in thought. “Wait, six years- That’s when all those strange news reports started showing up, wasn’t it? The ones that were later written off as mass hallucinations. About crazy weather and finding Atlantis and aliens and the Kraken… I thought it was all just some kind of joke, but…”

She looked helplessly at him and Aziraphale nodded.

“You can’t be serious!”

“All true, I’m afraid”, the angel said. “It was shortly after the Antichrist’s eleventh birthday and, well… his imagination is able to influence reality and it can run a bit wild. I admit, it causes problems on occasion, but he’s starting to get a better grip on it.”

“He was eleven?” Chloe stared at him. “The world was about to be destroyed by an eleven year old boy? And you’re saying everything he imagined became real?!”

She took a moment to process that, no doubt wondering what would become of the earth if her daughter were to be given similar powers. Judging by her expression it wouldn’t be anything good.

Aziraphale smiled patiently. “Yes, but he managed to stop it in time. Even starting the apocalypse wasn’t entirely of his own volition. He rejected his fate and kept the earth as it is.” He chuckled. “I believe I’ve mentioned that the world was saved by a child, didn’t I?”

“And that’s Lucifer’s son”, Chloe repeated.

The angel nodded again. “Yes, Adam.”

Recognition sparked in the detective’s eyes. “Adam… Crowley mentioned the name on the phone. He said he didn’t want Adam to get involved in what’s happening here.”

“Yes, exactly”, Aziraphale confirmed. “He and Lucifer don’t know each other. They only met once during the Failed Apocalypse and the meeting was a bit… tense. As they are both extremely powerful Crowley and I are of the opinion that it would be for the best to wait a bit more before allowing them to meet again. Make sure they’re prepared and all that. A confrontation could be disastrous.”

Chloe frowned. “How come they don’t know each other? If they’re father and son…”

“Adam grew up on earth”, the angel explained. “Surrounded by a loving family and friends. And because of that he didn’t want to end the world.”

Chloe went very still, picking up on what he had carefully avoided saying. “But Lucifer did. He was trying to bring about the Apocalypse.”

Aziraphale shuffled nervously in place. “Ah, well. Technically that’s correct, but… Everyone was trying to do make it happen back then. It had been prophesied, after all. Both Heaven and Hell had been preparing for it for millennia.” He sighed. “A very unfortunate development. But some people got together to stop it, Crowley and I among them. It’s what so rudely branded us as traitors in our respective offices.”

The detective stared at him. “You were kicked out. For saving the world.”

“To be precise, we were supposed to be executed”, Aziraphale corrected, making Chloe gasp in shock. “But luckily we were able to escape that fate.”

“What about the other people who helped you?”, the detective wanted to know. “Don’t tell me they…”

The angel quickly shook his head. “Oh, no. Don’t worry. They’re the human friends living in England we told you about. Well, Adam and his dog excluded, they’re not human. But the others…”

A smile appeared on his face. “Each of them contributed in their own way. Adam’s loyal friends, who bravely faced off against the Horsepeople and defeated them despite being children themselves. Newton, who stopped the threat of a global nuclear war by destroying the computers that were supposed to launch the bombs. Anathema, the descendant of the only witch to ever accurately predict the future, who used the prophecies her family kept safe to guide him. Madame Tracy, a medium who allowed me to arrive at the scene after I’d been discorporated. And Mr. Shadwell who… acted as her guardian and provided a gun we were luckily not forced to use. Or, well, rather… It didn’t hit its target, but it was for the best.”

Chloe stared at him with wide eyes, awe written all over her face. Oh, dear. He had gotten a bit carried away, hadn’t he? Talking about it as if it were some kind of tale of epic proportions…

Aziraphale cleared his throat. “Ah, yes. All of this sounds a bit more heroic than it actually was. The way it really happened would be closer to an extremely hectic week where all of us feared for our lives, Adam had an existential crisis, I had an existential crisis, Crowley just had a crisis and Newton was generally confused about everything.”

The detective shook her head. “I’m not sure that’s entirely true. It sounded pretty amazing.”

A bit embarrassed the angel looked away. “Still, I think most of the praise should go to Adam and the humans involved. All Crowley and I really did was to ask our superiors if they could tell their armies to kindly _bugger off_ since no one could be sure if saving the world wasn’t part of the Almighty’s Ineffable Plan as it is, by definition, ineffable.”

Again, Chloe shook her head. “You said you were almost executed for it. That’s not something that should be overlooked. You risked your lives to protect the world. To protect humans.” She looked him in the eyes. “Thank you.”

Aziraphale blinked a few times, moved. It was nice to hear that someone appreciated what they had done.

“I… Y-you’re welcome.” He couldn’t quite keep a smile off his face. “It means a lot to hear you say that. If only Lucifer was as forthcoming as you are…”

The detective frowned. “It is strange how long it took him to accept you guys. He should be grateful.”

“I suppose I can understand where he’s coming from.” The angel waved his head. “In order to avoid execution Crowley and I had to… Well let’s just say our reputation in Heaven and Hell is meant to keep them away from us. I’m sure Lucifer’s reservation towards us has something to do with what he heard. Not to mention he is very keen on keeping you safe.”

Chloe groaned. “Overprotective is what he is.” She shook her head. “Still, it’s hard to believe he was actually involved in trying to end the world.”

“I don’t know his reasons for doing what he did”, Aziraphale admitted. “I think it’s best if you ask him about it yourself. But whatever his reasons were in the past, I do believe he doesn’t want to destroy earth anymore. Crowley thinks he’s changed and I’m beginning to agree with him.”

“He has changed”, Chloe stated firmly. “I know it to be true.”

The angel smiled. “Well, I’m going to trust you then.” He stood up straight and adjusted his coat. “But I think we’ve lost enough time discussing this. We really have to focus on other matters right now.”

Chloe blinked a few times then nodded. “Yes. Yes, you’re right of course. What’s our next step?”

Aziraphale turned towards the door.

“We’re going to continue where Crowley and I left off and drive systematically through the city”, he decided, his hand tightening around the hilt of his sword. “He, Lucifer and your daughter are out there somewhere and we are going to find them!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You get a kidnapping, and YOU get a kidnapping, everyone gets a kidnapping!  
On one hand I feel like this is getting overly dramatic, on the other I can’t really think of a reason why Umber would NOT want to call Crowley again. He’s convinced the serpent will try to help Lucifer so getting him out of the picture is a logical course of action. And he’s not a Disney villain so he’s not legally contracted to never try the same trick twice. It worked pretty well the first time (save for Aziraphale’s appearance which was an unpredictable factor), so why not do it again?  
Really though, Chloe and Aziraphale should just microchip their demons at this point. Would make it easier to find them.
> 
> On a different note, Chloe now knows about the apocalypse. Wahoo! There was the potential for angst by having her doubt Lucifer because he wanted to end the world, buuuut… I feel like at the end of season 4 the time for doubt is over. The entirety of the season is basically Chloe struggling to come to terms with Lucifer’s identity and her learning to trust him. She has doubted him before and regretted it, I felt like having her distrust him now would be going against her character development. So we have unwavering belief instead.


	23. Circle neighbors? Circle neighbors!

When Lucifer came to he was lying on the floor. He groaned. Had he rolled out of bed in his sleep? And why was he so tired? Had he been drinking last night? He couldn’t quite remember…

“Finally awake? Took you long enough.”

Lucifer opened his eyes and stared at an unfamiliar ceiling. Memories of magical recoil zapping him over and over again came flooding back and he let out another groan before rolling to his side. Crowley was sitting cross-legged in a circle next to his own, a tired smirk on his face. The devil tried not to think about what it meant for him to be here.

“So he got you too, huh serpent?”

Crowley nodded. “Yeah…”

“What time is it?”

“How am I supposed to know?” The tempter demon shrugged and looked out the window. “I’ve been here for a few hours and it’s dark outside now so… I don’t know, ten pm maybe? Eleven?” He sighed. “I miss my watch.”

Slowly Lucifer sat up, stretching his legs as far as he could. He felt as if someone had driven a steamroller over him.

“I suppose an apology is in order.” The devil gave the barrier a frustrated kick. “You were right, these things are bullshit.”

The serpent gave a small laugh at that. “Yeah.”

There was a pause and the devil used it to try and gather some of his energy. Despite not needing to breathe he felt like he was constantly short of breath. Like something heavy was lying on his chest and limbs, weighing him down and slowing his movements. It was extremely annoying.

After a while Crowley spoke up again. “What happened? I was surprised to see you passed out when I arrived. Did Umber do something to you?”

Lucifer shook his head. “No, I just tried to break out of this bloody thing. Must have lost consciousness at some point.”

The serpent inspected Lucifer’s circle, which was a bit bigger than his own and made up of at least three times as many runes.

He scratched his head. “Yeah, that would do it.”

“What about you?” The devil gave Crowley a once over. “You look fine.”

“For now”, the demon said somberly. “I don’t trust it. Umber said he needed me for something and then cackled at me creepily when I asked for what. Ominous, I don’t like it. I feel like he’s getting increasingly unstable.”

Lucifer agreed. “He’s insane. Classic case of satanist turned maniacal exorcist, but with a degree in biology and ready to cut stuff in the name of science. Please just tell me you’ve already called for help.”

The serpent pointed at himself. “He took my jacket, phone included. Said he also needed it for something. I tried to stop him, but…” He shook his head and looked away.

Lucifer sighed deeply. “Of course. Can’t get lucky twice, I suppose…”

“Did he mention any of his plans to you?”, Crowley asked. “All he said to me was some cryptic nonsense about ridding the world of evil.”

The devil’s expression turned sour. “Apparently I’m to be bound into a chair.”

The serpent lowered his sunglasses. “A chair?”

Lucifer pointed accusatory at the piece of furniture.

For a moment there was silence.

“Sucks”, Crowley finally said. Then he frowned. “Why a chair anyway?”

“I don’t know!”, Lucifer exclaimed, voice raising. “It’s undignified and, frankly, insulting! If it were at least a jewel or a crown or-“

“I think Pollution would tell you that being stuck in a crown is overrated”, the tempter demon commented.

The devil groaned. “You’re not helping.”

“But you have to stay positive”, Crowley insisted, a tiny smirk on his face. “Just think of all the butts you’ll be able to curse!”

That actually sounded pretty funny… No, wait. Damn it! Now he was imagining it.

“Please stop, I don’t want to spend the rest of my days as a chair!”

“No, no, you just have to end up in the right place. Somewhere with entertainment. A restaurant maybe or a theater… Just pray you don’t find yourself in business meetings, those are boring as-“

“Crowley”, the devil said, exasperated. “Shut up.”

To his surprise the serpent actually did shut up, staring at him with him his mouth agape.

Lucifer frowned. “What?”

“You called me by my name.”

The devil bit his tongue. He had let that slip, hadn’t he?

“Did I?”

A wide grin appeared on Crowley’s face. “You sure did. No take-backs, you have to acknowledge it now!“

The sound of the door interrupted him and the two immortals turned to see Umber enter the room. Crowley was immediately on his feet, taking a defensive stance, his eyes sparking with anger.

“There you are!” The serpent clenched his fists. “I asked you before and I’ll ask you again. Where is the girl? What have you done to her?!”

Lucifer hurried to get up as well. It took more effort than he would have liked. “The girl?”

Crowley’s head shot towards him. “You don’t know? This bastard kidnapped the detective’s daughter!”

“WHAT?!”

The exhaustion was forgotten. Lucifer rose to his full height, eyes burning with the fires of Hell. The circle began to glow, struggling to contain his energy. He could feel his devil face flickering behind his skin and his voice was deep and inhuman, making the ground rumble and the lamps on the ceiling swing back and forth. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Crowley stumbling backwards to the edge of his prison, but his entire attention was on the human in front of him.

“Where is Trixie?!”, the devil roared and he could see Umber’s eyes widen in fear behind his mask. Good. He should cower before him and beg for his life if he knew what was good for him! “Tell me, you miserable worm! I will not ask again!”

Umber shoved his shaking fists into the pockets of his coat, but stubbornly stood his ground.

“I have her held up in another room”, he said, having trouble to keep his composure.

“I want to see her”, the devil growled. “Now!”

“Alright”, Umber said after a moment of hesitation, adjusting his mask. “I wanted to show her to you anyway. There’s something I must check.”

With that he hurried out of the room. Still angry Lucifer whirled around, facing the serpent’s circle.

“Why haven’t you told me about this?!”

“I thought you knew!” Crowley raised his hands defensively. “She disappeared this afternoon and I was trying to track her and Umber down when I got summoned myself. That’s pretty much all I know!”

Lucifer forced himself to calm down. His outburst surprised even himself. He used to look out for the child solely because he had known how much the detective cared for her, but these days… Slowly but surely she had wormed her way into his heart, even deeper than he had realized. The devil gritted his teeth. He would stop at nothing to keep her safe. Why did she have to get dragged into this anyway?

“Uh, boss?”

He looked up to see that the tempter demon had stepped a bit closer.

“If the girl’s about to be brought in here, you might want to turn off the headlights.”

Crowley gestured to his sunglasses and Lucifer noticed the reflection of his still glowing eyes in them. Right, no need to scare the spawn. The devil closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. When he opened them again they were back to their usual brown.

Just then the door opened.

“Lucifer!”

Trixie tried to run towards him, but Umber had a tight grip on her arm and pulled her back. The devil hurried to the edge of his circle.

“Are you alright, little Urchin?”, he asked, frantically looking for any sort of injury. “He hasn’t hurt you, has he?”

The girl shook her head. “I’m fine.” She bit her lip. “But I want to go home.”

“You’ll be able to go home soon, I promise.” The words were out before Lucifer even had time to think about them. Anything to make her feel better.

Trixie was about to answer something when Umber pulled her away, blocking her view of the circle.

“Listen to me, child”, he said, his voice stern. “You can still be saved. He’s the devil and I mean that literally, do you understand? You must break free from the curse he placed on you!”

The girl frowned. “Curse?”

“Yes!” The masked man nodded. “He’s controlling you with his evil powers, but maybe if-“

“No! Lucifer’s not evil!” Trixie struggled against his grip and clenched her fists. “He protects me and my mommy from bad people, he would never do something like that! You’re the one who’s being mean. I want to go home! And I want to take Lucifer with me. And Crowley too, he’s nice.”

“He’s a demon!”, Umber shouted.

“And yet he’s way nicer than you!”, the girl retorted. “I’ve known you both for about the same amount of time, but only one of you locked me in a bathroom!”

In the background Crowley gave an approving nod along with a thumbs up.

“She’s got you there”, he said to Umber. “Point for the child.”

“I’m doing this for your own good!”, the man exclaimed, staring at the girl before shaking his head. “You must be worse off than I thought.”

He looked into the distance and continued to talk, seemingly more to himself than anyone else. “But I won’t give up. The weaker they get the more they lose control of their powers. This will all work out…”

Trixie, having noticed that the man had stopped paying attention to her, had gone very still. Then suddenly she twisted her arm, wringing it out of Umber’s grip before ramming her elbow into his stomach and kicking his shin. Umber let out a scream.

Out of the corner of his eye Lucifer could see Crowley gasp and a wide grin appeared on the devil’s face. “Yes! Get him, you little hellspawn!”

The girl ducked under Umber’s reaching arms and started running towards them.

“No, no, you can’t help us! Go for the door!” Crowley waved his arms around. “Quickly!”

Lucifer pointed behind her. “Look out!”

Trixie shot forward, avoiding Umber’s hands and dashed behind one of the pillars, the man close on her heels. She tried to get past him, but he blocked her way, forcing her to jump back to avoid being caught.

“Listen to me, girl”, Umber said. “Don’t make this harder on yourself than it needs to be. Just stop this nonsense and come back to me quietly.”

“No!”

Trixie kept the pillar between them glancing around for a way to escape. The two immortals watched her every move, holding their breaths. Umber lunged at her and she ran around the pillar, dashing for the door.

“Go, go, go!”, the serpent cheered as she rushed past them, holding out his hands and ready to grab Umber should he be foolish enough to get too close to his circle.

Trixie reached the door and ripped it open, but the second it took her to do that had been all Umber had needed. He caught up with her and wrapped his arms around her torso, lifting her off the ground. “Got you!”

The girl struggled in his grip, kicking wildly and throwing her head back in hopes of hitting his chin, but Umber held his head high and avoided it.

“Lucifer!”, she cried. “Lucifer, help!”

The devil slammed his fists against the barrier. “Let her go! Don’t you dare hurt her! What do you need her for anyway?! Isn’t it enough that you have me?!”

Umber looked at him. “She’s the key to get what makes you weakest to listen to me. I will not let her get away.”

With that he started dragging the girl back to the door, ignoring her protests.

“Wait!”, Lucifer called after them and pressed himself against the barrier, but Umber simply left.

Crowley and the devil stared after him, hearing his and Trixie’s shouts form further inside the flat. But neither of them came back.

“What did he mean by that?”, the tempter demon wondered. “The key to making you wea- Hey, hey! What are you doing?!”

Lucifer had flung himself against the invisible wall, ignoring the force throwing him back and buzzing painfully through his body.

“What do you think?”, he replied, charging again. “I need to get out, now more than ever!”

“What you need is to save your strength! This won’t accomplish anything!”

Lucifer glared at him. “Then I’m supposed to just sit here and do nothing?!”

“Yes!” Crowley gesticulated wildly. “It’s literally the best course of action right now! Umber said he wants to weaken you, you’re playing right into his hands by tiring yourself out.”

The devil gripped his head with a loud groan and pulled his hair in frustration. He kicked the barrier one last time and started pacing. Then, deciding it didn’t help his anger given that he had to turn around every two steps, he stopped, clenching his fists until his nails dug into his skin. Crowley was right. Of course, he was right, but it was still so bloody frustrating to be stuck like this! He hated feeling so helpless. It was not something the devil was used to.

“How are you so calm?!”, he snapped at the serpent.

“Oh, I’m not calm. I’m in equal terms pissed off, terrified and homesick!” Crowley bit his lip, avoiding the devil’s eyes. “But I’ve been summoned often enough to know when you just have to wait. No matter how much you may hate it.”

Lucifer didn’t have a reply so they fell into grim silence.

It didn’t take long for Umber to return. Just a few minutes later he came back through the door, adjusting his lab coat and rubbing his side. He had a black leather bag in his hand. Lucifer could see Crowley’s eyes widen behind his sunglasses at the sight and he gave a quiet hiss. By that reaction alone the devil could guess the bag’s contents.

“Now then.” Umber didn’t beat around the bush and took out his demon dagger before approaching Lucifer’s circle. “According to my research your wings hold a great amount of power. Unfortunately I was interrupted before I could test that theory on your colleague over there, but I suppose even if losing them won’t weaken you much it certainly won’t make you stronger.” He looked at the devil. “Come on, now. Open up.”

Lucifer stared at him. This shouldn’t matter, he told himself. He had cut off his wings himself countless times. Having some human have them in their greedy clutches was infuriating, of course, but it wasn’t the end of the world.

And yet he felt himself dreading the blade in Umber’s hands. Images of Chloe flashed before his eyes, Chloe who had run her fingers through his feathers, her eyes filled with awe and wonder. It had made him feel so… at peace. And happy and in love. The feelings had been buzzing in his wings before spreading though his entire body. He had never felt anything like it. And she had liked his wings, they had made her smile. Beautiful, she had called them. He wanted to show them to her again, maybe clean up the messy feathers he never bothered to get in order first.

It had been eons since he’d felt the need to keep his wings in shape. But now, with Chloe’s help, he thought that, maybe, he could slowly grow to accept them again. He didn’t want to lose the pair that made him realize this!

Umber glared at him. “I said, open your wings.”

“No”, the devil growled, noticing out of the corner of his eye that the runes of his circle had begun to glow around him.

“Don’t bother trying to resist.” The human’s tone was devoid of emotion. “I command you to-“

“Stop! You can’t just do that!” Crowley had his fists against his barrier. “They’re his _wings!_ They’re important! It’s awful to-”

“Your annoying chatter’s distracting”, Umber snapped. “Silence!”

The serpent’s mouth closed too quickly to be of his own volition. Not giving up Crowley switched to signing a variety of rude gestures from various time periods and cultures in Umber’s general direction.

The man ignored him in favor of facing the devil again. “I order you to show me you wings, now!”

“No.” Lucifer could feel the power of the circle resonating with his essence, trying to force him to obey. He gritted his teeth and refused, sweat appearing on his brow.

It happened without warning. Suddenly his entire body felt like it was on fire, every muscle cramping from the contradicting energies. With a scream Lucifer fell to his knees. The second he lost focus his wings burst from his back, hitting the walls of his prison which was far too small to open them properly. The next moment the pain was gone, leaving him trembling on the floor.

He looked up. As usual, Umber was about as expressive as a brick, but the devil could have sworn he saw a glint of satisfaction in his eyes.

The human adjusted his mask. “Very good. Now hold still.”

“I don’t think so”, Lucifer groaned, backing away.

This time he was ready for the pain and glared at Umber as he gritted his teeth to stay silent. Another wave shook him, forcing him back on the floor. Stars began to dance in front of his eyes, blurring his vision. Still. For the first time since his Fall his wings were actually important to him. He would not give them up without a fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, guys! Nobody panic, it’s fine! Crowley’s watch is safe and sound back in the bookshop. He just happened not to be wearing it the day he was first summoned.
> 
> She has Maze training her, Trixie will grow up to be a god damn ninja and you can’t convince me otherwise.
> 
> Also, I don’t know if you noticed (well I know some people did, but I’ll state it here anyway because why not), but Lucifer’s change from “Crawley” to “Crowley” was gradually developing since the therapy chapter. It was back then that he slipped up the first time, almost thinking of our favorite snake as “Crowley” before correcting himself in his mind. By the end of the session he decided to think of him as “Crowley”, but still said “Crawley” out loud. Now (and when he last talked to Umber) he used Crowley’s actual name.
> 
> Finally: “I don’t know, ten pm maybe? Eleven?” ELEVEN. How has my life come to the point where I can’t see, hear, write or otherwise come in contact with the number ‘eleven’ without thinking of this video…  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1CHwZoNM3U


	24. An obvious trap

Aziraphale had kept searching for the entire night. At around two o’clock in the morning he had sent Chloe home to get some rest and the detective had reluctantly complied, but when she entered the precinct the next morning she thought she might as well have accompanied him. She hadn’t been able to sleep at all.

Dan walked over to her desk, bringing her a coffee. He looked similarly exhausted, with dark circles under his eyes.

“Nothing”, he said, shaking his head. “We’ve looked everywhere we could think of, but it’s like he vanished from the face of the earth. Gotta hate the ones with money, they can always cover their trail.” Dan sighed. “Have you already tried tracking Trixie’s phone?”

Chloe nodded. It had been one of the first things she had tried, actually. But neither Trixie’s nor Crowley’s phones were sending out any signals.

She looked away. “No luck. Maybe Umber broke it so we wouldn’t be able to find him.”

Dan glared at his pudding then threw it away after barely having touched it. “Can’t you get Lucifer in here? We could really use his underground contacts right now.”

“Lucifer has gone missing too”, Chloe replied quietly. “And Crowley. Az- Mr. Fell is out looking for them.”

Dan’s eyes narrowed. “They’re all gone? And Trixie too? You don’t think-“

“No!” Chloe gave him a sharp look. “Your personal feelings for Lucifer are clouding your judgment.”

Dan looked like he was about to protest, but then thought better of it.

Chloe narrowed her eyes. “You can’t seriously think he has something to do with this?! After everything, after working with us for so long you can’t seriously tell me he would try to harm Trixie!”

“Alright, fine, I don’t!” Dan raised his hands in defense before letting out a sigh. “I think he’s irresponsible and an ass, but he wouldn’t go that far. Still, you have to admit it’s strange.”

“Neither Lucifer nor Mr. Crowley are responsible for what’s happening, they’re simply caught up in it”, Chloe said firmly.

Dan looked at her for a moment, a frown on his face.

“Can’t you just tell me what happened?”, he asked. “We might be able to find a lead. It’s not possible to kidnap three people without leaving a single clue behind.”

Chloe almost gave a laugh. What was she supposed to tell him? That Lucifer and Crowley had simply vanished before her eyes? Yeah, that would go over well. He’d think the stress of losing Trixie and listening to Lucifer’s constant babble had finally managed to break her.

“Dan, I…” She looked away. “I can’t.”

He stared at her. “What do you mean, you can’t?”

“I just can’t, alright? This is… It’s so much more than…” Chloe trailed off and shook her head. “It’s complicated.”

“So what? We deal with complicated cases every day, I can handle it.” At her silence Dan sighed. “Why, Chloe? Why won’t you talk to me? Something’s been going on with you lately. Ever since you just… ran off for a month, out of the blue. You think I didn’t notice? You seem different. Preoccupied with something. And that something has to do with Lucifer.”

Dan gripped the edge of her table. “Has he dragged you into his family’s affairs somehow? Look, I know you don’t want to hear it, but he’s dangerous. I’m not telling you to keep away from him, but if he’s putting you in the middle of some kind of… gang war or whatever it is he’s involved in-“

“It’s not like that”, Chloe protested. “He hasn’t ‘dragged’ me into anything.”

The most he’d ever done was to basically force himself into the position of a civilian consultant, but it hadn’t taken long for her to appreciate the partnership they’d built.

“His family and what they’re doing… It’s beyond what you or I can grasp. Just trust me when I say that he’s not our enemy, regardless of his business or siblings.”

Dan gave her a long look. “The way you talk…”, he said slowly. “You’ve figured out his metaphors, haven’t you? You know what’s going on with him.”

Chloe gave a small smile. “There are no metaphors, Dan. He never lies.”

For a long moment there was silence. Then Dan shook his head.

“I don’t get it.”

Chloe nodded. She had expected as much. If there had been a chance he would believe her she wouldn’t have let so much slip. At least she hoped she’d been able to reassure him a bit.

Her phone started ringing and she picked up. “Decker.”

Chloe listened for a while then murmured an agreement and hung up.

“Who was it?”, Dan wanted to know.

“Mr. Fell”, Chloe replied, standing up. “He says he found something. I’ll be back in a few hours.”

“No way, I’m coming with!” Dan fell into a hurried step next to her, raising his palm before she could protest. “Trixie’s my daughter too. There’s no way I’ll stay behind.”

Chloe bit her lip, but nodded. Had it been the other way around she’d insist on accompanying him as well. She just hoped nothing obviously magical would be found at the scene.

Nothing obviously magical was found at the scene. Instead there was Aziraphale, clutching a dark piece of cloth to his chest, an old-school tape recorder and a backpack. The detectives immediately ran towards the last item, Dan becoming pale as a sheet as he picked it up.

“That’s Trixie’s…”, his voice died down. “No…”

Despite feeling sick from worry Chloe tried to stay calm. They were back in the apartment they had first found Crowley and Aziraphale in. The place was still technically off limits for anyone except official personnel, but no officers were left to watch over the scene; most likely why Umber had decided to leave a clue for them here. Why he had done it at all though Chloe wasn’t sure.

Forcing herself to look away from the backpack, she scanned every corner of the room. Her breath got caught in her throat when she noticed three large white feathers lying on the ground. She hurried past Dan to take a better look.

Meanwhile Dan turned to the angel. “How did you know to look here?”

“I felt the force of a rune being activated so I hurried over to check it, but no one was here when I arrived”, Aziraphale explained and pointed at a symbol on the floor. “It’s a simple signal, I thought maybe Crowley had sent it, but-“ The angel noticed Dan’s confused look and sighed. “I… had a feeling.”

The man decided not to question him and instead stepped closer to where Chloe had knelt down, looking over her shoulder.

“Feathers?”, he mumbled, shaking his head. “What are those, swan? Crane maybe? I’ve never seen any so big before. This one’s almost as long as my arm.”

Making sure her face stayed neutral Chloe gently picked them up.

“They belong to Lucifer”, she said quietly. “I’m sure of it.”

Aziraphale nodded. “There’s no doubt. I’d advise you to keep them somewhere secure. Humans… don’t do too well with prolonged exposure to divinity.”

If the words confused Dan even more, he didn't show it. Instead he pointed at the black cloth Aziraphale was still holding. “What’s this?”

“Crowley’s jacket”, the angel replied, gripping piece of clothing tighter. “I just hope we’ll be able to find them in time.”

Chloe looked around the room again. “What do you think it means?”

“It’s clearly some kind of message”, Dan said, holding the backpack tighter and looking at the tape recorder. “What about this thing?”

“I don’t know.” Aziraphale stepped closer. “I didn’t want to play it in case whatever’s on it will only play once.” He looked at the device. “Besides, I’m not really sure what all the buttons do and I didn’t want to press any of them carelessly.”

The two detectives exchanged a look, then Chloe pushed the green button and the tape started playing.

“Greetings, detective Decker. I advise you to listen carefully. How well you meet my demands will determine the fate of your daughter. She’s currently in my custody, as are the devil and his minion. My mission for you is simple. At the end of this message I will give you an address. You and the angel shall be there at 8pm sharp. Come alone. No staking out the place beforehand, no backup, no telling the police, no communication or tracking devices. Remember, if there’s even a hint of you disregarding my orders I cannot guarantee the safety of your daughter or that of the demons.”

There was a short pause before the address and some additional directions followed. Then the tape stayed silent. Dan turned it off. His hand was shaking so much he almost dropped the device. Chloe felt similarly rattled, pressing a hand to her mouth. She knew worrying wouldn’t do her any good, but she couldn’t help it. She was terrified.

“I don’t understand”, Dan said. “What does Umber want? I’d expect ransom money or… or something. But he just wants you two to go there? I don’t like it.”

Chloe frowned, then a small gasp escaped her lips as she suddenly understood.

“He needs _me_”, she whispered, the realization causing a sinking feeling to her stomach. “He wants to do something to Lucifer and he needs me there to be able to do it. I make him weak.”

Aziraphale tilted his head. “What do you mean?”

Chloe hesitated, suddenly realizing that maybe this wasn’t something that was supposed to be widely known. After all, even Lucifer had been surprised at the effect she had on him. It was likely that very few people were aware of it. But she couldn’t go hiding it now. During a rescue mission this might be critical information.

“Remember when Crowley mentioned how Lucifer’s body is basically invincible?”

Aziraphale nodded.

“Well, I’m not sure why, but this doesn’t apply when I’m near him. The exact distance is hard to estimate and seems to change occasionally, but it’s a fact.”

“Oh dear.” The angel nervously crinkled the jacket in his hands. “That doesn’t bode well, does it?”

Chloe shook her head, trying her best to make the world stop spinning around her. She pressed the feathers to her chest. “That’s why he took Trixie. Lucifer can’t be the one being used as a hostage if he’s the one getting hurt.”

“I’m just going to ignore all that.” Dan shook his head. “But if Umber specifically needs you, then-“

“You know I still have to go”, Chloe interrupted him. “And I can’t tell anyone about it either. This is about Trixie, I can’t take any risks!”

Dan looked away, pressing his lips together. “I know. I hate it, but I know. Just wanted to tell you to be careful.” He put his hand on her shoulder, his eyes determined. “And give this bastard hell. From both of us.”

She nodded, clenching her fist around the feathers she was still holding. “I will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Step 1: Find clue left behind by the guy who kidnapped your partner and/or daughter.  
Step 2: Recognize the clue as the trap it obviously is.  
Step 3: Decide to walk in anyway out of worry for the hostages.  
Step 4: ???  
Step 5: Profit?
> 
> All in all a bit of a set-up chapter for what's to come, but I hope it wasn't too boring.


	25. Arrested for shoe crimes

Lucifer woke up with his back stinging and feeling uncomfortably light. He dug his fingers into the floor. He knew what that meant. He had lost. And he hated how much he mourned their loss.

They’ll grow back, he told himself, trying to stay calm. They always do.

But it won’t be the same, another voice in his head answered. You will never have _that_ pair again.

Biting his lip the devil shook the thoughts off. Truly astounding what impeccable timing his emotions tended to have. Get attached to the _one_ pair of wings he wouldn’t be able to keep. He was sure Linda would have something to say about that.

With a groan Lucifer tried to sit up, but quickly decided against it when every muscle in his body screamed in protest. Turns out resisting a command that was bound to your essence left you incredibly sore, who knew? Briefly the devil wondered if that was how demons felt who tried to resist his orders. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a huge pile of white by the wall and quickly looked away. Instead he glanced over to the circle to his right, finding Crowley sitting a bit stiffly on the floor.

“Morning.” The serpent sounded the way Lucifer felt. “At least I think it’s still morning. Hard to tell in this blessed place, but it’s light outside so there’s that.”

Noticing something, the devil raised an eyebrow. “Why are you barefoot?”

Crowley began to shrug, but stopped himself with a hiss. “I threw my shoes at Umber when he went after your wings.”

“Really?”

Lucifer had to admit he was somewhat moved. It had been, of course, a pointless endeavor as it had no chance of stopping the human, but still a surprisingly nice gesture. It made the devil feel less alone in this hopeless mess he’d found himself in.

“You should have seen it!” The serpent grinned widely. “One shoe got him in the head and threw that stupid mask off – he has a surprisingly normal face, by the way, looks like an accountant – and the other, inspired by one of Eve’s truly moving speeches, got him right in the balls! Ha!”

Crowley laughed and immediately grimaced. Lucifer’s eyes narrowed when he saw something glint at the tempter demon’s back.

“What happened to your shoulder?”

“Oh, that?” Sheepishly Crowley turned a bit to the side, revealing a scalpel stuck above his shoulder blade. “Just, uh, a little prize I’ve won for my accuracy. Luckily it’s just a regular blade. I’ve stopped the bleeding so it’s not life threatening.” He made a face. “Still hurts though.”

The devil frowned. “Why don’t you just heal it then?”

“Bastard forbade me from pulling it out so I’m just kinda stuck with it.” Crowley attempted a smile. “No regrets though. Ten out of ten, would throw again.” He sighed. “Just too bad he took away the shoes. They were a present from Aziraphale. He thought I should wear something besides snakeskin for a change. I think it’s the first time he managed to buy something stylish.”

Lucifer looked at him for a while. Here they were, injured, trapped inside some magical circles, the threat of torture hanging over their heads and the serpent lamented the loss of his shoes because they had been a gift from his partner.

Lucifer shook his head. “You really do love him, don’t you?”

The serpent turned a deep shade of red.

“Well I- I wouldn’t- We’re- Ngk…” He turned his head to the side, adjusting his sunglasses. “Yeah, I do”, he mumbled.

“But you’re a demon.” The devil waved his hand around. “How does this work? How did you manage to make him trust you?“

Crowley gave him a confused look. “Huh?”

“I’m serious”, Lucifer said. “How do you make sure he knows you’re not using him? How do you know he knows?”

The serpent stared at him for a long while, so long Lucifer thought he wouldn’t answer anymore. But then he spoke up.

“This is about Chloe, isn’t it?”

The devil gasped and considered denying it, but decided not to bother. What did it really matter at this point?

“It’s just… ever since she found out the truth, things have gotten… difficult”, he admitted. “It’s getting better now, but I hate the thought that I might frighten her. I know I did, for a while. She now insists that she has put that behind her and I believe her, but sometimes I still can’t help, but wonder. What is she thinking? How can I make sure she knows she can trust me?” He shook his head. “Then I saw you and Aziraphale and I couldn’t believe it. You’re natural enemies and yet… You always seem perfectly in sync, never wavering or questioning how the other feels. How do you do it so effortlessly?”

Crowley stared at him in surprise, but if he had a comment on Lucifer baring his heart he decided to keep it to himself.

“What Aziraphale and I have is the result of 6000 years of history. There’s nothing ‘effortless’ about it. We’ve been together through countless human lifespans, good times and bad ones. We once had an argument that left us not talking to each other for 80 years! It may be hard to see now, but it wasn’t always this easy to be comfortable together.”

The serpent looked at his hands then out the window. “Sure, we gravitated towards each other from the start. That’s what happens if you’re each other’s only constant in this ever changing world. But trust was a different matter altogether. That one took a lot of work, on both sides. And emotional security? Not questioning how the other feels? Yeah, that’s new. Took us until after Nopemageddon until we’ve got that one down.”

Lucifer blinked, surprised. “You’ve only been a couple for six years?”

“Define ‘couple’”, Crowley said. “If you mean, well, close physical contact then yes. Slightly less than six years, actually. If you mean a couple of beings with strong ties with each other then no. We’ve been partners for many centuries.”

“Is that so?” The devil gave him a curious look.

The serpent raised an eyebrow. “Don’t tell me you’re surprised. I thought it was common knowledge by now that Aziraphale and I worked together in the past. Hell certainly chewed my ear off about it.”

Lucifer shook his head. “That’s not what I meant. I was just surprised to hear your relationship is so… recent.”

6000 years seemed like an awfully long time to fall in love. And attraction was something that, in Lucifer’s personal experience, usually happened almost immediately.

He eyed the serpent. “Did you not have feelings for him before?”

Crowley cleared his throat, fiddling with his glasses and trying to hide a blush.

“You don’t beat around the bush, do you?”, he grumbled, looking away. “But if you must know… yes, I had. I had them for a long time.” He crossed his arms. “There. Satisfied now?”

Lucifer frowned. “But then… Why wait so long?”

The serpent stared at him in disbelief, giving a series of incomprehensible noises.

“Why wai- I mean- That’s just- Why do you think?! We were enemies! Those aren’t exactly ideal circumstances for a relationship!”

“But you were already breaking the rules by working together”, the devil pointed out. “An affair wouldn’t make much of a difference at this point.”

“It’s not that easy!”, the serpent protested. “Things like that are complicated. You should know!”

Lucifer took a breath to answer, but stopped. He did know. Wasn’t that the reason he had asked in the first place? Because of how complicated things could become between him and Chloe? Seems the snake had experienced similar problems. That was… good, Lucifer supposed. It made him feel like things had a realistic chance of working out in the end.

Crowley sighed deeply, continuing his explanation. “Aziraphale was always terrified Heaven or Hell would find out about our friendship. He also wanted to do a Good job and constantly distanced himself from me in order to ‘do the right thing’. Denied his own feelings over it.” He shifted a bit. “I for my part just found them annoying. I mean, loving someone, even though it’s hopeless? Who came up with that bullshit?”

The serpent shook his head, but then his expression softened and a small smile appeared on his lips. “And yet, I could never stay away, never say no to him. You think I made Hamlet popular for my sake? Please!” He laughed. “It was infuriating! But, you know, the strangest part is, no matter what ridiculous antics he kept getting himself into (and I had to get him out of, obviously) or what acrobatic stunts I had to pull to fulfill one of his silly requests, I would do all of them again in a heartbeat. Because it made him happy and that’s what made it all worth it.”

Lucifer nodded. He knew what that felt like. There was little he wouldn’t do for one of Chloe’s smiles.

“So basically, what I’m trying to say is…”, Crowley looked at the devil. “Our trust is built on years and years of time and effort.” He adjusted his sunglasses. “But, honestly, I don’t think you have to worry so much. You and detective Decker make a good team. If you want my advice then just… be honest with her. Even if you mess up, don’t try to hide it. Talk to her.” The serpent shrugged. “At least, that’s what always worked for me. Some things might be a bit much for her now, but she’s determined, she’ll come around. And she’s doing a great good job of dealing with the supernatural. I mean, she saw me as a talking snake and it took only a few minutes for her to adjust, talk about progressive!”

His expression became curious. “I have to admit though, I’m surprised. I didn’t think you were the kind to worry about such things.”

Lucifer looked away. Was he supposed to admit that this was the first time he’d ever gone through something like this? That, despite his countless nightly adventures with humans across the ages, Chloe was different? That he cared about her so much it sometimes terrified him? He had never felt anything like this before. It was both thrilling and scary, left him wanting more yet also fearing something might go wrong.

He knew she had cared for him as a human, but was she willing to do the same now that she knew what he was? She was trying, but how could he be sure she wouldn’t change her mind? Did he even deserve it? Didn’t she deserve someone better? He feared it was selfish of him to hope she wound stay.

But did Crowley need to know all of this? No. His words had already given the devil enough food for thought.

He shrugged. “When it comes to the detective I simply find myself worrying about the strangest things. I just-”

The quiet creaking of the door interrupted him and both immortals stiffened.

“Excuse me”, the serpent hissed. “We’re having a deep, emotional conversation over here so if you could-“

With a gasp he fell silent and Lucifer turned to see what he was staring at. The sight made him sit up immediately, aching muscles forgotten.

“Beatrice!”

“Lucifer!”

The girl ran towards him and what was probably intended as a hug turned into a tackle in her hurry. For once he didn’t really mind, not even when her hands pressed his shirt against the still closing wounds on his back. He was just so relieved to see that she was safe and sound. Just when had he started to care so much?

“Good to see you’re alright, Urchin.” He patted her back and pushed her back a little, looking her over.

Trixie nodded. “I’m fine. The bad man just locked me in the bathroom again. He’s gone now though so I came to see you.”

“How did you escape?”, Crowley asked.

The girl grinned proudly. “He left the key in the keyhole of the bathroom door after locking it. So I shoved some toilet paper under the door and then used one of my hair pins to push the key out of the hole. It landed on the paper and I could pull it back to me under the door!”

Lucifer put a hand on her shoulder. “That was very clever of you. Now you have to get out of here.”

She smiled, taking his hand. “Yes, let’s go.“

Slowly Lucifer shook his head. “I can’t, Trixie. I have to stay here.”

Her smile disappeared and her eyes became big and sad. “Why?”

The devil hesitated. “Well, I-“

“There’s magic trapping us inside these circles”, Crowley interrupted, unimpressed by Lucifer’s warning glare. “What? She saw you disappear and asked Chloe about it. The detective decided it’s fine for her to know.”

Lucifer blinked then looked at Trixie again. If Chloe had said it was alright…

“I’m afraid he’s right.” The devil stretched out his hand and touched the invisible wall. “See? There’s no breaking through this one. Believe me, I’ve tried.”

With wide eyes Trixie reached out, but her hand simply went through the barrier like nothing was there. Then she placed her hand on top of the devil’s and pushed. It didn’t budge.

“I can’t just go without you”, she said quietly. “Besides, the entrance is locked and I don’t know where the key is.”

“Then go look for it”, Lucifer insisted. “But be careful. If there’s any sign of the man returning, run back to the bathroom and pretend you’ve been there all along, alright?”

“Or maybe if you could find something to get rid of the writing”, Crowley suggested. “Permanent marker is really hard to clean, but, uh… This floor is parquet. Maybe you can…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “No… just scratching it off won’t work, it’s reinforced. Uh… Maybe if you find a really strong cleaner? Or something to make the floorboards crack? Something like that.”

Lucifer nodded. “Just keep an eye out. And remember if you find the key don’t hesitate, just run. We’ll be alright.”

Trixie listened to them both and a determined expression appeared on her face. “I’ll see what I can do!”

She hurried out of the room, the two immortals looking after her.

“This is nerve wracking”, Lucifer grumbled after a few minutes. “What if Umber comes back and catches her? What if he hurts her?”

“He clearly needs her for something”, the serpent pointed out. “He called her ‘the key to get what makes you weakest’. Whatever that means.”

Lucifer hesitated. He could guess what it meant, though he wasn’t sure how Umber had found out about it. Probably through Reese Getty’s notes. The reporter had managed to dig up way too much about the devil (though Lucifer supposed that the detail about his vulnerability had been his own fault) and completely misinterpreted everything. Umber was very similar to him in that regard.

But if Lucifer was right about this then the reason Trixie was being held captive was obvious. Should he tell Crowley about it though? It was a risk to let him know about such an obvious weakness. Then again, the tempter demon could hardly best him in battle and he already knew more than enough if he wanted to target someone close to him.

Lucifer glanced at the chair, still standing mockingly in the adjacent circle to his left. What had he got to lose?

“That would be the detective”, he said with a sigh. “Because Amenadiel blessed her as a child her presence disables my general invulnerability.”

Crowley gave a thoughtful nod. “I see… That certainly explains some things.” Suddenly he raised an eyebrow. “Wait, you pissed off Amenadiel that much he blessed a human to weaken you?”

Lucifer laughed. “No, nothing like that. He claims not to have known how the blessing would affect the baby. If you have questions feel free to direct them Upwards as I certainly don’t have any answers.”

The serpent gave the ceiling a quick glance.

“I’ll pass. Got a bad track record with that.” He rubbed his chin. “That would mean Trixie is-“

“A hostage. Yes.”

The devil gritted his teeth. Just when he thought Umber couldn’t sink any lower. It was a despicable and cowardly tactic.

“But what does he want Chloe for?”, Crowley wondered. “He has a demonic blade. It’s not like he needs her to injure you.”

“How should I know?”, Lucifer exclaimed, getting annoyed. “Maybe he thinks it’ll be easier to bind me into this atrocity when she’s around?”

“Don’t diss the chair, it hasn’t done anything to you.”

“Yet!” The devil rolled his eyes. “Focus, snake. Is it possible?”

Crowley considered it for a moment. “Maybe? I’m no expert. Does her presence affect your other powers?”

“Not really. Most just don’t work on her.”

“Then probably not”, the serpent guessed. “At least, not directly. Judging by what he did to me it may just be enough for him that he’ll be able to cut you up way easier when she’s around. Does she affect your regeneration?”

Lucifer nodded. “It’s slowed down considerably.”

“That could be it then. You’ll be tired from constantly trying to heal yourself. The more tired you get the more the draining runes will affect you and then it’ll be even harder to regenerate making you _even more_ tired and so on.” The serpent sighed. “Bindings are tricky. Do it too early and the entity being trapped into the object can just use their power to burst out of it. But if the victim’s reduced to a half-dead pile of meat on the ground…” He shook his head. “They can’t do much about it.”

The devil shuddered. He definitely didn’t want to end up like that. He decided to distract himself.

“What about the other circles?” Lucifer pointed at the two empty ones drawn on the floor. He’s been wondering about them for a while, but his attempts at trying to decipher them had failed. “What are those for?”

Crowley pushed his sunglasses to the top of his head and narrowed his eyes. “The one in the middle of the room… I don’t know. Looks pretty basic to me. I can see the usual blocking runes, but nothing advanced like mine or the monstrosity you’re trapped in. And the other one…” He turned to his right, taking a look. “Uh… I think that’s a trapping circle. It activates when a magical being steps inside. It’s weaker than ours, but it should still be able to hold most entities.“

“I’m back.” Came a call from the door and Trixie entered the room, hurrying to Lucifer’s side.

“How did it go, Urchin?” Lucifer eyed the door in worry.

The girl lowered her head. “No luck. This place is empty! Barely any furniture, there’s nothing in the drawers and cupboards in the kitchen and one room is locked. The only thing I found were some broken pieces of electronic stuff. I think that was my phone.” She suddenly looked thoughtful. “Though there were also some parts I didn’t recognize…”

Crowley raised an eyebrow. By now his sunglasses were securely sitting over his eyes again. “Were the pieces all black?”

Trixie nodded.

“Then it was probably my phone.” The serpent sighed. “So I’m guessing no key either?”

The girl bit her lip. “Yeah. I think the man must have taken it with him.” She looked down. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, don’t worry about it”, the devil told her, trying to think for a way out of the situation. It couldn’t be that she had managed to escape yet still was unable to leave the apartment! That was just... beyond frustrating!

“I want to help somehow.” Trixie looked sad. “This is stupid!”

“Actually, there might be one thing you could do…”, Crowley suddenly said before hesitating and looking away. “It’s not exactly pleasant though…”

Lucifer and the girl gave him a questioning look.

The serpent took a deep breath, pointing at his shoulder. “Could you pull that out, maybe? Lucifer can’t reach it and the magic is stopping me from doing it-“

“Crowley, you can’t ask her to do that!”, Lucifer hissed. He was certain that was something the detective would not approve of.

“No, I’ll do it.” Trixie stepped away from him and went over to Crowley’s circle. “Maze taught me all about stab wounds and stuff. Mostly how to stab people, actually, but I’m not scared.”

Despite her words she looked a little pale when Crowley turned his back to her.

“There will be some blood”, the serpent warned. “Just take the hilt and pull it out quickly. You can close your eyes if you like.”

Trixie nodded and, after a second of hesitation, pressed her eyes closed and did as she was told. The serpent hissed when the blade left his flesh then quickly took the scalpel out of the girl’s hands. He rolled his shoulder a few times after the wound closed.

“That’s better”, he said, using a part of his shirt to clean the blade. “And, bonus!” Crowley held up the knife. “We are now armed.” He smiled at the girl. “Thanks, kid.”

Trixie grinned widely. “That’ll be three chocolate cakes.”

Crowley laughed. “If we- _When_ we get out of here, I’ll buy you as many chocolate cakes as you like.”

The devil gave him an amused look. “You know she’s going to hold you to that.”

“Eh, I can afford it.” The serpent shrugged. “Human money was never a problem for our kind.”

“What now?”, Trixie asked after a moment of silence. “We’re stuck, aren’t we?”

“I’m so sorry.” Lucifer stared at the ground. “I wish we could get you home to your mother.” He sighed. “You should probably go back into the bathroom before Umber returns.”

The girl shook her head, running back into his circle. “I don’t wanna go back there! I want to stay with you.”

“But-“

“I’ll just tell him he left the door open by mistake and I got out”, Trixie insisted, sitting down next to him. After a moment she added: “I don’t want to be alone.”

A bit helplessly Lucifer put a hand around her back. He exchanged a look with Crowley.

“It’s not like she can lock the door from the inside and put the key where it was”, the serpent said. “He’ll know something was up regardless of what she does.”

Lucifer looked back at the girl and gave a nod. “Alright. You can stay.”

Trixie smiled and leaned against him.

“So… you’re really the devil?”, she asked after a moment of silence.

Lucifer gave a weak nod, holding his breath. “I am, yes.”

“Huh.” Trixie didn’t pull away from him nor did she appear to be particularly distressed by the news. “So do you have superpowers?”

The tension left Lucifer’s body and he gave a snort. Next to him Crowley had a similar reaction. Really, what had he expected?

“A few”, he answered her question. “I’ll show them to you after we get out of here, alright?”

“Uh-huh…” The girl nodded, stifling a yawn. “It’s a promise, right? I know you don’t lie.”

The devil nodded. “I promise.”

He really hoped he would be able to keep his word. Just the thought that he might be deceiving her right now made him sick.

“Tell me, how did you even get here? How did Umber manage to catch you?”

Trixie slid downwards until her head was resting in his lap, eyes beginning to drop. For a moment Lucifer wasn’t sure what to do, but then he just allowed it to happen.

“He showed up when I was leaving school”, she explained. “Said he knew where you were and that I should go with him if I wanted to see you.”

Lucifer frowned. “And you followed him?!”

“No. I mean, yes, but I knew it was a trap.” The girl opened one eye to look at him. “But I also knew that mommy was trying to find you and that it wasn’t going well. So I thought I could find out where you were being held and then call her. But the man took my phone away. And then broke it, apparently.”

The devil shook his head. “Still, you shouldn’t have done that! It was too dangerous.”

“I’m sorry.” Trixie’s voice was quiet. “But he said that he would do something really, really terrible to you if I didn’t go with him. Or if I tried to run.”

Lucifer sighed, patting her head in what he hoped was a reassuring manner. “Well, I suppose if that’s the case then I can’t really blame you.”

“You’re not mad?”, she asked.

“No. You did what you thought was right”, the devil reassured her. “And I’m going to tell your mother too so she won’t get mad either.”

Trixie smiled, her eyes dropping close again. A few minutes later she was asleep.

“Poor thing, must’ve been tired. Guess she didn’t get much sleep”, Crowley commented, his voice soft. “Always hate it when kids get dragged into this stuff.”

The devil gently pushed a hair out of the girl’s face. At least now she could get some rest.

He could feel his own exhaustion weighing down on him. Whatever those blasted runes were doing to him, it was working. His limbs felt heavy and the injuries on his back still hadn’t fully closed. Without Chloe around it usually only took seconds. It was alarming.

He looked over to Crowley. The tempter demon seemed in slightly better shape though he had dark circles under his eyes and kept yawning.

A thought occurred to him. “Do you think it might have been better if she locked herself in the bathroom?” Lucifer glanced at Trixie. “If she’s in there she can’t be used to threaten the detective.”

“We don’t know when Umber will want to make use of her”, the serpent pointed out. “If he waits a few days she’ll have to leave to get something to eat. And then he might get angrier than he would otherwise. He doesn’t like it when things don’t go his way.” Crowley rubbed his eyes pushing up the sunglasses for a moment. “Besides, if he really wanted to get to her, he could just break the door down.”

“I suppose you’re right”, Lucifer admitted.

“Oh, yeah, before I forget.” Crowley put the scalpel Trixie had taken out of his shoulder on the floor and gave it a push so that it slid over to Lucifer’s circle. “You take it.”

The devil gave him a surprised look. “You sure? You might need it yourself, you know. And it’s not like I’ll be able to help you much from here.”

Crowley nodded. “I know that. Just take it. Your jacket’s better for hiding it and I’m not so great with those things anyway.”

Seeing that it was his final decision, Lucifer took the knife and placed it on the inside of his jacket. Once again the serpent’s actions surprised him. Whoever had the knife had a better chance of escape. Even if Crowley was telling the truth and feared he wouldn’t be able to win a fight using it, giving it away still meant he trusted Lucifer to get him out once the devil had freed himself.

But it had been that way from the start, hadn’t it? As soon as the devil had agreed to stop treating Crowley as an enemy, the snake had turned out to be a valuable ally. He hadn’t just done the bare minimum as a result of being forced to obey, he had cooperated. Shown initiative and not in an attempt to impress his king, but simply because it would help the case they’d been working on. And not once had he tried to turn against him.

Lucifer thought of the words Linda had spoken during their last session. _Give them a chance to earn your trust._

It had sounded ridiculous at first. After all, by giving the pair a chance to prove themselves he also gave them a chance to do the opposite. But neither of them had shown any interest in harming him even though it was becoming increasingly clear to him that they had more than enough reasons to do so. He wanted to know the truth. He wanted to know what was going on with them.

“Tell me…”, Lucifer began. “What is it you’re after?”

Crowley frowned. “Huh? That came out of nowhere. What are you on about?”

“You and Aziraphale. I’ve been trying to figure out what your angle is ever since I found you in that basement”, the devil explained. “And I think I’m starting to see. But I would like to hear it from you. What is it you two truly desire?”

The serpent’s eyebrows rose. He recognized the phrase, of course, even if it had barely any effect on demons. And sitting in this circle Lucifer had no power over him anyway. The words had been a request. A request to tell him what he wanted to know and to be honest about it.

Crowley sighed. “I don’t know what you think we’re trying to do, but truth is, it’s really not that complicated. Aziraphale and I want to live on earth and we want it to stay in one piece. That’s pretty much all there is to it.”

“And that’s why?” The devil stared at the floor. “That’s why you decided to stop the apocalypse?”

The serpent hesitated for a moment then nodded. “We simply wanted to save earth. The humans, the animals, the plants. We like it here, we didn’t want it to end.” He shifted a bit. “And we didn’t want to say goodbye to each other either.”

Lucifer closed his eyes for a moment. So this really had been it. Ever since his talk with Linda it had become harder and harder for him to ignore the signs showing that the two of them really did care for this realm and the life on it. He wasn’t quite sure how this was possible considering Crowley’s former job, but he couldn’t deny it any longer. It was obvious. Maybe it had been from the start; he just hadn’t wanted to see it. But knowing it now only made their behavior that much harder to understand.

“Why don’t you hate me?” Lucifer avoided the serpent’s eyes. “You and Aziraphale. I would have expected you to.”

“Because you tried to destroy the earth?”

Lucifer didn’t answer, just gave a small nod.

Crowley shrugged. “Well, it’s not like you were the only one. And it seems you’ve changed your mind by now, so…” He trailed off.

“I never really wanted to destroy the earth”, the devil felt the need to clarify. “Even back then. I visited it quite frequently. I didn’t want to lose that.”

“Is that so?” The serpent couldn’t quite hide the disbelief in his voice. “Could’ve fooled me. You were pretty mad when Adam refused to listen to you. And don’t tell me you didn’t plan on killing us for trying to get in your way.”

“I…” Lucifer broke off.

What would be the point of trying to hide it now? He _would _have killed them both had he gotten the chance. And anyone else trying to interfere. It was only Adam rewriting reality and forcing him back into Hell that had stopped him. Denying it wouldn’t change anything.

So the devil just lowered his head. “You’re right.”

He could feel Crowley staring at him, the hint of a challenge in his tone when he spoke again. “Then how can you say you didn’t want it to happen? If you were ready to kill us for trying to stop it…”

“Well, you have to admit, you made quite a mess of things.” Lucifer couldn’t bring himself to look up. “Can you imagine the bureaucratic nightmare that is organizing the bloody apocalypse? Centuries of planning out the window, just like that. Of course I was angry.”

The serpent raised an eyebrow. “So you’re saying you were simply pissed off that all the preparations had been for nothing? Is that it?” He crossed his arms. “I’m not buying it.”

Lucifer sighed. Seems dodging the question wouldn’t do him any good.

“You’re right. That’s not it. I…” He bit his lip. “I had given up.”

Crowley stayed silent, waiting for him to continue. It took some time for the devil to gather his thoughts.

“I… I was ready for it, you know. The prophecy… I’ve always known the day would come.” He fell silent for a while, staring blankly at the floor. “When I first started visiting earth I did it to try and mess with the humans. They were Dad’s favorite creation so of course I wanted to corrupt them. But time passed and earth became more like a refuge. It allowed me to get away from Hell, from nothing but torturing souls and power plays and politics day in day out. Before I knew it I realized that I liked it up here.”

He shook his head, a dry laugh escaping his lips. “Of course, with the realization something else dawned on me. A cruel irony Dad had no doubt planned from the beginning. Because now that I liked it, destroying the earth would be that much more painful.” Absentmindedly the devil rubbed Trixie’s back. “But despite knowing that I refused to let Him take this away from me, deciding to have as much fun on this world as I possibly could before being forced to end it.”

He sighed. “Then the fateful day started inching closer, 6000 years gone and passed in the blink of an eye. It was time to start putting things into motion.” His eyes became dark. “I distanced myself. I finished up my business on earth and began the preparations. The end of the world was a fact I couldn’t change, one I had known about from the start. I was ready for it, yes, determined to go through with it. I would do it and I _wouldn’t care_. Dad would not get the satisfaction of watching me suffer.”

Lucifer stared at his hands. “I thought it was the only way. I thought there was no use resisting it. After all, I have first-hand experience that you can’t win against my Father.” He shook his head. “But then Adam refused to follow his destiny. I didn’t understand how it was possible.”

He looked up, meeting Crowley’s eyes for the first time since he’d started his explanation. “And then you two showed up. You two, who, unlike him, were not even human enough to have true free will and yet you still refused to play your part. And it worked! You turned everything on its head and the earth was saved, just like that! It shouldn’t have been possible!” Trixie stirred in her sleep and Lucifer lowered his voice. “You… You made me realize that I had a choice. That I _chose_ to try and destroy the world.” He pressed his lips together. “It was my own fault. There’s no excuse for that.”

The serpent gave him a long look. “So what you’re saying is… you weren’t mad at us. You were mad at yourself. And you lashed out.”

Lucifer blinked then he let out a groan. “Now you sound like my therapist.”

“But am I wrong?”

“I suppose there’s some truth in it”, the devil admitted. “I didn’t understand what was happening. I was just… angry. Angry at you, angry at myself, angry at Adam, angry at Dad. Was all of this some kind of joke?! Was He watching me struggle and laughing at my pain, knowing it wouldn’t matter in the end? Why make everyone think the world would be destroyed and then back out at the last second? Was this some sort of cosmic bomb scare turned into a prank? If so it wasn’t funny!”

The devil took a deep breath to calm himself before continuing. “After that I took some time to think things over and decided that I was _done_.” He clenched his fist. “No more playing by Dad’s rules or following some stupid prophecies. Not ever again. I left Hell, swearing to never return.”

“So that’s why you’re on earth…” The serpent nodded. “It’s all starting to come together.”

“It took a while to get back into the swing of things”, Lucifer continued. “At first I was hesitant to allow myself to relax, waiting for something to destroy the world after all. I thought maybe Dad had just been waiting for me to let my guard down. But months passed and nothing happened so I slowly began to enjoy myself again. And I was glad it didn’t happen.”

He imagined how his life would look right now had the apocalypse actually come to be. The earth a wasteland, angels and demons waging war against each other. Lucifer would have to fight Amenadiel for real, trying to kill him along with his other siblings. And he would have never met Chloe or Trixie or Linda or Ella or, yes, even Detective Douche. There would be no nephew on his way to be born and no Lux to call his home.

The devil looked down on the child still sleeping in his lap, a smile appearing on his face.

“So very glad”, he repeated, patting Trixie’s head.

“And there you have it.” Crowley gave him a small smirk. “_That’s_ why we don’t hate you.”

Lucifer stared at him in disbelief. It made the serpent chuckle.

“What are you giving me that look for? You thought we were out for revenge? As if.” Crowley waved his hand in a dismissive manner, still chucking to himself. “If that was our goal then we’d have to target, like, 99% of the entire demon and angel population. And the Antichrist. And the Four Horsepeople too, while we were at it.” He shook his head. “What would be the point of that? We really have better things to do." He grinned. "Like feeding ducks and having picnics.”

“Just live here in peace…”, Lucifer echoed Linda’s words.

“Now you’re getting it.” The serpent nodded. “I don’t know why it’s such a hard concept to grasp.”

It shouldn’t have been, Lucifer realized. They actually had quite a lot in common. But for a demon like Crowley to actually turn out to be trustworthy… It had been hard for Lucifer to accept given his experiences in Hell. Even Maze had only agreed to follow him after she recognized him as the stronger one (which required several battles, both physical and mental). Only after getting defeated and many years of service had her obligation to him turned into actual loyalty and then, dare he say, a friendship. The serpent’s approach for alliances was much more… human. No wonder he avoided Hell. He didn’t fit in there at all. But Lucifer liked it.

“You know what, Crowley?” The devil kept his gaze fixed firmly out the window. “For a demon, you’re really not that bad.”

He could see the serpent watching him out of the corner of his eye.

“For being the King of Hell you’re not so bad yourself”, Crowley retorted. “You’re… different than I would have imagined. Different from how I remember. You’re not the same guy anymore who sent me into the Garden, hoping I’d either cause a disaster or die trying.”

“It’s being here that changed me”, Lucifer admitted. “But I wouldn’t want to go back if I could.”

At that the serpent gave a grin and adjusted his sunglasses. “Welcome to the club.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter turned out way longer that I expected. So long that, at the end, I started wondering if I should change the title because, does the end even have anything to do with Crowley’s shoes anymore?  
As it turns out… kind of? Crowley throws his shoes --> gets stabbed --> acquires the knife because of it --> gives the knife to Lucifer --> Lucifer thinks “Hey, that was nice and trusting of him” and that pushes him to talk about the Apocalypse. It’s a domino effect that started with Crowley’s shoes, it fits!
> 
> But anyway, we finally had the Big Apocalypse Talk (TM). I mean, what else are you going to do when trapped in an invisible box? (Actually it's more of a cylinder shape... whatever.)  
Writing this was one heck of a challenge, but I hope it didn’t disappoint. The problem was that I couldn’t write both Crowley’s and Lucifer’s point of view at the same time. And the complicated part about that was that this wasn’t just a back and forth of “question-answer” where they explained to each other what had happened. Both of them already had their suspicions about what answers the other would give, but they wanted to clear up any remaining doubts and have the other actually say it.  
As revealed in his conversation with Aziraphale some chapters back, Crowley had already considered that Lucifer might have gone along with the end of the world simply because of the prophecy. But he wanted to hear it from the devil himself, both to confirm his suspicions and to finally have him acknowledge what he did. To make Lucifer stop pretending like he never did anything wrong and blame every evil of the world on Crowley (and, by extension, Aziraphale).  
Lucifer on the other hand had to admit to himself that he had deliberately chosen to assume the worst of Crowley and Aziraphale, not only because he was paranoid they would do something to his friends, but also to make himself feel better about his own actions during the apocalypse.
> 
> Also, of course Lucifer would talk about the apocalypse as if it was an event created by God to torment him specifically. Why else would it have happened?


	26. What could go wrong?

“It’s almost time.” Chloe looked at the building in front of them.

It was where the address on the tape recorder had led them. An old mall, closing in about half an hour. Most of the customers were already leaving while another batch was running late and hurrying inside. A bit of an odd choice to keep a hostage, in Aziraphale’s opinion, but who was he to judge Umber’s chosen hideouts.

The detective pointed at her watch. 7:53 pm. “I think it’s safe for us to go in now.”

Aziraphale nodded. Somehow he felt more nervous than when it had been just him rescuing Crowley on his own. Now he had two humans he had to keep safe. With the hostage tying Chloe’s hands and Lucifer and Crowley both trapped, everything would depend on him in there.

“It’s going to be fine”, the angel stated firmly, more to himself than to his companion.

They entered the building and took, as the directions accompanying the address had told them to, the elevator down into an underground parking lot. As instructed, they then proceeded to walk towards parking space B87, both of them nervously glancing around and on their guard. What they found at the parking space wasn’t Umber, however, but a car.

The angel frowned, double-checking the number on the ground. “Are we in the right place?”

Chloe nodded. “I think so.”

She approached the car, then suddenly paused and bent down to look under it. Only after a thorough inspection she stood up straight again and walked towards the driver door.

Aziraphale gave her a questioning look.

“Just making sure there are no explosives. Better safe than sorry”, the detective explained, squinting and looking through the window. “Lucifer once almost got blown up after carelessly getting close to a suspicious car.”

“Oh.” The angel shuffled in place. He hadn’t even thought of that. He had really preferred the times before humans had invented bombs. They had never sat quite right with him. “I-is it safe then?”

Chloe nodded. “Looks like it. The keys are inside and a piece of paper on the seat. I think he wants us to drive somewhere.” She sighed. “Probably to stay on the safe side. Even if we had gone against his orders and secretly surrounded this place it would have been useless now. Or maybe he just wants to lower the chances of us being followed. Either way he’s being extremely cautious.”

Aziraphale took a deep breath, his fingers curling uselessly around the air without having anything to hold. He had left Crowley’s jacket in the detective’s car, but now his hands felt so empty. To calm down he placed his palm on the hilt of his sword. It was hidden under his coat, but he was ready to draw it at any time.

“I suppose we have no choice but to get on with it then”, he said, walking around the car and opening the door to the passenger seat.

Once they were both inside Chloe read the address written on the piece of paper.

“There’s apparently a map in the glove compartment”, she told him, putting the paper away and starting up the car. “We might need it since we don’t have a GPS. I don’t know exactly where the address is.”

Still on edge the angel retrieved the map, opening it up and finding that their destination had been circled in red marker.

“Seems he doesn’t want us to get lost…”, he said bitterly. “How much time do we have?”

The detective drove out of the parking lot and entered traffic. “An hour. Though it’s pretty generous. It probably shouldn’t take much more than twenty minutes to get there, I think. Should I take a left here?”

Aziraphale glanced at the map and nodded. They stopped at a red light.

“You’re staying remarkably calm, Ms. Decker”, the angel commented, more to distract himself than anything else.

She shrugged, turning left as the lights switched back to green. “Comes with the job, I guess. I’ve been in many tense situations before.”

“I can imagine.” Aziraphale nodded thoughtfully. Oh, what wouldn’t he give for being back in his bookshop right now. Just sitting on his sofa, a nice cup of tea nearby, a book in his hand and Crowley dozing in his lap. He really wasn’t cut out for all of this police work. It was entirely too nerve wracking for his tastes. Too high stakes, too much stress and danger and violence.

“It’s an honorable profession, but it seems to come with a lot of strains”, he said. “Do make sure to take a vacation now and again so they don’t become too much.”

“I’ve gotten used to it. I normally manage quite well. And I like my job. I like being able to help people.” Chloe’s hands tightened around the steering wheel. “But whenever Trixie gets involved, I just…”

She pressed her lips together, staring through the windshield. Though she didn’t say anything more, the angel could feel her fear and anxiousness. He put a hand on her shoulder.

“I will do anything in my power to help you retrieve your daughter safe and sound”, Aziraphale promised, hoping the words would be enough to reassure her. He was in no condition to send her any positive feelings anymore.

“That’s all I can ask for”, the detective answered quietly.

Except for the occasional directions the rest of the drive was spent in silence.

They arrived at the second address about half an hour later. Then they had to spend the next twenty minutes waiting in agony since they did not want to risk Umber getting upset if they showed up too early. After three minutes Aziraphale was ready to throw something, nervous energy crackling around him on a higher plane.

Finally it was time to go and they entered a big skyscraper through the open back door. Next they approached another elevator and went inside. Chloe pressed the button that would take them to the top floor. The angel was beginning to get even more anxious.

“I’ll just use a miracle to freeze Umber in place the second I see him”, he said, trying to reassure both of them. “He won’t even have time to threaten the girl.”

Chloe didn’t answer. Aziraphale could tell that she was just as tense as he was.

He really hoped this would work out. Humans who knew about magic were unpredictable. If Umber had found a way to protect himself from miracles they would be in deep trouble. Granted, last time he didn’t have any protective charms on him, but he also hadn’t known that an angel was going to be after him. Aziraphale didn’t like these odds. He would much prefer to have a better plan ready, but there wasn’t much they could do as long as Umber held the child hostage.

They arrived at the top floor after what felt like an eternity. There was only one apartment up here, the door greeting them ominously at the end of a long, dark corridor. Contrary to the elevator ride the walk over there felt incredibly short. Too short. Aziraphale wasn’t ready.

The detective took a deep breath and glanced at her watch. It was exactly 9pm. She gave Aziraphale a quick glance before pressing down the doorknob. It was unlocked. Slowly Chloe entered, hands above her head.

“We’re here!”, she called.

Umber’s voice could be heard from deeper inside the flat. “Excellent. Close the door behind you and come into the next room. Slowly.”

Having no other choice they did as they were told. As they approached the open door at the end of the hallway Aziraphale prepared himself. He had to be quick on his feet and come up with the perfect miracle on the spot. Speed was of the essence.

They entered and the angel raised his hand, ready to snip his fingers, and froze.

“Oh, bugger.”

Both Umber (who was now without the mask, strangely enough) and the girl were standing in the middle of the room, the man holding a knife to her throat. She seemed too terrified to speak. But the real problem was the circle drawn around them. It wouldn’t trap them, obviously, but the blocking runes were still in effect. No magic would get in, no magic would get out. Aziraphale’s miracles couldn’t reach them in there. And to destroy the runes he would have to touch them, which would be impossible without drawing Umber’s attention.

“Trixie, I’m here now, everything will be alright”, Chloe said, smiling at her daughter.

She shot the angel a panicked glance and he gave an almost invisible shake of head. This wasn’t good. They needed a new plan, now!

His eyes fell on the other two people in the room. Lucifer was lying on the floor, probably unconscious, in a circle with an absolutely ridiculous amount of runes and Crowley… Crowley was looking at him, standing motionlessly by the barrier of his confinement. Aziraphale’s heart clenched in his chest. He wanted nothing more than to run over to him, to get him as far away from here as possible, but he knew that he had to be patient. Just strange that the demon was so quiet. Usually he would have said something by now. At least he looked better than last time, no obvious injuries in sight.

Taking a deep breath the angel’s eyes wandered back to Umber.

“We have come here, just as you commanded”, he said slowly, eyeing the runes on the floor in hopes of finding a weak point and trying his best to ignore Trixie. It pained him to see a child in such a situation. “I request that you stop this madness and release our friends.”

Umber ignored him.

“Your weapons”, he demanded. “Get rid of them.”

Slowly the detective took out her gun and placed it on the floor before pushing it away. Aziraphale noticed that her eyes were frantically switching between Trixie and Lucifer. Then she seemed to notice something else and they kept being drawn by a weirdly shaped pile of white by the wall. The angel felt sick when he realized what it was. He quickly looked away.

“You too”, Umber demanded, gesturing to the angel. “I know you have the sword with you.”

Frustrated Aziraphale pulled the blade out and threw it after Chloe’s gun into the corner of the room. They held up their hands.

“Alright”, the detective said. “We’re both here and we did what you told us. Now let Trixie go, she has nothing to do with this!”

“All in due time”, Umber stated.

Aziraphale’s eyes narrowed. He wasn’t exactly surprised, but it annoyed him nonetheless.

“You will release the girl now! I do not wish to harm you, but I will if you leave me no other choice”, he bluffed, allowing his aura to shimmer around his corporation. Then his eyes fell on Umber’s side, remembering the injury he had caused during their fight.

Inspired he tried to add some more pressure. “You remember what I can do. Last time I’ve only been using a fraction of my power. I assure you, I won’t be as merciful this time. You won’t escape with just a graze.”

Drawing attention to his wound made the man grit his teeth, but he didn’t budge. “Stop wasting time with empty threats. If you want the girl to live, you will do as I say.”

“What guarantee do we have that you’ll let her go once we’ve done what you asked?”, the angel wanted to know.

“You don’t have any”, Umber simply stated. “But you’re not in a position to demand anything.”

“Am I not?” Aziraphale let his voice slip away from its human tone and reached for his celestial power until his eyes started glowing as if he was getting ready to attack. “Do you think you can hide behind that human child?! Do you think I care about what happens to her?" It felt terrible to say this, but the angel forced himself to stay detached. Intimidation was his only weapon at this point. "My sacred duty is far beyond what you can understand, no mortal will stand in my way!”

The angel almost winced at the flinch his words drew from the detective, but he kept his eyes firmly on Umber. The man had grown pale, but made no attempts of running away like Aziraphale had hoped. Just one step out of the circle was all it would take. Sadly he was too smart for that. He should have known Umber wouldn’t be so easily rattled.

“Stay back”, the man hissed. “One more threat and you’ll regret it! I don’t have to kill her to show you how serious I am.”

He raised the knife towards the girl’s face and Aziraphale immediately backed down, reeling in his aura. He really was not cut out for this. Pretending to be heartless might be even more exhausting than pretending to do his job had been. And it felt absolutely awful.

“Don’t!” He raised his palms. “You win, I’ll do as you ask. Just don’t hurt her!”

Umber nodded slowly, lowering the knife again. He looked at Chloe instead.

“You stay where you are”, he ordered her before pointing his chin at Aziraphale. “And you will now calmly walk over to that circle next to the one of the Fallen Crawley and step inside. Remember, one wrong move and the girl will pay the price.” He gripped Trixie’s shoulder tighter.

Aziraphale exchanged one last look with the detective. Her eyes were pleading him to do what was demanded of him – not that he would have refused. Struggling to keep his halo from manifesting, he gave Chloe a small smile before walking over to the designated circle. It was a simple trap, not as strong as the others, but still strong enough to hold someone like him.

The angel shot Crowley a longing glance as he passed his prison. The serpent still hadn’t moved an inch or said even a single word. It was unnerving and it took all of Aziraphale’s willpower not to do anything drastic. With clenched fists he entered the trapping circle. The runes activated the second he stepped inside and he felt his powers getting sealed off. It was like someone putting a cork into a bottle with a highly carbonated liquid inside. After shaking it. Violently.

He crossed his arms. “Are you happy now?”

Umber ignored him, focusing back on the detective. “Now, Ms. Decker, I’d like for you to come closer. Keep your hands above your head. Good. Now turn around. Don’t worry, I won’t kill you.”

With that the man let go of Trixie’s shoulder (though still keeping the knife firmly against her throat), reached in one of his pockets and took out a small object which he quickly pressed against Chloe’s neck. It turned out to be a syringe. The woman collapsed on the spot, hitting her head on the floor.

Aziraphale gasped. “Ms. Decker!”

At the same time her daughter cried out. “Mommy!”

Trixie tried to run to her mother, but stopped when the sharp metal was pressed against her skin. Umber shoved the empty syringe into his pocket in favor of holding the girl tighter. It was only then than Aziraphale noticed that her hands were bound behind her back.

“What have you done to the detective?!”, the angel asked sharply. “What was in there?!”

“A knockout drug”, Umber simply said, still fighting to keep Trixie where she was. “Alright, that’s enough. Back to the bathroom with you.”

He pulled the struggling girl after him, ignoring the angel’s protests and leaving the two still conscious beings to their own devices.

“Well that could have gone better”, the serpent commented.

“Crowley!” Relieved Aziraphale turned to the left side of his circle to face his partner and saw that the demon had done the same. “Thank goodness you’re okay!”

“Eh, define ‘okay’. Because right now we’re pretty damn far from it, angel.”

Aziraphale shook his head. “Still, I was getting worried. You were so quiet I thought he might have done something to you.”

“Stupid command forced me into it”, Crowley complained. “But Umber’s gone now, so it’s fine. He said, and I quote ‘shut up and don’t move’. Probably didn’t want me warning you guys about his plans. But he didn’t specify a time frame. So I just took it as following his order for as long as he’s in the room.” The serpent raised a finger. “Remember, loopholes are the key during summonings.”

“What about him?”, Aziraphale asked, pointing at the devil.

“Passed out after fighting his orders. Again.” The serpent sighed. “Everyone knows that’s one of the stupidest things you can do. Though, I guess I can’t blame him this time. He was trying to protect the girl, after all.”

Umber walked back in and the two of them watched as he bound Chloe’s hands behind her back and then used another rope to tie her to one of the pillars in the room. After a moment of hesitation he then also bound her feet together. For good measure.

“Why are you doing this?”, Aziraphale asked. “What could you possibly gain by-“

“I’m doing the world a favor”, Umber replied, turning around. “Demons have infiltrated our society and are slowly destroying the world. People get corrupted and guided down the path of evil!”

The angel exchanged a confused look with his partner. Crowley rolled his eyes and mouthed ‘crazy’.

Meanwhile Umber continued his accusations. “This detective, created to destroy him, got seduced by the devil. Her daughter, an innocent child, got warped until she preferred this monster”, he spat the word and pointed at Lucifer, “to the company of an actual human. Even you!” He stared at Aziraphale. “An angel, a messenger of God, has been twisted and forced into the service of a demon!”

Aziraphale stared at him in disbelief. “You mean Crowley? Oh, don’t be ridiculous, you have gotten the entirely wrong idea-“

“Quiet.” The man approached them. “That’s the most tragic part, the victims don’t even know what’s happening to them. But I see it. And I’m going to free you all!”

With that he left, shutting the door behind him. There was a brief moment of silence.

“What a terribly misguided individual”, Aziraphale finally said. “And here I thought our dear Mr. Shadwell was confused.”

“The way his family worshipped Downstairs really must have gotten to him”, Crowley agreed. “Blame Hastur, I guess. Though I have to say, for someone so thoroughly wrong about everything, he’s surprisingly efficient.”

Letting out a deep sigh he curled up on the floor, making sure he was still facing Aziraphale’s circle.

The angel felt worry rise up in him. “Is everything alright?”

“It’s just the draining runes”, the demon assured him. “Makes you feel as if someone hung weights to every part of your body.”

“Ah, right.” His own circle didn’t have them, but Crowley must be feeling quite tired by now. Aziraphale decided to sit down as well. It looked like they might be here a while. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s not your fault.”

The angel sighed before noticing something and frowning. “Dear, why are you barefoot?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything. The answer to the title is everything.
> 
> On a side note, Umber had to bind Trixie’s hands behind her back to contain her immeasurable power.


	27. At least we’re all stuck here together

When Chloe woke up she could feel a painful throbbing at the side of her head and her limbs were stiff from lying immobile for a prolonged amount of time. Groaning she tried to shift into a more comfortable position, but realized that she could barely move. It took her a moment to understand that she had been restrained. Her mind felt a bit hazy. She opened her eyes to find that she was tied to a pillar.

Across the room Aziraphale and Crowley were watching her in concern.

“How long was I out?”, the detective asked before the reality of the situation hit her and she was suddenly wide awake. “And where’s Trixie?! What happened?! Where’s Umber? And Lucifer, how-“

“You were unconscious for about two hours”, Crowley interrupted her. “Your daughter is most likely locked in the bathroom and wherever Umber is it’s not here, which is all I personally care about.” He ran a hand through his hair. “As for Lucifer, he’s still out cold. But don’t worry, he’ll live.”

With difficulty Chloe shuffled into a more straightened position. She couldn’t look away from the devil’s motionless figure.

Lucifer was always moving, be it pacing around, examining something, talking, turning after people he found attractive or gesturing dramatically. Even when he was sad he was always doing something. Rolling a glass of alcohol between his hands, playing with that coin he used to carry around… The only times she’d ever seen him quiet was when he was waiting for something. And even then he had always been tense with anticipation, eyes sparkling excitedly. He had reminded her of a cat lying in wait for the prey to walk into its range.

Seeing him lie completely still like this… It was unnerving.

Her eyes were drawn to the… things lying by the wall behind him and she bit her lip. It couldn’t be, could it?

“They… they’ll grow back”, Crowley said quietly. He must have followed her gaze. “When he gets out of the circle, I mean. It’s not much, but…” He trailed off and fell silent.

The detective nodded, tearing her eyes away from the gruesome sight. She took a deep breath. This wasn’t the time to be getting emotional.

“How’s the situation?”, she asked, eyeing the two beings in worry.

She noticed that Aziraphale and Crowley were sitting at the outer most edge of their respective circles in a way that would allow them to be as close as possible. They always seemed to drift together in this way. Like magnets. Had the situation been less dire, she would have found it cute.

“Are you two alright?”

“Bit tired”, the demon admitted. “It’s the runes.”

Chloe nodded, remembering what Aziraphale had told her.

She turned towards the angel. “What about you?”

“Ah, I’m fine”, Aziraphale said. “Since Umber doesn’t have my name he was forced to use a simple trap. No draining runes included.”

That was good, at least. They needed as much strength as they could get.

“Do we have a plan?”

“Currently, we’re waiting for him to wake up”, the angel informed her, pointing at Lucifer.

“I managed to sneak one of Umber’s scalpels over to him”, the serpent explained. “Luckily he seems to have forgotten that he stabbed me with one. Or maybe he didn’t notice it’s not in my shoulder anymore. I’m not too surprised, actually, Trixie is demanding a lot of his attention. Bet he didn’t expect that when he kidnapped her.”

He chuckled. “Anyway, Lucifer’s stronger than me and therefore better at resisting the power of the runes so I thought he might have a higher chance of using the knife. Almost worked too. Earlier today I saw him reach for it when Umber showed up to drag Trixie back to the bathroom – which she escaped from by the way, you should be proud. Landed a few blows on the guy too. Do you teach her self-defense?”

“Maze does”, Chloe answered surprised, thinking for the first time that this actually might be a good thing.

The serpent gave an impressed nod. “Getting taught by Hell’s most feared torturer? No wonder the girl’s got skills! If Umber didn’t have his knives she might even have won.”

The detective froze. “He didn’t hurt her, did he?!”

Crowley shook his head. “Don’t worry. She’s smart enough to stop when she knows she’s outmatched.”

“But she’s very brave”, Aziraphale added. “Crowley told me all about it.”

“Regardless, long story short: Lucifer didn’t grab his knife in time and passed out. Probably because he was stupid and kept tiring himself out before, but whatever. It doesn’t matter. Now we’re waiting”, the serpent concluded.

Chloe frowned. “How long do you think it’ll take for him to wake up?”

“Not sure…” The demon rubbed his chin. “It’s kind of a miracle he’s holding up as well as he is. My circle only has two draining runes and I feel like someone buried me under a sack of bricks. His has like seven.”

“Yes, despite being primitive it appears the circle gets the job done quite well”, Aziraphale said, not without disdain.

“Primitive?” Chloe squinted at the seemingly endless lines of symbols surrounding the devil. They seemed rather complicated to her. “How so?”

“He’s talking about the caging part”, Crowley explained. “Not exactly what you’d call eloquent. It’s the magic equivalent of shoving several distribution plugs into each other so you can plug in more stuff.”

Aziraphale nodded. “It basically reads: And the binding shall be strengthened by the amount of power in this rune, which shall be strengthened by the amount of power in this rune, which shall be strengthened by the amount of power in this rune, which-“

“You get the picture”, the demon interrupted. “It’s tedious, but effective. He can’t break out.”

Chloe glanced at the door. “And how much time do we have until Umber returns?”

Aziraphale shrugged. “It’s impossible to tell. He likes to talk about how all of this serves some great purpose, but he’s not very vocal when it comes to his actual plans. For now he seems to think your mere presence is enough to weaken Lucifer.”

“But he’ll notice soon enough that it doesn’t work like that”, Crowley continued. “And then he’ll probably pull out his bag of nightmares again.” He shuddered.

The detective could guess which bag he was referring to. She remembered him talking about it during the interrogation. It seemed so long ago now.

“Yes, we really should hurry”, the angel agreed, glancing nervously at the door before looking back at Lucifer. “However, it seems we have no choice but to wait.”

“Actually…”, Crowley rubbed his chin. “You know what? I think I might just have thought of something to speed up the process.” He looked at his partner “Can you give me your coat, angel?”

Aziraphale frowned. “Why? You know I quite like it.”

“Just give it to me. Please?” The serpent reached out his hand. “I won’t do anything bad to it.”

Visibly confused Aziraphale took the piece of clothing off and threw it to the demon. Crowley gripped it by the back of the collar and stood up with shaky legs.

“Alright.” Swaying a bit the serpent turned and looked at Lucifer. “I tried calling him and it didn’t work, but with this…” He swung the coat around and began smacking the devil with it. “Hey! Hey, boss! Wake up!”

Chloe eyed the door again then called out herself. “Lucifer. Lucifer!”

Despite the coat only reaching one of his legs the devil stirred. “Ugh… Alright, alright, I’m awake for Dad’s sake…”

Crowley pulled the coat back. “There we go!”

Then his strength must have left him because he collapsed back onto the floor.

“Are you alright, dear?”, Aziraphale asked, concerned.

“Fine..." The serpent took a deep breath. "Just got a bit dizzy is all.”

Meanwhile the devil had managed to sit up and rubbed his eyes.

“Lucifer”, Chloe called again.

The devil spun towards her voice.

“Detective?!” Something occurred to him and he looked to the right. “And Aziraphale too?” The angel waved sheepishly and Lucifer turned back towards Chloe. “Detective, are you unharmed? What happened?”

His eyes were wide and filled with so much worry Chloe almost had to look away. How could she have ever thought that he was a monster?

“I’m alright”, she answered. “I should be the one asking about you. You… You lost your-“ Chloe bit her lip and rephrased. “You seem to have gone through a lot.”

“I’ve been through worse.” The devil shook his head, avoiding her eyes. “Honestly, Crowley went through worse last time he was summoned. At least this was quick. It’s… It’ll heal.”

The detective nodded, not willing to push the subject further. Instead she gave Lucifer a once over. He looked… tired. More tired than she had ever seen him. Like Crowley he was pale and had dark circles under his eyes, but his seemed to run deeper. And his cheeks appeared sunken somehow.

“How are you feeling?”, she asked, unable to keep the worry out of her voice.

The devil looked away. “I’ve been better”, he admitted. “I’m sure I’ll recover once I’m out of this thing though.” His eyes wandered back to her. “You though, I just noticed, you have a bit of blood on your temple!”

Chloe instinctively tried to touch the spot only to be stopped by the ropes. “I think I must have hit my head when I fell. It’s not too bad though.”

Aziraphale politely cleared his throat, putting his coat back on which Crowley had thrown into his circle. “I apologize for having to cut this short, but now that you’re awake, we have to act before Umber catches wind that we’re up to something.”

Everyone shot the door a quick glance.

“Do you still have the knife Crowley gave you?”, the angel asked.

Lucifer nodded. “Of course, it may be our only chance of escape, after all.” He gritted his teeth. “I missed my chance to use it before. I don’t know how it can help us now.”

“It’s not us it needs to help”, Aziraphale replied and understanding spread across Lucifer’s face.

“Of course!” The devil turned back to Chloe. “Just to make sure, those are ropes you’re bound with, not handcuffs?”

Chloe nodded. “Yes, but they’re bound pretty tightly and feel sturdy. It’s going to be hard to get them off, even with a knife.”

“Still, you’re our best chance of getting out of here, detective”, Lucifer declared.

“No pressure then”, she mumbled, but on the inside she was already trying to figure out how to best approach the task.

Meanwhile Lucifer had taken the knife out and placed it on the floor. Since she had no way of catching it, sliding was the way to go.

“Should I aim for your hands or your feet?”, he asked. “If it’s the latter you can then try to push the knife over to your hands. Whatever you think will work better.”

The detective considered her options then slowly rotated around the pillar until she wasn’t facing Lucifer anymore and instead was positioned sideways to him. Then she stretched her hands as far as she could from behind her back.

“Try the hands”, she said, taking a deep breath. She had to focus.

“Aim carefully, you’ve only got one shot”, Crowley warned the devil.

Lucifer huffed. “I know, shut up.”

The devil looked back and forth between the knife and her hands, calculating the distance and adjusting his angle. Then he flung the blade forward. Everyone held their breaths, following the metal sliding across the floor. Chloe got ready.

The knife hit the side of her hip and bounced off a few inches, brushing her fingers. It landed just out of reach.

“Oh, that’s so close!” Aziraphale was practically glued to his barrier.

“No, no, wait. I can get it!”

After a lot of struggling Chloe managed to roll her lower body partially to the side, pulled her legs backwards and bent her knees. The rope tying her to the pillar bit into her flesh and she felt like she was about to get a cramp in her hip, but she managed to kick the knife close enough to get a hold of it. With a groan she pulled herself upright. She had a splitting headache.

Lucifer seemed impressed. “That was quite the acrobatic feat, detective! Maybe you should join Linda in her yoga class.”

“That was enough for me, thanks”, Chloe replied, fumbling with the knife and attempting to turn it around. She was currently holding the blade and trying not to injure herself. It wouldn’t be easy to reposition the knife in a way that would allow her to cut through her restraints. Especially since dropping it could prove disastrous should it fall out of her reach. She had to take it slow.

“This might take a while. I don’t know if I can-“

The door opened and everyone froze, staring wide-eyed at Umber who casually walked in. He was holding two buckets in his hands. Chloe pressed herself against the pillar, hoping he wouldn’t notice anything suspicious.

“I apologize for the wait”, Umber said, stoically. “Getting these was a bit more troublesome than anticipated.”

Chloe noticed that both Aziraphale and Crowley had grown terribly pale. The demon crawled backwards until he’d hit the edge of his circle and stared at the buckets in absolute terror.

Aziraphale’s voice was barely more than a whisper when he spoke. “Is that..?”

“Yes.” Umber nodded, placing the buckets on the ground. “Holy water.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big cliffhanger, I’m sorry! D:
> 
> But at least the cast has found each other again? Next chapter will feature everyone escaping by singing High School Musical’s “We’re all in this together” while Umber watches in horror, powerless to stop them. Ups, spoilers.


	28. Close calls

This was it. Holy water. Crowley pressed himself harder against the barrier, his back beginning to tingle uncomfortably. The others were talking, but he could barely hear what was being said over his own racing heartbeat. Holy water. He could see Ligur melting down to nothing but a pile of clothes in a matter of seconds, his screams echoing through the serpent’s skull. Two buckets. Of holy water. Just what had happened to that tiny bottle Umber had had last time? Two buckets. Somehow he’d had a feeling he wouldn’t get out of this alive.

His eyes fell on the angel who was white as a sheet. Why did it have to happen right in front of him? He would blame himself to no end and Crowley wouldn’t be there anymore to console him. The fear in the demon’s chest turned into desperation. He didn’t want to die yet! There was still so much he wanted to do and see and share with his partner!

“Why?”, he asked, voice hoarse. “Why now?!”

“You already survived longer than I had planned for you”, Umber simply said. “You were supposed to get eradicated at the end of our last session. The angel threw a wrench into that plan and, since I discovered him, it is my duty to eliminate him as well.”

“Eliminate?”, Crowley whispered, feeling more dread washing over him that at the prospect of his own death. Wasn’t it enough that Aziraphale would have to watch him die, did he have to get killed too?! He stared at Umber. “Why?! He’s an angel! Not a demon like me! You don’t have to kill him!”

“It is regrettable”, Umber replied. “But he has been thoroughly corrupted by the forces of evil. By you. It’s too late to save him now. Ending his miserable existence is an act of mercy.”

Aziraphale huffed. “Now listen here, that is entirely incorrect-“

“What if I release him from the spell?”, the serpent interrupted him, his voice becoming desperate. “I’ll do it! If you leave him alive, I’ll do it!”

“Lying even now to save your skin.” Umber shook his head. “To do that I would have to free you from your confinement first and once you’re out there would be no reason for you to follow through with your claim. I won’t fall for it. At least have the dignity to face your demise with your head held high, knowing that you’ve already been allowed to live for an extended amount of time. The only reason I didn’t erase you immediately after summoning you the second time was so I could lure the angel here. Now that he’s trapped you’re no longer required.”

The words cut into the demon’s heart. Not only had he not managed to protect his angel, no, to put a cherry on top it had been spelled out to him that he had been used as bait. What nice final thoughts these were.

Crowley glanced past Umber, trying to catch the detective’s eyes. She was his last hope. He could see her discreetly shuffling in place, but when she noticed him looking at her she gave a quick shake of head. She wasn’t ready. Maybe if he stalled for time…

“Still…” Crowley looked around, frantically searching for something, anything, that could save him. There was nothing. “Two buckets of holy water? Bit overkill, isn’t it?”

“Only one is for you. The other’s for the devil.”

“It won’t kill him”, the serpent pointed out.

“I’m not trying to”, Umber replied. “It’s simply to weaken him before I move to straining his regenerative powers with strategically placed injuries.” He looked at Crowley. “It is thanks to the data you provided me with that I now know it’ll work. Be assured that your sacrifices were not in vain.”

“That does not make me feel better. At all”, Crowley stated glumly.

Umber shrugged, picking up a bucket. “Pity.”

The man stepped forward and the serpent uselessly pushed himself closer to the wall. This was it. The bucket swung towards him as if in slow motion.

“NO!”

There was a blinding white light to Crowley’s right and Aziraphale’s barrier burst with the sound of shattering glass, the ground shaking from the suddenly released power. He threw himself in front of the demon’s circle at inhuman speed, calling his sword and cutting the bucket clean in two. His wings unfurled their full size trying to shield Crowley from as much of the holy water as they could. He was shining brightly, illuminating the entire room, countless glowing eyes flickering in and out of existence.

The serpent dashed behind the angel’s back and made himself as small as possible, praying that no droplet would hit him. Even the smallest contact with the liquid would burn through his essence, leaving a hole that would never heal.

To his left he could see Lucifer staring at him with his mouth open. Then understanding filled his expression.

”Holy shit”, he whispered, his eyes wide. “You _switched_.”

Crowley didn’t have time to feel the appropriate terror as his angel’s light suddenly went out and he collapsed in front of the circle.

“Aziraphale!”

No, no, no! The serpent pressed his hands against the wall of his prison. They were so close and yet he couldn’t even feel the warmth of Aziraphale’s body touching the barrier just millimeters away.

“Come on, angel, get up!" He tried not to think about how bad forcibly breaking a barrier could end. The smell of burnt hair hung in the air. “Don’t do this to me!”

Standing above them Umber seemed to have shaken off his surprise, eyeing the motionless angel suspiciously.

“No matter”, he said. “Just a slight change in plans.”

Umber took a hold of the other bucket, but before he could swing it something crashed into him from behind. The bucket fell to the floor. Crowley stared. Despite still having her arms and legs bound, the detective had managed to cut the rope tying her to the pillar and had tackled the man, throwing them both to the ground.

“Detective, look out!”, Lucifer called and she rolled to the side, dodging Umber’s fist.

Something on the floor glistened and Crowley jumped backwards. The water that had splashed from the second bucket when it fell was quickly coming his way, the momentum sending it directly towards the circle.

“Shit, shit, shit!” Crowley stumbled away from the edge of the barrier, suddenly remembering that he was barefoot. Almost immediately his back hit the wall behind him. “Guys!”

Chloe was still wrestling with Umber on the floor. He tried to pin her down, but she jerked her legs upwards and hit his chin with her knees before ramming her feet into his chest. He stumbled backwards and the detective rolled on her stomach, crawling towards Lucifer’s circle as fast as she could. There was some blood on her hands. She must have cut herself in her hurry. But she still had the knife.

Crowley was pressed against the wall behind him, tiptoeing to avoid the water and bending forward to keep his balance. He had to support himself with one hand against the opposite side of the barrier to avoid falling while his other hand was pushing against the wall to his side. The sunglasses slid of his face, dropping into the holy liquid below.

Umber ran after the detective and jumped at her sending them both tumbling into Lucifer’s circle.

“Don’t touch me!”, Umber yelled at the devil, sensing the danger.

Lucifer just grinned widely, took the scalpel Chloe was holding and cut her hands free. Before Umber could react a solid left hook from the detective sent him flying. He didn’t get up again.

“Guysssss, I’m about to melt over here!”

Sweat was rolling off Crowley’s face as he stared at the water. It had stopped flowing mere millimeters before his big toe, but it didn’t need to spread any further. The serpent was screwed anyway. He was standing on one foot, his sole pressed against the barrier so only the toes were touching the ground. The other leg was stretched awkwardly in front of him, shaking from the effort of keeping it in the air. The only reason he was still standing at all was because he leaned his full weight against the barrier.

“I die if I touch this stuff!”

“What?!” Chloe jumped to her feet after Lucifer had cut through the last of the ropes. She ran over to him, hovering helplessly by the circle. “What should I do?! If I try to clean up the water I might get some on you!”

“Get me out of this circle! You need to erase the runes!” Crowley’s voice was coming in pants. He was _so_ tired. Was it just him or was the water coming closer? “I’m slipping! Wait, shit! If the barrier disappears I’ll just fall right in anyway!”

“Detective!”, Lucifer called. “Get me out first!”

“How?!” Chloe tried to rub the symbols away with no effect. Permanent marker was the worst. “Oh, fuck this!”

She ran out of Crowley’s field of vision and returned a moment later. The next second gunshots rang out. What just happened?

Suddenly Lucifer was at the serpent’s side. “Quickly now, detective!”

Crowley’s stomach tightened. “Wait! What are you-”

“Now!”

Chloe shot the symbols on the floor and the barrier disappeared. Crowley thought his heart was going stop. Without the walls supporting him he lost his balance. He started falling… and then something caught the back of his shirt, jerking him upwards just before his nose hit the ground. Instinctively he whirled around and wrapped his arms and legs around the thing, holding on for his dear life. It turned out to be Lucifer’s arm.

“My, my.” Despite looking like a human who hadn’t slept for three days straight the devil had an amused glint in his eyes when he smirked at him, his arm outstretched. He carried him away from the puddle of water. “I once held a terrified rabbit. Your heart feels exactly the same.”

Chloe looked at her gun with a frown before pushing it into her belt. “Well, I’m out of ammo.”

“I… I’m surprised that even worked”, Crowley commented, his voice a bit shaky. “You must have hit the right runes by chance.”

The detective shook her head. “Not chance. Aziraphale explained to me which ones need to be removed.” She smirked at the devil. “I believe you called it a waste of time back then.”

“Aziraphale…”, Crowley said hoarsely, sliding to the ground. “How is he?!”

Lucifer grabbed his shoulder. “Don’t go there, you idiot, he’s soaked in holy water!”

“I’ll go check on him”, the detective quickly volunteered, giving the puddle a curious look as she passed. “Just to make sure, you won’t die from that, right?”, she asked the devil.

“I get a rash”, Lucifer replied. “Terribly itchy, I hate it.”

Chloe’s expression grew dark. “Oh, no. I don’t think he’s breathing.”

The serpent wanted to step closer, but once again he got pushed back by Lucifer. “That’s fine, check his pulse.”

“Fine?!”, the detective repeated, but already reached for Aziraphale’s wrist. She glanced at Lucifer. “Do you also not need to breathe?”

“I do when you’re around”, he replied.

Chloe blinked at that, but then her attention snapped back to the angel and she gave a relieved sigh. “It’s there.”

“Oh, thank G- Someone! That means he’ll recover.” Crowley’s knees gave in and he sat down. He was shaking.

Chloe stood up. “Now that you’re out, can’t you just make the water disappear?”

“I don’t even have the strength to miracle myself a new pair of sunglasses”, the serpent replied, giving his angel a longing look.

Suddenly Lucifer was alert, turning his head. “Where’s Umber?!”

Crowley and the detective spun around to see the empty spot on the floor.

Chloe’s eyes went wide. “Trixie!”

“Quick, she should still be in the bathroom!”

Despite his exhaustion the serpent stumbled to his feet and hurried after them. They burst into the small room to find it empty.

“Where is she?!”, Chloe cried, looking around.

“Mooompf!”

The muffled scream came from the studio they’d just left. Umber must have hidden behind some corner and snuck past them when he’d had the chance.

“Trixie!” Chloe ran towards the voice, Lucifer close on her heels.

“I’ll take that”, the devil said, snatching up Aziraphale’s sword from the angel’s hands before storming after the detective.

Crowley couldn’t keep up. He was amazed by how well Lucifer seemed to be doing. Probably the adrenaline keeping him upright. As for the serpent, he had none left. By the time he had reached the door they’d already run out of the room. He could hear shouting. Umber was holding Trixie in his grip and backing away. Crowley wanted to hurry, but it wouldn’t do if he stumbled and fell into the puddle on the floor. Better take it slow.

Finally he leaned against the door leading to the roof, wind pulling his hair wildly in different directions. Umber had reached the short wall at the edge of the roof, telling them to stay back. To no one’s surprise, he had a knife.

“Just calm down.” Chloe raised her palms. “Step away from the edge.”

“Come now.” Lucifer had placed the sword on the ground and smiled brightly at Umber, searching his eyes. “This can’t be what you really want. Tell me, what do you truly desire?”

Umber turned his head, looking away. “I wanted to free this world! Free it from the creatures of darkness! Free it from you! But now it seems I can only save one soul.”

Lucifer’s eyes widened. “No, don’t-“

Umber jumped backwards over the edge, taking the screaming girl with him.

“TRIXIE!” Chloe ran towards the wall, the devil passing her and about to jump after them when he suddenly stopped in his tracks.

“Shit, I can’t fly!” The desperation in his voice made it high and breathless.

Crowley barely registered it as he burst between the pair and flung himself head first over the edge. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d run so fast. Below him he could see Trixie and her captor falling to their deaths. The serpent pressed his arms close to his body like a skydiver, willing himself to fall faster. The wind was forming tears at the side of his eyes, but he didn’t blink. They were so close to a happy ending, he wouldn’t let that bastard ruin it!

Crowley reached for the girl who was still screaming her lungs out. The ground was rapidly coming closer. He managed to close his fingers around Trixie’s outstretched hand and tried to pull her out of Umber’s grip who was yelling at him to get away. The girl bit him and Umber let go with a scream. Crowley wrapped his arms around Trixie and manifested his wings, spreading them widely.

The sudden air resistance violently pulled the limbs backwards, but he managed to keep them steady, breaking their fall and struggling to keep them in the air. Trixie was still kicking and twisting around in his grip, much heavier than he would have expected.

Below him a voice called out. “Let go of her, you monster!”

Oh. That explained it. Umber was still holding on, clinging to the girl’s leg. That wouldn’t do.

“Hold on tight, alright?”, the demon whispered into Trixie’s ear and once she had wrapped her arms around him, he let go with one hand, giving Umber a kick so he would release her leg before catching him by the collar.

“A monster, am I?”, he asked, flapping his wings rapidly to stay where he was. They were still about three floors above the ground. “You just tried to kill an innocent kid for your delusions and you’re calling me the monster?”

“There’s nothing innocent about her!”, the man replied. “Not anymore! I’m doing this for her own good. Her soul can still be saved!”

Crowley had enough. He leaned forward to glare at the human, knowing that his eyes were completely golden by now, slit pupils staring down at him.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about”, he hissed. “Save her soul? By killing her? What kind of nonsense is that?! What do you think evil is, exactly? Demons? The devil? What do you know about either? You simply convinced yourself that your little theory is correct, but as a man of science, you should be aware that you don’t have enough information to decide that. So maybe Hastur is an asshole. But is one example enough to prove a hypothesis?”

Umber’s eyes widened.

“Of course not”, the serpent continued. “So what about your other research? Lucifer told me you’ve summoned some other poor sods in the past. What about them? Were they all as terrible as you had expected? Were they all murderous psychopaths eager to rip out your throat? Or did they maybe show signs of simply being unfortunate victims?”

The man paled and Crowley allowed himself a grin.

“They did, didn’t they? And yet you still cut them up, all so you could ‘save’ the world from a guy who just wants to live his life. So what if he’s the devil? He left Hell to get away from it. I did too. Neither of us wants to harm anyone.”

Umber shook his head. “But the angel… The spell! He would never have saved you if-”

“There is no spell, you moron! That was my last ditch attempt to protect him from you! Do you think an angel can’t care for a demon? Ridiculous. Did he look mind-controlled to you?” The serpent hissed. “He came to my rescue because he’s my friend. My best friend. My partner. My world! I would have done the same for him. And it’s no different for Lucifer and the detective. They love each other.” Crowley narrowed his eyes. “And yet you felt it was your right to tear us away from them, to hurt and to kill all for your misguided ideas! Thinking that your ‘greater good’ would excuse any atrocity you committed! Tell me, is that not the true evil? What do you have to say for yourself?!”

The man had become white as a sheet and glared at him. “You’re lying! You won’t trick me!”

“Why should I be lying to you at this point?”, the demon asked. “All I have to do is let go and you’ll fall to your death. I have no reason to try to deceive you.”

Umber shook his head. “No! You have to be lying! You have to!”

He struggled against Crowley’s grip and the demon had to beat his wings harder to stay in the air. “Careful, you idiot, if you keep this up you’ll-“

Umber flung his arm upwards and pain burst through the serpents shoulder, making him lose his grip. The man fell without a sound. Crowley stared at his empty hand for a moment then shook his head. The human had been too far gone for his words to reach him.

The serpent shifted his grip on the girl, gritting his teeth at the pain in his shoulder, not wanting to look too closely. Umber just had to leave a parting gift, hadn’t he?

“Are you alright?”, Trixie asked quietly. She was clinging to him and trembling, but at least it was over now.

Crowley nodded. Below them he could see Umber’s remains splatted on the ground. He put a hand on the back of the girl’s head and held her tighter, making sure she didn’t look.

“Fine… Hold on, we’re… we’re going back up.”

Luckily it was the middle of the night and there were no humans around to see any of this. Crowley wouldn’t have had the strength to alter their memories right now. Instead he turned his gaze upwards and began to slowly make his way back. His wings were heavy and his shoulder was throbbing, but he would make it. This was the last stretch. It was only when he was almost back on the roof that it occurred to him that he could have simply taken the elevator.

As soon as he got into view Chloe looked at him like she was about to pass out from relief. Crowley suspected that the main reason she was still on her feet was thanks to Lucifer standing behind her and holding her tightly.

“Oh… Oh my god…”

The serpent managed an almost decent landing and then released his passenger who immediately ran to her mother.

“Mommy!”

“Trixie!” Chloe stepped out of Lucifer’s hug and almost lost her balance as Trixie ran into her arms. “I’m so glad you’re alright!”

Crowley smiled at the reunion, but couldn’t really understand what they were saying anymore. That last stunt had been a bit much. The world was suddenly spinning around him. He felt lightheaded. His wings hurt. His shoulder hurt. He was tired. He wanted to sleep.

Lucifer waved his hand in front of his face, snapping the serpent back to attention. “What?”

“You have another knife in your shoulder.”

“Could start a blessed collection at this point”, the serpent grumbled, gritting his teeth and pulling the blade out with a hiss before throwing it on the ground.

Stopping the bleeding almost made him lose consciousness. Closing the wound would have to wait.

“How are you holding up?”, he asked the devil.

Lucifer gave him a tried grin. “I feel like I’m about to fall over.”

Crowley chuckled. “Same.”

Chloe hurried towards him. “Crowley, I can’t thank you enough!” She had tears in her eyes. “If you hadn’t been there I… I don’t know what I would have done!”

The serpent smiled. “Just glad it’ssss over. Let’s get out of here.”

They walked back inside and Crowley perked up when he heard a groan.

“Aziraphale!”

He wanted to run forward, but Lucifer pulled him back by the edge of his collar.

“Still certain death”, the devil reminded him.

Slowly the angel sat up, running a hand over his face, the last of his burns disappearing.

“I feel like I somehow survived being hit by an automobile.” He grimaced. “An exploding one.” Frowning, he looked at them in confusion. “Oh, dear! You all look dreadful. What on earth did I miss?”

“Everything”, Lucifer said flatly.

“Well, at least it seemed to have turned out alright.” Aziraphale stood up then noticed the holy water still dripping everywhere. With a wave of his hand it disappeared, together with the buckets.

That was Crowley’s cue. He stumbled forward, pulling the angel close.

“What were you thinking?”, he hissed into his ear. “You could have died breaking through that ssssstupid barrier!”

“Discorporated”, the angel corrected. “You were the one about to die…”

Crowley clung to him. “Never do that again!”

Aziraphale held on for a while longer then pushed the demon back with a frown. “Your shoulder…”

The serpent gave a tired chuckle, struggling to keep his eyes open. “Got stabbed again.”

“Crowley, that’s not funny!” Aziraphale focused and after a few moments the serpent could feel his warm light healing the wound. “What about your wings? They look a bit messy.”

“Think I’ve pulled a muscle, but it can wait. You just woke up after being blown up.”

Aziraphale sighed, but nodded. “Fine. Anyone else injured?”

Everyone but Lucifer raised their hands.

“But it’s really nothing big”, the detective hurried to clarify. “If you’re too tired...”

“Nonsense”, the angel smiled. Crowley could see he was putting up a front, but he wasn’t too bad off, so he let him. “It’s the least I can do.”

He looked over the two humans and first healed the small cuts where Umber’s blade had pressed against Trixie’s throat, then Chloe’s head wound, the cuts on her hands and the red marks on left her wrists from the rope. Finally he made a hideous, tartan blanket appear and wrapped it around Trixie’s shoulders.

“There”, he said, taking Crowley’s arm and the two leaned against each other, the demon almost falling asleep. “Let’s go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know if you ever held a rabbit, but their heartbeat is quite fast compared to a human’s. Now imagine a terrified rabbit. It must be like a drum roll!
> 
> Also, if you recall, I've mentioned in a chapter long ago that it is possible (though dangerous) to break through a barrier by force. And I've pointed out that Aziraphale's prison is weaker than the others. This just in case you forgot some details and feel it's strange that he was able to break out :P
> 
> Also thelowlysatsuma challenged me to write the musical parody of this chapter that I joked about before. I'm sure it wasn't meant to be taken seriously. Well, guess what? I was crazy enough to actually do it. And then I didn't know what I was supposed to do now that I wrote it. So you know what, here it is:  
https://archiveofourown.org/works/21160310  
You don't have to read it. It's just there ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	29. All’s well that ends well

The sunlight tickled Crowley’s face and he slowly opened his eyes, squinting at the sudden brightness. What time was it? He turned his head, noticing his phone lying on Chloe’s coffee table next to his sunglasses and a glass of water. He smiled. Aziraphale did think of everything, didn’t he?

He reached for the phone first, before pausing. Wait, his phone? Hadn’t Umber broken it? Only after a moment he noticed the faint angelic energy still clinging to the device like a fine dust. Ah, so that was it. Aziraphale had fixed it.

Crowley turned it on and checked the time. Afternoon… two days later?! Alright. At least it was still the same century. The serpent put his phone away and took the glass instead, cool water running pleasantly down his dried out throat. Much better. Now he felt ready to deal with what was left of the day.

Placing the glass back on the table, Crowley tried to get up from the couch where he and Lucifer had collapsed after arriving at Chloe’s apartment. The devil was still sleeping, his body lying heavily on Crowley’s legs. The moment the serpent tried to pull them away Lucifer stirred and let out a groan.

“Summoning circles”, the devil mumbled, rubbing his eyes before propping himself up on his elbow, still looking a bit disoriented. It was strange to see him like this. His clothes and hair were a mess and his aura was unusually calm and relaxed. Downright peaceful. One could almost forget he was the king of Hell. “Blasted things, I hope I never get called again.”

“That’s what I always say too”, Crowley agreed, trying to untangle himself from the mess of blankets they were wrapped in. He moved his legs and Lucifer sat up, allowing him to pull them away. “It’s been two days, by the way.”

The devil stared at him. “Two days?!”

“Yep.” Crowley finally managed to sit up as well, the blood slowly returning into his legs. “We slept for almost 40 hours.”

“40 hours?!” Lucifer shook his head, running a hand over his face. “No wonder I feel all groggy.”

Crowley chuckled. “Your first time sleeping that long?”

“Obviously!” The devil shot him a bewildered look. “This must be some kind of record.”

The serpent burst out laughing.

“Hah! Not. Even. Close.” He stretched, feeling his joints crack at the movement. He looked around. “Where is everyone?”

“Crowley!” Aziraphale entered the room and gave him a smile. The world suddenly seemed that much brighter. “You’re awake. That was quick. I was afraid you’d sleep for the rest of the week.”

The serpent yawned. “I feel like I could.”

“Where’s the detective?”, Lucifer asked, running a hand through his hair.

“Oh, she’s back at the police station overseeing the investigation of Martin Umber’s insanity-related suicide”, the angel explained. “Yesterday I accompanied her to dispose of all the occult and ethereal evidence. Today I was supposed to help her look over all of it one more time. I was just on my way out when I heard you talk.”

“We’ll be coming with you then”, Lucifer decided, rising form the sofa. “Just give me a moment to get ready.”

He disappeared into the bathroom and Crowley stretched his arms out, beckoning Aziraphale to come closer so he could hug him. He admitted it. The events of the last few days had made him clingy. The angel didn’t seem to mind though, holding him tightly.

“You know”, he said. “Despite everything there were some good parts about all of this, wouldn’t you agree?”

Crowley grumbled into the angel’s stomach. “Best part is that it’s over.”

Aziraphale ran a hand through his hair. “I’m serious, my dear.”

“I guess.” The demon sighed. “I wonder if things in Hell will change now that the king is… you know.”

“Hm…” Aziraphale considered it. “If Hell’s anything like Heaven then I doubt things would go over smoothly should he try to change it. But I could imagine that if the ‘Big One’ you’ve predicted ever happens then it’ll be quite different from what we’ve assumed thus far. We seem to have gained a powerful ally.”

Crowley grinned. “And you thought befriending the devil was a bad idea.”

“Seeing as he has an extremely… colorful personality with a tendency for recklessness and drama I’m sure there will be days we will deeply regret it”, Aziraphale guessed.

“You can bet your books on that, little angel.” Lucifer returned, looking as presentable as ever. “Maze says the regret of knowing me hits her on average three times a week.”

Aziraphale looked startled, but Crowley could tell he was joking so he patted the angel’s back reassuringly before letting go of him and standing up. A miracle took care of his own appearance in a flash. The angel handed him his sunglasses for the finishing touch.

Lucifer eyed him from head to toe and raised an eyebrow. “So, back to wearing snakeskin shoes, I see? Why snakeskin anyway? Isn’t it a bit like wearing the remains of your fallen brethren?”

Crowley crossed his arms and grinned, giving him a challenging look from over his shades. “Do you really want to know?”

Frowning the devil shrugged. “Um, yes?”

The grin got wider. “You sure?”

Visibly confused Lucifer nodded.

The serpent chuckled. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you. The truth is, all my miracled shoes always end up being made of snakeskin. Every time. I have no say in it.”

He took Aziraphale’s arm and started walking towards the front door, leaving Lucifer to process the information.

A few seconds later he hurried after them. “Wait! Does that mean those are your _feet?!_”

Smirking to himself, Crowley kept walking while Aziraphale suppressed a snicker.

“Hey, I’m talking to you!”, Lucifer called. “Explain yourself! What does that mean? Crowley!”

They left the house with the devil still demanding answers.

“But you can’t tell anyone about it, alright?”

The three immortals were in the meeting room of the LAPD and watched as Chloe finished her explanation of who and what they were to her daughter. They had chirped in with commentary occasionally, but otherwise let the detective do the talking. Trixie had taken in the information with surprising ease, saying that it made sense considering everything she’d seen and what Lucifer and Maze had been telling her for years.

Now, however, she frowned. “Why not? Lucifer tells everyone he’s the devil too.”

Chloe nodded. “Well, yes, that’s true. But no one ever believes him. They just all think he’s crazy. And that’s fine. But we don’t want people to think you’re crazy, right?”

Lucifer gave an offended gasp. “What do you mean ‘that’s fine’?!”

The detective ignored him. “If you tell people, they won’t understand. They’ll just be worried that something might be wrong with you. It’s not very nice, but that’s just how things are.”

Trixie made a thoughtful hum. “I suppose it's better to keep it a secret then.”

“You didn’t think I was crazy, did you?”, the devil asked, leaning over to Chloe.

She looked a little embarrassed. “Not until you started accusing Pierce of being _the_ Cain, from the bible. Then I began to be a little… concerned.”

“Crazy? Me? Please!” Lucifer huffed and put his hands on his hips, looking around. “Do I act like a crazy parson?”

“You don’t want the answer to that question.” Dan entered the room, followed by Ella.

“I’m so glad you’re all alright!” The forensic scientist hugged Lucifer tightly before tackling Crowley.

“Oi!” The serpent stumbled backwards, arms hovering awkwardly at her sides. He thought he heard his spine make a worrying sound. “You have quite the grip, lady.”

Ella let go of him. “I’m just so sorry! I mean, getting kidnapped twice in less than a week? This guy really had it out for you!”

“Actually he had it out for Lucifer”, Crowley corrected. “But there was another guy who had it out for me who made the first guy go after me before going after him.”

Elle frowned. “Sounds complicated.”

Dan held out some files towards Chloe. “Here are the reports you wanted.”

“Thanks.” She took the papers, looking over them.

“Oh, and I also have this.” Dan held up a book. “We found it in the locked bedroom.”

Except for Trixie and Ella everyone froze. It was the _Encyclopedia of Fallen Angels._

“I’ll take that”, Aziraphale quickly said and nearly ripped the tome out of the human’s hands.

Lucifer frowned at him. “Don’t you think I should hold onto it instead? No offense, but I think I’m better qualified to protect it.”

“I’ll burn it.” Aziraphale’s voice was low, but determined. “Never again shall anyone get hurt because of it.”

Crowley stared at him. “Angel, are you sure? I mean-“

“I’ve made my decision”, he insisted. “You’re more important to me than a book.”

The serpent blinked then stepped closer to him. He knew how much these words meant coming from Aziraphale. Any more protests would only be disrespecting his choice.

“Thanks, angel”, he murmured. “It means a lot.”

Aziraphale smiled at him.

Meanwhile Lucifer kept trying to glance at Chloe’s documents.

“Lucifer, be patient, I’ll give them to you when I’m done. You’re making a mess”, she scolded.

“But the crime scene-“

“Is secure”, she interrupted him. “Azira- I mean, Mr. Fell and I took care of everything.”

“And the evidence?”

“Has already been collected and thoroughly investigated”, Dan clarified, sitting down and allowing Trixie to jump in his lap. “Why are-“

“What about the chair?”, the devil inquired.

Dan frowned. “The chair?”

Lucifer stared at him. “Yes, Daniel, the chair. Do you have it?”

“Uhm, yeah.” Dan scratched his head. “It’s in the evidence room. Why?”

“Excellent.” Lucifer grinned widely.

Making sure Ella and Dan wouldn’t have a clear view of it, Crowley took a pen out of his pocket and handed the devil an axe. “Here you go.”

Dan looked alarmed. “Hey, wait-“

Lucifer took the weapon with a nod of appreciation. “If you’ll excuse me for a second.”

He left and the humans all discretely moved to the door of the meeting room, staring after him as he walked to where the evidence was being kept. Shortly after sounds of chopping wood could be heard, accompanied by the occasional cackle. Chloe slowly closed the door. The meeting room was silent.

“Wow. That chair must have really offended him”, Ella finally said.

Crowley gave something between a groan and a snort. “You have no idea.”

“I just… I don’t-“ Dan shook his head. “Oh, I give up. I guess he has done stranger things in the past.”

“Where were you hiding that axe?”, Ella asked the demon, sounding less concerned than she probably should have been and instead eyeing his form with a curious spark in her eyes. “Your jacket doesn’t seem big enough.”

Crowley made a noncommittal noise. “Oh, you know… Around.”

He noticed Trixie staring at him and winked at her. Then he remembered she wouldn’t be able to see it through his sunglasses and gave a tiny nod instead. The girl grinned in understanding.

Focusing back on Ella the demon shrugged. “Never know when your ex-boss might want to chop up some chairs.”

The scientist frowned at him, but decided to drop the subject. Aziraphale gave the serpent a glare.

“That was not very convincing”, he hissed.

“As if you’d be able to come up with anything better”, Crowley hissed back, keeping his voice low.

They fell into a hushed squabble until the devil returned a few minutes later, holding his phone to his ear.

“Yeah, _no shit_, Beelzebub, I noticed. Yes, that’s exactly what happened. …Now calm your flies there, I resolved it. No, it’s fine. I’ll contact you again later.” He hung up.

“Your… subordinate?”, Dan asked.

The devil nodded, rolling his eyes. “Called to yell about how someone might be targeting me.”

“Bit late for that, isn’t it?” Crowley laughed.

Chloe frowned. “How would she have found out about it?”

“Hastur woke up”, Lucifer explained. “It was apparently one of the first things he said.”

Chloe glanced at Ella and Dan. “Could you give us a moment?”

Dan sighed, but nodded, taking Trixie’s hand. “Come on, Monkey.”

Ella jumped after them. “See you later.”

“So what did he say?”, Crowley asked when the door closed after them.

“Mostly what we’ve already guessed”, the devil said. “He was getting around directly disregarding Beelzebub’s orders to leave you alone by utilizing a human. He found a dissatisfied member of a family of satanists with a hatred of demons, gave him your name, a demonic blade, instructions for the summoning of a Fallen and waited.”

“Did he mention any particular motives?”, Aziraphale wanted to know. “Or was it simply his grudge against Crowley?”

Lucifer leaned against the table. “Apparently his main drive was to take revenge for Ligur.” With a quick glance at Chloe he added: “That’s a demon Crowley killed a few years ago.”

“In self-defense! It was kill or be killed!”, the serpent called out, crossing his arms. “I didn’t think Hastur would care that much. Though now that I think about it, those two did seem to always stick together…”

A tiny sting of pity appeared in his gut. He knew how it felt to lose someone you cared about. And it seemed that, in his own way, Hastur had had at least a hint of care for Ligur, buried somewhere in the depths of his cruel heart. It had been six years, after all. Not too much for an eternal being, but still enough to imply that this ran deeper than just revenge out of principle.

Crowley wondered if he could maybe talk to Adam about this. Ligur’s death had been part of Aponevermind. He might be willing to do something about it. The serpent shuddered at the thought of having the violent demon returned to life, but if it would keep Hastur off his back then it was a fair deal.

The devil rubbed his chin. “Ligur was the chameleon, right?”

Crowley nodded. “Very unpleasant. Considered killing people ‘fun’. He also loved to blend in and scare people to death. He and Hastur both found it hilarious. I still get nightmares of him sticking to my bedroom ceiling.”

“So Hastur didn’t know Umber would try summoning you?”, Chloe asked the devil, steering the conversation back to the case.

“Apparently not”, Lucifer replied with a shrug.

“Hastur going against his king? Nah.” The serpent shook his head, remembering all the time the Duke had spent glorifying and serving Lucifer. And not just to keep up appearances like Crowley had done either. As an expert on faking devotion he could tell the difference. “He’s the type to lay down his life for his Master and all that nonsense.”

“A model demon then”, the devil commented with a smirk before getting serious again. “But you’re right, he did always strike me as the groveling type. I doubt he planned on harming me. Still, he caused a great deal of inconvenience. It begs the question of how to punish him.” He looked at Chloe. “I promised to let you have a say in it.”

The detective hesitated. “You… You’re not going to kill him, are you?”

“I should”, Lucifer replied. “His thirst for revenge made him go against the decision of his superiors and endangered all of us. It’s unacceptable!” He shook his head. “Not to mention that his actions resulted in _me_ getting attacked. I cannot allow an attack on the crown to stand. They’d be on my throat in seconds.”

Chloe bit her lip. “Still, there has to be another way…”

The devil turned towards Crowley, his eyes flickering red. “You were his target. What do you think? Don’t you agree that he should be punished severely?”

The serpent hesitated. He didn’t like Hastur. The demon had been on his case for eons, making life harder than it needed to be and openly threatening him. Not to mention that he was objectively terrible, murdering people and finding delight in it. But, despite all that… Crowley didn’t necessarily _want_ him dead. Just far, far away from him and Aziraphale. Even Ligur, who might have been even more violent than Hastur, he had only killed because there had been no other choice. Not that it particularly weighed on his conscience, but sentencing Hastur to death just like that… Not really his style.

Besides, there had been some good times too, now that he thought about it. Like that time he had convinced him one could find secret passages by licking the walls. Or when he had secretly dumped an entire bucket of pink glitter and glue on the Duke’s desk. Or when he had ‘accidentally’ locked him into that pyramid creating the myth of the mummy. Or blamed him for breaking Beelzebub’s coffee machine. And how he had spent months calling his office using a variety of encrypted numbers and just played Rick Astley’s ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’ until the toad demon had burned his phone in his fury.

If you didn’t have anyone to hate, then who were you supposed to excessively prank without feeling bad about it?

“How about you just keep him down in Hell?”, Crowley suggested. “As long as he stays away and leaves us alone he can live for all I care.”

The devil hesitated.

“That sounds reasonable.” Chloe took a hold of his arm. “Lucifer, please.”

He looked at her for a moment then averted his eyes.

“Fine.” Lucifer sighed deeply. “I guess if I tell Beelzebub to stay quiet I should be able to keep my involvement in this under wraps and therefore prevent any possible unrest. Since you insist, an eternity of Hell-arrest on desk duty should be punishment enough. He technically didn’t break any laws. Not directly. Well, except for book theft.” His eyes flickered again. “But if he ever tries anything like this again-“

“Then he’s throwing away his second chance and you’re free to hunt him down”, Crowley finished with a nod. “Sounds good. Let’s do that.”

Lucifer rolled his eyes, but nodded. Chloe gave him a thankful glance.

When everything was taken care of and they were on their way back to the parking lot Lucifer held Crowley back by his sleeve, gesturing to the others that they should go on ahead. Aziraphale hesitated, but after a nod from the tempter demon he followed Chloe out the door.

Once they were out of earshot Lucifer spoke. “I think I’ve got you all figured out now, Serpent.”

Crowley wasn’t sure he liked the sound of that. “Do you now?”

“It was all one big bluff, wasn’t it?” The devil’s expression was unreadable.

The tempter demon shifted. “Uh…”

“Aziraphale masqueraded as you when you were supposed to be executed. In the past your strategy has been to run down to Hell for short reports, claiming to do a great job, but judging from your soft-hearted behavior all you really did was to take credit for what humans did to themselves. Dad knows they’re capable of it. And you got away with it because no one ever checks, just like I’m taking an indefinite vacation.”

“Well…”

Crowley began to feel anxious. Should he run? But it wasn’t like he could get away. Should he lie? Lucifer would probably see right through it.

“How long has this been going on?” The devil asked, narrowing his eyes. “Did you even invent the Spanish Inquisition?”

“I, well… No.” Crowley didn’t know where to look. “Didn’t start World War II either. Even the apple was just kind of... things getting out of hand.”

He held his breath during the silence that followed.

Finally Lucifer smacked his shoulder and began to laugh. “Hah! Ahahaha! To think I actually kept believing the reports even after I met you. You’ve got the entire population of Hell fooled, you crazy old reptile!”

The serpent chuckled nervously. “Ha… ha… You’re not going to kill me for it, are you?”

Lucifer stopped laughing and turned to him with a stern expression. “Crowley… It’s true that you’ve been of great help to me, but this is serious. It’s repeated offense and deliberate too. You know I don’t tolerate my subordinates lying to me.”

Crowley’s smile dropped. No, he wouldn’t- After everything, he would not-

A wide grin spread on the devil’s face. “…Good thing you quit your job a while ago, isn’t it?”

Crowley felt faint. “Jesus Christ, don’t scare me like that!”

Lucifer laughed again and began walking towards the exit. The serpent followed him with a huff.

“Crowley, you have nothing to fear from me, I promise you that.” The devil had calmed down and looked at him earnestly. “You and Aziraphale have been of great service to me and the detective. I’m not someone who disregards their debts. If there’s ever something you need, don’t hesitate to ask.”

The idea of having the devil in his debt was a bit overwhelming. “I’ll… keep it in mind.”

They split up afterward. Unwilling to leave Chloe and her daughter out of his sight for a while Lucifer decided to stay over at their apartment for one more night. The detective didn’t have any objections so they left waving the other two immortals goodbye. Crowley and Aziraphale had decided to take a walk around the city – one that wasn’t overshadowed by the feeling of dread – and maybe do a bit of sightseeing. After all, last time they had been here, Los Angeles hadn’t even been built yet. However, they were happy to accept the devil’s offer to return to his penthouse for the night.

Just when they were about to leave the parking lot a voice called them back.

“Wait!” Ella came sprinting down the stairs, flapping her arms wildly to catch their attention.

“Ms. Lopez.” Aziraphale smiled. “What can we do for you?”

“Just… one second…” The forensic scientist put her hands on her knees, catching her breath. “I heard you’re leaving soon?”

“Yes, our flight departs the day after tomorrow”, Aziraphale confirmed. “Why? Is something the matter?”

Ella stood up straight, suddenly looking a bit lost.

“Well, no, I just…” She bit her lip. “I wanted to ask you something and if you’re leaving I guess this is my last chance.” A nervous snicker escaped her lips. “Honestly I thought I’d have more time to prepare. Last time I tried things sort of got off track.”

The angel frowned, but Crowley suddenly understood, grinning widely. “Oh, you mean when you asked if I was some kind of bird creature?” He chuckled, finding the thought highly amusing. “The question that made Espinoza get all defensive?”

Ella seemed embarrassed.

“Uhm, yes. That one.” She sighed. “I should have known he would react like that, but I just couldn’t get it out of my head and I blurted it out without thinking.” She glanced around, making sure they were alone. “I just… I know it sounds nuts, but… When I looked at the patterns of paint on the wall and the feathers and everything… Wings seemed like the only option! And, I mean, since I know ghosts are a thing, I thought- But the feathers were fake, so…” She sighed. “I just want to know if I’m not going crazy. I won’t tell anyone about it.”

There was silence.

Something must have shown on their faces, because the forensic scientist suddenly looked away. “Or, you know what? Never mind, let’s just forget about it, it’s not-“

“You’re not crazy”, Aziraphale interrupted. “I haven’t had the chance to see much of your work, but I’ve gotten the impression that you’re both smart and thorough. If you’ve come to a conclusion, even an improbable one, then I’m sure it must have some truth to it.”

“It’s fine, you don’t have to humor me.” Ella shook her head. “I’m used to people thinking I’ve lost my marbles.”

The two immortals exchanged a look, taking a step back and turning around.

“We shouldn’t”, Aziraphale insisted quietly, trying to avoid Crowley’s pleading expression.

“Oh, come on. It’s not like it’ll hurt anyone.”

“It’s Lucifer’s decision to tell them.”

“He doesn’t hide it”, Crowley pointed out. “He _is_ telling them.”

“You know as well as I do that he counts on them not believing him”, the angel retorted. “If he wanted them to know he would show them.”

The demon rubbed his chin. “How about we just don’t explain the connection? As far as she knows we’re just two supernatural beings, passing through.”

“I don’t know…” Aziraphale was still hesitating.

“She can see ghosts, apparently”, Crowley reminded him. “Maybe she has witch blood in her. Witches always knew more than others.”

The angel’s resolve wavered. “Well, she does seem rather desperate… Oh alright, fine. Let’s do it.” He glanced around. “Are there any security cameras in the area?”

“Already disabled.” The demon grinned at Aziraphale’s disapproving look. “What? I thought it’d be a nice parting gift.”

They turned to the forensic scientist who had watched them whisper among themselves with a frown.

“Are you sure you want to know?”, the angel asked. “There’s no going back once you do.”

Ella blinked, but then nodded excitedly.

“Alright…” Aziraphale still sounded hesitant, but Crowley squeezed his hand. Two sets of wings unfurled before the woman. She stumbled back in surprise.

“Whoa!” Overcoming her shock the scientist stepped closer. “Holy shit. I mean, it’s exactly how I thought it must be, though I didn’t know you _both_ had them, but holy shit! They’re real?!”

Crowley grinned, nudging Aziraphale with his elbow. The angel rolled his eyes, but stretched one of his wings towards her. After a moment of hesitation she touched it, her eyes becoming round.

“Holy shit!” She frowned. “But wait, what about the fake feathers?”

“Ah, that was me.” A little embarrassed, Aziraphale raised a hand. “I wanted to make sure all traces were covered. Though, it seems I’ve only confused you more with my little trick.”

Ella gasped. “You can do that?!” She stared at the serpent. “So the axe was-“

“I had a pen with me”, Crowley explained, chuckling inwardly when Ella’s eyes seemed to grow twice their size.

“What about the symbols?”, the forensic scientist asked excitedly.

“They can be used to trap… our kind”, Aziraphale replied. “Among other things.”

“Oh, oh, oh!” Ella jumped up and down. “And what about the guy in the cage? Is he like… a water type or something?”

Aziraphale looked confused, but the serpent burst out laughing. “We’re not pokemon, Ms. Lopez! Though you’re not entirely wrong. Water has little effect on Hastur.”

Ella nodded a few times.

“Alright, alright, things are starting to make sense.” Suddenly her expression became worried. “But wait. If the feathers were real at some point, does that mean the paint was also…” She looked at the demon, who gave a nod. Ella covered her mouth. “Oh, gosh, I’m so sorry.”

For the second time that day Crowley felt himself being pulled into one of her hugs. The wings didn’t seem to make her treat them any different. The demon appreciated it.

Ella stepped away. “But… what does this all mean?“

“I think it would be best if you direct any questions you have left at Lucifer”, Aziraphale replied, pulling his wings back in.

Crowley did the same. “Yeah, that would probably be for the best. We’ve already meddled enough.”

Ella frowned. “But he just always falls into this act of his, pretending he’s devil and all that. He’s so committed to it! Or wait, is he the same as you?” She quickly shook her head. “No, that can’t be it, he doesn’t have powers like you have...” She frowned in thought, falling silent for a few moment. “Oh, I get it! You’re taking part in his entire… performance slash coping mechanism thing, aren’t you?”

The couple glanced at each other. “Uh…”

The scientist already nodded. “Of course, of course, it makes sense! You guys knew him in the past, right? So of course you would immediately recognize that he was doing his act and play along. I’m guessing you’re taking the role of Fallen Angels then?” She laughed and continued before they could even react. “That’s pretty cool of you, I have to say.” She frowned. “I wonder… Did people in the past see beings like you and that’s where legends about angels come from?”

“Ah, well… I suppose that’s not entirely incorrect”, Aziraphale said, shifting nervously.

It seemed Ella’s mind still refused to accept the bigger picture. Maybe it was for the best.

She looked at them with barely contained curiosity. “But… what are you exactly?”

“Not human” Crowley said. “Let’s leave it at that.”

The angel nodded. “Yes, we must insist. It’s not something we should explain to you.”

“Just think of us as... A weird, supernatural phenomenon stumbling into your life for a while”, the serpent added. “And, uh… Maybe not spread the word too much.”

“Are you kidding? You’re secret’s safe with me, scout’s honor!” Ella smiled brightly. “And thanks. For showing me. Maybe we’ll meet again one day.”

Aziraphale smiled back. “Maybe one day.”

***

Lucifer had to admit he was tiring quicker than usual. It would take a while to fully recover from… whatever it was those runes had been doing to him. Still, he was happy. Chloe and her spawn were safe and somehow that fact alone made him not even care that he hadn’t been able to take revenge on Umber himself.

Even the thought of visiting him in Hell – where the human had doubtlessly ended up – to torment him for his crimes held less appeal than the devil would have expected. He was still mad at him for hurting those he cared about, of course, and he deeply mourned Benjamin’s death. It was something he would have to live with, knowing that he hadn’t been able to keep the boy safe. But after everything that had happened, the devil didn’t feel the need to let his anger out on Umber anymore. Just knowing that he had been stopped from claiming more victims and was now punishing himself for it made Lucifer feel satisfied enough. For now at least. Maybe one day he’d feel like going Down to tweak the hell-loop a bit, but right now he was fine. It was surprising, but not unwelcome. It gave him more free time for one.

Now he was enjoying a quiet evening in Chloe’s apartment. It still surprised the devil how much he liked these evenings. No excitement, no wild parties or sex and yet he was content, with no desire to do anything but sit there and listen to Trixie’s questions.

The girl had come to terms with his nature much easier than any other human he had met and, unlike her mother, had no qualms about asking whatever came to her mind. Much to Lucifer’s joy, the detective listened closely to everything he said, betraying her curiosity. It made him twice as motivated to answer everything the little Urchin threw at him.

“But if Crowley is a demon, how come he has angel wings?”, Trixie asked, frowning. “Do all demons have those?”

Chloe glanced at him in alarm. She was probably worried that this was a sensitive topic. It… was, honestly, but the devil didn’t let anything show on his face.

“They’re not angel wings, tiny human, even if they look similar. Their nature has changed and now they’re very different. But they’re still special. Many demons have wings, but only a certain group has the kind that Crowley possesses”, he explained. “Wings that can travel between realms, not just let you soar through the air.”

Trixie blinked. “Do you have wings? How do they look like?”

Lucifer could see that the detective was about to step in. He was quicker. Standing in the middle of the room he unfurled the giant limbs, hitting a lamp in his hurry.

Trixie’s eyes went wide.

“They’re so big!” She jumped up and ran around him, looking at his back. “They’re even bigger than me! And they’re so pretty. All white.” Having satisfied her curiosity she returned to the sofa. “I bet you can fly really fast with them, right?”

Lucifer smiled. “Indeed.”

“Faster than a car?”

He nodded.

“Faster than a plane?!”

The devil smirked and the girl let out a gasp.

“That’s so cool!” She frowned. “So, if Aziraphale and Amenadiel are angels, they have wings too, right?”

“They have”, Lucifer confirmed.

“I saw Aziraphale’s”, Chloe added. “They’re a bit smaller than Crowley’s but not by much. Definitely broader though. And they’re almost as white as Lucifer’s. A bit more beige, maybe.”

Trixie went silent for a moment. “You think he’ll show me if I ask nicely?”

“Perhaps.” Chloe smiled before checking her watch. “But I think that’s enough excitement for today. It’s time to sleep.”

After Trixie was tucked into bed in her room, Chloe walked over to the devil who had been standing by the window, a thoughtful look on his face. He had decided to keep his wings out and looked over them. At first glance they appeared the same as before, pristine white and just as unkempt as he had left them. But the feathers were thinner somehow, still new, and the skin beneath them was raw and sensitive. It had only just grown back after all.

“I’m sorry about that”, Chloe said, stepping next to him. “I know you don’t like taking about them.”

Lucifer gave a hum as a sign that he had heard her, but didn’t reply. He didn’t know what to say.

“I’m glad they’re back”, the detective picked up the conversation after the silence had stretched uncomfortably long. “I… Maybe it’s not my place to say, but I think it’d be horrible if you had lost them for good.”

“What have you done with my old pair?”, Lucifer asked. “Burned them, I take it?”

Chloe bit her lip, but nodded. “Y-yes. I didn’t want to, but Aziraphale insisted. He said divinity can drive mortals crazy and since I had no way to transport them to your place-“

“It’s fine”, the devil interrupted. “Aziraphale was right, they can be dangerous for humans. And it’s not like I can reattach them. I would have done the same. It’s what I’ve done with all my other pairs too.”

The detective shuddered. It seemed the idea didn’t sit well with her. “You’re not going to cut them off again, are you?”

“I’ve already told you it’s gotten too bothersome. They keep growing back anyway.”

What he didn’t mention was that he had indeed considered cutting this particular pair off. That way it wouldn’t be the one that grew right after the pair he had actually considered liking. Just to… to put some distance between his current pair and the one he didn’t want to think about. But now he supposed he had to stay true to his word. Especially after seeing how relieved the detective looked at the statement.

“I’m glad to hear it.” Chloe smiled.

“They’re not the same though”, the devil muttered.

“What?” Frowning she inspected the feathered limbs. “Is something wrong with them? Does something hurt?”

“No, I mean…” Lucifer didn’t know how to continue. He had already said too much. “The feathers are still all new and weak. I feel like a newly born chicken.”

Chloe chuckled at the analogy before getting serious again. “But that’s just because they’ve regrown recently, right? They’ll return to normal.”

“I suppose…” The devil sighed. “It’s just…”

“Just what?”

Lucifer avoided her eyes. “You liked the other ones.”

Chloe stared at him, her mind working through the implications.

“Let me get this straight”, she said. “You’re grumpy because you’re worried I won’t like them?”

The devil felt his face heat up.

“I wouldn’t put it that way-“, he began, but she cut him off.

“But that’s exactly it, isn’t it?” She smiled. “Lucifer, I think they’re gorgeous. But I think that because they’re yours. I mean, yes, they’re objectively beautiful, but had you come back with… I don’t know, turkey wings, I would have liked them all the same.”

Lucifer didn’t know where to look. How come the detective kept managing to make him flustered? He was the devil! He was never flustered or embarrassed about anything! He was the one making others feel that way!

“Now you’re just trying to flatter me”, he mumbled. “They’re horribly messy anyway. Crowley would laugh if he saw them. He was always one to groom his wings until they put angels to shame.”

“Messy?” The detective frowned. “They look alright to me.”

“You don’t know where to look.” Lucifer waved his hand dismissively. “To our kind they appear like a human would look after not brushing their hair for a month or two.”

“Huh.” Chloe squinted at the wings for a while. “I guess some feathers are standing a bit to the side.”

She stretched out her hand and ran it over his left wing. Lucifer closed his eyes. It felt absolutely divine. How come a simple touch could be so pleasant? And it wasn’t even arousal, it was just… nice. Like warmth and home and the joy of singing. It was strange. He never felt like this when someone else had touched them. But Chloe… He could just lie down and let her pet his wings forever.

Realizing that she must be watching him the devil snapped his eyes open. “Sorry, what was that?”

Chloe pulled her hand away and it took all his strength to stop himself from sulking.

“I said if you need help getting your feathers in order I’m happy to lend a hand”, the detective repeated. “I imagine it must be hard to reach the ones at the far back.”

Lucifer’s head spun. Chloe… helping him groom his wings? The idea was in equal terms thrilling and terrifying. Could he endure how wonderful her hands would feel all over his wings? Could he endure being deprived of it should something ever come between them? It’s not like they were _together_ together. Not really. Or, at least, they hadn’t talked about it. They had barely even kissed and only when both of them had been overtaken by emotion. It hadn’t… established anything.

“U-unless it’s too personal?” Chloe was suddenly red in the face. “I mean, I don’t know how this all works, maybe I just asked you the supernatural equivalent of joining you in the shower. I didn’t mean to-“

“No, no, it’s quite alright, detective”, the devil quickly said. “Your suggestion took me off guard, that’s all. Demons rarely let anyone groom their wings, it would require a trust that’s generally not found in Hell. But you…” He smiled brightly. “I’d be delighted to have your assistance.”

Still looking a bit flustered Chloe smiled back. “Alright. You’ll have to tell me what to do though. I doubt they have instructions for this on the internet.”

The devil laughed then raised his voice an octave higher. “Hello, my name is Lucifer Morningstar and this is my step by step tutorial for professional wing grooming.”

The impression made Chloe shake her head, but she laughed anyway, her hand wandering back into his feathers. The dreaded purr rose in the back of Lucifer’s throat until he couldn’t hold it in anymore. But the detective just smiled, continuing to run her fingers over the wing. Lucifer thought that he could get used to this.

After a moment of silence she spoke up again. “So… Aziraphale told me about the Apocalypse.”

The devil tensed, though his wings still seemed to emit a strange calmness. He swallowed. “Did he now?”

Chloe nodded. “He did.” She gave him a stern look, crossing her arms. Immediately the calm feeling went away. “When were you planning on telling me about it?”

He squirmed under her gaze. “I… It just sort of… never came up?”

“Lucifer, contributing to the end of the world is something you should mention!” The detective put her arms on her hips. “Why didn’t you? Did you think you can’t trust me with it? What if someone besides Aziraphale had told me? Someone like Kinley? I would have gotten confused and started doubting you again!”

Lucifer blinked. Not the angle he thought she’d take on this. Now he felt guilty.

He looked down. “I’m sorry.”

“Can you tell me about it?” Chloe’s voice was gentler now and she took his hand, making him look at her again. “About what really happened? And why you did what you did?”

Lucifer nodded. “Of course, detective. But it might take a while. Perhaps we should sit?”

The detective pulled him with her to her couch and hesitated, seeing that he still had his wings out. But the devil simply sat down, stretching them out to the sides as well as he could. Then he patted the spot next to him.

“You can lean against them, it doesn’t hurt or anything.”

After a moment of uncertainty Chloe nodded and sat down next to him. It was sort of like having an arm around her. Lucifer liked it. It made him feel like he could keep her safe. Searching her eyes he gave a small pout.

The detective rolled her eyes. “Fine, I’ll pet you.”

Her hand wandered back between his feathers and the peaceful feeling returned. The devil took a deep breath. He would need it for what he was about to tell her.

“You really do like me doing this…”, she commented, thoughtfully. “You relax immediately.”

Lucifer looked away, shrugging a bit helplessly. “It’s nice. I don’t know what else to say. It’s never like this with anyone else. It makes me feel… calm. And happy.”

Chloe appeared to be a bit flustered at the information, but didn’t pull her hand away.

“Right. Anyway. Time for you to tell me all about how you and your son tried to destroy the world. And how you sentenced Crowley and Aziraphale to death for stopping you.”

The devil winced. “You heard about that part too, huh?”

She eyed him sharply. “Tell me you at least apologized to them?”

He looked away.

“Nothing?”, Chloe asked. “Not even a ‘thank you’ for saving the earth?” At his continued silence she shook her head. “What am I going to do with you?” She shuffled a bit closer, getting more comfortable. “Alright, now start talking.”

And so he did. They stayed up until deep into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer/Chair relationship status: It’s complicated.  
Status Update: Chair is dead now. Its soul will now go to Hell and proceed to repeatedly hit Umber in his hell-loop. Not that the chair did anything wrong. In fact, the chair would have gone to Heaven, but it felt violated in its rights by Umber (it never asked for being used as a potential prison for the devil) so it decided to pay the one responsible a visit.
> 
> Also, a shower thought, I sometimes wake up at 3am feeling like someone shoved sand down my throat and that’s only after a few hours of sleep. I can’t imagine how dried out you must be after 40 hours or entire years! I know they don’t have to drink to survive, but having a glass of water would definitely be nice. I’m sure Lucifer was thirsty too, just didn’t mention it.
> 
> I went back and forth several times while considering if I should have Ella find out about Lucifer’s identity, but in the end I decided against it. The risk of her finding out in season 5 seems too high for me and what if it'll become a major plot point in the show? I know I mess with the canon here and there (obviously because this is a crossover, but also with having Trixie find out and Chloe see Lucifer's angel wings), but I always try to do it in a way that won't contradict too much with the canon material. Trixie might find out the truth next season, but I doubt it'll be a big point in the plot (Now watch, in season 5 Trixie will suddenly become super important and her finding out about Lucifer will be such a major plot point that nothing will work if she knew beforehand and I will cry in the corner). Ella and/or Dan however... Who knows, they're already very close.  
BUT, what I can say is that Ella's so close to the truth now that if after this story episode 10 wouldn't start almost immediately, forcing Lucifer back to Hell (and therefore out of Ella's talking reach), then she would totally piece it together in no time.
> 
> Oh, and about Hastur’s punishment... He kills people and proceeds to laugh his ass off about it, but I’m still too soft to have him killed. *shrugs out of the room*
> 
> Also, note how Lucifer now calls what Crowley did "quitting", not "betrayal" or anything of the sort :D


	30. The last day

The next day was the last one before Crowley and Aziraphale flew back to London. By plane. Aziraphale’s wings were still tired from his flight over the Atlantic and Crowley was supposed to take it easy after everything he had endured. And apparently neither of them were much for teleportation miracles.

To bid them goodbye and to celebrate the official closing of the case Lucifer had decided to throw a small party at his place. And by that he meant that Trixie had convinced her mother to visit the devil in the evening and then Maze and Eve had barged in, yelling something about missed calls and asking Chloe if there was some kind of crisis. After being told that everything had been resolved, they proceeded to make things awkward for approximately the time it took Eve to realize that this wasn’t the right moment to try and talk with him about their relationship.

Shortly after, they were followed by a highly pregnant, but very curious, Linda who had somehow heard about their gathering and wanted to get a glimpse of the couple from England before they left. Amenadiel, however, was still dealing with something in the Silver City. Lucifer supposed it was for the best. His older brother was a bit touchy when it came to the whole apocalypse business. And, unsurprisingly, with his ever inquisitive therapist present the topic of conversation had quickly steered towards it.

“So not only did you participate in the apocalypse, you also _attacked_ them because they tried to stop it?”, Chloe asked, giving him a disapproving look.

They were all sitting around the coffee table in his penthouse; Chloe, Lucifer, Crowley and Aziraphale on one sofa and Maze, Eve and Linda on the other. Trxie didn’t seem to be able to sit still, running back and forth between Maze, Lucifer and her mother. Snacks were scattered on the table in the middle, along with three boxes containing chocolate cakes.

The devil winced. “Attack is a strong word. I, uh… sort of stood there. Menacingly.”

“Yeah, right.” Crowley rolled his eyes. “You broke out of the ground, all big and scary and ready to go. You didn’t get to fight us because Adam warped reality before you could.”

“Shut it, serpent!”, Lucifer hissed, glancing at the detective. “It’s not my proudest moment.” 

The tempter demon grinned, but lowered his voice. “I’m doing you a favor. Honesty, remember? If she sticks around she’s going to find out sooner or later.”

Next to him Aziraphale nodded. “Very true. You can’t go around hiding things. It’ll only become a problem further down the line.”

“Still, no need to make me look bad”, the devil hissed, though there was no real anger behind his words. He knew they were right. “You were the ones looking ridiculous. Standing behind Adam as if you’d actually be able to do anything.” He gave Crowley a disbelieving look. “Aziraphale at least had a sword, but what were you supposed to accomplish with that tiny piece of metal in your hand? I couldn’t even see what it was!”

“Hey! It was a part of my Bentley! Practically all that was left of it after I drove through that Hellhole the M25 turned into!” The serpent crossed his arms. “You should feel honored that I wanted to beat you to death with it!”

“A weapon with sentimental value to use for your last stand.” Maze nodded approvingly. “A stylish way to go, at least. Though I’d recommend something more focused on survival next time.”

“Man, I can’t believe I missed all of this! They don’t tell us anything Up there.”, Eve declared. “I mean, I obviously found out about the end of the world eventually, but only after everything was already over. I could have organized a protest with the other human souls. You know, gather crowds of them and wave anti-apocalypse signs around or something.”

Linda frowned. “They would do something like this?”

“After the first thousand years or so things start to get really boring so they’re pretty much up for anything”, Eve explained. “Not all of them, but enough.”

Aziraphale shifted. “It seems Heaven’s Soul Department could improve their entertainment a bit…”

“Oh, definitely”, the First Woman agreed. “You think you could do something about that?”

Startled the angel shook his head. “I’m afraid I never had that kind of influence. Not to mention that I’m not welcome in Heaven anymore.”

Linda gave him a curious look, but there was also a hint of worry in her eyes. “Does that bother you? I know Amenadiel had a difficult time when he couldn’t return to the Silver City.”

Aziraphale shrugged. “I don’t particularly care. I haven’t lived there in 6000 years and I never wished to leave the earth.”

Despite his words Lucifer noticed the serpent reaching for his hand, which the angel took with a grateful smile. The devil exchanged a look with his therapist. She had noticed it too.

Crowley raised an eyebrow at them. “Something the matter?”

Linda shook her head. “No. But know that I’m available if you need to talk. Both of you.”

The tempter demon frowned. “Why would we need to talk to you?”

The therapist shrugged, but kept looking at him, seemingly seeing through the sunglasses and directly into the serpent’s eyes. “No particular reason. Just keep it in mind.”

After she turned away to listen to Maze who started telling her about her latest bounty, the serpent discreetly leaned towards Lucifer.

“What’s with her?”, he whispered. “I felt like she was staring right into my soul.”

The devil chuckled. “You get used to it. Trust me, if you have issues, she’ll dig them up.”

“Issues, why would I have issues?” Crowley’s tone was just a tad too frantic to be natural.

Lucifer raised his eyebrows, giving him a long look.

The serpent had to turn away first. “Maybe one day I’ll think about it.”

Meanwhile Trixie was back to asking questions.

“So.” She looked at the devil with interest. “Crowley said you broke out of the ground during the end of the world. How does that work? Were you digging a tunnel out of Hell?” She gasped. “And he said you were all big and scary. Does that mean you have a scary face too? Just like Maze?”

Chloe frowned. “Scary face?”

“She wore it for Halloween”, the girl explained.

Mazikeen grinned. “I can show you if you like.”

“I’m good!”, the detective replied quickly.

“I’d like to see!” Eve clapped her hands. “You never told me about it.”

The torturer seemed flustered, looking around the room.

“Maybe later”, she mumbled, glaring at the floor.

“Do you have horns?” Trixie was back to looking at Lucifer. “They say the devil has horns. And a tail.”

He chuckled. “No to both. You’ll find that humans got most things wrong.”

“Yeah, I thought you didn’t usually have horns”, Crowley said thoughtfully. “What was up with your look at the airbase?”

The devil shrugged. “I think that was Adam’s imagination running a bit wild.”

The serpent nodded. “Ok, that makes sense.”

“This Adam sounds really nice”, Trixie said. “Do you think we could visit you in London sometime?”

Lucifer stiffened at the suggestion. Crowley and Aziraphale looked uncomfortable too.

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea.” The devil shifted in his seat. “My relationship with Adam is… strained.”

Maze nodded, a serious expression on her face. “Yeah, if those two were to go at it they wouldn’t need any armies to tear the world apart.”

Linda adjusted her glasses. “That strong?”

“Lucifer’s the strongest demon of Hell”, Maze simply stated. “And Adam…”

“Adam was supposed to be the ruler of this realm”, the serpent finished. “He can erase you out of existence with a thought.”

Eve frowned. “Sounds like a short fight then.”

“Well he can’t erase me”, Lucifer clarified. “My powers rival his, even if he has an advantage on earth. I think they’re in general a bit limited when it comes to occult and celestial beings. His domain is the mortal realm. Reality.”

“Regardless, for now visits to England are strongly discouraged”, Crowley finished. “Maybe if you were willing to talk to him first-“

“I don’t think there’s anything to say”, Lucifer insisted.

Just the thought of facing his son after everything that had happened, after what Adam had said to him and what kind of parent he had been… It was more than he could handle at the moment.

Trixie looked disappointed. “That’s too bad. I wanted to at least see you two again.” She looked at Aziraphale and Crowley. “Do you really have to leave so soon?”

“I’m afraid so, we have friends waiting for us back in London”, the angel explained.

The girl sighed.

Aziraphale’s expression softened. “…You can write us if you like.”

Trixie perked up. “That sounds nice. What’s your email?”

“Uh…” The angel looked at his companion for help.

Crowley laughed. “How about I give you our address instead?”

He reached out, took a clean napkin off the table and shook it. Before the girl’s eyes it transformed into a small, white card with the words ‘A. Z. Fell and Co. – Antiquarian and Unusual Books’ printed on it in golden letters. The ‘A.’ had a little halo above it and a small devil’s tail was hanging mischievously from the ‘Co’. Below, their address was printed in smaller letters with dark ink and on the back there was a tiny set of angel wings, situated in the center of the card. One white, one black.

Trixie took it with awe. “You mean we could be like old-school pen-pals?!”

Crowley nodded. “Exactly.”

“Cool!” The girl ran off to put the card into her bag, though not before showing it off to Lucifer, Maze and her mother.

Aziraphale leaned towards the serpent. “Writing letters is old-school nowadays?”

They chatted for a while longer then Trixie suddenly remembered to tell Maze about her fights with Umber.

“And one time I managed to ram my elbow into his stomach!”, Trixie declared proudly. “I didn’t let his size work against me and went for the soft spots and the knees, just like you taught me!”

“That’s my girl!” The torturer grinned. “I’ll start teaching you how to disarm an armed opponent. Next time someone holds a knife to your throat you’ll know what to do.”

Trixie seemed excited at the prospect, Chloe less so.

“Next time?”, she asked. “I would really prefer if there was no ‘next time’.”

The torturer shrugged. “Hey, you never know. Better to be prepared.”

“Yes, better to be prepared!”, Trixie repeated enthusiastically.

The detective sighed. “I guess that’s one way to look at it…”

Mazikeen grinned. “Don’t worry, soon she’ll be joined by her new… what would it be… cousin, I guess? Babies can hold knives, right?”

Linda put a hand protectively on her belly.

“You’re not giving my child any knives, Maze”, she said sternly.

“Fine… No knives.” The torturer rolled her eyes, but the devil could see that she gave Eve a discrete wink at the words. The First Woman giggled. Lucifer decided not to interfere. Mazikeen knew what she was doing, she wouldn’t allow a human child to stab themselves. On the contrary, they could learn a lot from her as Trixie had demonstrated. Human mothers were simply a bit overprotective, but they would see in time how useful it was if their offspring could protect themselves.

Maze let out a deep sigh. “Hearing all of this makes me really start to regret going on this bounty. It looks like I’ve missed all the fun.”

Half of the company turned to stare at her.

“Fun?!”, Aziraphale repeated.

“We could have died there!”, Crowley called out.

“I almost got turned into a chair!”, Lucifer declared at the same time.

The torturer shrugged, putting a potato chip into her mouth with a grin. “Yeah. Fun. Like I said.”

Chloe shook her head, exasperated. “Your definition of the word never fails to astound me.”

“You all are just boring”, Mazikeen replied, rolling her eyes.

The devil gave her a long look. “Come on, don’t pretend you’re actually upset about it. You’re at least in a decently good mood. Something interesting must’ve happened recently.”

The torturer frowned, still chewing. Then she grinned. “I fought War in a parking lot.”

Linda stared at her. “What?!”

Lucifer snipped his fingers. “There it is.”

Chloe sighed. “That would explain the reports about several wrecked cars…”

The therapist held up he hands. “Wait, you fought a war in a parking lot?! Against who?”

“No, not a war”, the devil waved his hand. “War.”

“The Horseperson, I assume”, Aziraphale chirped in.

Linda blinked. “Ah, right.”

“And she was awesome!”, Eve declared, nodding enthusiastically. “Though both were really good. They were moving so fast I could barely keep up!”

Lucifer laughed. “Nice. Who won?”

“Eh, I think I’d have to call it a draw”, Maze admitted. “Since she’s more of a manifestation of a concept than an actual person she has the unfair advantage of never getting tired. But it was the best fight I had in centuries!”

Such a statement, of course, couldn’t be left alone. Trixie demanded to know all about that, resulting into a small mock battle to recreate the encounter, while Linda kept asking questions about the nature of the Horsepeople.

Later Crowley turned into a snake at Trixie’s request and then proceeded to grow into an enormous python and wrap himself around his partner to stop him from performing some kind of magic act. Aziraphale seemed offended at first, but the serpent managed to distract him quickly enough so he forgot about it. Even later Lucifer casually played a perfect excerpt of Beethoven’s piano sonata ‘Moonlight’ earning him applause and impressing the angel greatly. And the evening still had been young. It was a fun time.

The next morning Lucifer drove the couple to the airport, convincing Chloe to tag along. Crowley and Aziraphale could have just taken a taxi, but the devil had insisted. The truth was he… was a tiny bit sad to see them go. He would never have expected this when they'd first shown up, but the two had actually managed to grow on him a little.

Crowley and him had found out that they shared a lot of interests. And, as it turned out, you couldn’t go through being summoned, trapped and nearly tortured together without developing some kind of bond.

Besides it had been nice to have a couple of immortals around who appreciated the earth the same way he did. Maybe even more, if he was being honest with himself. Both Mazikeen and Amenadiel had taken a lot of convincing until they’d started to like this realm. Looking at them now it was hard to tell, but they hadn’t always been so… accepting. Amenadiel had seen the earth as something that was beneath him, not worthy of an angel’s attention beyond the occasional interaction with mortals on Dad’s behalf. Maze had simply struggled to find her place in it and wanted to return to Hell. It had always been Lucifer who had been arguing in favor of the human world.

Interacting with the pair from England had been very different. They had suddenly been the ones with the most experience being around mortals and though it had irritated him at times it was also nice to finally be understood. He didn’t have to explain himself to them, they had known what had drawn him to this place and respected it. It was only now that they were leaving, now that he knew they had been serious, that the devil started to realize how much he had appreciated it. Hindsight was a truly magnificent ability.

They arrived at the airport and Aziraphale retrieved a large, tartan suitcase filled with books and some souvenirs from the trunk of Lucifer’s car. The suitcase had originally been blue, but the angel had ‘improved’ it, much to Crowley’s disdain. The serpent was also carrying a suitcase, a shiny, black model following the latest fashion trend, but Lucifer wasn’t sure what he was actually keeping inside. A part of him suspected the demon had simply bought it for the aesthetic.

They entered the airport and Lucifer and Chloe waited a few steps away from the line the couple was standing in to check their luggage.

“Is he really going to walk around an airport with a sword strapped to his hip?”, the detective asked, eyeing Aziraphale.

The devil chuckled. “No one will notice anything.”

“I know”, she said, shaking her head. She was probably thinking of all the security rules being broken. “But it’s still such a weird picture.” She shook her head. “It’s too bad they couldn’t stay a bit longer. Aziraphale had some interesting insights on… various topics, really. He’s surprisingly easy to talk to.”

Lucifer gave an absentminded hum. “I’m not surprised. He’s an angel living among humans. In a sense, it was part of his job to be approachable.”

“Is that so?” The detective rubbed her chin. “Crowley said he can be quite rude at times though. Maybe he got tired of it after a while?”

“Yeah…” Lucifer sighed deeply, causing her to frown at him.

“Is everything alright?”

The devil nodded, watching as the couple took the last steps to the check-in desk. “Yes, yes. I’m fine, detective.”

Chloe studied him for a moment.

“I think I see what’s going on here”, she said slowly, her voice getting that knowing undertone to it. “You’re going to miss them.”

Blinking he stared at her. “What? Ridiculous!”

Chloe smirked. “It’s true though.”

“Come now, detective, it’s only been a handful of days!”

“But you liked having them around”, she stated. “Once you figured out they were innocent.”

“I did no such thing”, the devil huffed.

They looked at each other. Chloe’s eyebrows rose, returning his gaze calmly and not at all impressed by his protests. He couldn’t fool her. Dad damn it, of course he couldn’t fool her. Why did she have to be so smart?

“Not a word”, Lucifer hissed. “They’re coming back.”

“Well then.” Aziraphale clasped his hands in front of him. “It seems the time has come to bid each other farewell. It was lovely to meet you all.”

The detective smiled. “Likewise. I didn’t know there were any other angels or demons living among humans.”

“We’re pretty much the last ones left”, Crowley admitted. “Most of the others just show up for short visits.” He rubbed the back of his head. “Might be better this way.”

Lucifer shook his head with a small smirk. “They don’t know what they’re missing.”

He paused and for a moment there was silence. The devil hesitated. He knew what he wanted to say. And yet he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Why had he waited so long? Now it felt really awkward.

He cleared his throat. “I… I hope you have a pleasant trip. It’s quite a long flight.”

Aziraphale nodded reassuringly. “We’ll be alright.”

Lucifer nodded too, feeling the moment to speak slip away. Chloe elbowed him in the ribs.

“Right.” The devil shoved his hands in his pockets. “I also wanted to say that I’m grateful. Not only for… for helping us out and saving the detective’s spawn, but also…” He took a deep breath, swallowing his pride. This shouldn’t be so hard. He had already admitted it once. “For helping to stop me. Six years ago. I was about to make a terrible mistake.” He looked to the side. “Thank you.”

Aziraphale let out a small gasp before a bright smile lit up his entire face. He was just about radiating joy. Any more and he’d start glowing. No wonder his partner wore sunglasses. Crowley, on the other hand, simply looked stunned, staring at him in visible surprise. Lucifer had to say, this wasn’t so bad. Chloe’s arm brushed against his own and she gave him an approving smile. The devil’s heart fluttered. Definitely not bad.

“Wow.” The serpent had shaken off his surprise. “Oh wow. You actually said it. I thought you’d chicken out.” He glanced at the wall behind them. “Does that security camera have sound? Please, tell me it has sound. This has to be a historical moment!”

Lucifer groaned. “I’m already regretting everything about this.”

“Crowley!”, the angel hissed, giving his companion a scolding look before turning towards the devil. “I’m terribly sorry. It really means a lot to hear this, especially from you.” He shot the tempter demon another glare. “Crowley here just tries to cover the fact that he’s embarrassed and doesn’t know what to say so he’s using humor at your expense to distract from his own insecurity.”

“Angel!” The serpent turned red, giving him a betrayed look. Then he turned towards Lucifer, adjusting his glasses and becoming serious. “He’s not wrong though… About the first part, I mean! I really do appreciate it. We both do.”

Suddenly Lucifer had an idea.

“How about…”, he began, looking the angel. “How about, as a thanks, I’ll promise to take you Down to see Hell’s Library? Not now, obviously, but one day. When things have calmed down a bit.”

Aziraphale stared at him in wonder. If he had been able to emit actual sparkles simply by smiling he would be doing it by now. His suppressed excitement was impossible to miss.

Meanwhile the tempter demon looked anything but thrilled.

“Oh no.” He started shaking his head. “No, no, no, no, no! Out of the question. He’ll insist on taking a book and I don’t want one those damn demon tomes rampaging through our bookshop. Nope. Forget it!”

Lucifer smirked to himself. Served the snake right for making fun of him.

“But Crowley…” The angel’s eyes became big and sad, his entire demeanor giving off the impression of a kicked puppy.

The tempter demon turned away. “Nuh-uh. Not a chance. Don’t even try it.”

Aziraphale didn’t give up. “Surely just one wouldn’t be too bad? And I’ll make sure to keep it somewhere where it won’t cause any trouble.”

There was a long silence, the couple fighting a wordless battle of wills.

Finally Crowley let out a groan. “Ugh, fiiiine.” The tempter demon raised a finger. “But if it starts a fight with my plants then it’s OUT.”

The devil almost laughed at that. To think that, at one point, he had assumed that it was the serpent who had the angel wrapped around his finger. It was the other way around!

Aziraphale wrapped an arm around Crowley’s waist, pulling him close and pressing a kiss to his cheek. “You’re the best, my dear.”

The tempter demon looked like he was about to combust on the spot. “Alright, alright, it’sssss fine, don’t mention it.” He wriggled out of Aziraphale’s grip and pushed him away, but took his hand as he stepped to the side, intertwining their fingers.

The angel beamed, turning back to Lucifer and Chloe. “If you ever need any help with something, you know how to contact us. We’re not police officers or anything of the sort, but, should it be necessary, we’ll gladly lend our assistance.”

The detective gave him a smile. “Thank you, that’s a very generous offer.”

“It’s no problem.” Crowley grinned. “Just call if something’s up.” He looked at the devil. “Or if you simply need someone to talk to. That’s what friends are for, right?”

Lucifer blinked. Friends. He supposed they were friends now, weren’t they? After everything they’ve been through together. He liked the thought of that.

“Right.” The devil held out a hand. For a moment Crowley just stared at him in surprise then he took the offered hand and shook it, his grip casual with no signs of fear. A handshake between demons symbolized a deal, it was not something you just did without any precautions. But they weren’t shaking hands as demons, it was a shake in honor of their newfound friendship. A sign of trust instead of a binding obligation.

Lucifer smiled, trying to put all of his gratitude and appreciation into it. “Until we meet again.”

***

Aziraphale and Crowley were sitting on the plane flying them back towards England. It just so happened that the last two open seats had been situated next to each other. What a nice coincidence.

Crowley yawned and the stewardess stumbled, cans of airplane food rolling down the narrow hallway, making several passengers frown. The demon chuckled. Aziraphale shot him a glare. He would have stood up and helped the woman pick them up, but plane personnel felt very strongly about passengers leaving their seats when they shouldn’t. The angel had found that out the hard way.

“My dear, that was unnecessary.”

Crowley laughed harder. “Look, now this guy wants to go to the bathroom and almost slippe- and now he hit the food wago- wait, wait, he’s rolling! He’s rolling on the wagon!”

There was a crash from the back of the plane. The angel winced.

“How about you watch a movie instead of terrorizing our poor fellow passengers?”, he suggested, gesturing towards the screen hanging from the back of the seat in front of the demon. “Wasn’t there a film Lucifer recommended to you?”

Crowley was still chuckling to himself, but complied and started scrolling through the selection of movies. Relieved Aziraphale returned to his book. Hopefully this would keep the serpent occupied for the next few hours. A bored demon was a troublesome demon. That was something he had learned very early on.

Soon Crowley had found something to watch, but kept pausing and telling the angel about what funny or stupid thing had just happened on-screen until Aziraphale finally gave up and plugged in a second pair of headphones so they could watch it together. The fact that the headphones were connected to his own screen, still just as black and in sleep mode as it had been when they’ve taken off, posed no problem.

Shortly after, no member of the crew could figure out why they were unable to play those little messages that would inform the passengers of things like their current flight time, height, speed and hours until landing. The buttons must have suddenly broken, they figured. No one even considered it could have something to do with the fact that it would interrupt the in-flight movies.

Several hours later angel and demon stepped arm in arm through the gates leading out of the London airport. Waiting for them were four teenagers, two adults, a child and a dog. With a smile the couple waved to them. They were home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so it has come to an end. I'm almost a bit sad. I'm happy that the story is finished, because unfinished stories are the worst, but I'm also sad it has come to an end. You know how it is.
> 
> I had a lot of fun writing this and sharing it with all of you. It was interesting to read what your thoughts were and I was blown away by all the support the story got. I appreciate every kudo, bookmark and comment, be it a single heart, a joke, a prediction, analysis... anything really. I might be repeating myself, but it always made me happy just as I was hoping to make others happy with my writing.  
At this point I also want to give special thanks to tehren who took the time proofread the chapters so I could correct the errors I've either overlooked or simply gotten wrong. But there are many others who have commented regularly and I want you to know that I appreciated it. And if you just left a single comment somewhere along the way and never again, know that it was also appreciated. I'm starting to go in circles, you know what I'm trying to say. BIG THANK YOU all around.
> 
> If people are wondering if there will be a sequel, the answer is: there might. There's still so much left to explore. For example Adam and Lucifer meeting and Amenadiel showing up (sorry to the people hoping he would make an appearance, I just feel that there would too much possible conflict that would have distracted from the main characters interacting. I didn't want him to show up and then be pushed to the side because I think he would have a lot of his own thoughts about the apocalypse, Aziraphale's "betrayal" and lots of Heaven politics to bring into this. There just was not enough room for him to get added).  
But if I write a sequel it'll probably after Lucifer season 5 releases because I need to know what they do with it and if it's any good. Which is apparently supposed to happen in 2020? We'll see.
> 
> That doesn't mean there's nothing left to be told. I have some other story ideas, but it will take time to develop them (and right now it's in the middle of the uni semester, so I don't have all that much time :/ ).  
I'm currently working on putting together something about Beelzebub and Gabriel that takes place during the six years after the Nopocalyse (and therefore in the same Lucifer/Good Omens universe this fic takes place). It's... a work in progress. I don't really have too much of the plot yet, but it seems to be more focused on the development of their relationship than something big and dramatic (so no murders there. Probably.)
> 
> Another thing I'm low-key working on is a story about Adam getting to know the Husbands (in this fic they're already friends, but in the show they barely know each other. So something happened in-between. It would be another case of a story happening during the six year gap). And also about his powers since I find them very interesting. But this story is even less developed than the previous one.
> 
> Finally there is actually something that's almost done (because it's a one-shot, it's short) though it's really silly. Might fall into crack category, actually. It's called "Gabriel and the Great Goose of Terror". Some people might see where this is going. The Untitled Goose game. Meets Good Omens. A really bad day in the office for Gabriel. Should I post it once it's done? It's going to be so stupid.  
Update: I have done it! The madness that is Goose has been set free. https://archiveofourown.org/works/21283607/chapters/50678438
> 
> And finally, finally Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata! There’s a link if you don’t know it and want to hear. The part I was thinking Lucifer played to impress his audience starts around 8:05 and goes on for however long you like.  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Tr0otuiQuU


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